Thread: Tell me how much looks matter to you.

Coming from me, this may surprise you. Not that much, I prefer a good with a good sense of humor because I like things that are funny. I also like girls that are athletic because I'm an athlete, it just so happens that athletic girls usually look great.

I don't think you'll have to worry about letting your looks go, you're beautiful and probably always will be.

Well I will be brutally honest here, I do think looks are important. I need to be BOTH physically attracted to someone as well as attracted to their personality.

I mean I don't have a specific type per se, neither a standard if you can even call it that when it comes to someones looks, and a good personality does go a long way and is very important in my opinion. The pertinent question for most people is to what degree we are drawn to each other by looks against personality. Now most people will tell you the requisite is that you have to be first attracted physically before you can be attracted to a personality. I guess on first meetings this is true, but conversely for someone you have known for a while, you can grow to love them for their personality, and sometimes person is more attractive because of their personality. So maybe this is why you see a so called ugly guy with a pretty girl. but don't forget we all have our own tastes when it comes to attraction, so what you might think is not attractive, who is to say it's not for someone else?

I guess for me, on first meetings I have to be attracted, as does anyone. But the attraction becomes less important as you grow with the person, because let's face it if you cannot stand being with them after a few years it is never going to work. They come hand in hand at the end of the day, and if you're lucky enough you'll meet someone you're head over heels for both physically and mentally, and that is when you know it's right.

So yeah, attraction important, but no less so than personality.

Everybody is ugly without love.

Gotta say, I look for intelligence, a sense of humor, physical fitness and then looks. In that order. I won't even be interested in anything long term without these four.

Men's attractiveness is based on one thing-- the appearance of power. That's it. Looks are just an attention getter.

Looks are usually important for a woman's attractiveness, depending on the potential admirer, but personality is important too.

Originally Posted by Universal Mind

Men's attractiveness is based on one thing-- the appearance of power. That's it. Looks are just an attention getter.

Looks are usually important for a woman's attractiveness, depending on the potential admirer, but personality is important too.

That's why it kicks so much ass being a guy. As much as we'd all like to deny, the looks of females plays a huge role in their lives. As a guy, you can make yourself seem more/less attractive with only a little bit of effort.

I'd say looks are pretty important. I think that anybody who says they aren't are pretty much deluding themselves. I mean, if you had a partner who had the greatest personality, was caring, intelligent, successful, all-around great - but was 300lbs with a crooked nose and acne - and then you had the same package rolled up into the body/face of a supermodel. Seriously. Which would you take?

So, that being said, looks aren't the only thing. I wouldn't even call it the most important thing. But, as Adam said, initially, I need to be physically as well as mentally attracted to a woman - especially if we haven't known each other for a long time. If, however, we were friends and a romance/relationship grew from that, looks would be much less important in that situation.

Looking at a girl, I am generally initially turned on by looks. Though what I think is attractive isn't always conventional, it is a definite factor. Othewise in won't work. If that is coupled with an interesting personality then I'm interested.

When I say an interesting personality I mean someone opinionated, generally interested in things like politics and such. I don't actually concern much over whether the opinions line up with my own. In fact, most of the girls I've found intruiging, (another thing I need,) have had very different views than my own.

It needs to be someone that I can talk to intelligently about things as well as just to talk and be interested in things like the occurences of the day or anything trivial, really. She needs a sense of humor and a distinct personality.
I put a heck of alot of value in being able to talk with the person.

There are some people that I've thought were attractive and got to know them and lost all desire for them. And I've met girls that at first I didn't look at as all to attractive and eventually saw more beauty in them. In that situation it lines up alot with what Adam and oneironaut have said.

But looks need to be present for both initial interest and the ability to turn me on.

Overall, I would say I would prefer a better looking girl, but from what I learned, the more I like someone, the less I start to care what they look like.

Edit: Read the other posts and I seem to not be alone.

But maybe she's the smart one. Maybe the dude has one hell of a personality, is caring, faithful, and kind.

With time even the best of us start to look like shit.

You're not there yet Mes..not even close!

Well, it depends what you mean when you say 'looks'. I need someone who can take care of themselves. Good hygiene, clean clothes, physically fit. I couldn't be with someone who refused to get a decent haircut, wash their pimply face, change out of their hammer pants, or put down the tub of ice cream.

I think most people are beautiful if they try, and I think the most beautiful people can ruin themselves if they stop trying. So I guess I would need someone who at least recognized that appearances matter in life. Someone who at least tried.

Plus, I think that looks can tell you a lot about how someone lives their life. Someone who can't control their weight (to a decent degree) obviously has control and addiction problems that will manifest in other areas of their life. I know this sounds mean, but I'm just speaking from my experience. Personally, I could not commit my life to someone who can't "handle their shit."

I'm only talking about the basics, not super-conformity to societal stereotypes. I don't expect everyone to look fit and clean like Marky Mark.

Edit: Wow, I just realized I mentioned Marky Mark and Hammer in the same post. What-the-hell kind of world am I living in?

Hehehe! Good responses. I'm not talking about myself here, btw, no worries.

Can you learn to be attracted to someone, with time, who you never found attractive before you got to know them? That's happened to me before, and it confuses me, which was essentially the inspiration for this topic.

Have you ever been attracted to someone from the start and then lost your attraction later on because the person turned out to be a dick? One of you said it has happened... and it's definitely happened to me. I've literally stopped considering someone attractive, because of a horrible personality.

Edit: Oh, and by "looks" I don't mean basic things like hygiene. Ew!

I think the really attractive people in the world take some getting used to. You may need to be around them a little to see their facial movements, mannerisms, and such that make them so mesmerizing.

Sort of like a really good song compared to a catchy song. The first time you hear a really good song, it doesn't make any sense. It may feel a bit off. You still take notice, but it doesn't get stuck in your head like the Macarena. But by the time you've heard it three times, it makes sense and you're in love for life.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Can you learn to be attracted to someone, with time, who you never found attractive before you got to know them? That's happened to me before, and it confuses me, which was essentially the inspiration for this topic.

Have you ever been attracted to someone from the start and then lost your attraction later on because the person turned out to be a dick? One of you said it has happened... and it's definitely happened to me. I've literally stopped considering someone attractive, because of a horrible personality.

Yes, to both.

People are complex. First appearances may be some of the most impressing, but it takes time to actually get to know someone. Getting to know them can have a huge affect on how attractively (even physically) you perceive them as. If you're really attracted to someone (physically) and you learn they are completely vile (personally), then you're more likely to find flaws in their appearance - thus enforcing the new notion that this person isn't very attractive overall.

The same thing works in reverse.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Hehehe! Good responses. I'm not talking about myself here, btw, no worries.

Can you learn to be attracted to someone, with time, who you never found attractive before you got to know them? That's happened to me before, and it confuses me, which was essentially the inspiration for this topic.

Have you ever been attracted to someone from the start and then lost your attraction later on because the person turned out to be a dick? One of you said it has happened... and it's definitely happened to me. I've literally stopped considering someone attractive, because of a horrible personality.

Edit: Oh, and by "looks" I don't mean basic things like hygiene. Ew!

That's what love is Mes.
When you truly begin to love someone the superficial things that once mattered begin to dicipate. It's unconditional.
Let's face it. Being attractive to someone plays a BIG role when we first meet. Sometimes that fades quickly when you begin to know the person for better or worse. So as a result the hansom man/woman becomes visually to you no more special than the next "hot" person. It really does depend on a lot more than looks.
I'm having a hard time beleiving any of the crap I just spewed, but it must be coming from somewhere.

A beautiful girl with an ugly guy? Hmm, I can think of 3 possibilities...

Either they're a couple for years, the girl's a gold-digger or, Mes's opinion.

Seriously though, if you're going out with someone 'new'[I haven't. Not at all], I think you'll have to balance 50-50 on looks and predicted personality. If his/her actions and words make up for his/her plainness, you may be in for a good start. If he/she's one of those self-concerned and vain people, at first try to understand why he/she is acting like so.

Depending on the results, you may choose to back away, tough it out (not recommended), or if you have that dying talent, convince him/her to 'repent' and 'see the light' [or whatever]. If you strike out with someone both beautiful and personable, better make a careful investigation.

In the long run? As in marriage and stuff? Best to look for someone whose looks will not change abruptly as the years come, at least relative to their styles of living. Looks are a factor, but an insignificant one in happiness and romance. Wait, how could I make up all this stuff!?

Originally Posted by DreamGlimpse

A beautiful girl with an ugly guy? Hmm, I can think of 3 possibilities...

Either they're a couple for years, the girl's a gold-digger or, Mes's opinion.

Seriously though, if you're going out with someone 'new'[I haven't. Not at all], I think you'll have to balance 50-50 on looks and predicted personality. If his/her actions and words make up for his/her plainness, you may be in for a good start. If he/she's one of those self-concerned and vain people, at first try to understand why he/she is acting like so.

Depending on the results, you may choose to back away, tough it out (not recommended), or if you have that dying talent, convince him/her to 'repent' and 'see the light' [or whatever]. If you strike out with someone both beautiful and personable, better make a careful investigation.

In the long run? As in marriage and stuff? Best to look for someone whose looks will not change abruptly as the years come, at least relative to their styles of living. Looks are a factor, but an insignificant one in happiness and romance. Wait, how could I make up all this stuff!?

Due to the fact that most hot girls and guys today drink and smoke, they're all going to look like shit down the road. And I do mean shit.

I'm going to be completely honest here, I'm not trying to make anyone agree with me

It is mainly what gets me is the physical beauty, I really don't get that close to people, it is rare I actually take notice of someones personality standing out to me, it isn't because I think that personality should be less important over all (I think it should be important, but I'm not a people person), just in my case it is skewed, I can get along with most people just fine personality wise.

But what does someone say they want in a partner when they arn't interested in talking to people .

In other words personality has become less important because I'm not interested in talking very much, and physical attraction remains the same because nothing much has changed from a normal social person in that perspective.

Ofcourse I'm basing this on the reason I fall in love, I won't fall in love with a girl just because she looks good, I have to become chemically attached first, that doesn't always happen with pretty girls, but looking back at my line of crushes I'd say it is a really good assumption. There are these slightly pretty girls at like 20%, and really pretty girls at like 5%, and like super pretty at .5-1% (super pretty is likely to make me have a crush on her).

Yeah it may not be how I "should" think, but it is how I "do" think.

It's all about how I feel about them. I don't care what she looks like or what her personality is like, I'm just chasing that feeling of real love for someone.

So tell me its chemicals, but how come it won't repeat itself? I know the chemical feelings, I've had crushes before. I have crushed hard on girls before, but it's an illusion, a trap. Crushing is just a faggots way of saying "I'm too scared to tell her how I feel" because people don't want to lose what they have which is nothing but in high school it seems like something.

But once you feel what I'm talking about, then courting and flirting and "liking" people is all bullshit A stupid, unimportant game I play when I'm horny. For those situations, they need he looks to pull me in, so they become pretty necessary. After that, though, girls have to work to keep my attention. I dunno, most girls are fucking boring.

Originally Posted by Omnius Deus

It's all about how I feel about them. I don't care what she looks like or what her personality is like, I'm just chasing that feeling of real love for someone.

So equally you could be with a guy? If he made you feel real love? I just don't see how someone can say looks matter not. And that it's all on the inside which counts... I'm sorry, but I find it hard to understand how someone can be in a relationship where there's no physical attraction whatsoever...

Another large post coming up...


Well... Messy, for one thing: men are more visually oriented. Therefore, at first glance, we get attracted to someone by their looks. Of course, we are humans, and therefore intellectuals, and a woman who is stupid will not be our prefference, of course, but the fact still stands: even if somebody is totally stupid, as long as they have good looks, we will, some way or another, be attracted to them. Again, this does not mean we prefer looks or anything. It just plays a (pretty big) role.
BUT!!! Do not confuse 'attraction' with 'love'.

That being said, for me, in the whole picture, looks and personality matter. The former is not something I think about. Attraction is not concious, it's not something you can 'choose' to do. Just try it: try to be attracted to someone at a logical point of view. 'Okay, I'm gonna be attracted to this person because of [fill in something]' It doesn't work... Attraction just is. So that's the physical side of love handled: attraction is unconcious.
As for the second, when you bunch all the physical attractive girls together, you can then pick and select on their personality. If they're fun and talkative, and can really vibe with me, then that's really cool. I'd pick that one. If they're emotionally closed off, silent, and are too uncertain of themselves to really vibe with me, then that sucks, it doesn't work out, I won't pick them.

Physical attraction, by the way, is exactly what crushes are. A sense of unconciously generated attraction to a person. I'll have to disagree with the person 2 posts above stating it's just a 'faggots way of saying "I'm too scared to tell her how I feel" because people don't want to lose what they have which is nothing but in high school it seems like something.'... Whatever that even meant.
It's quite frankly, a load of bull. If you've ever felt a crush, then you know it's not a faggot's way of saying "i'm scared to tell her how I feel". It's genuine attraction. I'm sure you will admit that, Deus.
Now, as for the 'illusion' you put forward: looks like someone is ashamed or incertain of being a man. "A stupid, unimportant game I play when I'm horny."? Oh really? Well, let's just get one thing handled: you are a man. You feel attraction. You get horny. Get over it. It just happens. No need to get all philosophical about it, because it's nested into your very unconcious. It happens, and it will happen again. Just accept it.
And stupid/unimportant? Why do you think you're even alive? If your parents didn't feel it, you wouldn't be here right now, would you? Attraction and horny-ness is the driving mechanism to reproduction, therefore to survival of the species. Sure, in the grand cosmis scale, it's only minute (indeed: what is 'important' in that sense?), but on that scale, NOTHING really is important. However, on the evolutionary scale (in which we, as organisms subject to evolution are situated), I'd say it's pretty damn important.

"I dunno, most girls are fucking boring."
Umm... wow... You are missing out, man.
And stop the cussing. It doesn't add anything other than to demostrate your own petty frustration with the world (maybe even yourself?).
So go meet some women. You'll see there are more than enough fun and interesting girls out there.

Now, I think I know why you say this. I've felt this way before. I've thought once that, not only women are boring. EVERYBODY was boring. Everything in this world was so insignificant. And while on the grand cosmic scale, everything is insignificant (significance is even a man-made concept, so on the truly cosmic scale, you can't even speak of 'significance'), however we are NOT cosmic beings. We are humans. And we'll always will be. So don't think on those terms. Think of human terms: social terms.

I now know that the view the world was insignificant was a wrong view on the world, generated by my frustration with the world and myself. Now, I don't say you're the same, but just think about it.

In the end, I noticed it was just an inner issue of mine. I kept saying people were boring, and they were. I kept saying the world was boring, and it was. I put on the 'boring-glasses', and everyone, indeed, everything was boring, meaningless.
Just swap the glasses. Learn to enjoy life, and to enjoy people again. There's a great chance that you find girls boring, because they find you boring. That because you can't bring up a vibe of fun, enjoyment, and that's why they won't either. (again: I don't know if it's true, but just think about it)
So have fun with people. Swap the glasses, and your perspective on 'boring girls' will change dramatically.
Either that, or meet more girls! Go out and actively find the interesting ones.
I've been there. I've seen the truth. And I've conquered this issue in my life. My life rocks now. I love my life. And you should do so too.


As for 'thinking ahead'. Well, indeed: there is going to be a time when your 'soul mate' (yuck) is going to look ugly. But how does that make our feelings of attraction today wane or insignificant? As I've said before: attraction is not concious, so don't try to fight it.
It is also therefore, that you should pick a woman who is both physically attractive (at least for now) and fun and enjoyable, with a great personality, for the long run.
It's for your own joy, remember? Would you rather bang bang an ugly chick with a great personality to boot? Or a stunningly beautiful chick with a great personality? I know which one is the better scenario...


As for women? Well, they work differently. They aren't as visually oriented as we men are. They care more for (nuanced heavily) personality (confidence, fun, etc.), how somebody carries and presents himself to the world, and how he takes care of himself (would you date one of those stereotypical homeless persons? Smelly and filthy and stuff?).

"Men's attractiveness is based on one thing-- the appearance of power. That's it. Looks are just an attention getter." - Universal Mind

"That's why it kicks so much ass being a guy. As much as we'd all like to deny, the looks of females plays a huge role in their lives. As a guy, you can make yourself seem more/less attractive with only a little bit of effort." - Black_Eagle

Both quoted for truthiness.

As long as you take care of yourself. You don't get too fat and unhealthy, you wash yourself regularly, and you dress but 'remotely well' (i.e. wearing fitting clothes, not bags). You're in for the looks department.

From there on, you should just radiate power. Body language, conversation, etc. comes into play here.
And be fun to be around. Enjoy life. And people will enjoy life with you. Indeed: they will enjoy you.


WOO for social dynamics!

Bye!

-CD


P.S.
"So equally you could be with a guy? If he made you feel real love? I just don't see how someone can say looks matter not. And that it's all on the inside which counts... I'm sorry, but I find it hard to understand how someone can be in a relationship where there's no physical attraction whatsoever..." - Adam

Yeah... I think he has inner issues ^^. Deus, don't get mad or worried now... They're not very serious ones, mind you! It's just something that you should change to get more fulfilment out of your life. There's no need to think that depressedly.
So, some things for you to ponder about and DO:

1) Stop thinking on the cosmic scale. We are not cosmic beings. We are humans. So swap the glasses back to those made for us HUMANS.

2) And the golden rule: ENJOY!!!!
Enjoy life. Remember how you used to enjoy life. How you viewed life then, and revert back to that (see above). Actively try to FIND interest and enjoyment, both in yourself, situations, and in others. Bring it out.
There's nothing I find more fulfilling than chatting with a girl who suddenly becomes energized and feels joy when talking about something. I like to find out what makes a person tick. It's amazingly interesting on itself.
And remember: there's always something that's interesting and fun about another person. Try to find that.

And 3), what I was trying to get at: DON'T BE ASHAMED OF BEING A MAN. If you have the above two things handled, don't go against your manly nature. We men are attracted to hot girls. Don't try to fight it. In stead: get over it. Accept it. Embrace it.
Don't try to be somebody you are not. It's okay to be a man.

Originally Posted by Adam

So equally you could be with a guy? If he made you feel real love? I just don't see how someone can say looks matter not. And that it's all on the inside which counts... I'm sorry, but I find it hard to understand how someone can be in a relationship where there's no physical attraction whatsoever...

I think he means that feeling of chemical attraction, which can be caused because she's attractive, but he is saying even if she was super attractive, and he had no chemical attraction/feelings then it wouldn't matter, I think we could all agree on some level.

I can't wake up to ugly. Looks definitely matter and any girl or guy that says otherwise is lying to themselves and to others.

Mama don't like no liars.

A person knows it, people know it and the world knows it. That's why there are literally tons of billion dollar industries that play upon the insecurities of men and women to "fix what's physically wrong with them so that they'll be accepted better".


Penis pills
breast augmentation
butt implants
plastic surgery
botox
hair coloring
muscle implants
and the industry that thrives upon female insecurities the most? makeup. This industry tells women that they're not perfect...until they buy their products.

I think people are fine the way they are. Sure makeup looks great on girls but I've also seen girls who look like dimes without any makeup whatsoever. On another note, most guys feel inadequate about the size of their member so they want to fix that...mainly because girls tell them bigger is better. So you have this giant circle of insecurities that causes us to throw money at big companies to "fix us and make us pretty".

It's sad because I think people are fine the way they are. Btw, my "I can't wake up to ugly line" was just an opener. I'd rather have a less attractive girl who can hold a great intellectually stimulating conversation with me as opposed to a hot girl whose a bubble head that only parties, drinks and doesn't really "know" anything.

Maybe I should work for Loreal or Maybelline and just be BLUNT with people as opposed to being secretive with my intentions. If I did, my commercial would go something like this...

-I walk out on the screen-

Hey girls watching this...yeah you, all you uglies in the room...you know you're atrocious to look at...thankfully I can't see you. Look, here's my beauty products that'll fix that chronic case of ugliness you seem to be suffering from. After you apply it to your face, you'll be more accepted into society and will receive more compliments on your beauty. Not to mention you won't get tranquilized for being confused with a wooly mammoth.

-walks off the screen as the Loreal/Maybelline logo shows at the end.-

Now let's say I worked for a penis enlargement company such as ExtenZe or EnyZte

-I walk on the screen-

Hey little dicks! Yeah you! Look buddy...there's a REASON we show these commercials 2 'o clock in the morning. It's because statistics show that guys who are lonely are usually up at this hour. Satisfied guys are romping in the sheets with their wife/girlfriend by now. But not you...oh no not you...you know why? -smiles and points- Because your penis is little! You have a tiny penis and you feel you can't compete with more sexually aggressive guys right? Wrong! Look buddy, I have this product that's going to enlarge your penis...well, not really enlarge it...you see it will make it LOOK like it's enlarged but all it really does is just engorge your penises blood vessels with twice as much blood giving it the appearance that it's thicker, and bigger. And you'll need to take these pills every day to keep that look...or else you'll go back down to that pencil eraser you once had the nerve to call a penis. No, this product has not been evaluated by the FDA but that doesn't matter! If you want the appearance of a bigger dick, call now!

-walks off the screen-


Billion...dollar...industries that our insecurities finance. Great thread Mes

Jeff!! ROTFLMAO!!

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