Tell Me About Dating

**youssarian** · 03-08-2010 08:11 PM

I have to admit... I'm 18. I've never been on a date, despite the fact that I've had two girlfriends. My first was at 11 and now she doesn't consider it an actual relationship given our age. My second was at 16 and lasted two weeks. Yeah, I'm pretty bad sometimes.

While I'm not really concerned about my perpetual singleness I do wonder from time to time about it. Seeing as this is a large community with probably lots of advise, I'm going to throw it out here. One question that I do have specifically is, must I have an emotional connection with a person - a crush, if you will - before I try to ask her out? That's how I've gone about things my whole life and of all the ones I've had crushes on, only one felt the same way for me. (My second girlfriend was the one who asked me out, but at the time I didn't have any feelings for her.

)

**cachero** · 03-09-2010 05:52 PM

I guess you don't have to have a crush on someone...it makes it easier though. If you do like someone, take them to a good restuarant, then possibly to go do something fun afterwards. Give it some time. It's nice to have some out of the ordinary ideas for a date.

**Koalaman** · 03-15-2010 02:39 AM

Not necessarily. If you feel like there's (some) potential between you and a girl, but you don't like her yet, there's nothing wrong with giving it a try. Not only will you learn from it, the girl you're dating with will aswell, even if things don't work out. Just make sure that you aren't giving your date any false expectations. Especially if she's insecure and sensitive.

**DeadDollKitty** · 03-15-2010 03:25 AM

One doesnt have to "like" like someone before asking them out, but it's good if you at least find them interesting. dont want to ask out a major troll lol. It can be suprising to ask someone out, and find something strange or interesting about them, and go from there. Waiting to find a crush may take a while. You could suprise yourself by asking them out, and finding out they had a crush on you all the while.

**slayer** · 03-15-2010 05:34 AM

Originally Posted by DeadDollKitty

One doesnt have to "like" like someone before asking them out, but it's good if you at least find them interesting. dont want to ask out a major troll lol. It can be suprising to ask someone out, and find something strange or interesting about them, and go from there. Waiting to find a crush may take a while. You could suprise yourself by asking them out, and finding out they had a crush on you all the while.

DDK will you go out with me?

**DeadDollKitty** · 03-15-2010 08:26 PM

STALKER!

youssarian, dont end up like slayer

**slayer** · 03-15-2010 10:31 PM

Originally Posted by DeadDollKitty

STALKER!

youssarian, dont end up like slayer

What's that supposed to mean?!

**Lëzen** · 03-15-2010 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by DeadDollKitty

One doesnt have to "like" like someone before asking them out, but it's imperative that you at least find them interesting.

Fixed.

Seriously, though. You do NOT want to get something started with a person who has little to nothing in common with you. You will NOT be happy. Bet your life on that.

**youssarian** · 03-15-2010 11:26 PM

You know what I'll do (and I'm being facetious with this although I may actually do it) is have her at some point take a personality test (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp) to see how well her and I match up internally.

**Clyde Machine** · 03-16-2010 12:57 AM

Well, a crush isn't really necessary, but you should ask out someone you find interesting. If things work out and she finds you interesting back, you may get yourself a good thing going.

If not, just keep looking. You miss 100% of the shots you choose not to take, so you gotta go for something sometime!

As for the personality test, that's not a bad idea I don't think. Sometime when you casually think about it, you can ask her if she'd like to take it. But, gotta find her first! Who do you know that you're interested in?

**youssarian** · 03-17-2010 03:43 AM

Originally Posted by Clyde Machine

Well, a crush isn't really necessary, but you should ask out someone you find interesting. If things work out and she finds you interesting back, you may get yourself a good thing going.

If not, just keep looking. You miss 100% of the shots you choose not to take, so you gotta go for something sometime!

As for the personality test, that's not a bad idea I don't think. Sometime when you casually think about it, you can ask her if she'd like to take it. But, gotta find her first! Who do you know that you're interested in?

Erm well, there is this one gal in my youth group... I guess I'm interested in her. But she's 14 which makes things a tad difficult.

**guitarboy** · 03-17-2010 03:50 AM

yah, go out with someone in your age group...like 17-19. 14 is a bit creepy, and i don't think her parents would approve.
Alright, when you find someone that you have an interest in, aks them out on a date. i wouldn't suggest a movie or dinner. dinner is more when your really dating, and some people (like me) hate eating with people. i brought my girlfriend to the aquarium. bring her to someplace fun, like a mall or something.

**youssarian** · 03-17-2010 03:54 AM

Awww the aquarium. Hmmm. There isn't much in my city, to be honest. Perhaps the most exciting thing we got is a history museum. Or the local teen hangout.

**guitarboy** · 03-17-2010 03:58 AM

I like marine biology (I met the girl in biology ftw) so i thought it was fitting. whats the local teen hangout?

**youssarian** · 03-17-2010 04:06 AM

It's called the Haven, it's aimed primarily at Christian youth like myself.

**Clyde Machine** · 03-17-2010 05:46 AM

If they aren't one of those people who get scared away from things that have a religious flavour to them, that sounds like a great place to get started.

**youssarian** · 03-17-2010 02:32 PM

Since I only plan on dating other Christians, I don't think they'll have much of a problem at all. ^.^

**dajo** · 03-17-2010 03:19 PM

Uh, I don't think this personality test thing is a very good idea. C'mon, judge for yourself.

**Clyde Machine** · 03-17-2010 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by youssarian

Since I only plan on dating other Christians, I don't think they'll have much of a problem at all. ^.^

Oh! Well then, you're all set! Go find a girl and see if things click.

Originally Posted by dajo

Uh, I don't think this personally test thing is a very good idea. C'mon, judge for yourself.

I'd recommend that too, but some people are just too skeptical of themselves to trust what they themselves think, and either ask friends for advice (which often doesn't work out how they'd like since it's hard to tell a friend the truth sometimes) or rely on personality tests.

**dajo** · 03-17-2010 09:14 PM

Well, for starters those personality tests are not to be trusted anyway. They
are gimmicks, at least the ones that would qualify for a 'short check'.

But furthermore I think it would be really shallow. You'd want your significant
other to accept your flaws as well and not be put in a position of being tested if
you are 'compatible', but really, to see if you're good enough. And more often
than not, suggesting this would nullify further chances (probably?).

And on a different note, if you want to get into dating, you want to improve
your confidence. Starting to not rely on your own judgement would be what
I'd call counter-productive. And since you said you are new to this - get in
there with as little assumptions as possible, use your judgement, but don't
be prejudice. First of all, you might miss out on something great that way and
also, it is our mistakes that we learn from most and that build our character.

**Clyde Machine** · 03-18-2010 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by dajo

And on a different note, if you want to get into dating, you want to improve
your confidence. Starting to not rely on your own judgement would be what
I'd call counter-productive.

Why didn't I think to say that??

**youssarian** · 03-19-2010 04:17 AM

Also, there is a really big park here with lots of places where we could have activities or be alone. It's pretty kewl.

**TamiDoll** · 03-19-2010 04:10 PM

I agree with dajo on the personality test. If a dude asked me that, and we just went on some dates, I'd call it quits ASAP. You wouldn't wanna scare a chick away by seeming like a control freak.