Thread: Poetry Battle

Originally Posted by nerve

I was simply being honest. besides, writing and drawing/painting are two totally different things, you can't compare them.

They are perhaps more closely-related than you know: Especially on the base level that they both require a level of skill, and someone who respects that level of skill can either be a douche and say "Your piece was so bad, I'm not even going to do it the service of assessing it. You're looking for constructive criticism? Well I can't be bothered by telling you what I think could be fixed. I'm just going to tell you that its garbage, and you need to take a class before you attempt something like "art/poetry" again", or they can say "Well what I think is wrong with it is this..."

Originally Posted by nerve

I really was being honest, and not trying to be rude, and I don't think I could have sugar coated it because I felt they were that terrible...and even though you said it was all in fun, the subject matter of both poems were fairly serious. now, if the poems were about a happy dancing squirrel or a fisherman reeling in a talking fish, or something silly like that, I think it would be different. maybe I just appreciate and respect good literature too much to see anything "fun" in shoddy "poetry" like this.

In essence, posting shoddy art is posting shoddy art, whether it be graphic art or poetry. You can't post one and expect mature, tempered, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, and then turn around and spit at someone else's with a pompous, rather elitist tone, and not be a hypocrite.

Originally Posted by nerve

but hey, thanks for the stab at my art, which I already admit most of is shitty when I post it. yeah, thanks.

Hey, I was just being honest.

(See how that works?)

Now, to attempt to turn what I feel might have been hyperbolic negatives into positives...

Originally Posted by nerve

I couldn't even finish either of them.

Originally Posted by Sin

Both inane

Ouch. Ok. The second one was mine. How can I improve upon it? What is it missing? What more can I put in a poem of that size, that says so much?

Xox, I agree completely about the Blu-Ray line and last line. I waited until the end off our little contest, and wrote the poem up at the last minute. There are quite a few things in there that I'm not happy with. Those would be two of them.

Xaq, thank you! That's what we were going for. I'm glad that I was at least able to convey some level of emotion. It is a little different from my usual writing style.

believe it or not, when it comes to anatomy you can always say something. but when a poem is that bad, there's not much you can say, except maybe

how about taking a class, or just study some real poetry.

you're just butthurt because I let you know your poem sucks dick and you don't want to believe it.

(before you try to throw the dick sucking statement back on me, I'm strict capital D.)

also, I already said most of my "art" is shit. see sig.

Originally Posted by nerve

believe it or not, when it comes to anatomy you can always say something. but when a poem is that bad, there's not much you can say, except maybe you're just butthurt because I let you know your poem sucks dick and you don't want to believe it.

What you lack in graphic skills, you make up for in rhetoric. Way to skirt around my point. I'm sure there are maybe one or two people reading this thread, who might not have caught your side-step. Bravo.

Originally Posted by nerve

also, I already said most of my "art" is shit. see sig.

And I'm sure making it a point to tell people you think your art is shit helps to soften the blow, when they agree. That is why you do it, so prolifically. It's a common defense mechanism. You know this, though. I'm sure.

Not that I expect anything better, or more mature of you, but now do you have anything specific to offer? With your grand knowledge of all things poetry, do you think you could stop being a dick long enough to give me some of your own, personal perspective?

If not, I understand. You're not exactly a rare breed.

well, the only thing I have to say is, I sincerely admire you and look forward to shaking your hand at the dv meet.

that is, if you don't totally hate me now :')

WHOA WHOA WHOA, hold up, I got a couple things to say.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

What you lack in graphic skills, you make up for in rhetoric. Way to skirt around my point. I'm sure there are maybe one or two people reading this thread, who might not have caught your side-step. Bravo.

I didn't miss it, I'm not stupid. I just didn't agree with it at the time and really didn't feel like going into why. but I thought about is some, and you know what, you're right. it really is the same in that sense...but then, graphic art can also be so awful that you can't say much besides "take a class" or "study other art."

And I'm sure making it a point to tell people you think your art is shit helps to soften the blow, when they agree. That is why you do it, so prolifically. It's a common defense mechanism. You know this, though. I'm sure.

I'm not too stubborn to admit that might be some part of it. then part of it could be habit picked up from other artists I watch in the communities, I know alot of them do it. but actually, the conscious reason I say a lot of my pictures are crap is because I have enough perspective to see that they really are. if someone agrees with me, that's great, it means they have enough perspective to see it too. in fact I prefer that a hundred times over superficial or ass-kissing comments like "ooh, that's nice" or "I like it! :)" they mean nothing to me. :\

Not that I expect anything better, or more mature of you, but now do you have anything specific to offer? With your grand knowledge of all things poetry, do you think you could stop being a dick long enough to give me some of your own, personal perspective?

yes, ok, alright. I thought about it some and actually came up with more specific criticism (but others pretty much beat me to it, esp. Akono): use analogy, and metaphor.

Originally Posted by Akono

Try to get deeper with your metaphors. To the point where three people could read them and get three different meanings out of it.

THIS. this this this this this. this is the stuff of real poetry. you pretty much flatly stated everything. "I saw blank, it made me feel blank"

that is very, very dry and painful to read. and the rhymes are hackneyed, as in over-used, as in, I've heard them incessantly over the years in pop radio and elsewhere. I think rhyming poetry can be quite good, but I think it's a little harder to write a decent non-rhyming poem. beginners usually choose rhyming, precisely because it's easier when you've heard all these simple basic rhymes all your life.

everytime you cry,
it makes me want to die.
inside I feel so weak,
my whole world becomes bleak.
come now dry your eyes,
and forget about the lies
you were fed since you were born
now is not the time to morn...

see, wrote that in 5 seconds. GENIUS!!!!!! :|

but seriously, I see shit like that everywhere and it makes me ill. the worst part is, the people who write it think it's good enough to be anything more than a deleted thought, and actually post it places. christ.

this is also very good:

Originally Posted by Akono

Try different styles of rhyming since you don't have to be confined to bars like most raps.

yessss.

If not, I understand. You're not exactly a rare breed.

:0!!!!!! SERIOUSLY???!?!

I mean, you're basically saying I'm a dime a dozen here - right? WOW! I sincerely hope you're right, because I've pretty much had no friends my entire life and have yet to come across anyone who has much in common with me. please, PLEASE, if you know even one person who is anything like me, PLEASE - tell them I have been searching for them all my life. :\