Lucid-schizo-dreamer

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I am at a post office and there is aguy in front of me shipping some packages. The postal worker is in a bad mood and at some point yells at some colleagues. I notice another girl to my right that leaves in a hurry but I don't pay much attention. I notice though that the guy had been noticing her and is not happy that she left. He complains to the worker about her attittude and mood and then leaves. Then I am not really there, but actually watching this unfold in a movie.
The guy comes back to the postal office area hoping to see the girl. One day he is lucky and comes across her at a park. She is wearing a rainbow colored baggy dress and looks quirky. They lock eyes and she approaches him slowly. It almost seems like she is going to kiss him, but she just does some quirky dance and off they go together.
I think to myself that it is a cliché, but she definitely looks autistic. Then I start remembering all the details I had missed at the post office and realize she was having a lot of quirky behaviors and then she ran away because of the noise of the woman yelling, as she couldn't take it.
I go to facebook looking for the autistic groups that I am in, wanting to share my thoughts about this film and I stumble in a post in one of the groups with the link to the said film. It's called "Breannis" and I realize it is centered on the girl and that she is indeed supposed to be autistic. Then I wonder how did I miss at first that it was about her and not the guy. Then I start writing down my opinion on the comments.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some party, like at an art gallery, and there is Riverstone and a bunch of other people. They are serving lots of desserts in long tables in different rooms and I am planning to indulge in as many as I can. But as I grab a plate and go back to get some of what I have seen, I find them mostly gone and manage to grab only 3 tiny cake slices before finding that the buffet is over and immediately removed and all the tables are now exhibiting jewellery and other art pieces. I feel frustrated but they say they announced the time limit ahead and have a very strict policy about it.
Then I sit down and realize there is some sort of lecture going on the next room, but then it is no longer at this gallery but at my grandparent's old house and it is a meeting of some Jeovah's witnesses with my grandpa in his kitchen. I am sitting there and continuing to eat my cake slices and I see their judgemental looks over my glutony. When they get up to leave I walk them to the door and outside the hallway looks like a school hallway and not my granparent's building. I go explore and feel a mix of joy and freedom as I feel transported to my highschool years. I go around dancing and levitating and my dance becomes a bit more sexy and dirty and I think I even pole dance a little when I find some random pole in the hallways. As I encounter some prude teachers who start judging me, at some point I go blatanly sexual and expose my private parts. They go away in shock.
Further ahead I spot a teacher of mine telling another student some story about me. So apparently some teacher had asked another one about the students in our class, and the second one mentioned I was a total devil. But when she arrived to the classroom she was so surprised to see that I was this quiet little angel instead and they are discussing how I could hide it so well or something. I want to know more about it, so I come to them and ask what else happens in the story. They get spooked and say that is none of my business and leave.
Tired of all these people I start becoming aware of the dream and levitating high up in the air. From above I see hundreds of people coming and going, entering and leaving buildings, like little ants. Then realize I am also a little ant just like them. I think about what to do in this lucid dream, but have no idea, so I decide I"ll just watch whatever happens. Then I start spotting fleeting rainbows in the sky, reflected on windows, basically everywhere. and I think about how they are a metaphor for the nature of the mind. So I start trying to catch them. I spot a rainbow shining against a wall and I am close enough to touch it. It turns into a pattern of our brains white matter. As I focus on it, everything around starts turning blue, like I am inside a tub of dark blue jello. I think this might be another level of insight into the nature of the mind and I want to find answers. I start to see some letters and numbers forming and make an effort to decode it, but the thick jello makes it hard to read it clearly. In the ned it seems just like I am looking at some comemorative metal plaque on a wall and seems to mention the European Union or something and I feel really disappointed. Try again, same thing. So I get bored and try to get out of this blue stuff and get back into a normal world with people. I walk among them and decide to make another experiment. I want to go through them instead of treatint them like real people and see what happens. The first ones it feels weird, like I just actually push them to the sides and not really go through them. So they get mad at me and try to grab me, but it is like I have a force field around me and they can't touch me. I keep bulldozing through the crowd at ease. And then some start treating me like a goddess with super powers and start following me around. The group of annoying followers is growing and they are too clingy, so I find jewels on the ground and offer to them to distract them. It works. Then someone says I am getting phone calls on my cell phone and I break lucidity while trying to figure out where my cell phone is and who might be calling.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some junkyard, with a garage full of vintage stuff. The stuff belongs to the family of a childhood friend, Renata, and she comes by while I am admiring some old fridge. She seems disturbed by my presence as if she thinks I am there to steal it. I show her that I merely came in after my dog Bernardo, who had run after other dogs. The she sees the dogs.
Then I spot some bikers passing by and I am afraid they might hit the dogs, but everything is fine.
At the horizon I notice a strange rainbow, with a normal arch but at the base, one of the color strips bends out, turns white and curls around the rainbow. For a while it looks like a tornado with a double helix around it. I don't feel afraid and come closer to watch it. Then like a hologram, an image of my guru appears and talks to me. Gives me blessings and instructions, like a letter sequence as NS LCSS or something that I know I will mess up when I wake up. I get closer and fold my hands and bow down and he says "I miss you" and disappears.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

In London visiting a friend. On arrival I see 2 triple rainbows and I do my best to photograph it, but only catch the first one already fading. Many people are watching the phenomenon, halting their cars on the road, also taking pics. As I wonder looking for a better spot to take the best shot, I get lost to a very rich and high tech zone, where basically people live and work inside a huge compound. Cars even go inside and roads cross through these humongous building. Some people never even have to go out for anything. It is completely segregated from the outside world. I don't even know how I managed to got inside but I don't ever leave a secondary area, which is basically a technical service area and access to parking. Soon I find an exit and I am on my way to meet my friends. Zilla is already with our London friend and we go to the subway. My friend was summoned by her boss and she believes she is going to be fired. But she hates his guts, he has treated her very very abusively and she wants to defend herself and maybe tell him some truths she's been keeping to herself. And for that she asks for our backup.
We are outside the door of his office, but we can hear their meeting as it goes and the dude is disgusting. She tries to defend herself but clearly he is determined to get rid of her and comes up with a lot of insults and shitty lying arguments. Then he becomes aggressive, calls her names and we can't take it anymore, so we barge in and I push him and slap him. He fights back so I beat the crap out of him. He says he is going to call the cops and present charges and say we assaulted him. But I am carrying a gun in my back pocket, not sure where I got it and I point it at him. I say we came with the intention to use it, but we were being nice and all, so I suggest he just calls it a day. He is panicking and promises not to tell a word if we just go. We go and my friend is like "are you crazy?" But very thankful. Later on, randomly, we see the same guy sitting at some diner and we notice that the server seems a bit crazy or is also taking revenge on him, so we observe the scene. He asks for pizza and a cake and she brings him frozen pizza and a frozen cake. He doesn't seem to understand that and he actually takes a bite of each. He yells mad and the girl doesn't flinch, she continues being a total disaster serving him, touching everything with her hands, spilling juice on him and making a mess. We guess she is actually doing it on purpose.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

(...) I am at some large empty building with many other people. There is a huge window with view over a large river that seems to flow to underneath the building. The flow increases and it seems that the water will break the window and flood the building, but instead it creates vertical twirls with the seven colours of the rainbow, side by side, in front of this large window.
Then someone says that now we have the power to create anything we want with the rainbow lights we can shoot from our hands.
I make a beautiful dance with my arms and hands and spread a trail of rainbow light behind me in the empty space of this white building. Others are more creative and give rise to dragons, fishes and all sorts of animals, floating in the air like colourful metallic balloons.
Slowly the white building gives place to all sorts of objects and places created with rainbow light.
I meet a guy for whom I feel instant attraction. He is dressed in black and suggests that I join him in a Matrix-like character and together we create a Matrix-like scenario. I try, but all I manage is a cowgirl look, I don't know why. He laughs and decides to become a cowboy and join me instead. We have a minute of fun in a western like scenario, but then I see a wooden bridge to a zen garden and a japanese temple and probably sensing my sudden interest on it, he runs and disappears into it, teasing me to join him there. I decide to follow him, but before I met him again, I try to recreate my character, hoping this time to be successful. I dress myself with an olive green and orange kimono, but for some reason I have trouble in creating an obi to tie it up. While I struggle with it, he reappears in front of me, already wearing a kimono. Very silently, he slightly opens my kimono in a very provocative erotic move, slowly and barely touching my skin and even more slowly he closes it magically with an obi he creates with his rainbow hands. Then we walk in the garden, immersed in that erotic tingling sensation that fills us beyond our bodies.
(...)
My lover is gone. I am now alone in this world of dream-like creations. Some of the creations become out of control. Two giant knights made of black smoke get involved in an epic sword fight, crushing under their feet many of the other colourful creations and nobody seems to be able to stop them. When all hope is lost, my love comes back. He fights with the knights to, but he also can't stop them. Tired, he lays in my arms. I feel his exhaustion and I cry with the sadness of all the worlds.
I wake up sobbing and with tears in my eyes.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID


23:20 GMT - Sleep

Dream of dreams
interestingly, my fist dream of the night has often been about dreams themselves. I dreamt something about having special dreams and thinking about sharing them with an audience [as if it wasn’t already happening, LOL].


1:30 GMT

Natural landscape
Don’t recall the story, but remember being on top of very high cliffs, seeing a huge waterfall, flying around a bit over the intense greenery of the valleys and then photo-shopping the landscape – no idea why, but I was applying the blur and smooth tool on the waterfall. For fun, I guess.

Experiment with tigers and people
I was watching some wicked experiment in which there were two cages linked by corridor in between. In one cage there are 2 people, on the other there is a hungry tiger. In one experiment, the doors were open and the tigers run to devour the persons. Hideous. On the second experiment there was something put in the middle of the corridor to distract/attract the tiger and then when the doors opened he didn’t eat the persons. It didn’t make much sense.

Lucid and making others lucid
This time I was waiting for someone to open a door of a building so I could come in. I was ringing the bell, but nobody was answering. It was night, so I just sat there waiting. Then a black couple appeared and opened the door for me, saying they were sorry having left me waiting outside. I was ok with it. I entered the building and pushed the switch for light and it didn’t turn on. I thought “Weird!” and let the couple do it – they manage to switch the lights on. I realise something is going on and I become half-lucid. I enter this house where I’m staying and I find my cousin S. there (I don’t see her for years). For some reason I go fully lucid and I tell her we’re just dreaming. I don’t think she ever was lucid on a dream so it’s like I’m talking totally absurd things. She ignores me and asks me something about missionaries, maybe for some research project she is doing. Her question also sounds like a total absurd to me, so I insist in saying “We’re dreaming girl! Forget that.” So to prove to her what I’m saying I float and fly around the room. She is surprised and excited and I tell her she can also do it. She then tries and not long after she manages to fly to! She looks like a kid in a candy store, amazed that she is dreaming and flying! I feel proud of her.
Then my boyfriend comes in and doesn’t understand what’s going on. We tell him “We’re dreaming! You’re dreaming to, join us!”. He offers some resistance but he also ends up believing (at least considering the hypothesis) that he is dreaming but he doesn’t fly. Then my mother also comes in and I’m feeling ever more excited to have this opportunity to “lucidify” so many people at once. I also tell her that we’re dreaming but at this moment I’m simply lying on bed and she has some hard time believing it. I try once again to fly but all I manage now is to float above the bed. She ends up believing me, just for the sake of believing, but not because she knows, so she doesn’t get lucid. All this disbelief let the dream fade.

5:25 GMT

Flying to USA
I am at the airport to fly to the USA. I didn’t tell anybody I was going. I am very nervous for some reason, I think because I am already late and confused about where to check-in. I go to the toilet to take some anti-stress pills. Try to find it on my bag, but I don’t see it. Then I see the today’s date somewhere and I have this impression I am one day too early and look frantically for my e-ticket. Then I realise “Shit, it’s only tomorrow!”.

Strange phenomena in the sky
I am at some foreign country (maybe the US!) for some meeting/conference and I am at a gorgeous somewhat retro hotel. I see there many faces I know, some work related, others more personally related. I have this weird feeling inside and go outside to look the sky. My boyfriend is with me. We see strange rainbows, like 3 rainbows on top of each other, but not necessarily parallel and also 3 other smaller bits and pieces of rainbows on each side of the 3 main arches. I think that must not be natural, but caused by some substance in the air that is making those strange light refraction patterns. I look to my left and there’s a mountain covered in thick grey clouds and in between the clouds I can see patches of sky that are intensely pink. I find all those things a bit disturbing but also incredibly beautiful, so I go back to get my camera. When I’m outside again I see something more amazing in the sky. Someone says “Look, aurora borealis”. Now I get a weird feeling that something is not right. I’m supposedly not so higher up north. I imagine solar activity must be really explosive for all this weird phenomena taking place. I think about the travel home and if it is safe to fly as it happens.
I go back to the hotel and find M.S., this lady friend I know professionally and personally. She just arrived from city centre and tells me there’s a lot of mess going on there. She can’t really explain what it is, but apparently the city is full of people like us coming to events, all happening at the same time, therefore adding more chaos to the city. Later on the hotel entrance they are distributing “emergency bags”. I ask for one and want to know what they are about, but they don’t say and anyway the bag is empty. Big help!

7:00 GMT

Looking for a meal in the city
Again in a hotel (may be the same, don’t know, but the story is slightly different). My guru is staying there to, as well as dozens of people who came to receive teachings from him. I haven’t seen him yet. I am with all the other people in a living room that is completely full. I try to find a seat and can only fit between two other persons in a balcony with view over some lake or river. I thought we were there maybe to have dinner but that doesn't happen and we all go out. We cross this beautiful suspended gardens with artificial waterfalls ending on a pool. I shortcut my way floating over the water ponds and then through the pool. I see a cute turtle and take a picture of it, wondering how I haven’t wet my camera yet. Then we continue walking to the city and look for some restaurant or place to eat. We pass by a huge veranda over an amazing garden and a tennis court – there’s a tournament going on and lots of people are sitting down there and in the veranda, watching the games. This veranda continues and merges with this kind of tunnel that then goes under the garden and takes me to the other side of it. There I find nice streets with fast food and souvenir shops. My companions decide to go to a burger house but I say no way, bye-bye and keep looking for something veggie. I’m not having any luck so I just go to this pizza place and try to get something meat-free. But first I go to the toilet (what else!?).

Recalling dreams between dreams
Then I had a strange dream that I was actually between dreams and found my boyfriend there and asked him if he could recall the previous dream we had shared – the one with the auroras. He tries to recall and he can only mention a few elements from the dream hotel that actually match the place, but he doesn’t remember the rest. I am still convinced we shared the dream and tell him that.

8:30 GMT

My guru puts me to a crazy mind test
I am still in that town, walking around. My boyfriend is again with me. We hear some locals saying funny things about the group that is lodged in the hotel: “I’ve heard they’re Buddhists!” "Oh!"
We smile at each other but decide not to make any comments. We go back to the hotel. It is our last day there, and we all leave just after lunch – this time the lunch is at the hotel.
The hotel has a restaurant in the ground level, but for this group they’ve set up a room in the upper floor, with only veggie meals (I guess, that’s why the first day we had to fetch food somewhere else – they probably hadn’t yet solved the logistics of the meals).
I’m looking for some familiar faces and I find my friend R. She is not a Buddhist but I don’t seem surprised to find her there. I ask if I can sit with her, since we have not been in such good terms lately, and she says “Of course, sit”. I don’t think we talked much.
After eating I just go to my room to grab all my bags and bring them to the lobby. My boyfriend takes some to. Then I remember I forgot something in the floor where we had lunch. I find it already closed so I walk around a maze of stairs and corridors trying to find someone to open the door for me.
Then I find this foyer where a bunch of buddhist practitioners are still chatting about the events of the past few days, the teachings and so on. I still find weird that I have no recollection of ever seeing my guru after all these days there. And as I think about this, a door opens at the end of this foyer and our teacher (guru) appears. Everybody gets stiff with surprise and respect for him, but he just looks at us and takes 2 or 3 steps slowly moving away. Then he passes by the side of my bag, which is on the floor now, and my cell phone starts to ring. It has a funny Indian music on it (it does, in RL) and the guru asks who's that phone and what is that music. I pick up my bag, take the cell phone out and explain to him it is an Indian ringtone and that I was sure we would eventually like it (I do think that, in RL) He picks up the phone, he is now really close to me and whispers on my ear that he is not really that into the music, but that he wants me to follow him, so that I please come. He opens the door from which he just came, he goes inside and I follow him. The others are just staring with many questions in their minds as I look at them one last time.
I follow him down some stairs and then through corridors that are all bluish. The walls and ceiling and floor become more and more blue and then he disappears in this small lobby/foyer that is all blue tiled and has 3 doors. I wonder which one he got in and feel afraid that I lost him. I open the big one on my left, but it’s just a grey wall leading somewhere - I see some white light and mist - but I don’t feel attracted to it. Then a second door on my right has a tag name on it and I wonder if that’s the one, when the third door a bit more to the right, a very tiny one, opens up and I see him inside. I am totally surprised when I see it is simply a tiny toilet room! I am “What the hell....”, I was expecting some bigger room, something impressive, but I kinda get the joke. At least this one is immaculately clean. Blue tiles from floor to ceiling and one very white and virgin toilet in the centre. He asks me what am I expecting to go inside and to please close the door behind me. I am like...”Okaaaay”. It’s so tiny! He is close to the back wall and the toilet is in between us. The door is behind me. There’s no space for anything! I have this hope there's a secret door somewhere.
Then he tells me that no matter what, I will just watch and go with it. No thoughts, no judgement, no fear. Then he plugs an USB plug into a tiny hole in the wall and I hear this loud noise, like electronic music mixed with mechanical sounds. I look up but I don’t see where it could come from. My teacher is dead serious and looks at me in the eyes saying to me so much without really explaining anything. I see trust, but also concern in his eyes. That’s when a blue wall comes out of the lateral wall from my right, in front of the toilet and starts closing him in, separating us. I feel disappointed. I think he is gone and what am I going to do now? That’s when I hear more noise, I turn back to the door and I see another blue wall closing in between me and the door. I freak out and put my arm on the door to open it and think about escaping. But in a split second I remember my teacher saying I must not be afraid of whatever happens! Although I’m shiting my pants of I pull my arm and allow the wall to close in. I am now in between four walls, not able to move. I can’t put my arms up, I can’t sit, I can’t turn and I can’t even breathe too deep. I try to be ok with it, but it's just too much. I panic, I scream and everything goes black. I guess I passed out.
Then I wake up and stay in bed for half an hour digesting this. I wondered what it was all about and if I had passed or failed some sort of test, when I remembered from The Matrix: “Everybody falls the first time.”

8:30 GMT – Wake up