Lucid-schizo-dreamer

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

On a hot air baloon with my boyfriend and another friend (not the same as in RL, I don't really know them). It crashes in the sea and we're rescued by sailors. They treat me ok, until the captain lusts for me and says he wants to possess me. My boyfriend does nothing and says nothing and I start loathing him. His friend also stays quiet, they just want to get out alive. I end up at home somehow with no recollection of all that happened in between.
At my old bedroom in my mom's house, trying to sleep. But the room is haunted! The furniture is moving to the middle of room, the drawers open by themselves. I go wake up my mom, she doesn't see anything, but she helps me put things in their place. Then she leaves and one of my dolls is possessed and starts making sounds. I gather my courage and confront the spirit and ask what they want. They say they want me. I dare them to appear. They do, they look androginous, sexy, remind me of Desire of the Endless, appearing both male and female. We have a long talk, they want me to sign a paper, I refuse. They say I'll be their sexual slave, wanting or not and they taunt me by describing what they'll do to me. I confess I start to feel a bit horny and decide to twist it and I seduce the demon instead. I expose my breasts and dare them to lick them. They do. I put aside my disgust when I see their long triangular shaped tongue and I get closer and kiss them. I caress their breasts too and then their dick, until I cause an erection and make them cum. I feel like I avoided the worst but then they say I'll be coming to live with them in some place underwater and show me it on a map. I say no. They laugh and say I have no choice as I am carrying their baby. I am confused. Then the captain who had rescued/kidnapped me before appears out of nowhere and they reveal he is an extension or avatar of the demon. They laugh and say they didn't need to impregnate me now because I am impregnated already. I say no way and I run to the bathroom. I know it is possible, I am trying to feel if I can feel it inside me growing. I want to abort, I also know they'll never allow it. I panic.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING PRECOG


23:20 GMT – Sleep

Fragment
I’m on some meeting and I am extracting energy from both my surroundings and the instructor who is talking.

2:20 GMT

Business fair
I’m on Mercado da Ribeira (a market in Lisbon). There’s some kind of fair going on and I see my friend Alfredo there, talking to other people. I also need to talk to him. I wave at him and he makes some sign that we’ll talk later. I’m behind a desk and showing some samples of some aromatic butter-like substance, in different colours and odours. Two foreign visitors are enjoying the smell of a lavender-butter when by my left side appears my most recent ex-boss. She tells them something in a very rude way. I don’t remember what, but included the word “shit”. They are shocked at her manners. She admits she is a bit stressed but doesn’t think she said anything inappropriate. While she waits for their reaction or answer, she goes away meet this other group of people where my friend is included and the two guys open up with me. I tell them she used to be my boss and that they have no idea... They showed solidarity with me but I tell them they should still close the deal with her, despite everything.

Crazy kid and vacation at resort
I’m on some tall building. As I entered and climbed the stairs I noticed it is practically empty, with just a few neighbours on the lower floors. I go to some top floor, looking for something or someone and enter an apartment, which I sense like mine or a place where I’m temporarily staying. It is totally empty, but my cat is there. Some windows are open and I rush to close it (because of the cat). Then some friends arrive and with them is an evil kid. He keeps playing with a knife and saying he is going downstairs and kill the neighbours. I tell him to behave and he also threatens me with the knife. Now I’m pissed and I confess I fear for cat, who is vulnerable around a deranged kid like this. I use all my best psychology skills to change his attitude but he improves just a little bit.
Then I talk to my friends and we’re exchanging stories about tourists in trouble – like these guys who stayed at this sleezy hotel with a code to enter the room instead of key (which in itself is ok) but then the owner of the hotel would sell the codes to some mafia guys who would kidnapped people in the middle of the night, for human trafficking. Not nice. I remember I will be travelling again soon and hope I don’t happen to stay in such places.
Then we all go outside and I realise we’re on some type of touristic area. One of the friends needs to go to her apart-hotel to get something and I see we’re in some kind of beach resort.

5:15 GMT

Marrying a cousin
I’m on some room similar to my older room at mom’s house and lots of family members are there, including my mom and my cousin R. I don’t recall the entire conversation but my family is convinced we should marry – me and my cousin. They say it’s not a consensual decision, that they are not happy about it, but considering the circumstances it is the only solution. I wonder what the hell justifies that? I’m not pregnant of him or anything. When I was a kid I had a crush on him, but that was it. My cousin is looking at me, anxious for my answer and I find this all very odd.
I walk around the room and find my Tanto (a Japanese dagger) broken on the floor – the grip separated from the blade. I fix it, upset that someone had broken it and I turn to my family and tell them no. I don’t want to marry my cousin, I don’t have any reasons to do so. Why are they even considering such a stupid thing?

My mom pregnant
Later I talk to my mom alone and she tells me she is worried. She recovered 3 of the 4kgs she had lost with her new diet. She says its not because of overeating, she thinks she is pregnant. I’m totally surprised, but the “worst” is yet to come. I ask who would be the father of the child and she tells me it’s my father. Then I’m totally shocked – they are separated for more than 10 years now and there’s no way they can get along ever again. How the hell this happened? She says she does not plan to get back with him, that it was just an accident and that’s why she is freaking out.

Shrink to atom size
I’m on a bathtub and decide to do RC. I realise I’m dreaming and get lucid. I decide to shrink to atom size. I close my eyes, because I decided to try it this way when I was awake. It is kind of working, I feel myself shrinking. When I open my eyes I’m about the size of a human finger. I see two huge people approaching and we're on this enormous room (bathroom) with an endless table by my right side, that looks like a tall platform on top of really high columns. I close my eyes again and continue shrinking but this time I almost wake up and have to make an effort to stay “on”. When I try to open my eyes I feel my “real” eyes opening and have to stop not to wake up. Then, when I feel I’m more stable on the dream, I open my eyes slowly, but all I see is darkness. I no longer have body or shape, I’m just consciousness in a dark void. All I see is very faint clusters of white dots, like distant stars or galaxies. It actually looks like outerspace, but I try not to judge the result. Probably the atomic world looks like outerspace.

My guru’s mandala fortress and reversed gravity
Then I close my eyes again and think of next task (this one set by me). When I open my eyes I am on some house. I decide to summon a portal, like the blue water-like portal I saw some days ago in a dream. But I fail to do so. Not even a ripple in the time-space continuum. So I stick to the mirror approach. I find a wardrobe with a mirror on the door and I think I want to go meet my guru. Then I cross the mirror and find myself on this green area facing a huge wall, like a fortress, in front of me. I see some guy at the top of the wall and decide to fly to there. For some reason it is not easy and something is keeping me from flying to the top. I am blocked like 1 meter away from the top but this guy gives me a hand and pulls me inside.
Once inside I see this plateau, with lush gardens and some pretty houses. There’s a group of people around some table I presume are his students and I ask them where can I find our guru. A hippie like blond bearded guy tells me he will be at the casern at 7 o’clock. I wonder where is that and what 7 o’clock is he referring: mine or this place’s? I think tht maybe my guru is not asleep at this moment and therefore I cannot meet him, but I’m not sure if it works that way – Buddhist teachers are said to be always available to the students, always!
[On awaking I looked for the meaning of casern and found this: In fortification, caserns are little rooms, lodgments, or apartments, erected between the ramparts and the houses of fortified towns, or even on the ramparts themselves; to serve as lodgings for the soldiers of the garrison. This confirms I was indeed in a fortress.]
Then these guys just leave to go somewhere and leave me alone. I decide I can’t wait until 7:00, if it’s mine 7:00 because by then I will be waking up. I look around and find a second wall in the centre of this fortified town – a fortress within a fortress - and decide to go there. This time I manage to fly directly to the top of it.
I find a second group of people – more of his students – also around a table on some lovely terrace. They are eating and I decide to join them. Once again I ask for our guru, but this time, from my right side a head leans forward and I see my teacher’s face looking at me, surprised. Hi say hi and ask if it’s ok that I looked for him. He says “Sure, why not!” But then it’s hard to chat with him, with all these people around and someone between us. Anyway I had prepared something to say but I feel maybe I should wait for him to talk to me. Then he starts joking around – his face transforms. First I think – could he be just a DC I’m projecting, but his signature was so real. Then when the transformation ends, he has the face of Mao-Tse Tung. I laugh, because that’s something he would definitely do to jerk around with us. I ask why he changed his look to Mao and then he changes again and he’s now an old lady with white hair, glasses and granny’s clothes. He is just being himself.
Then everybody gets up and my guru flies away. He actually went down to the lower level fortress. From up there, where we are, it looks like a giant green lush valley. Others start following him, although a bit clumsily. I fly to join them and my guru is telling his students how they need to improve their flying skills. Some of them are really at basic level. Managed to jump down here, but lit off, no way. So I show off by flying graciously around, as a dolphin swimming in the ocean. I flip, I swirl, I go up and down, pass by them high speed. Oh, ego.... then I realise above us is not the sky but very high ceiling, kilometres high ceiling. I go there and put my feet on it, trying to walk on it like a fly.
Then I remember the reversed gravity trick, which I never tried and decide to put it t test. I think about the guys down there who might get hurt, but at least my guru will for sure be just fine. Still I make a wish that nobody gets hurt and I say “reversed gravity” and all of the people and objects that were down below start to fall to the ceiling and I laugh, as it is quite amusing. Then I reverse it again.
I go back to the ground and everybody is dispersing, to practice on their own, I guess. I find my guru sitting under a tree and go meet him. He asks me why I am so persistent in following him? What do I want from him? Do I want to marry him? I laugh and say no. I tell him with this exact words “No, I don’t want to marry you, I’m simply hungry and thirsty (of knowledge)” and I feel it in my heart with 100% conviction. He smiles, like I just gave the right answer and he tells me not be so impatient. He tells me things will happen on due time and that I had to understand that I am already having privileged access to him and that I should think about that. Then he gets up and goes away and I wake up.

6:55 GMT – Wake up

(I guess at 7 a.m. he needed to be at the casern )

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I have been having the possibility to sleep longer, which compensates the constant awakenings during the night to write down my dreams. Still, I feel a bit tired as sometimes I wake every hour or so. My wish to recall dreams is programming my mind to wake up frequently to record them.


23:00 GMT - Sleep

Work meeting
I’m at a meeting. Tables form a hollow square and I just sit in the first available place as I’m late and it already started. It’s an NGO meeting arranged by one of my former bosses. There’s some important reason why I was invited, but I can’t recall. He sees me arriving and feels a bit disturbed. Then a gap.

Feeling sick
All of a sudden I am sitting in a small table with food. There was someone else sitting with me but not anymore. I am on a hurry and I eat fast. Then I feel extremely sick and feel like puking. I run to the toilet, it is disgustingly filthy, but I want to puke, so who cares. When about to do it, I get better and don’t arrive to do it. Two ladies that were on the toilet ask me if I’m pregnant. I say I don’t think so and that I’m just sick. Then it looks like everything is balancing back and forth and I wonder if I’m on a boat. Then a girl appears (maybe she was with me before?) supposedly to help me but just says some mockery about me being sick.

3:06 GMT

Thoughts about having a baby
Maybe following the previous dream in which someone asked me if I was pregnant, I remember some dream in which I was thinking/considering or imagining myself having a baby. It was more a thought than a dream.

Priest and a talent show
Very sketchy dream that I feel it was going on for some time but I only recall that a lady was being invited by a priest to come to Rome for a show. First I felt that this lady was my mother, but the content of the dream doesn’t match her in anything. He was looking for someone with a special talent to star on some fairground show and this lady was very colourful and musically talented. Then he reinforced the invitation saying he wanted her to be there not for just one show, but indefinitely. Weird that a priest would also be a talent hunter...

4:08 GMT

Politician
Just recall that I was trying to reach some politician and someone helps me getting inside the parliament or congress and I’m on the corridors looking for the right office.

Mom ironing
My mother is ironing some clothes and the cat wants to play with her.

Award ceremony
Some award ceremony scene, like the Oscars.

Visit to aunt and my mom’s cat
I park my car under a bridge close to my aunt’s I. home (where I don’t go since a teenager). It’s night and it’s a creepy place, so I keep my eyes very open to eventual robbers behind the pillars. A lady seems distressed about some cat she thinks is in trouble, not able to descend from a roof. I go to the place to check but after a while the cat jumps down, so all’s fine. Then I keep going and see my mother close to my aunt’s garage door, our meeting point. She also brought her cat with her, which I don’t think it’s such a good idea. It’s a crazy unpredictable cat that gets scared at anything. But she says she’s taken him for a walk before and I trust her. The problem is that the cat decides to hit the middle of the road and I see cars coming. I freak out and run to shoo him away from the road. He does and hides under something on the other side. After the cars pass I go get him and he is so scared that he is totally peaceful and sweet – usually he is like a Tasmanian devil ) It was nice to cuddle him, even if it is only possible in dreams, LOL.

6:00 GMT

City of museums
I’m going down a street with my mother in some foreign country and unknown city. This particular street is amazing, with dozens of museums of art, antiques, archaeology. Impressive buildings. We decide we can’t visit them all but at least the last one on the street catches our attention. It’s modern art and inside I remember see this big mosaic pictures representing the elements of the periodic table. I remember clearly the Pb one (a clear derivation from a conversation I had the day before, about an ass as heavy as lead, LOL). At the museum shop there were for sale cute wind up toys and I try one out, breaking the coil spring inside. I try to fix it but it only gets a little better. I behave badly and try to get away with it, but a friend of mine comes out of nowhere and picks the same toy to try it out. I fear she is going to figure out I broke it, but she doesn’t say anything. I still feel guilty and when leaving a security guy blocks me and my mom’s exit. But of course it wasn’t because of the toy – he had seen her taking pictures with flash and also we were carrying backpacks, which is not allowed in the museum (somehow at the entrance they had failed to check that). But that’s all and we leave.

7:19 GMT

Freaky countryside pension with a secret
I’m staying at a countryside pension, a very old looking and typical construction but I don’t know of which country. Small wooden doors and windows and very low roof which I realise it’s because the house goes below ground level, so we need to descend some stairs to get inside. When we enter we go directly to the kitchen which is also like common/living room, large and spacious. To go to the rooms section we need to climb 2 or 3 steps at the right side close to the back of the room.
I feel I am here as part of a group of tourists/excursionists and everybody left already. The owners are also leaving and closing everything behind them. But for some reason (I don’t remember what had happened before) I am suspicious of something going on and I want to go inside the house when they’re not there.
So they leave and I go back and get to enter the place. But all of a sudden the lady owner appears, with very menacing look on her face. She wants to know what I am doing there. I say my backpack is too heavy and that I came back to leave a few things behind or I won’t be able to hike around all day as expected. She weighs my backpack just to check if I’m not lying with all my teeth, but luckily the thing is really heavy and I take a few things out and leave them on the kitchen table. I leave.
Some other day I was in the room with my boyfriend and we start kissing passionately. I throw him on the floor and want to make love to him, but behind the door there are lots of voices and I know someone might enter the place at any moment, so I refrain myself.
On even some other day I am finally alone in the place, waiting for some fellow guests to arrive and I open the door for them. I guess I finally found what I was looking for because I am drawing a scheme of this symbol that I guess I found somewhere and means something important. It’s like a 3-leafed clover and the top leaf has a heart inside it and there are things written inside every leaf. That’s all I can remember, because it was too detailed.

8:00 GMT – Wake up