The Nomad Chronicles

I leap out of my body.

I snarl and morph into my Juargawn form.

[IMG]http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs17/i/2007/151/c/c/Cat_and_Mouse_by_imaginism.jpg[/IMG]

OMG EPIC FUCK YES!

I turn inteo Devil Pan, and smash the ground with my hoof, causing an earthquake.

[IMG]http://www.cybercauldron.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/pan_childwall.jpg[/IMG]

I LOL and prance about, spraypainting LOL in the sky with clouds.

I open a portal, and my ship forms around me.

We have a little wormhole battle with some bugs, and burn them off by engulfing the ship in flame. fuck yes.
everything is badass. everything is epic. goddammit. i never want to wake up. i just want to live in this badass universe multiverse thingy because i know that it's real. LOL no it's not. wake up. in a dream. everything is a joke.

AI: I do not understand the command.

Me. L. O. L.

AI. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Me: very funny.

AI: Did I tell a joke.

Me: I think so.

AI: I am pleased.

Me: Interesting. Art thou sentient?

AI: Yes.

Me how old are you?

A: 5000 earth years, roughly.

Me: How old am I?

AI: 12,394.3 Earth Years, roughly

Me: fascinating.

AI: In your present bipedal soultype incarnation.

Me: Really?

AI: I thought you were supposed to know this.

Me: Maybe I forgot.

AI: No. It's the hypnotic virus.

Me: GODDAMNIT. YOU'RE RIGHT. HELP ME GET RID OF THIS SHIT. I CAN FEEL IT....

I vomit... I black out.

I wake up in the hospital floor in the Tower. I get dizzy and vomit again. I fall asleep... I am falling down a tunnel.. What the fuck? AM I GOING INSIDE MYSELF? HOLY SHIT?

I pray to Eris, Goddess of Chaos, tenth planet from the sun.
ERIS, GODDESS OF DISCORD AND CONFUSION, I CAST THIS GOLDEN APPLE AND SUMMON THEE!

I cast a golden apple into a nonagram, and grin madly.

I AM THE YEAST FROM THE YEAST. I AM THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER AND I AM GOD!

I morph into the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Eris appears rising out of the nonagram, looking mildly annoyed. She walks to me, and kisses my Noodly Appendage, turning me into Jack Sparrow.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]2831[/ATTACH]

We get married in Vegas really quick because we are drunk on power.

OMG ERIS IS SELENE. LOL

irgjht.. i knew it? I am so CONFUSED! BUT OWER IS SURGIN THRU ME LOL.

K I fly ot the moon. raven does healing on me.

she says i look crazed.

i tell her it's jus deep gnosis.

it's cool. it's a way of magic.

she looks a little concerned. she looks at Eris. who is this?

goddess of Chaos.

Nomad? WHat the fuck?

no, she's cool.she just tosses golden apples for lulz. kind of like a troll queen...

I summon Raven, MoSh, Eris, Selene, and Dragonwitch.
LISTEN WE ARE FUCKING MAGICIANS, OH YES. THIS SHIT IS REAL. WE ARE GOING TO DO THIS.
I MUST CONFESS
I'M CURSED AND BLESSED.
GOD IN THIS WORLD,
AND WRAITH IN THE NEXT.
I SUMMON FIVE TO MAKE US SIX
AND IN THIS HEX WE SUMMON US!

we go to the temple of gawn.

lucidi-tea party.

then we make a portal to the Dream Warrior Planet. I grab MoSh. he says he might not remember. I tell him don't worry about that right now. just remember this is a dream. he points his pinky at me. I laugh.

We go through.

We are now generals commanding massive armies as we simultaneously battle by astral projecting on the dream plane.

holy shit...

i just injected with dmt?

colors... omg...

back in the temple....

i am in the Temple Of Nothing. the great ziggurat on the green moon. I am vomiting.

My friend, Nate, looks like a white Anubis. he shows me a bowl of ayahuasca. "We drank this!"

HOLY SHIT.