Thread: Tell Me About Dating and Relationships.

You are lucky you didn't get stuck in the friend zone if that is how all of your serious relationships have started.

Depends on what you mean by that. I don't believe there is such a thing as "getting stuck in the friendship zone". Luck didn't have anything to do with it. It was a natural process.

transitioning from friendship to relationship is almost impossible, especially if the two individuals are really good friends.

I disagree.

You really have no clue what you are talking about because you obviously didn't read everything I posted.

Originally Posted by ArcanumNoctis

You do that, then you have a high chance of getting stuck in the friend zone. It is best you date people you don't know much about. The whole point of dating is getting to know them on a relationship level, not a friendship level. Innately, they will be your best friend if the relationship turns out long and prosperous.

That's not my definition of "dating". To me dating is a way of getting to know someone who might be of interest to you on a relationship level. I simply don't share your view on how dating should be done.

I do believe that most people follow your definition of the word date, though. I should have made that clear in my last post. I apologize, that was my bad.

Originally Posted by Replicon

Assumptions about intent? Sure I'm making assumptions about the OP's intent. For one, the thread title is "Tell Me About Dating and Relationships" as opposed to tell me about how to get into the friend zone quickly and efficiently.

Who says I'm talking about getting into the friend zone quickly and efficiently? I simply stated my approach on how I believe solid relationships should get started.

He then goes on to ask about dating and relationships, and says such things as "Where can a guy like me meet the perfect girl?" (answer: anywhere!) and "How can you get a girl interested in you?"

He also says this:

Originally Posted by Skarr

But I just wanted to know about dating and relationships. How can I make the relationship work out if I do get a girl?

This is a core sentence in his post. I'm referring to this sentence in my post.

I think his intent is pretty clear, and when he sees a girl he's really interested in, acting like he's only interested in friendship would be dishonest.

Once again, who says I suggest that he should act like he's only interested in friendship? In my opinion the best way to get to know a person is to befriend them. This doesn't mean that I'm suggesting that he should show dishonesty towards himself, or to the person he's interested in, it only means that I believe he should get an idea of who he's actually dating. Thus, preventing from himself from ending up in a bad relationship. You make it sound very black and white.

In any case, within the context of this thread, the OP being "interested" in someone DOES mean "interested in finding girlfriend material."

Definitely. I believe this is best done through steady friendship.

But experience shows that it's much, much easier to move a sexual relationship into a deep, long-term, proper relationship than it is to move friend-zone friendship into anything other than more friend-zone stuff.

Not in my experience.

I think the only incorrect assumption is that "most guys wanting to seal the deal quickly" is the reason so many relationships end in tears.

I'm on staff at a fairly prominent relationship-based forum, and having read a lot of stories of people getting dumped and being "in tears" and stuff, I can tell you with confidence that "when you close the deal" rarely has anything to do with it.

I find this extremely hard to believe. Let's draw an analogy here between relationships and buying second-hand computers.

So you're surfing on the waves of the internet. All of a sudden you run into an online ad. It's a guy selling a second-hand computer. You've been looking for this kind of computer, so you decide to give the guy a call. You talk to him and set up a time for a meeting. A few hours later you get to his house. He meets you halfway with the computer in his hand. It looks great, but he tells you that once you pay for it, that's it. You won't get a cooling-off period.

The obvious reaction here would of course be to ask to test whether or not the computer is actually functional. But no, you decide to pay the man and drive off, unknowing of the quality of the product.

Relationships are very similar. The girl is the computer. You can either buy her right away, OR try her out and see if it's a product you actually want. Buying that computer without the knowledge of the content or the quality of it, will of course end in tears in more cases.

I don't see how you can argue against that logic.

and it's true that guys who will readily dive into the friend-zone rather than putting themselves out there and risking rejection are probably more interested in the long haul. It's true that women know for sure that all the guys in their "friend-zone aquarium" (cause most awesome women have at least 10 guys in there) are interested in the long haul. It's too bad they're mostly not attracted to those guys.

You make it sound as if it's a tactical approach to be in the friendship zone. If that's what you believe, you totally miss my point. Being in the friendship zone is the natural state of friendship. You enjoy your friendship and see where it takes you, without any further intent. Love will arise naturally, eventually.

A girl like that very often will have 10-20 "close guy friends" who, by the way, are often desperately in love with her. Now, to a classy lady like Mes, that's the ideal situation, cause she has her pick of all these guys, some of whom she might fancy. So of COURSE she'd continue to perpetuate the myth that that's the "ideal" way for a guy to get into a solid, lasting relationship. But if you're going to try to delude the OP into thinking this is an ideal situation for him, then it is you who is posting misleading statements.

It has worked for me in all cases. I'm sorry, but I only speak from experience. If Skarr wants to take my advice or not is up to him, I'm simply explaining how I think it should be done.