Thread: girls tell me when a guy should make his first move.

These responses are simultaneously overly simplified and over-complicated. There is no "magical" moment to "make your move." The mentality behind the phrase "make a move" is destructive to your success (potentially) in the first place. There is not "a move" there are a series of things that you do throughout a date. In order to consistently have stress free, successful dates (whereas success as defined as any form of having a good time in the context of an interaction which is beyond conventionally polite "friendliness") it's necessary to not have such a linear, old fashioned way of framing how a date should go in your mind.

There's no mysterious gaze, or series of steps you have to take to get a kiss from a girl. (I'm assuming that's primarily what the original post is referring to by a "move") One thing is critical on any date- TOUCH. You have to break the touch barrier. Have you ever had a date that felt like it was more of a hang out than a date, and at the end, the kiss felt like this big event? Do most of your dates end up feeling like the kiss is this big event? "Aaalright, here it goes, we're walking to the door... should I do it? What if she turns away" yadda yadda...

It really is because you did not have enough physical contact with one another. I mean this in a completely non-sexual manner. You can't very well expect to go straight from a handshake to a kiss on the lips just because you spent a couple hours together talking. Yet so many guys do, and some are lucky, but most others crash and burn and never figure out why. Well, in my experience, the majority of the awkwardness or uncertainty comes from a lack of touch. Start simple. If it's a girl you know already, a hug is probably fine when you greet them, then throughout the night, find excuses to make CASUAL physical contact. That doesn't mean to be grab-assy, overbearing, or very touchy-feely. Obviously, gauge whether or not, and what type of physical contact is welcomed. Point to something across the room from you, lean in next to her, and place your hand on the small of her back. That way it's not creepy, and doesn't feel awkward or unnatural. You know? Things like that.

If you're sitting side-by-side, let your leg be touching hers. If she's not interested in you, she'll likely move her leg away, or she may show more subtle signs of disinterest. Little cues like that are important. If you build up a lot of physical touch throughout the night, a kiss will feel natural. And for the record, the "make your move at the end" mentality is going to do you no good either. Sometimes that just happens to be the best time, but in general, it's best to go for your first kiss in the MIDDLE of the date. Very big- a kiss should happen in the MIDDLE first. So try to think of physical contact as happening in different parts. If you do one part before it's previous part, it's going to come off as weird, forced/uncomfortable, or otherwise awkward.

For example, Part one- hands, forearms, leg-to-leg. So things like a fist-bump if she says something you agree with. "What? I like superman 2 the best too! *fist bump*" Or, "did you ever play that game when you were a kid, trying to smack the other person's hands before they pull them away? It's like this (play the hand game)" etc.

Part two would be like, placing your hand briefly on the small of her back, dancing face to face with hands on her waist, or if you're in a bar and it's loud, press your cheek to hers when you talk to her.

Part three would be when you are mutually both comfortable enough with the type of physical contact you have been having, that you can do so throughout the date, and a kiss will just feel natural. Obviously, don't necessary try to do exactly those things in exactly that order, just do what feels natural. The escalation of touch will happen more quickly than you likely think.

I don't know how to explain it. But I can explain that a kiss will always feel like an "event" that you have to think through and plan, and time if you just jump straight from little or no physical contact, straight to trying to kiss her. It will ALWAYS feel strange when you do that. A kiss should be no big deal. If you make it into a big thing, she may even pick up on that, and it may make her uncomfortable. It should feel natural, and that HAS TO start with building up mutual comfort with physical touch. If it feels awkward for you to put your hand on her thigh for a half-second, then it will feel awkward when you try to kiss her. Touch, and the escalation of touch is of critical importance. I can't stress enough how necessary it is, and it's something which is so overlooked, I'm nearly certain no one else will mention it, because it's not something you should have to think about. It should happen naturally. When you ask a woman everything that

If she's giving you non-physical cues as other people mentioned before, (and if she's interested, you will receive them early on in the interaction, so PAY ATTENTION) reciprocate those with non-offensive, but also not awkwardly conservative physical contact. If you expect to kiss, you can't expect to do so comfortably without having the mutual comfort of being able to be physical with one another (and I mean that in a non-sexual way.) Try it, I guarantee you will find a kiss a lot less of a mental/emotional burden during the course of your dates. I'm sorry this was so poorly written, I'm a bit scatter-brained tonight. If I can clarify any further, please don't hesitate to send me a PM.