Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream

/** Notes on WILD Attempt #1.0 Alpha
Oh I almost forgot about this part okay so.
After my 5 AM wake-up-call I tried to WILD with BillyBob's tutorial and using Harionago's technique as an anchor. I laid down and tried to relax while picturing my dream body clapping. It was a little hard to hold onto, but I managed to keep it up for a while as I started to drift off.

And then, maybe three or four separate times the clapping I was doing started to sort of "fade in": it started to feel like I was the one doing the clapping, and I could actually hear it, and each time my brain reacted like a lightning strike. It felt like touching metal and getting shocked, except totally mental and a little more subtle, like something that had been waiting had snapped awake. And each time the "faded in" sensation vanished as a result. Eventually I just fell asleep and had a normal non-lucid dream.

It was pretty annoying, but hey, that's a first attempt for ya. To me it seems very very promising, if I can keep it up. I really want this whole dreaming thing to be a skill that I master, even if it occasionally takes a backseat to other skills I enjoy.



*/

OKAY LEMME TRY TO WRITE THIS DOWN WITHOUT TAKING HALF AN HOUR (NOTE: I FAILED)

First part of the dream, my brother and I were going to this winter retreat which was pretty exciting, I think I can remember the sort of planning and packing that's typical of that sort of thing. Mostly though I remember skiing down a slope. It was just me and Ben, nobody else around, and the slope we were going down was in the middle of a forest, and the snow wasn't even all over the ground. Most of it was piled on the slope which was good because otherwise we'da died or somethin. I remember skiing down and then my second try was snowboarding and it was fun but YOU KNOW. MY VISUAL MEMORY AINT AMAZING. Or I wasn't present or something idk. I think my recall is fine and I need to increase awareness/presence somehow...

At the bottom of the slope (it's a wonder we weren't just sent flying into it) was this great tree house sort of thing. It wasn't confined to one tree either, it was sort of all over the place. And there were animals all around or somethin?

Anyway the dream shifted at this point, so now instead of Ben and I it was just Protagonist Dude and Protagonist Female. Or whatever. That's not the names the dream gave them I just came up with them. I did a bit of exploring of the tree house as Protagonist Dude, I think. There were some animals in cages. Actually, it was almost like the setting of this peaceful story had been partially combined with that of a cold, scientific lab somewhere, because I'm pretty sure some of the animals were distressed. That's the impression I got. Protagonist Dude didn't seem to care very much?

so now the setting changed to be an anime that my boyfriend and I were watching and let's see man it's so hard to remember everything that happened

I think there was some stuff here about the Protagonists and y'know some bad guys but I can't remember >:U

oh well I like this part at least

the anime sort of introduced us to these bad guys at some point? they were supposed to be these super mysterious watchers who were behind a camera of some sort, it was like, how the bad guys or the government were keeping tabs on the good guys and it had sort of a 1984 feel to it. anyway it shows us these watchers, there were only two of 'em in the whole place, and you're introduced expecting them to be these evil autonomous Watchers who just Know Everything and junk, and it turned out to be two frightened protagonist-looking-people, one of them probably in his 20's and the other a bit older, just absolutely terrified that they were going to be squashed by the government for missing something.

which I'm pretty sure one of them was.

and then I remember that the episode had ended and boyfriend had stopped watching and I was checking out the preview of the next episode and this is SO CONFUSING but basically the two Watchers were sword-fighting in the most obnoxiously happy way possible, just fighting all over the place so professional but also laughing the entire time. And there was some sort of hint that it was actually a dark scene or maybe an old memory that no longer mattered or whatever, and then the preview switched to the main part, which was that the 20-something Watcher had been freaking out about something. And then what the dream gradually revealed was that he'd had trembling in his vision, and now the shaking had stopped. So there was this cool bit where he was lying in this super-green grass and I got to see from his perspective how non-shaky his vision was now. Which would normally be pretty boring because most people have non-shaky vision and the idea that it had even been shaky at all had only been introduced like 30 seconds ago, but it was still a sort of touching moment. And evidently he was freaked out in a GOOD way about all this. Or idk maybe he'd been freaking out about the government maybe squashing him.

Anyway the last thing I remember is seeing things from his perspective, including him tilting his head way back to see the grass and sky. And you know what. Right now I couldn't tell you which was where. My brain says "oh the grass was on the bottom and the sky was on the top because that's how perspective is supposed to work" but when I tilted my head back just now my bed was on the top. Or idk the bottom. UGH SO CONFUSING, BLEH. My brain tries its best. I don't blame you brain </3

5 AM BLUHHHH
so uh hm let's see I had a weird mixed-up dream...

Uhhmm. So this dream was sort of confusing because even though it was first person I spent a lot of time watching videos in it and those sort of took up my whole view like it was full screen or something. Soyeah I would occasionally come back to my body but a lot of the dream was just, almost 3rd person observation except for the part where I would sometimes come back. *yawwwns*
So first bit was something about Dad discussing Jesus Christ Superstar and a Jesus dressed in white vs a Jesus dressed in black. Actually they were supposed to represent a white-skinned Jesus vs a black-skinned Jesus but I'm pretty sure they were both white, just dressed in different clothes. Lazy dream.

Anyway my dad showed me this song from Jesus Christ Superstar that normally would be the first song sung, the one where Judas is all "My mind is clearer now ..." except in this dream version it was the very last song played and Jesus was shown crawling out of a bog and Judas coming up to him shortly like "hey I really need to apologize". And then Dad said somethin' about the song that placed it in history somehow and it was confusing and blargh. And then I went to my brother's dream website profile to download the song. It was this hosting service where a file could be hosted by one or more people and the more people hosting it the faster it downloaded. In this case my brother was the only one hosting it but it didn't download tooooo slow...

Uhhh there was something showing side-by-side comparisons of white/black Jesus's being all dramatic in different ways while my dad said something about how white Jesus couldn't really complain compared to black Jesus. 'n' then the dream switched to some comedian guy talking about race relations and then there was this visual of like a zillion frickin birds in the distance parting to reveal something complicated and race-religion related and it was confusing.

And then the last piece of the dream was just my dad showing me somethin' stoopid about a stoopid movie trailer involving this fancy-schmancy witch and her escapades. Like she pulled up at a mansion and when she walked in and shut the front door it sounded like a car door, which wasn't the only connection they tried to make between the house and a car. Really it was just drilled into your head because she frickin' just kept messing with the house door and creating car sounds until it got to the point where she was just slamming the door repeatedly to make car-door-closing noises. WE GET IT.

And then there was a shot of her getting out of the car underwater at the frickin bottom of the ocean, just her and the car on the ocean floor. It was actually a pretty cool shot I suppose. And then a shot of her and her friend in the car driving underwater, and the friend was saying "I didn't know <fancy made-up car name> worked underwater." or something.

There's some other thing I want to try to remember but it's frickin' impossible. Something about my brother and expectations or idk just being all chill with him or both somehow. Waahhh. Time to WILD here I go.

so I set my alarm to wake me up after 5 hours of sleep, but when it went off my approach towards dream recall was Utter Ambivalence, so I just went back to sleep. Man it's hard to care when you've just woken up. And the thought of squinting at the screen and trying to type was painful, so ... what do I do about that? >:U
Anyway, morning now, let's see

Dream (1): $$$ for ??
The earliest dream I had was about being in a mall with my boyfriend, and him letting me spend somewhat ridiculous amounts of money on something at one of those stall shop things. I'm not sure what it was; maybe it was ice cream. Maybe it was buying entrance into a video game? He trusted me to the point where he'd wander off and let me pay for both our whatever-it-was's (plane tickets?).

I have a distinct memory of fumbling with the dollar bills, much to the annoyance of the cashier, and pulling out $20's and $5's only for it to be the wrong amount of money. And okay there was definitely something about buying ice cream and toppings and junk, though I get the impression that buying things like this kept happening and was really the entire feature of the dream.

There was also something else about buying something nearby and seeing an adorable kid kinda standing around, but I can't remember what was said or anything.

Dream (2): Airplanes are P Gr8
Then the next dream I had was a bit more complicated and detailed. A frenemy of mine was messaging me talking about how he was in an airplane going somewhere, and I looked out the window to see two enooormous airplanes (SO COOL), a white one coming in for landing and a black one taking off with the frenemy inside. They were so close that I could easily see this frenemy through his window, wearing some snazzy red and white Beats headphones and looking down at his phone. Neat.

Next thing I knew I was on that plane, and my brother was there, yay. Or maybe there was a short transition in between where my brother and I were buying tickets? But I believe we were on the same plane as said frenemy, and it may have had to do with entering a game, or flying to where a game competition was.

But that detail didn't matter because next thing the plane was being forced to make an emergency landing. What I remember is that the pilot started to mention it or the plane started to dip down, and I looked out the front window somehow and realized we were apparently going to touch down on a highway. Part of my mind was like "hm I'm not scared by this hohoho" even though the pilot was clearly experiencing some stretched nerves, but hey, he was the guy who had to land right and maybe not crush any of the various cars or cause an enormous accident. It didn't feel like we were going particularly fast so I think that's why I wasn't worried. Slightly nervous, maybe, but not scared.

Anyway he managed to land on a clear stretch of the highway, though now we were slightly tilted because one of the wheels was on an elevated median of some sort, and he couldn't slow down because we were on a highway, and cars were behind us. So the airplane taxi'd and here my brain apparently lost interest because it didn't try to explain how we got an enormous airplane from the highway to a department store parking lot. But we did, because that was a fairly logical thing to have happen next. It just sort of happened.

So next thing we were out of the plane and in the department store, and now my mom was there and perhaps also my sister. My mom had the idea of signing us up for Judo, so we wandered over to the Judo section of the store where some students were fighting on a too-small carpet. Really each student pair was constantly in danger of walloping another nearby, but apparently it didn't matter.

So as soon as it became clear that I might actually sign up, my first concern (and non-concern) was that I would start using Judo to release my aggressions. But at the same time I was pretty stinking excited to be able to unleash my dormant rage~ but it seemed like the sort of thing that wouldn't be strictly allowed or ethical. Like maybe I'd get in trouble with the teacher or something. So of course the sign-up form reflected this; I got a piece of paper with three questions or so on it, one of which was something like "why do you want to sign up?" with a box underneath for a one-word answer, and I had to decide whether I was going to put "aggression" down like a toolbox. But that's where the dream ended so we'll never know.

I'm still not lucid but to be fair the only techniques I've been using are random reality checks and lazy WBTB's. Spring Break's coming up >:3

After going back to sleep I tossed and turned a bit... it would sort of feel like I was in a dream, but then I'd roll over onto my side or change positions, and when I was in a dream I really had no idea. Basically the line between waking and sleeping got thoroughly confused, which I suppose might also explain why my awareness was so bad.
So here's what I remember >:U

I dreamed I was in Psych class, which has been happening sort of a lot and I wish it would stop happening. Not that I don't like Psych class, it's probably my favorite, but it's pretty boring as dream fodder goes. I didn't used to dream of normal life stuff this much. PFEH. I will take responsibility for this... I will orchestrate my return to dream glory with my own hands... *pushes up glasses #anime reference that probably just scared some people.*
And anyway the class was just discussing the [redacted], with the teacher laying out some extra details. We were in a dark room, and I could tell you which room of the campus it was, but you know what screw waking life connections. We were just in a dark room. Suck it. I like it a lot better when I'm dreaming about places I CAN'T visit in real life, even if I've been there before. Like the house on Irving.

The other one ... I was at the community college campus (BLEH), and in front of one building was some sort of odd set-up, a rather large bus-car thing on a circular track. I can't really remember what it looked like, but if I had to I'd say there was pink involved, and it was rather creatively shaped. Sort of like a double-decker white and pink bus thing. Anyway its purpose was to run over stressed-out students; not in a "you've outlived your usefulness" way, but more like "you're stressed and need a break, let's go for the leg" sort of thing. OK not that either. It really was just the teachers trying to do more for the students and apparently it genuinely helped. Which was nice of them.

OH another thing. There was a part where I was sneaking around a college(?) building I didn't recognize (YES >8D ), trying to explore and figure out how it was laid out. And then there was something about really great thin pizza that they'd cut into real skinny slices and give to people as treats. It had a special name too but dadblast it I'm never going to remember what it was. It was some made-up English word and trying to write it down here would probably just get it wrong. Anyway I loved those pizza things. They were another anti-stress measure.

Anyway at some point I decided to walk in front of the bus thing as a way of seeking help in advance (normally it would go for you but you could also just walk in the way like an idiot). The bus-thing was driven by Samuel L Jackson or someone similar and he obligingly crashed into me, and I was probably sent flying or something but honestly the impact itself barely registered. Apparently my brain didn't find it worth paying attention to because the scene practically skipped ahead to another part. There was something about a swimming pool but it was almost more of a one-shot than anything else; some teachers standing around a swimming pool and maybe I was supposed to swim in it. Who cares that's dumb. And there was something else about a swing but it was also dumb. Really none of it made any sense.

And then there was an honestly pretty great scene where he and I were just reading from some entertaining magazine. It kind of reminded me of my dad 'cause he loves funny stuff like the Onion and junk. At one point I asked Jackson something like "Do you not get to laugh because you're acting?" or y'know, something about his deadpan, and he said yeah that's pretty much it. But then I was reading (and actual reading which I'm sort of impressed by hehehehhehe) and I hit a particular funny part and he started laughing and I could feel him chuckling and I was like yesssss. It was actually pretty cute, in a surrogate father-daughter sort of way.

Oh and there was some other bit about performing a skit of some kind in a subway train. It was sort of awkward 'cause one girl farted the tiniest fart in the world but still the two other kids were like "Did you hear that?" and the other person's like "yeah" and I'm thinking something like "I'm never farting again" and I wasn't even the one who farted. And the acting was pretty bad too.

Over the course of writing this (it's taking me like half an hour) I decided I'll try to separate myself from waking life by not noting connections between dream life and waking life. Like okay, if I dream about Trent Reznor that's fine because I have no connection with the actual guy IWL, so it's still the sort of thing I can only experience in dreams. But if I'm dreaming I'm in Psych class Imma... try not to acknowledge it so much. I want to try to draw more attention to the weird parts that aren't IWL and try to ignore the parts that're relatively normal. Or idk I'll just ignore the whole thing entirely and focus on other dreams that aren't SO BANAL. Or I'll put [redacted] over parts that obviously reference waking life, like I did earlier in the post just now.

yo it's 5 am let's do this *yawn*

(a hastily scribbled outline was here)

Thinking back as far as I can, the first chapter of the dream was something about me being on the second floor of a large castle. The outside was rather menacing somehow, probably because it was simply enormous, and the interior reminded me somewhat of a church I used to attend (third floor of WCF). I get the impression someone else was there and that there were some rules going on, but mostly what I remember is that my cat Moses was being super dangerous in his attempts to get from the second floor of the castle to the ground. It was something like, when he wasn't supposed to jump to the ground he'd end up falling off somehow, and when it was made totally clear to him that he wasn't allowed down, he jumped off in the most ridiculously daredevil and rebellious way a cat can manage; that is to say, it was a sort of flying leap. He seemed alright when he landed though.

There was also something about the second floor of the castle being able to view the ground floor (some open space in the floor idk architecture terms) but having prison bars, and there was definitely more structure to the whole scenario. There was a girl there, it was nighttime, and there was a bit of a Stone Harbor feel. And come to think of it there was some sort of longer scenario involving a whole bunch of other teenagers which had a bit of story and structure to it, and some clique hierarchy junk, but the best I can remember of that is simply that I, along with my female (dream) best friend, was in competition with some rude female who probably had some boyfriend arm candy, and ultimately I was victorious on some level. And I suppose it wasn't quite teen hierarchy junk as much as it was adults-and-office-related. So a bit of both.

The second chapter that I can remember ... involved something about a Roman slave type person, a rather ruefully cheerful man, and something about him carrying a plate that had recently had food on it past my (iwl) dad and some other guy, both of whom commented on it. If I had to guess, I would say the plate had just had some venetian turkey pie on it. Uhhh the architecture of the situation was a bit confusing as well. The slave guy came out of a back room sort of thing and walked by a counter which divided the short hall he was in from the room with the other two men in it, who were lounging in chairs. Man there was something really strange happening other than what I'm describing but it's either hard to remember or hard to translate to waking life terms. Basically though, the two men commented on the plate, saying something like "is there any of that left" because the food it referenced was so delicious, and the slave felt sort of awkward, and then there was something about the Bible. Or something. And a river of lava. The feel of this chapter was subordinate with a touch of outright menace and a helping (DO YOU SEE THE THING THAT I DID) of danger, compared to the previous one.

The last thing thing I remember before my alarm went off and I woke up was a dream that I was recording my dream. I was attempting to remember the different parts of the dream and starting to outline them in my head so I could remember them and write them down. But since I was still dreaming and not at all lucid, the information I was arranging was totally made-up (did not refer to any dream I had just had) and in non-IWL terms. Also I did not realize I wasn't awake and when my alarm went off I was genuinely surprised. So it would almost be impressive that I started writing down a dream before I'd even woken up and before my alarm had gone off, if the information did not look like (attempted translation):
• a person wearing a black, looseknit sweater thing
• holding a fishing rod that they are using to tease
• some third person (information not found)
or, in other words, total gibberish, even as dreams are concerned, and also incorrect.

But apparently my heart's in the right place. Also more proof that my mind sort of knows when my alarm is about to go off (since my mentality started to switch from "dreaming" to "recording dreams" shortly before I woke up), which is always very strange. I also remember that my feelings upon waking were something like "ahhh I'll remember all this when I wake up in the morning", but I decided to write it down anyway because those words really meant "I'm disoriented and lazy and I didn't ask to be in this 5 AM time-to-write-down-your-dream situation" and the fact of the matter was I was already starting to forget. Having a dream journal on here is pretty dang cool.

UHHHH yeah this won't be a dream post but I'll put the basic goals I'm hoping to get out of this dream journal.
First of all I want to be lucid more often.
I want to have better recall.
I want to write down my dreams every day no matter what.
I want to maintain the thought of dreaming.
And I want my dreams in a place where they won't be easily lost.
(though the part where anyone can read 'em makes me nervous but oh well)

Formatting-wise ...
EH. On the one hand I was kinda interested in making things all official and having a certain process and junk, but I think I'll just start writing dreams down and see if I notice a pattern that can then become consistent. Or something. Hm.