# Sleep and Dreams > Research >  >  My experiences and experiments !!!

## darkvergil

Hi everyone,
Before i begin, i would like to clarify a few things – 
1.	Since i didn’t know which category to post this thread in, the moderators can later move it to the one they feel most relevant. I chose research as i feel it contains my own research and experiments over quite a long timeframe.
2.	This post may contain various aspects which due to me being from a radically different culture may surprise you and may seem weird but i urge u to be broadminded, and concentrate on the scientific part rather than my choices which I won’t be justifying if i deem so. Sry to sound so offending in the beginning but i felt necessary. 
3.	All the pros and dreaming experts, i would gladly like to hear your say on the matter and this is wht motivated me to write this in the first place. I might sound like a beginner in quite a bit of areas but hey those are my experiences and though this may be my first post on the forum, please judge me as without bias as most of the online forums in this world don’t take well to newcomers on the board.
4.	Lastly sry for the terribly long post.

Ok, so i belong to India and have lived there most of my life except for the past month, as i am in London right nw for my postgraduate studies. I have been a bit of introvert most of my life but have had some very good friends who i ultimately opened up to over time. I preferred to be alone most of my childhood reading books and such and tinkering around with computers likewise (wanted to be a hacker kinda, but branched out into other stuff so couldn’t be exactly wht i wanted. However i am pursuing a degree in network security right nw which is a bit same, only less skill). I have always enjoyed and appreciated science and use to spend much time reading about various obscure topics.
So, abt 6 yrs ago while messing around on wikibooks, i came across the book on lucid dreaming, which i guess u guys might know abt. So well i got interested and looked up the term and read the book. Well i ws a bit surprised tht it is considered to be a whole branch of science. It ws kinda a surprise to me because i knew it existed and ws real as it had happened to me numerous times. I ws like shocked just having seen it put in words. I hope u guys would understand. Alrite so, twas just tht i had dismissed it as trivial and never thought much of it but i had vivid memories of many of my lucid dreams. Even as i speak, i remember walking in an alley in my school several times in my dream, and just flying through it ( ws in a boarding school for 12 yrs) , while being perfectly aware tht i am in a dream and could do anything, and can just wake up if i wanted and it would be morning. I hope fellow lucid dreams can attest to it tht this feeling u get while lucid tht u can just wakeup at ur will, u knw it and still just walk around or do anything, but there is this barrier tht u can just cross at ur will and wake up anytime. Lolz, well tht is unless u lose control and forget tht u are dreaming of course (more on tht later).
So, when i read it i made a mental note of it and decided would look into it later. Over the next few days i read the whole thing. Twas nt completed at tht time and much of the content ws missing. However i did read abt techniques such as WILD, MILD etc as far as i remember. Also the page on REM and sleep cycles had a bit of information and i read those thoroughly. Also they had a link to this website, which i eventually visited but at tht time there was nt much activity here and well to tell the truth i just skimmed through a few topics since this ws just smthing i ws going to try as i knew i already knew wht the deal ws having experienced it firsthand a number of times. Although i had a gist how hard it was going to be since i knew doing something like this consciously would be a 100 times harder than attaining it subconsciously.

Well soon enough i began to attempt it. I didn’t use any technique or any hard and fast thing since i ws just going to do this as fun. The thing ws whenever i went to sleep during those day my mind ws completely on lucid dreaming and whtever i had read on it. Also there ws smthing on a website i read some days later but i realised it ws doing it inadvertently, and tht ws like kinda like telling yourself subconsciously tht u ll go lucid tonite, no bigdeal. Kinda like the matrix movies where Neo knows tht he is the One if u get wht i mean. I mean i didn’t repeat anything to myself but like my brain kinda knew tht it would go lucid. Honestly, just 2-3 days after trying, i started to go lucid. Its really no big deal imo. I read some dreamer saying something similar online smwhere and really attest to it tht, most of the ppl trying manage to go lucid no problem, even if it is for a really short time before they forget and lose the thread of control. They just can’t remember the dream or forget it soon enough.
(On a side note- if some of these facts are already known to the community here don’t diss on me, just point them out and let me noe as i am new on the forum and it’s my first post).
Well i have a decent memory and could remember quite a bit of details about my dreams most of the time. The thing was it din bother me tht i couldn’t remember ever single detail of my dreams. I didn’t care abt tht aspect bt even so i decided to keep a dream diary as mentioned in tht wikibook as a technique to improve the chances of becoming lucid. Nyways i stopped during tht after a few weeks. Well, the first few weeks of my conscious lucid dreaming the main problem tht bugged me ws tht the moment i realised i ws dreaming and became aware of the dream world around me, i became hyper excited and woke up. Day after day this happened, smtimes more than once on a single night. It ws very frustrating and i looked up this problem online and found out tht it ws a major roadblock for many ppl. So, anyways i started reading some tips suggested by many people. 2 of these were rubbing the hands in the dream and spinning yourself around on and on. Well i can attest tht both worked for me on several occasions, with the spinning one ws quite effective as in i had opened my eyes and woke up for and instant bt realising i ws waking i instantly closed them and started to imagine myself spinning and i landed right into a dream world. Thing ws tht anytime i slowed spinning i started to fade out from the dream and ws kind of just moving back and forth. Bt ultimately i remained sleeping but didn’t remember whtever dream tht i had and tht if i ws lucid or not. The spinning memory ws very vivid though. There were green and brown colors as if if ws holding a tree and spinning and ultimately blue as if floating in the sky but without and sense of direction. Bottom line is tht except once or twice i rarely managed to attain a lucid dream consciously. And when i did i just remember the start and a few moments into it but m quite sure tht i lost control after tht.
Smtime after all this i stopped it, as in i just stopped doing this whole thing. It had been a few months but i just let it out of my mind and concentrated on other things since 1 thing tht i realised ws tht it could never happen to me consciously and tht it ws futile to try. I however decided to just look out if anything happened itself. Over the next few years i managed to become lucid several times. Many many times as far as i can remember but i ws just nt very passionate abt just figuring every single detail abt my dreams since i knew it ws a common phenomenon. I hope u understand wht i mean. And well i never woke up after becoming aware of the dream and became lucid almost every time.  The new issue is the one tht remains with me to this day and i believe cannot change. It might change but tht would require some very drastic changes to my sub-conscious mind over a very long time. As in my deepest needs, fears, shortcomings and other things. I always lose the thread of control because my subconscious kicks into action. Let me explain-
I am a dancer i.e a bboy. A breakdancer for those who dun noe the real name of the dance tht is bboying. So one lucid dream tht i remember a few months back, i ws on a well known road tht i frequent in my hometown and well i ws doing my moves on the road. The entire road ws empty and it ws a cloudy day and it had rained and the road ws wet. The entire city seemed silent and it ws just me over there. The reason i say there ws no one in the entire city because i noe there wasn’t. I have had many dreams both lucid and non-lucid occurring during a zombie apocalypse which featured the exact same setting. No sun, dark cloud and such. The rain is mostly absent and hence thts why i could see the wet road clearly. My subconscious must have had something of the kind in head while imagining the dream world. Lolz, i guess there reason why there were no zombies were because i ws dancing and i guess my mind decided there would be smthing wrong with me dancing with zombies around. Also there were these 3 of my very close friends who sorta were walking in and out of the picture. Meaning they were there in some moments and missing in others. Tht i guess meant to do with me losing control of the dream and my subconscious taking over. I guess maybe u guys can help me out bt thts wht i feel tht these characters represent my subconscious mind and governs its actions. Thts wht i feel.
Well anyways i ws doing flips and busting some moves. Did so for a long time, and going from one corner of the road to the other doing continuous flips. Well, the flips tht i ws doing are beyond my skill and like i haven’t even tried them and i was kinda lets say cheating since i ws like literally flying at will and accomplishing them. Since i never attempted them i just know wht they look like in the videos and ws just doing them. At some point i started walking with my friends and talking to them and doing some flips at the same time. Now there is this one flip called the b-twist tht iv e been practicing for sometime nw and can’t seem to get it. I kinda land in a same fashion everytime since i am too scared to turn my body beyond a certain point. Nw i clearly recall wht happened nxt. I ws kind of aware or just say semi-aware of the dream by tht point. ( remember my frenz started talking to me and were very much in the picture nw). Hwever i ws lucid since i ws kinda blocking whtever they were saying at will and nt paying heed to them. I thought of doing this b-twist and accomplishing it via the cheating way as i knw i would fly a bit higher and accomplish it. I could kinda feel the wind in my lungs and i jumped. Nw weeks and weeks of doing it the wrong way means my body got accustomed to it. And well i landed the same way as in real life and could nt gain tht extra height or thing. Well at tht exact point things went out of control as my attention wavered and i started thinking about the technique in my mind in terms of the real world. U have to understand tht it ws all very quick and my hands were touching the road and i ws like thinking and i kinda lost the thread of control and ws no longer in control. Exactly at tht point my friend said something to me related to some real life issue ( some feud with a rival crew thing) and my head turned in his direction and i ws like wht and we were in a diff place after tht as we kinda left and entered some other place almost suddenly. Sitting and typing nw i realise and hope u understand wht i mean and tht i lost the control the moment my friend started talking and my attention ws to him as my subconscious took over and the character started acting with a life beyond my control.
Well bottom line is tht one way or the other my subconscious mind always took control of the dream shortly by using the characters in my dreams whenever i felt too hazy in my dreams or via real life memories such as these tht get me distracted. This has happened almost every time as far as i can remember. And it would be different for every person as every person has memories of its own, own personal fears, own personalities etc.
Well, all of tht ws my experience and background tht i let u noe etc. Nw on to the main thing tht i want to discuss with u guys.
During my final year in college i had a relationship tht went bad. We weren’t physically involved or such. Our relationship ws nt at tht point or stage. Thing is sex before marriage is considered to be a serious taboo in Indian society. Even though most teenagers these days are doin it anyways, the relationship reaches a very deep point for tht to happen. Most teenagers just get together for enjoyment sake but refrain from getting physically involved (mostly on the gals part) because finding another soul mate would be very hard in a society like tht. Because Indian society is centered on arranged marriages the idea carries over to relationships i.e one perfect soulmate for a lifetime. Even if problems arise they solve it out over long periods such as years rather than just switch boyfriends since marriage prospects would be down the drain if u become famous in the society for having a number of mates. Boys are the same everywhere mostly so it doesn’t matter. Thts nt to say it’s the same everywhere bt its almost the same everywhere. However, who doesn’t want to get intimate with his partner. Well the point m trying to emphasize is whether its love or lust, sex is inherently etched in our minds.
However, before i could start dreaming of sex with my gal, i had a lot of headaches to deal with. We struggled to find a single day of peace and fun together and eventually we parted way due to an incident tht i can never forget. It’s been an year nw. Thing is i kinda fought with her and walked away because of the nuisance it had become, but i still love her. I can’t be with her and wish only happiness for her but it ws clear to me tht despite all the problems between us we could not let go of one another. Once you start loving somebody he/she seems the most beautiful person in the world. U start comparing them to every person u find and even if u decide on someone who is better in looks etc soon enough u’ll reverse ur decision. ( like i said its a diff culture i come frm so bear with me). Well we kinda avoided each other for a few months. Somedays she lost control and tried to make up.... other days i lost it and tried unsuccessfully ( never talking, just trying to gain others attention from afar). Well, we are parted forever nw. Wel continuing-

A few weeks after we broke up i ws in my room masturbading. Thts hw it is and m telling it to u. I never necessarily dreamed of my gal while doing so and never did. They were like 2 separate things. After years of doing it u just kinda tend to do it without anything in mind just for the physical lust sake. Well anyways, It was 2nd or the 3rd time after i broke up. Suddenly the idea just popped into my head... I knw it ll sound very weird and but being an introvert most of my life these things happen to me. Also i had just broken up so so to say my heart ws in peices and i ws very down emotionally. I just started thinking about this masturbating thing in relation to my gal and a flurry of thoughts just flew into my head. Was sex all tht i desired? Do i care whether it’s my gal or just any gal and tht i just have to unload? Do i nt love her?? Was it just lust beneath everything??  And they continued. I tried to answer them both successfully and unsuccessfully. Next couple of weeks i just got so incidents happening to me revolving around the matter i discussed. I half-heartedly had to admit lust ws definitely there beneath everything. Nt all of it, but surely lust is always there, inherent in human beings). I am skipping much things here but hope u can understand wht i mean i.e u grow to care for someone and all tht too eventually with it. (Well on a side note, i read somewhere tht of all the seven sins Lust is the one men are most likely to commit. In women, its pride)

Well, i ws very bothered and a bit ashamed too by this. I don’t mean to offend anyone here but it pinched me a lot because i had just broken up and ws very much in love with her. Soon, a few days later i came up with a decision. I went to a holy shrine in my country and made a vow of celibacy. Essentially to remain pure until marriage. Nt only tht but i would nt even masturbate for all my life. Well anyways to let u guys noe, its almost been an yr nw and yes i haven’t done it. Well if u must know, ws i always nerves of steel and all, then no. More than once i thought, ok lemme see, ill just stop before i actually ejaculate bt really thts my sub-conscious wanting to do it. So i did, but seriously i stopped all three times. The third and the last time i did tht, around 5 months ago, i almost came but just managed somehow not so. To this day i consider tht as failed because i had broken my promise if only not for sheer luck and timing. Anyways so far so good, hoping to maintain this vow forever.

To the point nw-
Wet dreams. Some of you might have heard of them and even experienced a few. I read online tht they are very common with ppl who don’t masturbate and start occurring after a week or two. A doctor who happens to be a friend of mine confirmed this as well. Now i am am cool with this body leaking out the fluid that is built up and have no problems with it. Even during the day sometimes a small amount of fluid leaks out but during a wet dreams its as if a dam got burst open. The amount is nt wht concerns me, but the way this whole thing gets initiated.
Now no one in this world can convince me otherwise because i have had almost a year, night after night at time to try and understand wht ws happening and wht i figured out. U c as early as i can remember, when i started to have the first wet dreams it ws mostly tht i ws having sex or some erotic thing happening. Due to my experience with almost masturbating along with trying to watch porn bt nt doing anything a few times i knew deep down the lust part existed. But even so, as long as i din masturbate it ws cool until the third time as i mentioned above came along. So i knew, my mind ws trying to satisfy those physical needs things in my dreams ( i hope u get wht i mean ). And somehow i decided tht it ws as good as masturbating because deep down i still wanted to have sex or whatever. And hence theres no point maintaining any vow and i shd forget all this. 
So the next few days i remembered the old days i spent with my gal and a few incidents occurred in my life tht made me even sadder and it kinda bolstered my inner mind tht wht i ws doing ws correct. So wht happened for the next couple of times i ws wet dreaming, i was kinda given the prospect of having sex and my mind just refused to do it. It ws like with such a fury tht i used to wake up, all charged up because the moment i refused, i woke up from the dream realising it for wht it ws, pushing the gal in my dreams or the situation away from me.  I clearly remember situations like this happening atleast 4-5 dreams on diff nights before i got a wet dream one night and then a few more waking up before anything happening. This waking up was different as i always used to wakeup before any act took place as my subconscious just rejecting the scene due to the emotional events tht occurred to me during those days.
As my life stabilized again, things started going back to normal. Wht is important to note is tht when i am awake i have full control and i could just reject anything thrown at me. And it did happen to me, as i interacted with 2-3 girls in those months but i just backed off before anything could have happened. It ws very consciously done because i just had complete control and those memories of pain were the only thing in my mind. Hwever, the subconscious mind is a completely different thing i have found out. A small grain is what it needs; the most innate innermost desires at the foundation are controlled by it. Outside i have a thousand factors to weigh and decide tht i shoud back off and tht i still have feelings for a certain person. But the subconscious mind controls the most basic of feelings i suppose. Both love and lust. I did have so many dreams where i used to be with my girl again and we were together. But every few days i used to get these wet dreams too.
So i started to get periodic wet dreams with only a few successful wakeups. Even when i woke up most of the time it was just before i would have ejaculated and just manage to avoid doing so. I decided tht i would try something new. I made up my mind that the best way to achieve what i wanted was to try and go lucid in most of my dreams so that when a wet like dream occurs i can just wake up and prevent the scene from ever completing. This because once or twice during such a dream, i went lucid, but instead tried to remain in the dream and sometime later i lost control and thus ejaculated. Just breaking out of the dream and then falling asleep again. Wht happened ws tht i din try anything to become lucid or so. I just kinda decided and every night before i went to sleep it was the only thing on my mind. This because i got such dreams every week, more than once many time times. It’s turned out really good actually. What actually happens is i sort of figure out that i am in a dream everytime there i some sex related situation happening. I dunno how to explain it but its sort of become my cue, since i always conclude that this can’t be happening in my life... Oh where am in.... oh i am in a dream and i wake up. Really a scene involving sex and 8-9/10 times i realise i am dreaming because it cant be happening as i took a vow.
This has worked really well and i sometimes prevent myself 5-6 times before the scene starts or is in midst actually before i ejaculate some night due to a reason. Some days i wake up the moment i get that ejaculation feeling and i noe some things wrong and then its just pure luck how far did i go in my dream.
Also i would like to share some incidents tht took place during these lucid + wet dreams.
One very weird dream tht i had ws so amazing as i think of it now tht it had me completely fooled. I guess i was semi-aware of my dream status. I was in my bedroom, the same where i ws sleeping and using my computer. Now, all these incidents i mention were mostly during holidays and i spent most of my time those months in my room using computer. Now this was so normal tht i didn’t feel anything out of place. Wht happened in the dream tht i started surfing porn on the internet and slowly started masturbating. The funny thing was tht even in my dream i ws telling myself to just do it a bit and not go all the way, and that i would stop. A month or so ago i had that third time that i mentioned a couple of paragraphs above, so i thought it was just another can’t control my lust moment thing for me. Funnily enough that third time incident came to my mind and i started thinking abt hw bad it felt the next couple of days. Suddenly i began to as do i really need to do this, and i got a shocker tht i ws dreaming. I woke up with a jerk and immediately started pacing up and down the room smiling. I ws quite elated tht day since this was kind of a subconscious rejecting the lust thing that happened. Also i had a feeling that a wet dream was about to occur since i hadn’t got one in 2-3 weeks. Hwever as far as i remember i got a wet dream a day after that. Sigh.
The second weird dream tht i had is a bit different. Tht day i had a rough day. I got to know some news abt my ex. Nothing bad... Just tht she was enjoying life with her friends and so on. I felt sad tht day tht i was still stuck in my room and such. Also i wondered if she had finally gotten over me. Shedding a few tears i fell asleep. I had a dream where i ws with some girl and having sex, and ws semi awake. It was just tht i was kinda furious and angry in the dream itself. I dun clearly remember the whole thing but when the ejaculation feeling came i just let it come and welcomed it due to my frustration tht i ws feeling. It was perhaps my way of letting my girl know tht i am enjoying as well. (She was watching me in the dream i think) I woke up after tht and ws as frustrated as i had been before sleeping. I think it was one of the most significant dreams i ever had since i realised tht my subconscious mind is affected by small events in my life and the emotions that come with it. When i had his wet dream, i had managed to maintain an entire month without ejaculation while dreaming by going lucid and waking up.
Seriously ppl might say tht wet dreams are natural and scientific and tht but this is the catch to it. It’s just that lack of sexual activity kicks our mind into high gear and it compensates by dreaming. This lack of sexual activity is noted by the person in his day to day life and just forgets it, which the mind brings up when sleeping.

Also one last thing i thought i’d bring up. Sometimes in my life some major incident happened tht affected this cycle. As in i went for a 3 week trip during my holidays with my friends. Now we were practicing and roaming around for the whole day and so. Before goin on the trip i was getting a wet dream every week for the past month or so. This was after i mentioned above my life stabilised a bit and my mind went to normal and started having period wet dreams. (Before i decided to try and go lucid). Now i didn’t have a single wet dream during this entire trip and the only possible explanation I could think for this is tht my mind being diverted elsewhere. I only realised this after we came back home and a week later i noted this absence and the dreams continued. 
Since London is my first experience outside my home country, it took me quite some time to adjust. I ve been roaming around the city, going to univ and so on and my mind ws diverted this way for a month nw. Only 2 days ago i had a wet dream which i managed to avoid last second by waking up. Was pretty close if u ask me. I have a feeling that since i am settled and stable here now; i am going to have encounters with these dreams again.

•	Srry for the poor grammar.  Turned out to be a long post and the grammar worsened as i continued. Typed all this in one go.

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## darkvergil

One thing tht i forgot to mention above ws, tht b4 coming to london the frequency of wet dreams tht i got increased a bit again. I got three and was finding it a bit hard to wakeup b4 the moment happens. Bt since coming here and with all the moving to a diff place they stopped.

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