Sailing the Noosphere

1. I'm in a dorm at college, playing the newest Grand Theft Auto game. Eventually I get bored and return to my own room, which is full of frat boys from my study abroad trip. They're rifling through my stuff, and understandably I ask them to leave. When they don't I start to yell, then threaten to call campus police. They do leave, but slowly, and I threaten the last one out with a baseball bat. After a bit of peace, one of them calls me, but I ignore the ring. Suddenly, I realize that I'm late to class.

2. I'm watching some sort of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure / Crossroads crossover movie. The main character, a guitar playing youngster, has a book of scales that he carries like a hymnal. He engages in a guitar duel with the Devil; as they play, the Devil's hands expand unrealistically to make jaw-dropping gaps, but the kid's hands do as well. After a bit of this, the kid breaks out a soulful ballad, saying he's "already used the Paganinni."

3. I'm in a swamp at my grad school, which is adorned with placards showing hunting spots for deer. It's a little before dusk, and I can't see any colors. As the sun sets, I realize that my feet are plagued with green tree frogs! I get out of there and call my parents, who say they've been in a concert the whole time.

4. I'm at the grad school rec center, watching some documentary about NCAA basketball. The players are described as "pistons in a well-oiled machine," not as people. Inspired by their fitness, I borrow a ball and start shooting (poorly). After a bit, a bunch of big guys gather around my court. It was reserved by them, and embarrassed I slink off to the elliptical room. My mom wanders into the room, saying she's been looking for me.

5. I'm at a concert with my brother and a random girl from college (A.H). The band is a rather classical one, with instruments of cello, recorder, and violin, but the players are dressed in odd anime-inspired costumes. After their set, one of the players jumps down and starts to mingle with us at a large table. He gives us snarky logic/math puzzles to solve, and I find I can't beat them. I'm embarrassed, but after the table has dissolved he comes up and apologizes to me. I say that I actually enjoyed the challenge.

1. I'm at the movies with my friends K.G. and C.W. My brother and his friends are there as well, and we start talking about a new sport called "sniper golf." It's pretty much self-explanatory; one team plays scramble golf as the other tries to pick them off with sniper paintball guns, then the teams switch.

2. I'm playing a Survivor challenge game that the host introduces as "capture the bag." The arena is set up in a cross shape, with four sloped paths leading to a high plateau in the center. Two teams of three try to throw bags at a dinosaur statue in the first round, with the most hits winning the round. In the second round, the goal is to get all six bags by any means necessary, and a fracas ensues.

3. I'm at my old grade school when I'm called to the principal's office to see government agents. I'm a little scared, but when I arrive they just want to say hi and give me some candy. I start walking back through the halls, boasting to everyone I meet, when a teacher rolls her eyes and tells me to go home.

4. I'm playing Drummania in an arcade, a game like Rock Band. Towards the end of the song I'm playing, the standard notes turn into a series of walls, which my sticks break down.

I'm going through what I feel is the Catholic ceremony of Confirmation at my old high school, but it is nothing like the actual event. Instead, each candidate and his or her sponsor walks together to the altar, where the sponsor presents a large wooden cross to the candidate. A preparatory sacrament of communion is also performed with great importance. The line to do the ceremony snakes around and out of the chapel proper, up and down a flight of stairs. I'm behind my old high school classmate K.C., who is complaining about the wait. The line doesn't move for some time, then suddenly lurches forward. My mom and brother are in the pews watching me; I let other classmates like J.V. go ahead so I can talk with my family. I notice that my brother's head is in a microwave, which does strike me as odd. I then loop through the line, debating whether I'll get communion or not. I get my wooden cross from college professor Dr. R., then end up getting the host from my own mom and feel guilty about it. Apparently she also feels guilty, varying the usual formula with "I don't believe this is the body of Christ."

1. I forget under what circumstances it happens, but I do the nose pinch reality check and realize that I'm dreaming. I do the standard hand rub to stabilize, then see a window to the side of me. I have nothing better in mind, so I jump through it with ease and emerge on the other side into a winter scene. I start to fly and surge upwards through a cloud of snow. I realize that it's really rather cold, so I focus and summon a pair of gray wool pants. They appear in my hands with proper texture, and when I put them on they feel very soft and warm. I think about going into space, and as I look around I see a balloon ship. I fly over to it and fire up its engines, continuing to rise all the time. I try to change my clothes into a spacesuit, but I feel myself losing control...

I false awaken, and emerge into a scene where my mom and I are baking, with flour strewn everywhere. I ask nonchalantly if she was in the previous dream, and she responds that she's skilled enough to manage her own control. I talk excitedly about the concept of shared dreaming, admitting that it's probably "metaphysical bullshit."

2. I'm with some girl in a room that seems almost like a temple. Around a central altar, where we both are laying, are twelve pillars that correspond to the signs of the zodiac. She is initially very aggressive and defiant, but I calm her down and it seems like we go through a relationship in superfast motion with stages informed by zodiac signs.

3. I'm playing a game of hide and seek (using parkour to maneuver) on the Havana map of Call of Duty. My team has my brother and a couple of professional wrestlers, while my mom's team has her old friends. I eventually manage to track their last team member down and deliver the tag in a room from my own house.

1. I'm in a store that sells an odd combination of hardware tools and traditional games. I go to the basement, where there seem to be mostly tools. There's a door in the basement room, though, which leads to another room with wizard robes and hats lining the shelves. Yet another door opens into the store's main office, in which the employees have set up an Xbox. There's a DDR setup on the console and I indulge myself.

2. I'm playing an MMORPG with a strange blend of fantasy and sailing set on the East Coast of the USA. There are five races, including a species of intelligent giraffe people called the E'loi who can only speak under specific conditions. They can talk either to members of the warrior class, or they can talk to anyone while their heads are submerged in a tank of water with fish in it. My brother and I spend some time messing around with the boating mechanics, and I manage to strand my E'loi character's boat on a street.

1. My friends from a recent RPG campaign have gathered to perform a work of music I've written. I am leading the ensemble with a marimba, while C.W. plays flute, V.W., K.R., and M.G. all play various percussion instruments. The work is energetic and the conductor is very much into it; there's an extended section of dueling percussion soli.

2. I get a bulky letter from a great-aunt and uncle I hardly know, and on the outside is written something like "If you love us, you'll be much more important." We go to visit them at their sprawling southern plantation-type home, approaching through a huge bluegrass field with a great oak tree as a centerpiece. The great-aunt sees me from across the field and beckons to me; I run away, although I'm not sure why and am a bit embarrassed.

3. I'm in downtown Cincinnati with my brother for some reason, when I realize that I'll miss the opera if I don't go home and change into nice clothes. The crowds outside Music Hall are horrible thanks to the traffic of a Reds game and ticketing problems at the venue. As I walk to the ticket window, MB. T. and her friends jump out of a car and begin to walk behind me. I double my pace to avoid them, but she calls me and I turn around to hug her anyway. A random acquaintance from college, Jessica B., remarks "smooth move," but no one else present thinks this remark is appropriate.

4. I again run into MB at a games club/cigar making club?

5. I'm playing pro baseball, which is serious business in the dreamworld. I miss an important catch, which leads our team to a loss. I am summarily expelled from the team and jailed. In my cell, I get a call from another criminal asking if I want to sell drugs. I act like I have some to receive visitors, then take advantage of the open gate to run like crazy. I get shot but keep running anyway.

1. I place a mail order for two large grey discs of "questionable literary material." They arrive in my backyard at a bad time, as I'm playing something with my brother and my mom is on the patio talking. I keep my cool and wait until night to bring them in, but both parents are still puttering around. My dad goes outside to get a radio; I perceive him like guard from Metal Gear Solid. I make a mad dash past him with the discs under my arm, then run up the stairs, stash them under my bed and get ready to go back out. My brother then enters, dressed in a little green man alien costume.

2. I'm playing some sort of Disney/Halo crossover game. Its first level is a straightforward run and gun with an HMG, but the second is sniper mission that my dad and I can't beat. I scan a crowd of faces with my scope, but don't see the character I'm supposed to kill. I shrug and give up, and the sniper nest turns into a hotel room.

3. I'm biking at a local college, where I see my friend C.W. I invite him to have lunch with me.

1. I'm in a bar, relaxing somewhat awkwardly at a table with my frenemy H.B. and his girlfriend J.J. The interior reminds me of a bar in my old college town, but the view out the windows is that of a bustling supermarket in my hometown. H. asks for a pitcher of water as I start texting with my own girlfriend. I turn around and notice that the bar proper is taken up by a line of sorority girls, dressed in black Playboy bunny costumes for a frat party.

2. I decide to go to my old grade school, touring it in a suit, but while doing so I run into people from all levels of schooling. John M. from high school I see in the bathroom, the high school art teacher I see in the hall (interviewing for a position here), and C.W. and S.A. from college I see on the stairs as I'm leaving.

3. I stay up very late watching some football game... then go to sleep. I FA into my own bed at 9 o'clock at night, and my brother is sitting on the chair beside me playing Nintendo DS. My mom walks into the room and starts to berate me for my lateness and asks me how I expect to eat.

My parents and I are at the Cincinnati Museum Center taking in an exhibit on history. Multiple periods are contrasted, from ancient Assyrian engravings to the civil rights struggles in America. The exhibit proper ends with a model of a very pretty African-American girl in pearls and a cocktail dress getting lynched... then opens into a gift shop. People are sitting on benches in the shop with laptops, playing poker on Pokerstars.net. My mom comments on this as rather silly, then goes to discuss some business about layaway.

Poker serves as a transition point to an outdoors scene, where I sit down to a large ring game of Holdem. My mom insists on joining me, and initially the other players are fine with it. However, she is slow at playing and screws up her deal of Omaha when it comes around to her. The game goes back to Holdem and I get AK in the hole. My mom goes all-in, and I look at my cards again (which have become AA, so missed reality check) and call. Other players are disgusted with me for some reason...

I false awaken into my room at home, then go downstairs. My brother and his friend are there and report also dreaming about poker. With some questioning I find that they shared my dream, varying in minor details. I freak out about this and wake up.

1, My brother is playing a variant of the Plinko game on the Price is Right game show. As the disks drop through the machine, he has to push sticks into them, which reveals yellow circles. Five circles before a failure means victory. However, he soon loses. In his disappointment, he steals a tabletop version of the game called Klinko from backstage. After he leaves, Bob Barker reveals that hidden under the tabletop was a dazzling array of jewelry.

2. I'm driving with two friends from high school, Sam A and Matt C, just bored and cruising. As we pass through my neighborhood, we see a live bear decked out in Christmas wreaths walking down the street.

1. I'm sitting in my college dorm room, wasting time on my computer. On Youtube, I find a claymation music video for "Master of Puppets." Cliff Burton is playing the guitar lines on a bass harp, which I think is incredible. I watch and call some friends over, but they don't seem to get that the video is claymation! I notice that one of the professors from the research station whom I dislike greatly, Dr. McK, is hovering over one of their shoulders. I wake up and try to record this dream, but am too tired to do so (false awakening).

2. I'm browsing TV channels in a hotel room with my mom and brother. Soon I come across a black and white film that appears interesting. It's about a very attractive MILF who tries to seduce two young boys. One of them falls deeply for her, but the other retains his honor with great difficulty. During the film I have to leave to go to the bathroom, but I try to hold it too long and end up shitting down my jeans leg. Mom is embarrassed to watch the film with us but doesn't ask to change the channel.

3. I am inside a fighting video game set in Wisconsin. An evil mastermind has stolen a McGuffin and is holding the entire state hostage. To defeat him, I lead a three-person squad in hand to hand combat from a third-person perspective. An avatar of me is the head of the squad, and I hold back no punches in the fighting. One of my foes, a huge strongman, seems to wait until he's badly hurt before he starts fighting hard; he says this is the only way to be "fair." After I beat him, I find two magic blocks of wood. They seem to work like magnets that I can turn on and off, and they grant me the power of flight. I reach a huge elevation and see the mastermind's lair in a green tower at the edge of the horizon.

I am walking along the expressway at the Cut-in-the-Hill near Cincinnati. A convoy of Fender guitar trucks passes to my left, each carrying a different model of Stratocaster guitar and each labeled with the make and price of its contents. One of these is called the "Super King" and is listed at $42000 dollars! Somehow I cross the lanes of traffic and open the truck, taking out the guitar. I call my mom, telling her that I'm holding a guitar worth more than all of our cars combined. Soon, however, I put the instrument back and start to walk home.

It's harder to walk up the hill instead of down it. I have to dodge cars, even jumping into a ditch in the median to avoid getting hit. A cop rolls by my ditch and takes a look at me, and I start to worry. My brother then walks out from nowhere and starts to walk with me. Soon, one of my back teeth comes loose and breaks away with a slight pain. I look at it, and am disgusted as it's completely black and cavity ridden.

1. The whole family is going on a visit to the King's Island amusement park. We pull into a far away parking lot shared by a strip mall and several megachurches. My mom expresses concern about all the black men loitering in the lot, but my brother and I don't care and start to wander. We pass a local music shop, which seems to be having a going-out-of-business sale. Outside of the store is a row of basses with prices (failed RC), and I give them a good examination. As I look at them, one of the office ladies from my high school walks by and says "I know you and who's with you!" Cut to my high school's office,, where Mom and the lady are talking. It's the last day of school, and she's complaining about how only one student has wished her a good summer. PV, who she's nicknamed (appropriately) Big Chunky," is that student, and he comes from the back of the office to greet my mom and I warmly.

2. I'm watching a suspended roller coaster that seems inspired by a fight with a dragon. There's a lot of flat preparation at the beginning, followed by a crazy drop and a series of loops. Some bullies from my grade school are riding it, and when they get off of it they start to make fun of me.

1. I'm watching an old couple do a live broadcast of some comedic radio show. They only get a couple of lines in, the last of which is "He's always so polite," before I false-awaken into my bed. I start to write it down in my dream journal, when suddenly I hear "Habenera" from Carmen blaring in full orchestral beauty. This causes me to check my dream journal, and sure enough, my handwriting is unstable! I get lucid and try to stabilize, rubbing my hands together and feeling the bed beneath me. Things are solid and quite real feeling, and I try to engage as many senses as possible. I start thinking about where to take the dream while still stabilizing, and this continues for a good twenty seconds. However, I lose control before I'm able to do anything.

2. It's after the civil war, and my embarrassed family is ordering drinks from our former slaves who are now free employees of a restaurant.

1. My brother and I, both living at my research station, have started a band called "Acid Warning." We're preparing for a big concert and are trying to recruit as many audience members as we can before the show. We take a break from practice to go watch TV with our dad. The first show is Jeopardy, and after we finish, Alex Trebek himself comes by the room and just laughs at us. We are nonplussed and continue watching, this time seeing Dr. Who.

Afterwards, Mom joins us, along with a professor from the station and his wife. Subtle, barbed insults are exchanged between the adults, making my brother and I feel very uncomfortable. We exit, but soon the parents follow us. Dad orders us to leave, saying that he can't stand to spend another day here.

2. My brother and I discover a website with every N64 game ever made. We hook up the computer to the TV and start to play; I start off with Pokemon Snap, but he soon changes the game to Star Wars Battlefront.