IndigoRose

comment non-lucid (shortened) lucid

I walked down the street, looked around and thought - "could this be a dream?" Everything seems normal. In the 1st split-second, I think clearly not, just like with reality questioning in reality, but then I think "it could very well be" and as I raise my hand to RC I already know the outcome.
DC, who is walking towards me, looks at me as if he recognizes what I am doing and smiles. Meanwhile, I inwardly celebrate - "Yes!", but tone down my enthusiasm. I feel like enjoying the dream as it is, as long as possible, having fun, nothing complicated.
Something is happening in front of me, something fantasy. Some sort of battle preparation or perhaps a LARP? I arrive in town and there are more people around. I come to a bush that has brittle dry branches and break off a large branch with the goal of turning it into a sword. But as I break it off, someone attacks me with a staff, and I block the attack. Turns out he just wanted to practice, and we try different attacks and parries.
I'll keep my staff as a magician's staff. I'll remind myself it's a dream so I don't lose my lucidity. I go to a nearby building and there's someone in charge of battle preparations and wants my help with a little something. I'll help. Then he goes out that he needs to pick capable people and heroes. I say I'm happy to help with that (I mostly want him to pick me), but he doesn't really want my help and doesn't take me seriously.
Everything out there now is a mix of fantasy and modern and there's quite a crowd. To my right, I hear some talk about lucidity and I turn around and there are two girls giggling. I ask if they're lucid dreaming too. They say they do, and they look happy. I congratulate them.
I say to myself, that was a good reminder. And I think it's probably not true, since it's my dream and I don't believe in shared dreaming. But I suppress such thoughts - I don't want higher lucidity and I don't want to stir up a fuss or disturb the story with the truth. This dream is fully about the suspension of disbelief.
I'm looking at some dresses on a rack outside a shop. Then I go inside where they have decorative cushions. I wonder when the dream will end, but I know I have plenty of time and there's no reason for it to end. I walk down the street away from the crowds and the shops.
Then I want to go back again and notice I don't have my staff. I try "Accio staff!" and try to imagine it in my hand, including the feel of the wood. Nothing. I'm disappointed. Maybe it's because I can't see it. But if I could see it, I could use telekinesis. I decided that when I see it, I'll use TK. I want to go back to the commander and convince him to test me to show him I'm a mage.
As I'm going back, I'm suddenly in a wheelchair and moving awfully slowly. It takes ages to get back...
I start thinking about how I'm going to write the beginning of my lucidity in my DJ, and I think of the best wording in English, and how I'm going to post it on DV. And as the balance between me and the dream collapses, I wake up.

comment dream lucid

I woke up half an hour before my usual wake-up time and assumed I wouldn't fall back asleep, but after a while, I did and had a long, very shifting dream.

Fragments (not sure about the order and transitions between them):
- I'm packing my things for some big trip with my mom and my brother, packing a big suitcase. I'm almost ready, but they're not, and I'm rushing them because we have no chance to catch the plane. But they ignore me for the most part and I'm nervous and stressed.
- There's a magician, a dangerous man, but he trusts me, probably because I'm willing to work with him and not ask questions. I go out of the building to dump something in the trash for him, probably magical waste. It looks like a pear in a plastic bag, plus some kind of box, but I know better than to check what's in it.
- I'm out with my brother, we're going somewhere. Then we sit on a bench and I empty the mess out of my shoe and show the shoe to him. He says he doesn't want running shoes. I show him how it has a soft sole and offer him the shoe to try on.
Then the magician is there instead, and there's a railing behind us and stairs deep down. Somehow my shoe falls down - either he throws it there or somehow accidentally causes it to fall. I look him in the eye and tell him he should bring it back. He looks at me, surprised that I have the audacity to say that to him, but without a word he gets up and walks down the stairs. I follow a few steps behind him.

Leading to the lucid part
I am traveling in a group on horseback, including family members, the plan is to travel on horseback through several countries and then by train, this is a replacement for the original plan.
Then we walk through pastures and someone tells us there is a dangerous cow, but now there is just an older, very playful, calf and sheep playing together.
We walk along a field track, there are fenced pastures all around, and there is a rhino in one. It's very dangerous. I wonder if they have something like a mini zoo and why they have a rhino if it's so dangerous.
I get to the garden where there are some roses, new varieties that I've been talking to someone about online, and also a small-flowered clematis.
There are more beds and I want to see more, but I'm disappointed, there's not much else, just weird vertical structures for vertical growing and some shade-loving plants. There's a woman I know from a gardening forum and she says it's not finished yet.
Then I'm with some people, half in, half out, as if the garden has turned into a spacious interior. People are supposed to go through some doors, but they don't really want to, probably afraid of the rhino that's still out there somewhere. I walk through the door and someone asks me if I'm the last one through, and I say no.
I get a yellow and black frilly dress and am told it comes with trousers. There is a group of girls around, each in different dresses, but all in black and yellow. I put the dress on and someone helps me pull it over my head, and someone else hands me the black trousers.
Something weird is being done in the group, maybe magical.
The woman near me - I recognize her as my former classmate, H. - is having a nervous breakdown.
She asks, "How can this be happening?" She's hysterical and clutching her head. "Am I dreaming?"
I chuckle and say, "I am, and so are you." I kiss her passionately on the mouth and tell her, "Go and enjoy it."
Like I'm sending her out to enjoy her lucid dream. I say this semi-lucidly, not having the slightest intention of detaching myself from the dream. But as she disappears outside, I feel some responsibility for her and I follow her.
I walk out the door and I'm in a large square. Directly in front of me are steps down to the main area of the square, and then to the right are more gradual steps up, probably along the town walls. H. is already a little ahead of me, he is now with someone, they have started to levitate and have flown across the gap between the steps and are now flying faster, up over the steps, and disappearing in the distance. I call out, "H., wait!" and I envy her such skill in the first LD and I know I won't catch up to her.
I put my hand forward and begin to concentrate on catching her and her companion in an imaginary loop, then pull them back by the force of will.
She stands in front of me, a little confused, but she understands that my abilities are greater than hers. I think to myself that I made a point, but that maybe it wasn't necessary, and let her go.
I tell myself that since I'm so good at telekinesis, I might as well do what she did - try using telekinesis to fly - use it on myself.
I'll give it a try and try to levitate down the stairs.I float a little, but at the same time, I am inevitably falling until I'm back on the ground, a few steps down.
I try again and this time I try to focus on myself/catch myself into the imaginary loop and add the impello spell word, but it doesn't help, the same result as before. Like I can't use telekinesis on myself.

I wake up after this.

Notes:
- Another semi-lucid into lucid type of dream. Sometimes I think I am sort of natural in semi-lucid dreaming, my dream me almost always knows it is a dream to some extent but it's hard to tell unless the dream plot makes it obvious. The breakthrough from semi-lucidity to full lucidity is still hard for me, though. And sometimes, it isn't a breakthrough at all, like it is all a spectrum.

comment dream semi-lucid lucid

The dream before the lucid parts wasn’t much coherent, my settings and my companions were very changeable, so I simplified it slightly, I am using the word companions instead of being specific and I am starting from a point from which I remember the dream reasonably well but it was actually longer.

We were inside a building and we wanted to go outside to look for Karin, who was some kind of magical creature, maybe a fairy. She went out and didn't come back for a long time.
I went outside and my companions came with me. There were gardens around us and it was dark, and we walked through the gardens and there were flowers, but Karin was nowhere to be found.
Then we walked on the lawn around the building and there were soldiers walking towards us. They had the division number written on them - 100something. I knew their general and I remembered that I was in the 80th Division. But I didn't want to approach them because they would certainly want to know the details and I didn't remember the details. They walked past us and ignored us.
Then I explained to my companions that it is our presence - that with our presence and attention this world grows stronger and becomes more detailed and real, that it is like the shadows in Amber and we travel through them like the princes of Amber... but I stopped because I understood that they didn't know Amber and my comparison or explanation didn't mean anything to them.
Anyway, we should find Karin quickly and get out of here because more and more things are going to be happening around here. I also told them that it was fascinating how I remembered being in the 80th division, but that I was a little sad that it was actually a false memory.
Then we were at some greenhouse or walled garden and I think we found Karin there and she came with us, or it stopped mattering.
We were back in the building, now there were soldiers and infrastructure. We arranged at the window of a female clerk to hear us in a closed room. I also wanted her to arrange for me to talk to the general in private, as I was still feeling emotional about my membership in the division.
We were in the room with her, me and two companions, there was someone there with her too, sitting across the table from us. I turned off the light and it was morning twilight and I said, "How about we make our own light" to my companions. "Or would that get everyone in this building on their feet?" In the sense that I wanted to make it clear that we were magicians, but again, not to stir up the whole building.
I cast the Lux spell and so did my companions. I remembered that it didn't work in my recent LD (9 May) and now it didn't work either, my palm was empty. But there was something there, or was it just my imagination? I looked closely and there was a small light, the size of a pinhead. I tried to focus on it to make it bigger, but it seemed to be trying to escape my focused gaze. It glowed brighter for a moment, then I lost it for a second, and then it reappeared and was a cluster of little balls. It was still trying to move and escape. I physically grabbed it in my hand, it had a feel like plasticine, and tried to combine all the little balls into one bigger ball.
At that moment I realized "I am lucid" and said it out loud.
I was also immediately intrigued by the transition from semi-lucidity to lucidity. I debated whether to continue the dream story, but I figured I'd had enough of it (it was a good dream!) and it was time to do something else.
So I was deciding where to go and what to do and I was tempted by something to do with water and remembered that my plan for Prague involved water, so Prague it was. Standing in front of the door, I quickly visualized the towers of the city and opened the door.
Behind the door was still the corridor, but it looked different and the building was set up for an event related to my hobby activity (and related to Prague).
I walked down the corridor further, to the left was the exit to the outside, straight ahead the corridor continued. I wanted to go outside, but on the corner between the turn and the continuation of the corridor was a lobby separated from the stairs leading outside by a glass wall, and I saw a table and a couple on it.

Spoiler for sexual:

I thought it was my friend L and he was having sex with some girl, so I went over to join them in a threesome. When I got closer I saw it was two girls, which was ok too, they were very petite, skinny and pretty.
I started touching them, one wasn't happy about it, the other didn't protest, but continued to just lie on the table, without any activity, but still it felt nice to touch.
I stroked her thigh, pulled her closer to me and started kissing her. It felt nice and she almost kissed me back, so I got my tongue more involved, which I don't really like IRL, but it was much better in the dream. Then I put my hand between her legs, she didn't want to spread them all the way, but she didn't resist.
As I started touching her between her legs, I woke up.

Notes
- I really liked the Amber analogy. I've been recently reading a lot about dream control and dreams formation and this is how my brain connected things together. BTW I recently met Corwin of Amber in a non-lucid dream, I would love to meet him lucid one day.
- Going lucid in this dream - the "I am lucid" as "I've always known this is a dream but now I noticed that I know and can do something with it". Like when you do something and then stop and ask yourselves "what am I doing" and remember that you wanted to do something else. Like being there the whole time but stopping being distracted. Very smooth transition into lucidity.
- Regarding the lucid dream sex: I always wake up quickly. I know some people say it is about expectations but it is not - I used to wake up from dream sex before I even knew what lucid dreams are and before reading anything about them online. I wake up simply from physical arousal, sometimes even into an orgasm (not this time). In both lucid and non-lucid dreams, I wake up after a similar time, which isn't realistic to the progress of the sexual intercourse in the dream (20-30 seconds of foreplay, usually). I don't mind, I still like it.

Sunday is my WILD night. 10:35 five minutes WBTB, then WILD attempt but I wasn’t in the right mindset, I had problems with both concentrating and falling asleep. After some time, I went to sleep normally (setting the intent for watching for the dream and my favourite “if I see something = dream”) but had problems falling asleep.

Non-lucid
I am running from someone, I think it’s my brother, but I don’t remember why. I try to be smart - choose a different direction than he expects and changing direction often. I am running through some town, keeping my pace.
Then I get to some kind of club, I am in a room and there are people. They are hanging six persons, they all already have the rope around their neck and they are told the sentence. I think they are traitors. But in the last second, the execution is stopped and they let them go, it is like a learning experience for them.
I really like the club. They meet every week and I think I want to visit again next week to become a member.
They leave and I am alone in the room. There is a huge duvet, filling a large part of the room. My brother appears and I try to hide in the corner, behind the duvet. He can see only the top of my head but he notices. I try to tell him something and I tell him about that club.
Then there is a woman on a mattress. I don’t know why but I think she’s evil.

Getting lucid
I suddenly notice that I am doing something, seeing something and not trying to fall asleep anymore. Obviously, I am already sleeping and dreaming. And I can see that this isn’t some shaky half-dream, this is perfectly stable. Time to have fun.
I want to leave the club room but the evil woman is still there, holding my hand and preventing me from leaving. With my other hand, I reach behind me, like trying to reach for something that could be used as a weapon. I can’t see anything in my hand but I try anyway and stab her. It works, she looks hit and in pain, holding her stomach. To be sure, I stab her again (and it works again, although slightly less this time) and I leave the room, entering a corridor.
I go down the corridor, I walk very quickly, much more quickly than humanly possible. I don’t worry about the stability of the dream at all but when things get slightly blurry from my speed, I slow down and touch the wall. I notice that I wear gloves and can’t feel much but it doesn’t matter.

Doing magic
The corridor gets wider and I want to do my goal - magic. I want to do two spells, inspired by the books I am reading at the moment.
For the first spell, I use the word “Lux” and a simple gesture with my hand, it should result in a werelight hovering above my palm. I try it for the first time but I still have the gloves, so I take them off. I try for the second time, nothing, for the third and fourth time, nothing. I remember that the hero in my book had to practice this for a long time, I probably just need more practice too.
For the second spell, I try “Impello” which is basically telekinesis. I use it on a small ball and it levitates approx. one meter above the ground. I realize I have to use my willpower to keep it floating and to guide it, it isn’t just the word and the gesture.

More magic and Jedi mind control
I have a memory gap here. I took everything too quickly, locations shifted quickly and I don’t remember all details.
I remember trying the impello spell again. This time, I shouted the word and focused on the gesture with my hand. I moved a ball (or something else, bigger?) up, then to a side, and then I lost control or overdid it a bit and it flew with a great speed maybe twenty or thirty metres from me, falling on the heads of some DCs. I found it funny. I guess I need more practice with this too.
I also remember trying some Jedi mind control and the moving the hand thing on some DC but I don’t remember why. He said “these tricks” but did what I wanted.

Flying
I am on the stairs of my school and I think I could fly, maybe jumping from the top landing. But I am not sure.
Then I am in a large hall, it is a mall or a marketplace with a roof. I want to jump from somewhere but all higher spots and the upper floor with a gallery are not accessible. So I try the superman style, with my hand up.
It works and I can touch the ceiling but then I look down and it’s like in those cartoons, I am looking down for a second or two and then I start falling. I fall on my legs and partially on my hands too, cushioning the fall, the impact is a little bit hard but ok.
I try again but this time it’s different, it’s like I am teleported to the ceiling and I levitate there like no gravity exists and I can examine a chipboard tile in the ceiling. I can remove it but decide to stop damaging the building and get back down on the floor - I am there instantly.
I am not sure how much time I have left but I suppress the thought. Surely, I have plenty of time. No reason to think otherwise.

Passing through a wall… or a gate
The next goal on my list is passing through a wall. I don’t like the walls around but there are big doors, more like a gate and it is closed. Good enough.
I try to pass through the gate and I can feel its solidity. I tell myself “there is no wall… or gate” and continue the movement. I don’t pass through but the gate opens like it was never closed and I am on the other side.

Eating
There is another hall, this time with many small shops and stalls. I am running out of ideas on what to do… I know, I want to eat some food.
I go around the stalls but it’s all just clothing. Then there is a table with packages of tights or some underwear and among them jars of pickled gherkins. I casually open one of the jars (a woman DC with a kid, standing nearby, throws an offended look at me but I don’t care) and take the longest gherkin.
I continue to walk and bite a piece of the gherkin. It tastes as it should but it’s also weird, like eating a gherkin first thing in the morning, just after brushing your teeth. Very sour and somewhat off, I don’t like it. I want to find something better.
There is a small shop with vegetables. I walk in, seeing some carrots (small, raw, and dirty) and potatoes. It is very small there, there’s a fat middle aged woman shopkeeper, a counter and space for maybe two people. I can see they have some salads behind the counter and I decide to get some.
I remember the discussion I recently read online about “can I get” vs “may I have” and choose the proper version “May I have a small salad” (in English, which isn’t my native language but I use it in dreams often because I live in an English-speaking country).
The shopkeeper nods and asks me something which I have problems understanding. She wants to know if I want something else. I say “No, just the salad.” She asks if I want ketchup with it. I say “maybe some dressing” but this time, she doesn’t understand me, so I say “just the salad”.
While she is putting grated carrot and something else into a small plastic cup, I notice there are some cakes too. I would prefer them over the salad but too late. A big fat man appears behind me and I don’t like it because he blocks my exit and my plan to take the salad and leave without paying could fail.
The shopkeeper puts the cup on the counter and asks for money. I know I don’t have any but try to find some in my pocket anyway. Nothing. I want to leave but the shopkeeper and the fat man are angry.
The vegetable in the cup changes into water with red sugar and starts to boil. I know I am doing this but it wasn’t my intention to do it. It’s like my magic has got out of control because I am in an uncomfortable situation. I squeeze around the fat man and I tell them that they should be grateful to me for showing them such an interesting magic trick. They are confused.
I walk out and wake up.
My heart is racing.

OK, so I am going to do this, although I am not sure I have enough time to log my dreams twice - once in my DJ notebook and once here (and to translate them into English and make them readable). So I am going to keep this to LDs and the most interesting NLDs.

As someone with some LDs in past and as someone interested in dreams in general, I am often quite aware in my dreams/of my dreams but at the beginning, it was frustrating. It felt like being stuck in 0 layer lucidity and almost lucid dreams but not getting there.
Some interesting snippets from these dreams:

comment dream

12 Feb
At the airport, I see a big clock. I have the idea to check if they work. The clock arms point to 2 and 10. I think "People on Reddit were wrong, clocks work in dreams" and continue trying to catch my plane.

15 Feb
I don't like how the dream is going (someone's trying to kill me). I pause the dream and think "Really? Does it have to end like this? Can I do something to stop it? No, it's too late." I expect to wake up (I guess) but the dream resumes and shifts to a continuation in near future.

16 Feb
In a train, going down a very steep hill, extremely fast, like a rollercoaster. I am thinking: "We are too fast" but also "It will be fine". I know it doesn't matter.

17 Feb
I try to use magic against Severus Snape, it fails and I think: "Magic never works in dreams."

I am with my father in a boat and he misses a waterfall and we go over the edge. I am mad and I think: "We will 'die' and this will end. Or maybe not. Let's see." We are fine after the impact.
It's like I am almost never afraid of consequences in my dreams.

23 Feb
I 'know' this is a recurring dream. Or game. I did this before. I played this. I tell other DCs/players how it normally goes but this time it's different. A bomb explodes later because my friend makes a mistake and we 'lose' and are all dead.

25 Feb
I am hunted by some DCs and I use magic to defeat them. This time, I am more confident and I think: "Magic works in my dreams" and I create a force field and it works.
In my past, I would consider this dream as lucid... but I didn't really reflect in any way on the dream. I consider these dreams semi-lucid.

27 Feb - Trying FILD
FILD FA - my 1st FA - I tried FILD but wasn't able to find a good position for my hand so I gave up
I am lying in a corner of some town square, like a homeless. I think: "This corner is certainly dirty" but it doesn't smell. I have my blanket over me and I am trying to find a position for FILD. I can't find one, so I think: "It is a stupid technique" and go to sleep.
Later - FILD reality check
I am awake with closed eyes and I want to try FILD again. I feel like I was doing it for hours at that point and lost a lot of sleep to it. I decide to sit and do nose-plug reality check. I am sitting and my nose is weird, wet and slimy. I am shocked. But I also hear my husband breathe and I think: "This is not possible, I can't be asleep" and immediately, I am back lying, this time really awake.
I am mad and I think I got no sleep at all. Then I start remembering dreams from the last cycle - the FA and three other dreams.

In the next entry - finally a LD!