apurtell

I had this dream a few nights ago (today is 11-30-10). I remembered it again today and wanted to write it down before I forget any more details. It started off in a camp of some sort. It was getting darker (dusk), and I was near a cooking fire area. There were many people around. There was a flat pan that I use for cooking grilled cheese (in real life) laying on the ground, and it was very hot. One of my friends (I get the feeling it was Josh or Keith, which I knew when I woke up but can’t remember for sure now) stumbled and fell onto this pan, burning his face pretty badly. He was upset and in a lot of pain; holding his face and howling. I felt bad, but also felt that I had warned him of the danger, so I didn’t feel it was entirely my fault that he was hurting. I didn’t voice this, though. I merely walked away to another group of people that were cooking food. I knew I had to leave the camp, but I wanted to show a good gesture for the community at the same time. Everyone was going to be leaving to move to another area, and they would need food and supplies carried to their new destination. I felt that I would start carrying food alone, even though it was a very long and treacherous journey. I felt I could do it quickly and easily by myself. I grabbed a glass bowl of some sort of corn casserole and headed off towards the trees. Nobody tried to follow me, but I had the feeling that they felt I was crazy to think that I could make it alone. I somehow knew I would make it there and back several times before they made their first trip; so I would be back to carry more food before they even left camp.

Once near the trees, I started running. I didn’t get winded or even tired, but just kept on running. Up until this point, I have seen this dream through my own eyes (1st person), but then I start to see scenes of myself on this journey. From above, I see myself stop to rest for the night in front of a fire. All else is quiet, and I feel secure, safe and serene. I really don’t feel any harsh emotions through most of this dream. I mainly feel acceptance and a numb kind of calm. I run for days (which I don’t really watch so much as I know it has happened), when I reach a pool of water that I stop to bath in. I see myself in the water, washing my long brown hair. Once again all is quiet but the sound of the water and the feel of nature around me. I notice that I’m very lean and beautiful. I’ve been living off of the earth and running for a very long time, so I’m radiantly strong and healthy. I’ve never once been afraid of being alone, I just feel at peace and know that I have this mission to finish delivering food. I don’t see any animals of any kind, I’m completely alone.

After running for days more, the scenery starts to change to suburban America. Streets, cars, sidewalks. I’m running along the sidewalk, and I start to feel the heaviest burden of sadness. I’m remembering a time in my life where I used to run to happiness, and now I’m remembering that and sobbing that I no longer have it to run to, so I’m just running to run. I see Karen ahead of me, and although I don’t remember why now, she wants to fight me or hurt me somehow. Without breaking stride, I hit her hard and beat her down and keep running. I don’t feel bad about this; I was simply defending myself against her blows to keep moving. I keep running…. That’s about the last thing I remember.