Alyzarin

So just for the record, I've gotten lucid three times in the past four days. >.> But I haven't felt like recording them because the one from Tuesday just totally disappeared from memory, and the one from yesterday I remember basically nothing of either, but I remember all of the non-lucid bits both before and after it. I guess I might add that one in here.... But the first one, I want to say that nothing important happened. But I might just want that to be the case. ._. There's really no way to say for sure. The second one... I'm pretty certain that the only thing I did was phasing, which is of course nothing new for me. I remember experiencing it and everything, I just don't really remember the experience itself. Oh well, the one from last night very much made up for it....

Oh, and for the last few days I've been taking 400 mg of L-theanine a day, divided into two doses of 200 mg with one in the morning and one in the late afternoon or early evening, usually.

Yesterday

#1 - But why are we in a skyscraper to begin with? [Non-Lucid]

I was in some school class in a huge skyscraper in some downtown area, and there were random people I graduated from high school with, this girl who sits behind me in my speech class I'm taking this semester at college, and my parents, for some reason. There was a massive storm coming our way with tornadoes visible through the windows and everything, and I was holding my mom's hand as we were all scared. There's a flashforward and things get hazy, but I remember seeing people evacuate but thinking that it wasn't on the same day but it was the same "windy season"....

#2 - Who would build a bathroom like this!? >_< [DILD]

The details of this have gotten hazier since I didn't care to write it down at first, but there was some gigantic computer mouse whose cord stretched all the way across some city streets, and it got pulled away and I tried to chase it but lost track of it. I remember seeing my old high school friend AB's car, but then things get blurry.... This is around where I became lucid and phased but then my next memory picks again at the non-lucid point. :T I was spending the night somewhere with AB, M, and these guys J and Ma who I met through M. The next morning, I woke up and started blasting some really heavy club music and M got excited, and her boyfriend D, who's suddenly there, turns to me and says something like "We can catch up later." I then realized that I needed to go change my clothes so I went to the bathroom to do so, but there were big windows all over the door so it was very easy to see inside. Everyone was oriented in the direction of the windows, but just not looking directly into them, but of course it was making me very uncomfortable at the thought of starting to change. J was saying maybe they should turn in a different direction, but then I woke up.

Today

Last night, I took 250 mg of choline bitartrate immediately before going to bed. I'm fairly certain this had an effect, particularly on the lucid.

#1 - This would have been great to become lucid for!! [Non-Lucid]

I was playing some bizarre new PSP game the whole time, and there actually was something going on in the rest of the dream too but I pretty much missed it all because I was so focused on playing, so I don't really remember the plot anymore. What I remember about the game was that it had a setup where you had a team of playable characters that reminded me of the structure of NIS games, but it was mixed with a simulated life raising element like chao from the Sonic Adventure and Sonic Advance games, and the actual creature and level designs were sort of Pikmin-like. I really wish I could've played more of it because it seemed really interesting, but that's about all I can recall of it, and I remember walking up stairs or something maybe to see my speech professor... but no more solid details than that.

I woke up from this dream with a very strong headache. I'm fairly certain that my head was smashed into this part of the backboard of my bed and that's what caused it, because the pain slowly went away in a way that I can only relate to when you wake up with a numb arm and it slowly returns to normal, but it was my first time having that type of thing happen so I can only guess. But I really hope that that's what happened because otherwise it would mean I woke up with a severe unexplained headache. >___>

#2 - I could've told them this would happen... somehow. [Non-Lucid]

I was in a high school PE class (though I think the setting might actually have been my elementary school, sort of?) with O and people kept trying to give him balls that corresponded to different sports, but I remember equating these to video game weapons in my mind and thinking that they were doing it wrong because they didn't realize that "his growth charts are unique". Eventually he decided to play what I think was registered as either baseball or golf... but it's really just a bunch of balls bouncing around and people chasing after them with no clear goals. He makes the "winning play" I believe when at least one of the teams is "frozen" at 23 seconds left on the timer, but it switches to this weird TV view for it that only shows symbols to represent the player. He was excited that they run, but due to the odd way I saw it play out I asked him for verification that he actually was the reason they won, claiming that "they only showed the overhead", or some such nonsense. Suddenly he got all depressed at the thought because he didn't realize that he had won it, he thought he was just a part of it, so we asked some other guy and he said that that was the case. Suddenly O sank into despair, and this guy PR who I've known since elementary school tries to ask him what's wrong and cheer him up or something, but he proclaims that he may never play that sport again, and then walks out of the gym all dejected as class ends. On the way out I was trying to think of a way to explain his reaction to PR, but I couldn't really think of a good way to phrase it before I woke up.

#3 - I think it might have been inspired by Buffy? [DILD]

This was an odd driving dream, and I'm fairly certain I've had something like this happen before.... Basically, I was driving home in the snow at night, and I was stuck driving from the back seat where there was an accelerator but no breaks. As a result, I was forced to drive very slowly and frequently take my foot off the gas so that I wouldn't gain too much momentum. I have no idea why I didn't think to just climb up to the front seat, but I know that there was a car driving behind me too, so maybe I just didn't want to mess with the situation and cause any trouble. We came over this bridge in my neighborhood, and then when I turned on to my street it was suddenly daytime. Somehow I managed to go too far beyond my house though, and then this car started coming down the street in the other direction right for me, and I perceived someone else as being in the car with me at this point too, but I don't recall ever seeing anyone.... I started thinking "shit shit shit" because I couldn't stop the car or change the direction it was going in very easily, and then we ended up headbutting the other car. This is all unbelievably vivid... perhaps a mix of the supplements and the adrenaline boost? I started trying to rationalize this situation because I didn't want to have to actually be in a car crash again, and then I thought to myself "Wait, could this be a dream? This whole thing is pretty odd...." I climbed into the front seat and by then I had a feel for my state of mind and was sure of it, so I became lucid.

At this point I looked around at the street and the sky and just stared. This was one of those lucids that leaves you completely in awe from start to finish as you repeatedly tell yourself "There's no way a dream could be this real." As I looked over the neighborhood, there was no distribution of focus as in a regular dream, it was all fully rendered as a single image. It seemed exactly as if I was seeing it in waking life in every way, minus the snow. I ended up driving back down to where my house was (and I think it was using my first car which is long gone), and when I got there my house was pretty different. It was tall and thin, spanning multiple floors, whereas the real one has only one floor and is much more wide than tall. There were also large windows spanning most of the front face, and it had some kind of Greek-esque architectural design for what looked almost like a tomb on the ground floor, and it was covered in plant vines and everything. There was some large inscription at the top of this part, which was totally made out of stone, and I didn't get a good look at all of it but I do remember seeing the word "SOUL" in large print. Again, this was all extremely vivid. I wanted to go inside and check it out, as the front door was still right there where it should have been in the middle of that framework, but about that time I started feeling a headache again and woke up.

*sigh* That would've been cool to explore. That headache, too... not the real one, but this one in the lucid. It felt like the ones I get when I smoke too much or the last few times I tripped. I'm really starting to wonder if it's hippocampal in origin, and if the choline brought it out.... I guess this break from smoking will probably help in more ways than I thought, because it's going to be annoying if that headache keeps making an appearance in lucids. :/ Hopefully it was just a one-time thing though, and overall I still consider this dream very successful.

Supplement Dose: 10 mg Melatonin, 250 mg Choline, 50 mg Zinc, 400 mg Niacin, 100 mg Inositol, 100 mg Vitamin B6, 800 mcg Folic Acid, 500 mg Vitamin C

Dream Fragment - "Walking around an apartment complex with R explaining to him why DMT is special?"

The Secret Compartment [DILD]

The first part of this dream is hazy, but I was doing something at school which then became a mall. I vaguely remember seeing people I've known since elementary school, and then I told this girl MH who has the same last name as me that she's have to put something up my butt. (A quarter, I believe? ) Shortly afterward I became lucid, however, and I was walking around in some big department store section of the mall. The dream was quite vivid at first but rather unstable, and to save it I walked around singing "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone....", which worked like a charm. I was fully lucid in the sense that I had full comprehension of the fact that I was in a dream and none of this was real, but I still don't think my rational mind fully turned on as I was making some strange decisions. I decided that I wanted to steal a TV which would surely serve me no purpose for some reason, so I grabbed it and started heading toward the exit (the one that actually leads outside, not back into the mall). However, as I was walking up to the censors a thought occurred to me: if I walk out of here knowing I'm stealing this, the dream will probably make the alarms go off and I'll have to get out of here quickly, and that might cause an adrenaline rush which could wake me up. I opted to find a better way to sneak it out to see if I could get past the censors without a fuss. Also, when I wasn't looking the TV turned into a toy gun. I never really focused on it intently so my memory of it is hazy, but I want to say it looked like this one more than anything.

However, my mission didn't change, and for some reason I still wanted to steal this. I walked around until I found an attractive female DC. *cough* I then grabbed her, pushed her over, pulled down her pants, and shoved the gun into her ass. Hooray, it fits! My plan from this point on was to make her walk through the censor and look like they're just going off randomly because she's not stealing anything, then walk through and get it back out of her, but then I woke up. ._.

There were a few more dreams, but I guess I was lazy and possibly having false awakenings because I vaguely remember intending to type them down, but there were no further notes than those. >w<

Spoiler for Reflections:

Well, this was actually the second night that I took that insane amount of supplements, but the first time I had smoked too much weed so I didn't really remember anything, though I did wake up feeling amazing. This time the dopamine boost seemed especially significant to me. A couple of the times when I woke up I felt that my heart rate was slightly increased and my hands felt "tight", like they can from good MDMA. I also felt a bit of euphoria. Even though I smoked some weed yesterday too and that may have distorted my recall a bit, I'm thinking about bringing it down a notch for tonight to see what the difference is. It almost feels like I might be pushing this aspect a little too far, and maybe I should swap out a little dopamine boosting for some acetylcholine action instead. I suppose we'll see.

Supplement Dose: 10 mg Melatonin, 50 mg Zinc, 250 mg Choline, 100 mg Vitamin B6

#1 - Hyperdimensional Tentacled Alien Reality Factory [Non-Lucid]

This dream was fairly long if I remember correctly, but as it was early in the night and has a significant ending I've forgotten much of the beginning. My old friend D and I were back at our middle school, though we were still our same ages as now and didn't seem to think much of it. We got in my car, which was parked right in front of the school (in the parking lot), and we drove probably less than 100 feet, parked in a different spot, and got out and started walking back to my house instead. The park in between the school and my house seemed odd; the layouts of everything were arranged incorrectly and there was a ridiculous amount of very confusing construction going on. It seemed that in every direction there were lines of constantly moving shapes and out-of-place colors and textures (which is kind of hard to describe). The trees in the forest also took a very different path than they actually do. Of course none of this tipped me off to anything, I just turned to D and said something along the lines of "Wait, why are we walking? We could just go back to the car and drive there." We went back and got in and slowly got on the road in line with the other constantly-moving vehicles, though we had to drive on the sidewalk over lots of construction to do it, and we became part of the Escheresque conveyer belt just like everything else. As we approached the area where there was normally a bridge that crosses through the foresty part of the park, instead we were carried (because the road dropped, so we were more like floating now but it was more of a telekinetic pulling sensation) through what I can really only describe as some kind of yellowish-beige hyperdimensional caverns that also appeared to be some sort of fantasy town filled with enormous (like, their heads were bigger than my car) tentacled but vaguely humanoid alien monsters that emitted an aura of being some kind of hyperspatial entities with various astral powers. As we were pulled further into this it became clear that all of this was actually just part of a gigantic plane of perception that existed as a singular object which was simply modifying its own structure but was still just one thing.... And then my recall fades out and soon I woke up. X)

#2 - New Phantasy Star Dungeons [Non-Lucid]

I was hanging out with N, R, and J, and R and J had been playing Phantasy Star Universe apparently and N was showing me how we could use our PSPs to connect our Phantasy Star Online (which is not even a PSP game) files to their Universe files and together we could all play on brand new maps, including an insanely detailed forest where we fought a boss that I can't remember now, and sort of a Star Ocean-like medieval town that was in a circular shape and caved in to a sewage drain in the middle where we battled some kind huge red robot monster that was designed to have these really curvy claws and body structures.... Also hard to describe, but I thought it looked cool. >w< However, R and J had passed out for most of it, and N was slipping in and out of consciousness, so for the most part it was either him and I or just me playing. Near the end, N commented about how we need to "slow down on the rum" for some reason, but then I woke up.

Dream Fragment - I don't think this dream ever fully formed, it really was a legitimate framgent. What I do remember is that I'm pretty sure Linkzelda was there and we were talking about schizophrenia, and I vaguely recall either putting on or already wearing a two-piece bathing suit that releases dopamine, which sounds insanely awesome. XD

#3 - Karaoke Game [Non-Lucid]

My cousin K and some friend of hers had left a karaoke game at my house and I played it with her friend since K had already left I suppose, but I didn't really know any of the few songs they had already unlocked so I wasn't doing very well. Later the girl just kind of vanished and I went to turn off the game, originally thinking it was in my GameCube but then realizing that it actually had its own system set up next to it. I looked through the menus a bit more and noticed that it was a Disney game and the characters were all kids and moms. I specifically remember seeing a little boy based on Mickey and a tall, completely black-and-shiny-skinned voluptuous woman based on Minnie. o.o I turned the game off and wandered into the kitchen and started getting really nauseous for some reason. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was almost 11:30 AM, and I thought to myself that it must be because of all the dream aids I took. () I went to grab a cookie to eat to try to make the nausea pass, but then I woke up, thankfully not nauseous for real.

Spoiler for Reflections:

Well, this was an interesting night. First of all, all of the dreams were extremely vivid, even the fragment as much as it possibly could be. There were multiple times throughout them where I had to read things off of various surfaces and it was all 100% clear and legible. Background details such as the placement of objects in my house were also highly accurate, and even included things like the container full of cookies that were only added to the environment within the last couple of days, and the GameCube in the living room that I've only used like once since moving it out there recently. As for the purpose of the experiment.... Are my dreams subconsciously forming the way I want them to? Yes, I would say so. (Especially the bathing suit that releases dopamine, ohmygod yes. ) There was definitely more of an alien quality to them, particularly the first two, and the way reality was pieced together in basically all of them matches ways that I would want to influence them (it's kind of hard put into words how, though). The first one was just amazing, it feels like it's been forever since I had a dream like that.... Take me back to the factory, oh magical tentacled overlords!

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