Caretaker

Awake - Dream - Lucid

I woke up in my bed and instantly knew something was wrong. It was in a bed we didn't have, in a room I don't sleep in, and at my house. I knew I was at Johns so something didn't seem right. I did a nose plug RC and could breath. At first I was like, "Wait, am I dreaming". Then did it again and could tell I was breathing though... nothing that time. I even looked at my hands to make sure to notice that on my left hand, my third finger was missing. I honestly wasn't freaked out because that meant I was dreaming for sure. I started feeling absolutely everything to stabilize my dream. Then I proceeded to go outside to fly... ish. I could actually feel my own skepticism and was trying to tell myself, "You're dreaming, you just have to believe this will work". It didn't, haha. I then tried a different technique. I grabbed hold on a tree branch and started doing kind of a rubber band effect. Pull the tree down then use the weight to pull me up. I was getting higher and higher till John came out in the front yard and told me to rake leafs with my sister. I then noticed that there was dozens of bags of leafs everywhere. I wanted to try gliding since the tree thing wasn't working. I went out into the street but I was thinking, "Hey, when you don't take off this cement is going to hurt". I turned back to where all the leafs were and tried to transform them into pillows. It worked, slowly but it worked. John looked really surprised when I told him all the bags of leafs were now pillows. I was about to try to glide and was moving pillows when I realized that I might want to start with something a little easier. Driving! I have never cared for it but in a dream, why not give it a shot to try something new. I went inside while thinking of "I Give It All" by Rise Against. It was playing on the radio once I went back inside and I thought, "Yea, I knew that would happen". Erik was sitting at the table doing I don't know what. I think a Jigsaw. I was asking him where his keys were and he gave me a very vague response, "Oh there over there". I couldn't find them so I went to the backroom to ask my sister.

The dream fades in an instant and I open my actual eyes to John saying, "It's time to get up and help move some of these boxes". I told him, "I really wish you wouldn't have done that because I just had my first dream where I knew it was a dream". I'm typing this up literally seconds after this all happened because my mind is on fire with excitement.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

I remember being very tired throughout most of the day. I was trying my hardest to stay awake most of the night but finally clocked out around 10PM.

This dream was very random. It starts with me and a few friends (vague images of people I knew but couldn't make out). We were stranded when out Van ran out of gas and we had to stop at some little gas shop in the middle of no where. The whole time we were driving till then, there was a really bitchy lady next to us that wouldn't stop complaining. Anyways, once we were getting gas or whatever, I walked into a dark lobby after setting down my HDTV. Andrew was there with a key-chain flashlight and said, "look whose here". I turned to see the bitch that wouldn't shut up from before. Surprisingly, it was Cameron Diaz is a very sexy white tank-top. We didn't really talk to her. Instead, we went around to the corner of the building where a dim light hallway was at. It was the entrance to a Rodeo and Karaoke bar. At the entrance, there was a lady who looked nervous to go in. From what I know, she was a big time country singer that had something traumatic happen to her. This was the first time she was back in the bar to sing for people and everyone was cheering. I recall giving her some words of encouragement because I made a plan to help 7 people that night (like 7lbs w/ Will Smith).

The dream gets really, really foggy and jumps scenes from here. I just recall bits of it that we were on teams and on some type of death race. I was destroying people with a RPG when I got side-swiped from a car and knocked off a big bridge. I was hanging from a steel beam, waiting for my teammate below to help me. There were more detailed parts where the teams were conversing and I like a spectator to them talking but I don't remember the exact things they were doing.

Interpretations
No fucking idea. I think the teams part might be because of Borderlands and Cameron Diaz because of the movie Bad Teacher but that's the best I can think of.

I woke up abruptly at 2:30AM due to my sister talking loudly to my mom about needing a pillow. I was about to fall back asleep when I had t o pee. When I got done in the bathroom, my sister was back on the computer using Facebook at 3AM. The light from our PC shines on my face so when she finally got off, I was wide awake. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't and laid there for a good couple hours trying to WILD or fall back asleep before I finally got up at 5AM.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

I had been up for a long ass time after getting little sleep. I was laying in the backroom, watching my brother play Grand Chase from the couch. I knew he was trying to get a new character and I was waiting for him to finish before I was going to do my daily (it resets at 2AM). As I was watching him, I faded into a short dream.

I was with my older brother and we were doing some type of mission. We came into a graveyard that had large cement pipes strewn about. I rounded a corner and got knocked down by some kind of monster that looked like a Wraith (HoMM) + Dementor (HP). I was yelling for Erik, "Get this guy off me, I'm down". Erik come in from the right side and was gunning it down when it got hit with it's attack and was transforming into a opaque gray vision of the monster. It was stretching it's skeleton hand out to me when I realized I had dozed off on the couch waiting for Tony. I was trying to get the monster off of me but I couldn't move my arm. I knew it was because my arm was actually laying next to me and figured out that it was numb because I had it laying underneath my leg. I finally managed to open my eyes to see Tony was just going to sleep. So, I jumped on the computer, did my dailies, then went back to bed.

Interpretations
I think the whole setting reminded me of Borderlands. Erik and I had been playing it pretty hard the last few days and were close to beating it. The way the dream was, it was almost exactly how it would be if the game was real

I was surprising on how I was fading in and out of the dream like that while knowing where I actually was. It wasn't very long but I think it's a sign that I'm starting to realize when I'm dreaming. This short, 2 minute dream gives me high hopes that I'm closer than ever to achieving my first LD.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

I woke up at 7AM after trying to WILD for what seemed like all night. Once I got up, I knew I was still way too tired so I thought why not try to WILD now? First, I moved to the back bedroom now that it was empty for the morning and laid down. A quick realization set in that I wasn't going to get far because my mind was on hyperdrive. I was thinking of a million different things at once and I couldn't stop my mind from thinking. I gave up and get some cereal then a soda to kick start my body to the level my mind was at. After being up 7 hours and doing all my daily things for Grand Chase, I let Tony get on to do his. I knew I wasn't going to last for more than a minute and crashed nearly instantly.

This entire dream takes place as mostly a conversation or me describing something. I'm not sure what the hell the topic was on but I was mostly arguing with my grandma. She was on a fiery rampage about chores and how no one was helping her. I was getting extremely frustrated so I went into the bedroom. For some reason, the bedroom was twice as big, Tony was in it, and we had bunk-beds. I was telling Tony to watch out because Mamaw (the name we have for our grandma) was on a hurricane path of bitching. I moved the bed to the side (which was now a normal bed again) and laid down for a second before she came in after me. She started getting in my face about the bed not being made up right. I was trying hard to explain how it didn't matter because the sheets were tore up (which I don't see how that changes it). Tony was trying to explain it to her as well but she wasn't listening. My Aunt was in the doorway trying to to make us help our grandma as well. Suddenly, it's like I was at a presentation and I was comparing my grandma to types of sharks. My mom was listening to the explanation as well as a few other people that were in the audience. It was weird because the people in the audience were all Native American. We were kind of underwater but not at the same thing. I was showing the sharks on some kind of electronic canvas that was animated. There were about 12 different types of sharks that I was showing. The last shark was being compared to a strange type of cactus + venus fly trap type plant. Instead of being on the screen like the rest, this thing was on the ground next to me. I was telling everyone how it had enough crushing power that it could take out a whole wall of a building in seconds. While I was explaining, one of the children dropped her little toy train into the plant and I was screaming, "No don't touch it, you'll have your hand crushed". She only replied with a very innocent, "It no hurt". I reached into it's mouth and pulled out the toy and noticed that it indeed didn't hurt. Then it was like I was pulled out of the dream through my eyes, as if I was watching that dream instead of being in it. I was in my kitchen now, making a contraption. It was an inverted pyramid of lego blocks that had a small opening near the bottom. At that opening I had a small test tube full of cement. My plan was to copy the way the plant worked and compact all my trash into small cement cubes. I was testing out it would work when the first tube of cement fell into the trash can. I groaned and lifted it to pour it out over the sink then rinse it out. That's where the dream ends.

Interpretations
I know the beginning of the dream was about what was going on in waking life. My grandma has been nagging us non-stop the last few weeks and my mom warned me that she was going to bug me about a job that morning. I have no idea what the rest of it means.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

I haven't been writing in this for awhile because I haven't been able to recall anything at all. I know I should write my thoughts each night as well but I don't see the need to write that I didn't recall anything. I've been pretty distracted with playing Grand Chase lately. They've added a ton of stuff since Tony and I played a little over a year ago so we were enjoying the new content. I also stopped doing things like drinking Apple Juice (was making me sick), practicing ADA, and questioning reality regularly. I've been a little caught up in the game and I'm going to start trying harder now. I know I can do it.

I was up watching My Little Pony till 4AM. After forcing myself back awake several times from almost passing out with my iPod in my hand, I went to sleep.

I'm not sure where I was. It was a small room with around 5 people lounging around in it. I was talking with my buddy Jermey about my other friend, James. I was asking him things like, "Why don't we hang out more" and "What games are you in to now". Jermey was telling me how him and James were bros and I responded, "Yea he told me a couple times". He was telling me how he was bad ass in some new game now. I don't remember the name but it was some kind of hunting game. Then him and I were playing some kind of Alien game together. He was tearing threw the Aliens with an AK74u. We were near the end of the level which was located in a small cave. Inside the cave was some scaffolding on the side for us to get on and aim and a purple Alien ship near the back. We were shooting the cheap out of them before they could even get out of the door. Then out of no where, Jermey paused the game and we had to go kill ants. We were micro sized and had to kill a bunch of ants that were trying to steal all our stuff. They were carrying white chess pieces for some odd reason.

Interpretations
I'm positive this dream is the collection of thoughts that I have very often. That is, where did all my friends go? I used to have friends over every week and we'd play games together. I was the guy you'd come kick it with if you wanted to play that latest video game before anyone else. Now I literally only have one friend I talk to and I miss the people I used to hang out with.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

This is the second night I've been without antidepressants. Though there was a lot of arguing during the day, I was still pretty relaxed. Stayed up most of the night browsing the internet. Andrew came over and we enjoyed a few games before watching some "Stan Lee's Superhumans". I stayed up to around 4AM, trying to get as tired as possible. Finally I gave up and decided to sleep. Didn't bother trying anything because I passed out instantly.

Dream #1 - Castle Escape
I was in this dream with my little brother, Tony. it was almost like we were playing as characters for a game rather than our own bodies. The situation was basically that we were on an island with some kind of odd shape-shifting, evil queen. She had dozens of prisoners that she forced into attacking one another and play games of torture for her amusement. I was planning an escape and did some recon on the surrounding area. Turns out there was a way for us to hang-glide onto a small outer island where there were a few sailboats. The problem was that the water surrounding the island seemed to be designed to where you could only go so far. It's like your boat would automatically sink if you went past the boundaries. I know while I was doing recon, I died quite a few times and had to "respawn" on top of the castle where their was a bunch of chests. I also remember having a hard time coming up with a new name to use for my character each time and Tony being indecisive about the suggestions I'd give him. After awhile, we finally attempted out escape. We flew down to the island then got on our boat. After we sailed for a bit, we came across the next objective for our escape. It was either an oversized shelf with decorative bowls or we were ant sized. I think it's the latter. We used "Vine Whips" that are like grappling hooks from the game Terraria to climb up. After we were high enough, we started up what seemed like a big ass door frame. When we were at the top of it, about to go from a big ocean to what seemed like my front room, the dream ends.

Interpretation
I don't have the waking memories of what all I was doing that day because it was over a week ago when I had this dream. I can only assume it was because of a weird iPhone game that Andrew was playing where one part you have to climb on furniture to escape a fat, evil cat. Also, still playing Terraria so part of it was in my subconscious.

Dream #2 - Crayons
I was with my brother's friend, Andrew in this dream. We were in this odd L shaped house on the upper floor. There was some little kid around the age of 13 who was talking with a physic. She was predicting his "special colors" that he'd be using (I think in a website). They were specific colors just for him out of thousands. I don't remember why but Andrew stole the box that held the crayons and ran. The names of all the crayons were written on top of the box so the kid would know which was which. I think there was about 13 crayons total. Andrew handed the box to me and I took a hot pink crayon and marked over all the names of the crayons. Then I jumped out the window onto the ground below and proceeded to throw all the crayons sporadically around the place, scattering them. Someone sounded a silent alarm but I knew that they did because they had very loud dogs that came after me. I remember rushing forward and leaping over many fences while trying to get to a place where one of the dogs in the yards I was in wouldn't continue the barking and alert the ones chasing me. Finally, I got to a yard with two scrappy looking poodles that I gave the silent shush finger to and they didn't bark. After a few minutes the barking stopped and I was able to go back onto the street. Suddenly, my little sister shows up and says "Jesse, they're leaving" in excitement. I got a sudden rush of panic and bolted back to the yard where I originally threw all the crayons. There were half a dozen people looking around for them like you would during an Easter Egg hunt. For some reason, I knew exactly where they were and picked them up. The dream ends with me giving the box back to the kid.

Interpretation
Not sure what this dream was about. Maybe it's that I need more excitement or outdoor activity in my life. I can't really tell.

Woke up way too early. I think I got around 6 hours of sleep or less. I don't mind being up so soon because I'll be able to attempt a WILD tonight more easily.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

Before I being, I must note that I haven't bothered to type these out online for quite awhile. 10 days at least, I think. It's because I don't like my keyboard at home and my Laptop is broken. I'm at a friend's house now and his PC blows but the keyboard is new. I thought I'd might as well enter all these in while I'm doing nothing.

Tried to stay up late to have a REM rebound. I only managed to keep awake till 2:20AM before giving up. There was nothing to keep me up because there's no games to play. I tried to WILD but knew, deep down, it would be pretty impossible without a WBTB first. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

I'm not going to detail too much about this dream. Mostly because I don't want to. I know I should recall all dreams but some dreams you just don't want to remember. Basically the dream was an extended, much scarier version of Source Code. I remember that Stevens was still alive but like in the movie, only the small part of his body was there. He was quarantined because of some kind of virus that he carried and only one nurse could be with him.

I woke up around 4AM, went to the bathroom, took a drink of Apple Juice, then went back to bed. I tried again to WILD, more confident that I'd be able to seeing as I'd just woken up after sleeping for awhile. I laid there for over an hour before giving up. I mostly gave up because after laying there for so long, I wasn't really feeling the physical connection to my body anymore. I knew I had to be getting somewhere then out of nowhere, my legs jerked. Threw me back into reality and disappointment. I passed back out and woke up at 11AM for good but don't recall any dreams.

Interruption
I watched Source Code earlier that night so I'm not surprised at this dream. I loved the movie till they showed Stevens' body... or what was left of it. I even knew that I'd have nightmares about that so of course I did.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

These might be even less accurate than they were before because of the forum rollback.

I didn't do much during the day. Sundays are usually quite boring. Mostly I just watched TV or checked the forums. At 10PM on the dot is when I passed out.

Dream Fragment 1 - 1:10AM
I was trying to stop a King's son from breaking into the castle through a small window.

Interpretation
No idea what the hell this dream was trying to tell me.

Woke up, did a reality check, then grabbed my iPod to put in some notes. I didn't think I'd be up this early so I quickly passed out again.

Dream Fragment 2 - 3:20AM
I was running up the ramp side on the map Radiation in Call of Duty: Black Ops. I had an RPG out and there was a guy camping with an assault rifle (don't know which but looked like a SCAR) at the spot where the button for the door was. I tried to hit him but he flew into the air wearing what seemed like a jetpack from Halo: Reach. His jetpack short circuited and he fell to his death.

Interpretation
I've been wanting to play some Call of Duty with my little brother for awhile now. I guess I either miss him, the game, or both.

Woke up thinking it would be morning but after checking my iPod, I found it was still pretty early. I did a RC then I put in some notes then tired to do a WILD. I didn't get very far before falling back asleep.

Dream Fragment 3 - 4:40AM
Rushodd was in the bathroom using his Gorilla hair gel and Courtney was in the front room making a giant blanket out of t-shirts that were mostly blue or greenish.

Interpretation
Spent all weekend with Rushodd, Courtney, Shayla, and John. I probably dreamed more about them but this is all I recall. I looked at that hair gel every time I went to use the bathroom, shower, or change. The blanket was from me practicing ADA and focusing on John's blanket in his bedroom and is blue and green. It was made from T-shirts because it made me think of Twilight when I was awake.

Woke up again and immediately did a RC. After realizing I was awake a third time I put in more notes then really tired to WILD. I laid still for a good half hour before I fell back asleep.

Dream Fragment 4 - Unknown Time
I was playing Terraria with about 3 other people. We had a small, makeshift house that I was trying to search for a Floating Island to the right of. After I gave up, I went to the left to find my teammates, only to discover they dug a humongous hole. I followed the tunnel down for quite awhile before I got into a brightly lit cavern that had a ton of chests in it (NTS: There was a chest 5 times normal size as well). They were all empty of course. I dug to the left of one of the chests near the giant one to find a hidden one in the dirt. Inside was a Red Balloon (Actual item in-game that increases jump height). I was ecstatic and swapped on of my "Angry Blue Pillows" for it (The pillow doesn't exist and the actual item that does what it claimed to do is the Lucky Horseshoe). After that I continue down and left till I finally caught up with my teammates. We were all on the red team so I could see their location. I only remember that their names started with R and P. We dug some water pockets out and continued left for a bit. The dream ends while we are digging.

Interpretation
I've played a ton of Terraria in the last few weeks. It's not surprising I'd dream of it.

This recall triggered after I loaded up Terraria on my laptop around 7AM. I couldn't believe how strong of a memory of that dream came rushing back to me just from loading the game.

Dream Fragment 5 - Unknown Time
Andrew, Tony, and I were in a school of some sort and were headed to the bathroom. The bathroom was giant compared to normal ones, which, isn't uncommon for my dreams. After taking a piss I noticed that everywhere in the bathroom there was pee. It was on everything. Even on some of those cushion booths like you see at restaurants. I wiped up a small corner (not very well) and hide there while waiting on the Janitor. When he finally arrived after the principal went to get him (NTS: it was a female principal), he was really pissed off. He was wearing a blueish-gray jumpsuit with salt and pepper hair, short, glasses, and a goatee.

Interpretation
I guess I had to use the bathroom. The principal was most likely female because all of mine were in school. The janitor most likely looked like he did because whenever someone says janitor, I think of the one from Scrubs.

This recall was triggered after I used the bathroom. Again, dreams work in strange ways.


I finally got up around 6:30AM to post these. I can't believe I remembered 5 dreams in a single night! I'm happy that I'm making progress.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

After spending nearly all day doing nothing but checking the forums, I finally got tired enough to pass out around 10PM.

I'm talking to someone who looks a bit like Bulma's dad from Dragon Ball Z. He is telling me I'm taking way too many pills. Something like I should only be taking a small dose when I was taking 500mg instead. He was showing me the number 500 on the bottle.

I woke up and tossed back and forth quite a few times but never managed to get back to sleep. It's only 2AM now and I'm hoping that REM works in a way that since I was asleep, my next try should be a lot better. I'm still not sure how the REM cycles work.

Interpretation
Obvious one here. I took Cymbalta as a replacement for Zoloft coupled with Ambilify. I was prescribed both but I decided on the latter choice due to the fact that Zoloft wasn't being strong enough to get rid of my anger and that those two make you drowsy. The number 500 came from the Acetaminophen I took yesterday for my hand pain.

Awake - Dream - Lucid

I remember waking up earlier because of the arguing going on in the morning. Something about school but it's not important. I woke up and immediately checked the E3 schedule for when Nintendo's press conference was going to start. I quickly realized I didn't have time to absorb any dreams I might have had and wanted to kick myself. It was way too early for me to be awake to do anything for the day so I tried to go back to sleep. The whole time I was constantly thinking to myself, "I will have a lucid dream, I will do a reality check, I will realize when I'm dreaming" as a mantra as directed in my guides. Actually since I discovered Lucid Dreaming, my thoughts are always on them and making sure to do all my "dream exercises" (aka Reality Checks, Mantras, being stress free, and awareness). I drifted off rather quickly in which I had this dream.

The dream starts around the middle of itself.

I'm doing some kind of internet news show with a very cute brunette, around chest height straight hair, who was wearing a plaid, button up shirt that was baby blue with white and blue jeans and was around 5'8". We both have microphones and are reporting on something that was too hazey for me to actually tell what it was. I have to stop because my pants kept falling down. So I go around a corner of a wall which was white painted brick and shaped like the corner of sqaure with a hallway cutout and part of the wall on the right side removed as an entrance.



I proceed by walking around the corner, desperately holding up my pants to no avail (NTS: I had a ripped pseudo belt that was made out of rubber with the word "MAD" on it). She follows me and asks about something for the show we were doing. I agreed to whatever it was then said,

"Now get out unless you want to see me naked" very jokingly.

She replied with a sexy "Ooo" and didn't leave.

Then I dropped my pants to show my boxers. She then pulled open her shirt open to the right, did a fake gasp, and said

"She went to nipple" (NTS: She didn't have any nipples).

She was about a 32 B cup. She closed her shirt then I ask, "Do you want to". She didn't say no so I lifted her shirt over her head (NTS: Now she actually has nipples) and drop my boxers then grab her waist and pull her close. She stops for a second and asks if we were going to "put this online". I reply with a very sarcastic,

"Oh yea of course. Here watch us have sex".

We kiss for a moment then the dream fades and I wake up.

When I woke up, it had felt like I had almost imagined dreaming it but there are certain things that I knew I would have filled in if that was true. The reason it felt like that is because of how short the time-span in which I was asleep felt. It seriously seemed like I was only out for 10 minutes or less. I think really, I was out for about an hour or less. I made sure to soak up everything I could remember to minor details before activating my brain to full awareness to type out the journal. I wanted to be able to remember as much as possible, down to every detail I could remember. I know this will help with dream recall later on. I typed it out then came back to it a few times early in the day to add some other things I remembered over time.

This is the first dream I've had since starting on my journey to Lucidity. I won't bother going over all the dreams I've had in the past because I want this journal to be full of all dreams I have after starting.

Interpretation
I think what this dream was about my recent thoughts on relationships due to breaking up with my girl. My subconscious must be longing for a deep emotional connection to someone, which is not what I had the in previous relationship. The other part I can decrypt is that the internet news part of the dream must be from my recent focus on streaming live shows of games my brother and I play. Over the past few days, my brother, his best friend (who came over for E3), and I were messing around on Chatroulette a lot. Maybe the combination of being on webcam with random strangers coupled with the fact that we had a few good conversations with some cute girls sprouted this dream.


Quick cliff-notes on my recurring dreams:

• Being at my old School, usually in a classroom, cafeteria, or knowing that I can leave whenever I want.
• Being with my first girlfriend or the girl I had a crush on in school.
• Playing matches of Halo or Call of Duty (I know, it's lame)