i conk out and wake up having had no dreams whatsoever at 11:00 AM.
It's not that you had no dreams, you simply don't recall them. Not having a regular sleep schedule, which seems like what happened in your case, doesn't particularly help recall, but there are many other factors that disrupt/influence it.

What do you guys think about my signature?
It's a good signature that most of us can relate to Just fix the typo "you're"