..slippin..

**xMaverickx** · 06-10-2004 06:17 AM

..a piece i wrote recently...it isnt finished tho...waitin for the other side of my colab...fb welcome

...im drowning wit my hands tied behing my bak, sum1 save me from this agony....b4 its too late....cuz im s l i p p i n //
my heart starts strugglin, pumpin s l o w e r and s l o w e r, leaving my physical being left like a dry fish flippin//
im surrounded in this river of torture that brings my fears 2 my eyez...as it lets the darkness drip in2 my lungz, fillin them untill i take my last gasp of air//
then, like a magic trick, the f l o w i n g crimson water turns into whisping white clouds all around me.. allowing the cool wind of relief 2 run threw my hair..//
no tangels of dissapointment get caught up that lead to mixed emotions of rage and guilt as they used 2//
i wonder, wat happened 2 me knowing who i am...or ...w a s..now everything is j um bl e d up and i dont even know where i am ...im lost wit out a clue//
my body is scarless, no identity lies upon my workin hands, i am frightened wondering wat this could mean....//
if i am not who i was b4, did i s t u m b l e on 2 the exit sign and land on the restart button for my torured life that is now unseen//
i squeeze my eyez shut at the thought of being erased or trapped alone b4 i even had a c h a n c e to live//
i try and take one last look ...but a door appears from my imagination ...dare i enter it.. knowing every soul that does never lives//

**xMaverickx** · 06-11-2004 06:51 PM

...any feedbak?

**O'nus** · 06-12-2004 01:13 AM

Originally posted by xMaverickx
...any feedbak?

Please re-write this in a formal fashion; it is hard to take poetry seriously when "someone" is written as "sum1" and "before" as "b4"

It doesn't show any passion if you don't take the time to even take your own work seriously.

**xMaverickx** · 06-12-2004 02:01 AM

...the way i write things...is my own style...u obviously get wat im writing....so y does it matter?....plus...if i wanted to write a certain way like the textbook....i wouldnt even bother writin...once u become as every1 else....u will never b anythin outta the ordinary, and no1 is gonna pay attention to u if yer jus like every1 else....so....im sorry..but..im not rewriting in the "formal" way....if u dont like my style...then dont read it..i show my passion in different forms....every1 does...get used to it kid....
no beef...jus speakin how i want to...
stay up

**O'nus** · 06-12-2004 02:31 AM

Originally posted by xMaverickx
...the way i write things...is my own style...u obviously get wat im writing....so y does it matter?....plus...if i wanted to write a certain way like the textbook....i wouldnt even bother writin...once u become as every1 else....u will never b anythin outta the ordinary, and no1 is gonna pay attention to u if yer jus like every1 else....so....im sorry..but..im not rewriting in the \"formal\" way....if u dont like my style...then dont read it..i show my passion in different forms....every1 does...get used to it kid....
no beef...jus speakin how i want to...
stay up

To me, slang and lazy type, is not out of the ordinary; it is very, very, very common throughout the internet.

**ffx-dreamz** · 06-12-2004 02:37 AM

Look, we don't wanna drive you off, we just want you to type without all the slang.Im 13, and I don't use slang..which is kinda a rare thing to come across.By the way, I read your poem, nice.

**O'nus** · 06-12-2004 02:50 AM

Originally posted by ffx-dreamz
Look, we don't wanna drive you off, we just want you to type without all the slang.Im 13, and I don't use slang..which is kinda a rare thing to come across.By the way, I read your poem, nice.

I agree that the poem is nice, and it speaks of problems existing around you and perserverance.

It just doesn't speak as much passion since it seems as though you didn't even want to hit enter or use slang.

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