The Gay and Melancholy Flux

I dreamed that Craig, Ty and I were at a bookstore. We were talking about Schoenberg and developing variations. We got into a very interesting discussion about developing variations in relation to Jazz music. We then started talking about Brahms. I don't remember actually thinking about Brahms, but actually going into a very in depth conversation about 20th century music. I was taking very detailed notes and I kept having epiphanies about music. We started looking at books and found several amazing books and records. Craig commented on how many rare jazz records the bookstore had for sale. The conversation concerning 20th century music so complex that it took up the majority of the dream but I cannot remember in detail.

I dreamed that Craig, Ty and I were at a bookstore. We were talking about Schoenberg and developing variations. We got into a very interesting discussion about developing variations in relation to Jazz music. We then started talking about Brahms. I don't remember actually thinking about Brahms, but actually going into a very in depth conversation about 20th century music. I was taking very detailed notes and I kept having epiphanies about music. We started looking at books and found several amazing books and records. Craig commented on how many rare jazz records the bookstore had for sale. The conversation concerning 20th century music so complex that it took up the majority of the dream but I cannot remember in detail.

I was at Jack's house. Steve had a bottle of sleeping medicine. I read the label and it said for him to take it in the morning when he woke up. I told him that Chelse had the same sleeping medicine and that you're suppose to take it at night before bed. He told me that after he took it in the morning, he wouldn't be able to get himself out of bed until 4 p.m. I explained to him that it was supposed to be taken at bedtime. He rationalized it and agreed with me.

I walked outside onto the porch facing Jeff's house. I saw him standing in the driveway talking to Pat and Sarah who were in the driveway with a black SUV. The back drivers door was open and he was leaned inside the SUV talking to them. Penny (his mother) was standing at the entrance of the open garage watching them. I yelled his name, he didn't hear me. So I yelled louder and I saw him glance over at me for a second but he continued talking to Pat and Sarah. Jeff always did this. He wouldn't divert his attention away from what he was doing when you tried to get his attention sometimes. It was very real. I called his name a third time even louder. At that point his mom yelled at him and said "Joey's hollering at you!" Jeff looked at me slightly irritated and said "what's up dude?" I once again (I dream about him 3 times a week) walked up to him in disbelief. I said "Jeff you're ok!" I put my hand on the side of his head and he flinched saying "Ahh! Careful dude!" because his head was hurt. It made sense to me (he died from blunt trauma to the head). I said "Jeff do you know what happened to you" He looked around cautiously and saw his mom, he gave me a look as to not disclose what happened to him. I said "Jeff, you died..." His mom had a look of realization on her face suddenly. She looked at me and I knew that she was also having the same dream. I realized she was lucid dreaming with me, but she was not able to handle remembering the reality of Jeff's death. She started crying and ran off. Jeff looked at me irritably. I kept grabbing him and hugging him. I told him that I was dreaming and that he was dreaming too. I told him that he was dead and he nodded his head agreeing with me that he knew he was dead too. He said "I know I'm dead, I've just been visiting you in your dreams to make you feel better." I told him that everyone missed him so much.

We started walking up Sheley road towards Marty and Kelsey's house. I told him how torn up Trevor, Kelsey and his own family were. He knew they were sad. I told him that he should look at his Facebook page at all the stuff that people had been posting. He asked me about it. I told him that he had several months of people writing on his wall saying nice things about him and how much they missed him. He said "I know you've been writing a lot about me, I have seen it. I know you were really my friend because of everything that you have done for my family and friends." I said "Of course your my friend dude, you're one of my best friends. You, Jack, Ben and Shawn are my best friends." He nodded in agreement. We turned right onto Harris street. I told him about how Ben moved to Hawaii and that he was happy and successful with Cara, his wife. I told him about Jack and his departure to basic training and how he had also got married.

I started to cough. My mouth was salivating and I was coughing up a lot mucus. It started to consume my mouth. I tried to spit it out of my mouth but it stuck to my lips like a insoluble slime stuck to my mouth. I was trying to grab it with my hand and it was getting all over my hands. Jeff laughed out loud at my struggle to get the mucus out of my mouth and off my hands. He offered me gum. He pulled out four pieces of green spearmint gum that were not covered with the metal foil. They were slightly deformed from being in his pocket. I held out my left hand and he dropped two pieces that were stuck together into my hand. I started chewing. He extended his hand towards my right hand and was going to drop the other two pieces into my right hand. I held out my hand and received the gum.

I gained my composure again and told him that we should get on Facebook so he could see how many notifications he had from people writing on his wall about his death.

At that point we were back in the town I live in currently, up in my apartment in my office. He sat at the computer. RT was up on the screen and he started watching. I told him to check Facebook. He couldn't get out of RT so I helped him. He came to the Facebook main page and typed in his username (I don't remember what it was exactly) then he typed in his password and I saw exactly what he typed P******* R****. I took a mental note of his password so I could log into his Facebook page. For some reason he was not able to get logged in because he account had become dormant from his absence. He was going through the verification steps to get his account back to normal when several pop ups from various sites came up asking for log in information. He was putting his info into these websites. I realized that it was going to cause a problem for me to log back into those sites. A security certificate verification popped up asking to verify the page. He kept clicking on yes before I had a chance to read anything. I was getting anxious because I wasn't sure what was going on. My blackboard student website was getting messed with, and unnecessary messages were being sent to my professors. I saw a strange government warning pop-up in the window. I asked Jeff if he would let me sit down and fix the problem.

Chelse started yelling from the bathroom. She had just woken up from her nap because she worked the night before. I told Jeff to go show himself to Chelse. They met in the hallway as Chelse was walking out of the bathroom. She said "Jeff! What are you doing here?" Jeff said "I'm here to visit you guys." Chelse said "But you're dead..."

Then I woke up..

Lately I've been laying down to dream and I get a buzzing in my head/eyes and purple sparks that used to lead to a open dream scene. Lately that dream scene has not been appearing and instead I see and energetic sphere. I feel like I'm being pulled through a tunnel and I see a sphere with energy emanating from it. Now I've seen the sphere 3 times now. I haven't been able to actually LD. Yesterday everything happened in place as usual buzzing > purple sparks > feeling of being pulled through a tunnel. Then...(copy and paste)

I layed down to practice 'dreaming' and had no success at all for the first hour. I took off my brain wave generator head phones and decided to just nap. Within minutes the buzzing started. The usual buzzing in my eyes happened and I was waiting for the energetic sphere to come. It looked like it might start happening but instead I saw a box. It was a comical looking. It reminded me of Mcdonalds or something. I saw a smiley face on it and it seemed innocent. I wasn't able to see very clearly what it exactly was though. I tried to focus my vision on it and it would become clear for a moment. I could zoom in and out on it. I started to lose it when suddenly the buzzing increased and I saw the sphere, except the sphere was eclipsed by something. I saw that exact eclipse this morning when I watched the sunrise. It looked like something you see after watching the sun for a while. You know how you start to see a dark shadow in the same shape as the sun after watching it for a while? I saw the sphere eclipse and I didn't know what to think of it. Suddenly I was pulled through a fast moving energetic tube except 100 times more intense than ever. I was bolted through the universe and through everything that I know as me. I saw facebook melt into a digital nightmare, I saw my whole life jumbled into a strange mess. I became terrified as my whole existence jumbled together into a horrific, nonsensical nightmare. I wasn't exactly scared, I was just unsure. I zoomed around in a fractalated universe of strange things for a while then I gradually just came back and saw the ceiling of the guest room and realized that my eyes were open the whole time.

I felt like I tripped my balls off. I have no way of explaining this. I was hoping someone might be able to relate or give some insight. PLEASE. BTW I don't take any hallucinogens nor experiment with any drugs.