Couldn't resist a bit of sillyness...


1) Ponder the illusory nature of life.

Try and pretend the need to urinate is an illusion.
Or the next time you have the flu is an illusion.
You'll be amazed at how convincing the illusion of soggy trousers is!

2) Consider how dreams are like waking life, and waking life like dreams.

And consider why that would be, like say, maybe the brain is processing information from your daily experience.

3) Ponder the possibility of the dream world being a real place.

Then get cheesed off that that dream about winning the lottery happened.

5) Wonder if you could be seeing other real people in dreams.

Then worry about that dream where you got naked, covered yoruself in jelly and had sex with your neighbour.

6) Visualize what you would do if you could do anything.

Such as that mindless chocolate covered lesbian orgy you've always wanted.

7) Do nothing and everything.

Or in other words, be lazy but file it under "spiritual", that way you don't feel so bad

8) Maintain awareness. Turn off the autopilot, and do everything deliberately. Breathe, walk, eat, sit, stand, drink in awareness.

Wach in excrutiating boredom how seconds become hours, whilst you wait in line at the post office.

9) Force yourself to always have good posture. This is actually a great feat. This will give you amazing awareness.

Great awareness of all those muscles you never use straining under the new regime! :S

10) Ponder how which laws in dreaming apply to waking life.

Like the law of the ever expanding haddock, and the slow motion seagulls.

11) Be in the moment. Whatever you do, do just that one thing, and nothing else. This will give you amazing awareness and focus.

And if you were really being aware, you'll see this is exactly the same as number 8!

12) Do not be amazed, said Jesus. Remain calm. If you become too amazed, adrenaline will course through your veins, and you will wake up.

Jesus loved saying things like this, amazing he knew about adrenaline back then... he really should have wrote about that, would have been much more useful than all that wank in the bible.


13) When you are listening, only listen. Focus on your awareness going to the back of your head.

Don't do this in oncoming traffic... because, you may notice that your awareness in the back of your head, has become replaced by a gearstick or engine parts.


14) Teach others about lucid dreaming. Teachers always learn more than students. When teaching focus your awareness to the third eye.

Cross eyed teachers are best!


15) When neither teaching or listening, bring your awareness to your crown.

If you can't find your crown, it'll probably be in the drawer with all the little other bits and pieces from the christmas crackers.

16) Take a full deep exhale and inhale with every breath. This is a great feet, and will amazingly increase your awareness.

Don't do this whilst phoning female friends, as generally your number gets blocked, and you get a restraining order.

Also, for even greater feet, go for a manicure!

17) Look at everything. Look at everything you see, but don't focus on one thing too much. This is will transfer over to lucid dreaming. This will also increase your awareness. You will begin to notice things you have never seen.

Unless of course you are doing number 13, in which case you've really ballsed up. C'mon now, focus people!


18) Listen to everything. Listen to as many conversations as you can simultaneously in a crowded room. Focus on one. Next make it all background noise. Listen to sounds far. Become so quiet, you can hear your own heartbeat.

You'll notice just how much crap people really talk about... generally about shopping, people they fancy, and general comments about the weather. This will help increase your by now enflated ego, making you feel even more spiritual and "better" than everyone else.

19) Touch everything. It's best to do this in the forest so people won't think you're a nutjob. Touch everything, and notice the temperature, and texture.

If doing this in a swimming pool, be sure to be "aware" of exits, and security guards so after your quick grope, you can get out before the police arrive.

20) Walk around with your eyes closed. This will increase the awareness of the other senses.

This will also increase your chances of no longer having any senses when you walk in front of a bus.
This is best combined with number 19 at the swimming pool, if done in the changing rooms, you can actually "astrally transport yourself" to what feels exactly like a sausage factory.

21) Don't watch TV.

Because it's a really bad idea to stay up to date with current affairs, news and science documentarys if you're trying to enflate your spiritual ego. It has a horrible way of pulling you back to the reality of the world we live in.

22) Think about where you would go, if you could go anywhere, even if the place was not real.

Like, disneyland.
Wouldn't that be cool? you could teach donald duck about lucid dreaming whilst cross eyed!! woooo that'd be really wierd!

23) When someone begins to argue with you, listen to them so hard, they are forced to quit arguing. This goes against your nature, and will increase awareness.

People find it really hard to argue with people who look like they are constipated. Generally, they assume you are a bit "special" and walk away to talk to someone less worrying!

24) Do the thing that you are afraid to do in waking life.

You know, that thing with the gerbil and the lube.

25) Keep life new. Do new things. Try new foods. Meet new people. Always say yes if you can if someone invites you to do something new.

Drag queen base jumping is a growing sport and is always looking for new recruits!

26) Do the most fun things in life as much as you can.

Masturbation whilst eating ben and jerrys.

27) Meditate.

Another great way to do nothing whilst pretending to do something.

28) Be aware of others' energy. Learn how to avoid negative energy. Gravitate toward positive energy. This I call the "energy sense." Learn to cultivate it. Someone that gives you the creeps is negative energy. People that make you feel good without saying or doing anything have positive energy.

In other words, only hang out with people who agree with you. That way, you'll never have to evaluate your beliefs and always feel you are right.
Avoid conflict, because if people argue with you, you can just dismiss it as "negative energy"... that way you're never wrong... well at least you'll never know you are. And hey! ignorance is bliss!!

29) Ponder the possibility of everything and nothing being true.

This way, you can once again never be wrong... you'll always have a water tight argument for being right.

30) Do a reality check every time you wake up, and every time you walk through a door. Every time you do an RC, say, I am dreaming.[/QUOTE]

Or you could just do one, when dreamlike things happen, and you could just say "Am I dreaming?"... kind of a bit more sensible that way.