Thread: Ask the Older Crowd

The idea for this one came out of a chat about a month back, when those I was talking to realized I was old enough to be their father. The conversation got real interesting, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It became an opportunity to discuss things with an older guy who is anonymous and non-threatening.

We have a contingent of the "over 40" crowd here who have agreed to watch this thread and answer questions. I'll let them reveal themselves as time goes on.

The only thing I ask is that you keep the questions appropriate for an open forum with participants from a wide range of age groups and cultures. In other words, please practice a bit of discretion and diplomacy.

So... off we go!

So... how did your family cope through the Depression? j/k

Originally Posted by Burns

So... how did your family cope through the Depression? j/k

Hahah.

Originally Posted by Burns

So... how did your family cope through the Depression? j/k

You asked about my family, and I can actually answer that. (I just spent the whole morning with my folks, who were teens during the Great Depression. They would certainly qualify as family!)

My dad's folks came from Sicily in the early teens. Dad was born in Detroit in 1918, during the monstrous flu epidemic. Like many of his generation, he has two birthdays - the day he was actually born on the kitchen table, and the day he was taken to the hospital for his birth certificate.

My grandfather was a shoemaker in Sicily, and the hard times they left behind made Depression era Detroit still look pretty good. Grandpa had become a pattern maker for Henry Ford, and was one of the fortunate few who held his job to some degree through the 1930's. As a result, there was always bread and pasta, and their home was open to the neighborhood. Anybody who was hungry could go there for a meal. They raised chickens, made Dago Red wine, made their own beer, and in general did all right.

Being a kid in Depression-era Detroit was an amazing thing. The Mafia and the Purple Gang were battling it out over the "trade routes" for Canadian whiskey, and Detroit was the center of it all with Windsor being right across the river. My dad became a pool hustler - the "straight guy" who would get a game started before the shark came in. They were all "rum runners," and saw more than their share of excitement as a result.

My mom's world was very different. The depression hit the Copper Country of Michigan's upper peninsula very heard. She was sent to Detroit to live with relatives who were faring better, and as a result met my dad.

My folks will tell you that being teenagers in the depression was happy and interesting, and that they were much more content than kids today living what can only be seen from their perspective as lavish and decadent lifestyles. They had little and expected less and were grateful for every meal and the roof over their heads. They had a strong sense of community and found ways to enjoy and celebrate life without spending money they didn't have.

That's how my family fared during the Great Depression.

Okay you're a guy but I have a question about mothers which you might be able to answer since you're married...

Is it very common for women to "let themselves go" after childbirth in terms of their appearance (dress, body)? It seems to me like it is, and that worries me. I feel like having a kid should enhance your life in every way, including self-image. If you're happily married and with a kid, then you have it all and you should look like it too. But I tend to see mothers left and right who look like slobs and don't seem very happy and it scares me.

There are moms on board who will hopefully chime in here. In the meantime, let me answer this in a way that might be a bit unexpected, from my perspective.

When baby #1 comes along, everything in your universe changes. Your priorities all shift to that kid. And it is all encompassing, more than I can even begin to tell you. Yet, as utterly demanding and absorbing as it is, you do what needs to be done... and, often, do it again and again, because it is so wonderful.

And yes, in the midst of that, it is very easy to not eat as carefully, get less physical exercise, let a haircut or manicure slip past or whatever. It doesn't happen to everybody, but it happens to many... and at the same time, we are aging and everything is getting more difficult a little bit at a time. Taking care of ourselves in the sense that we do when we are looking for a mate just becomes less of a priority. There is only so much time in a day, and so much energy to be expended.

It is very easy to judge these things without understanding what being a parent really involves, which is something there is no good way to convey without experiencing it. The child is just more important.

It's all worth it. It is what we really are designed for.

LOL! OK, here goes... so what did you used to study in school before there was history then? Truth be told I'm nearly as old as the "old guys" around here, 37 years young. "Last time I heard that one the Dead Sea was still sick!" Ha! Let's hear it for the old farts. Lucidity is one of the things that IMHO begins to get easier with age, my Dad (60) had his first LD about 6-8 months ago, he's had maybe half a dozen since. Gives you at least ONE thing to look forward to in getting older (which btw is better than the alternative!)

My thoughts: (I made a long post that got lost; that's OK I think it is better summarized anyway

Originally Posted by pj

It's all worth it. It is what we really are designed for.

Not me! First bit of advice: Know Yourself. Don't let yourself end up with things that you didn't really want in the first place.

Related to this is: Learn from the mistakes of others. Don't remake them all yourself.

Very important: Don't borrow money except for an education or a home. Credit cards are evil, car dealers are evil. If you can't save the money for it before, do you really want to be paying it back later with interest?

Originally Posted by pj

One of my personal axioms is that if we don't take care of ourselves first, we aren't really able to do a good job of taking care of others - and in the long run we can end up being the ones who need caring for.

Very true. It's OK to be selfish. People will admire your independence, instead of thinking you're a sucker. (I had a long paragraph written here about my selfish father and my selfless mother--I won't repeat it, but which one do you think I don't have to worry about, and which one am I taking care of?)

That's all I can think of for now.