The Nomad Chronicles

I am in outer space in another galaxy. I curl up into a ball, and vomit. The fabric of time and space ripples. I drink my vomit, and turn into a fucking PLANET.

I evolve, and all kinds of creatures crawl all over me... I can feel them. The sentient bipeds evolve into little green tree goblins.

I evolve them too much, and they make me sick... I teach them how to leave, and I send them to explore outer space to build colonies elsewhere. My fellow planets get pissed off at me. They tell me to stop spreading my disease.

I tell them the goblins are very nice, just over populated. One of the planets shoots a volcanic green gas at me. It floats through space, and covers me... making me sick. I can't get enough sun. I teach the goblins how to get rid of the sickness.

A lot of them die. I get a fever. My ocean water level rises. Goblins begin building underwater and underground citiies. They try to implant themselves with gills to survive. I help them evolve gills.

After millenia, they recover. I decide it's time for revenge on the other planet. I teach the goblins about my sentience, and the sentience of the other planet. They decide to go to war for me.

I tell them, I simply want them to colonize the other planet, but it must be terraformed first. They nod.

A huge portion of the population decides to leave, which creates a panic. People are afraid to stay. Global war breaks out. A few hundred years after the war, the goblins begin to recover. They rediscover the space technology. Some secretly plan to leave. The tech is leaked. Many countries gain space travel. When a group of people try to leave, others chase them, and only a few make it to the other planet.

They land, and build a tiny Biodome model, though it is alive. The other planet... it's red like Mars... Gets pissed and sends it sentient natives to attack the goblins. Huge white hairy simians emerge from craters. The goblins are fucked. They tear the goblins apart, and eat them.

Damn. I didn't know he had all those....