# Sleep and Dreams > Dream Journals > Dream Journal Archive >  >  Zhaylin's Dreamlog

## Zhaylin

The dreamlog I have been keeping can be found in my profile... but I love this community and thought I would keep one here instead  :smiley: 

My dreams suck ever since I came here 2 days ago and I have been trying to direct my dreams.  It's a problem I've had in the past.  When I go to sleep with the goal of influencing a dream or having a LD, sleep evades me and my recall suffers tremendously.
It normally takes me about 40 minutes to record my dreams because they're so full of life and detail.

But it hasn't all been for nothing.  Night before last I went to sleep trying to trigger a LD.  I wanted to be in an enormous library filled with all the knowledge of the world that I frequently dreamed of in the past, yet couldn't read the books.  Now that I've read in my dreams, I wanted to return.
Instead of dreaming about the library, I dreamed of my congregation (which I've been excommunicated from for almost a year).  I dreamed of all the people I love so much, attending the meetings and going out in Service (the door-to-door Ministry).  
When I awoke, the message was very clear to me:  All the knowledge of the world doesn't matter.  Knowledge of God and his people is what counts and I need to return.  I never wanted to leave.  Even when I was excommunicated, I attended all the meetings until November and I tried killing myself because my kids were taken away and placed in Foster Care.  Now I'm in the Court System trying to get them back and I'm still smoking (something Jehovah's Witnesses do NOT do) and my life is still such a mess that I feel unworthy of even attending the meeting lest my unworthiness corrupts and destroys everyone.  Unrealistic, I logically KNOW... but emotionally.... it's hard.
That dream helped.

Last night, I went to sleep with the intention of growing multiple eyes and limbs  ::D: 
Instead, what I can (barely) remember from my dream is:
My hubby was late paying rent on the garage he stores the diesel RV in and the guy was kicking him out.  I asked him where he was going to store "Big Red" (the RV) and what he was going to do.  He said he was going to punch the guy in the jaw.  I was disappointed because the garage owner is older than my hubby (who himself is 64 years old) and hubby isn't the violent sort.
Another dream I vaguely recall was of riding a horse through a neighborhood, trying to escape something.  I was riding bareback and someone was behind me.  I knew better than to kick the horse but he was a talking horse and too intelligent to be treated that way.  But I did have reins and I kept urging him to go faster.
In yet another dream, I had a bag with fish in it.  They kept falling out and I would put them back and there would be more fish in the bag.  Then I got to a house and I saw a commercial with those fish in it.  One was at the very bottom of a cage, under some chicken wire trying to munch it's way out.  The commercial said to log in to a webpage to name a fish and have a chance to win a lot of money.  I thought Chomper would be a good name for the one at the bottom, so I logged in to eBay but the contest had expired.
Someone walked behind me and tried to read what I had written, but I covered it with my arms

Yesterday I visited my sons at the shelter they're staying in (after being kicked out of Foster Care for bad behavior).  It's a 2 1/2 hour drive, one way, so I listened to the Chronicles of Narnia on the way there and back.
The part of my dream of hubby hitting a man on his jaw, came from the story I listened to- as did the talking horse who was carrying me out of danger.
At the shelter was a huge fish and my 16 year old told me it eats all the other fish they put in the tank... so the fish from my dream came from there.
The part about me writing secret information came from the fact that I took statements from my sons to present to the Court tomorrow about why they hate where they're at and why they want to come home.  Our visits are *supposed* to be monitored and we're not supposed to talk about a lot of things.  But since they were moved to the shelter about 50 days ago, we've not been monitored and have spoken freely.  In doing so, I now have cause for complaint against the case worker who has been spreading rumors and not carrying out promises.
In any event, the dreams were nothing special, just a recap of my daily going-ons.

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## Zhaylin

Night before last I only got a couple hours sleep and didn't recall the dreams because I woke up too quickly for Court.
Last night I tossed and turned and couldn't recall my dreams when I woke up at 7:30.
I smoked a cigarette and told myself:  "I don't care what I dream about, just please remember them," and I went back to sleep.

In the first, I dreamed I was Tommy from the Rugrats (as babies) lol and I was off on an adventure I don't remember.

Then I dreamed of snakes.  I wanted them as pets, so I picked them up to place in an aquarium.  The smaller one bit me and it hurt but not as badly as I was expecting.  They were large garter snakes of different subspecies.  The smaller one was black and the larger one was red and black and it was quite docile.  I looked at it's face and it was gorgeous.  The smaller one which bit me was ordinary and I saw it's fangs when it sunk into the area near my thumb.
After I placed them in the aquarium, I saw it was broken and was angry about it.  I tried to cover it, but then it was much too shallow for them.  I went off trying to find another container for them and found myself outside on a walkway.  On it were many tiny snakes.  Most of them were dried out and dead.  Back in the house, on a banister, was a small snake the someone butchered.  Then I woke up but fell right back to sleep.

I had two other dreams.  The last one I barely recalled when I woke but in the process of writing all of this I've forgotten it completely.  The third, I barely remember now.
It had something to do with babies.  I don't think they were mine, but I was helping someone as we were fleeing from something.  We had jewelry that could levitate us- or were supposed to anyhow.  We were very high up, trying to get down.  Both bracelets were accidentally dropped.  And when they fell to the ground I told someone that apparently they didn't work.  One of the babies had a very wet diaper but we couldn't do anything about that where we were..
I'm going to lay back down and see what else I can remember if anything...

Not much help... but I recall some details of either the last dream or pieces from the others.
I hid something in some woods.
I was riding a bike at one point.
My hubby was in the last one.
I was hungry and got a slushie at some point.

I went to bed "last night" around 1AM and woke up the final time a little after 11AM.

The interpretations....
Being on an adventure as Tommy- I have no idea lol.  I haven't seen or thought about the show in a very long time.  But as I wrote that, I recalled that one dream was of my sons coming home.  So it must be connected.  I used to watch the show with my oldest son, all the time, when he was a toddler.  Perhaps the dream shows my desire to be reunited with my children.

The second one with the snakes is a combination of things:  Watching Untamed and Uncut two nights ago with snake attacks in it.  The fact that, in November I caught a small garter snake and was afraid he'd bite me when I picked him up (he didn't) and he living temporarily in a cage that was much too small.  Then I bought him an aquarium, then left him in the care of my daughters friends mother and I went to Atlanta.  I was so distraught when I returned that I abandoned him to them.  He got bigger so they tried feeding him a mouse.  The mouse ate him *lol sob*  So I harbor some guilt over him.

The third one... not sure yet and I'm bored and hungry so I'm going to stop for now lol

As I was laying back on the couch, I glanced at the door and recalled the dream with hubby involved him coming into the RV and being upset with me.
It was triggered because last night, before bed, he called me extremely upset.  But not at me- at the circumstances we find ourselves in and how he feels we're being pushed around simply because he's a doctor.  He wanted to make sure I understood that when he lashes out, it's not me he's mad at but them.  I told him I know that and understand and reassured him that he's in no way angered, upset or offended me.  He reassured me that he wasn't going to abandon me, which seemed kind of odd, so I asked if he would be happier if I left.  He said I'm his life.  But I said it's because of me that's he has to deal with all this stress.  He reassured me that he wants me in his life despite the stress.
Because, in the dream, he barged into the RV I'm temporarily living in and he was mad at ME... it may indicate I harbor some resentment over the fact that he has access to where I live, but I don't have access to where he lives (he comes and goes through the garage which he has a lock for which disables the garage door opener).  Because, in the dream, he was mad at me- it simply shows the guilt I carry and the anger I have at myself and how I feel he SHOULD be mad at me.

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## Zhaylin

My trip is now 4 days away and my anxiety has kicked in at full force, which means I'll be sleeping an average of 15 hours a day until we leave.  Even my beloved Provigil cannot keep me awake when I reach this stage.
My days are spent taking many long naps.  I've already gotten most of my packing done, so that's okay  :smiley: 
I've had an abundance of dreams, but my sleep was constantly interrupted so I don't recall them, except for part of one.

I was fixing my hair in the mirror and I used a lot of hairspray to try to keep it in place.  But I used too much, too soon and made my hair a royal mess lol
I had that dream because I used hairspray the other day (which I rarely use) and I've not had an opportunity to shower yet and my hair feels really gross.

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## Zhaylin

I stayed with hubby last night instead of the RV where I've been living since my kids were taken (the country home is 40 minutes away and devoid of the luxuries of internet and TV which I would go crazy without at this time).  
He had to go shopping, so we didn't even get to sleep until about 5AM and then he woke me up for romance around 6:30 and we didn't go back to sleep until after 8.  And I can never comfortably sleep with the man because he produces too much body heat and used a sheet and a comforter which he straps to the bed because I thrash around in my sleep and tend to throw them to the floor lol.
Even though I'm almost always cold during the day, and he's almost always hot, our roles reverse in sleep.  I wake up covered in sweat, and all the more so when I stay with him.

The dreams I recall are only snip-its.
In one, my bestfriend from the congregation was on the phone with me and she asked if I was smoking because if so, that changes everything.  I told her yes, I started again last April 28, but I was going to quit.

In another dream, I was trying to fly with someone.  I was a guy and she wasn't cooperating.  Even though she could fly too, she kept making us hit the ground hard and I finally told her if she wouldn't cooperate I wouldn't fly with her any more.

Then I dreamed I was being shot at by jets.  I was a jet too, and kept trying to dodge out of their way. I succeeded in blowing up all three of them... then the dream merged into me being at a grocery store and the machines were crazy and attacking me.

In another, I was in the basement of a house and trying desperately to keep a door closed.  There was a giant bug monster on the side that was going to eat me.  Strangely, it was connected with a television show.  I paused the show to grab all my stuff which was scattered around and in doing so, I paused time.  As I was going up from the basement and returning for another round, the television had turned itself on and unfroze time and the monster.  I couldn't find the remote and was leaning against the door.  Someone came into the house, upstairs, and I called for their help.  They didn't come, but I found the remote, froze time again, grabbed the rest of my stuff and rushed upstairs, just as the tv was coming back on.
When I got upstairs, the dream merged into yet another.  There was a huge banquet and antiques were being sold.  The dream went on for some time, but I've forgotten the details.


Interpretations:
The first one is simply my guilt at being disfellowshipped from the congregation and my having started smoking again after having quit for 8 years.  I miss my friend and want to return.

The second one... was caused by a thread here of someone wanting to meet a dream walker lol

In the third... I don't know why I was a jet lol, but I've never dreamed of being one before, so it was nice.
The merge into the store was because I had gone shopping right before sleep.  I don't know why I was being attacked though.

The fourth with the giant bug and the basement was brought about by the tv shows I had watched earlier in the day and right before bed.  I could freeze time simply because I was afraid .  It had the feeling of SP, but I was sound asleep.
Why it merged into a banquet and antiques, I'm not sure.  But it could be connected to my up-coming trip and my hubby's love of antiques.

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## Zhaylin

I slept absolutely horrendously last night.  I have that stupid 4-5 hour long, Court ordered psychological parenting test in 40 minutes.  Because alarm clocks seldom work with me, and I don't have a decent one currently and use my DS, I woke up every 30-60 minutes.  Plus, I use a large TV for my monitor and it usually shuts itself off after 30 minutes of inactivity but it didn't last night and it faces the couch I use as a bed, so it distracted me as well and I was too sleepy and out of sorts to think of shutting off the tv.  Plus... I was too hot when I used the oven the oven for extra warmth (seeing as the front furnace in the RV is broken and I rely on the one in the back to heat the entire RV), so I turned the oven off, but froze most of the night.

The only dream I recall at this time was strange.  I was a tribal person living on an unknown world.  I was exploring the different plants for food and came upon something like a cactus.  I kicked at it gingerly after my companion warned what it was.  Then I had part of it in my mouth, but it was like eating dirt, so I spit it out.  This dream (oddly enough for me) was in first person for the most part.
Then we came upon some shrimp.  They were in plastic wrap and dehydrated and most were no good to eat.  Near it were other fish, also dried and nasty looking.  I ate one of the shrimp which looked newer and it was sweet and delicious.
We walked a bit more and came near a body of water.  A creature was scurrying about that we called a shrimp, but it climbed a wall and resembled a cross between a crawfish and a scorpion.  We got it down and my companion desperately wanted to eat it.  But it had a nasty beak and after it was off the wall we saw it was quite large (cat sized) and it fully looked like an embrio (sp!)  Then we spoke with it.  It told us it did not want it's tail ripped off and eaten because the act would kill it.  But my companion kept trying to step on its face to rip off the tail, but I felt sorry for it and wouldn't help her.

Now I have to rush out the door for my test...
I dreamed of shrimp because I bought some with my hubby night before last.  I dreampt of being a tribal person because I watched 2 episodes of Super Stars of Dance last night on Hulu and was impressed by the African dancers.
As for the specifics of the dream, I don't know...

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## Zhaylin

I went to bed "last night" at around 2Am and woke up for the last time at 2PM
My dog was crying at 8AM and woke me up and I rushed to see what was troubling her and lost any dreams I had before then.
I had a lot of interesting dreams after that though.

In one, I had the doll that terrorized me as a child in a large box.  She was sleeping, but I knew if she woke up she would kill me.  I, and some other people, hijacked a vehicle.  At first it was tank like.  I wanted to secure the doll in one of the outside, insulated compartments, and did so.
Then the vehicle became a sort of car.  I knew all the passengers (though not in life).  It was long and at one point I thought it was a monorail.  But there were drivers seats at the front.  My companion and I were taking control non-violently.  The drivers were off on an errand and I was confused how we were going to take control of the vehicle.  My companion unzipped a large compartment under the seat and told me to do the same.  We were to crouch underneath the seats which also somehow gave us control to direct the drivers.
I told him it was much too small and I couldn't stay under there for any length of time.  Then he removed the seat  which allowed him to sit up somewhat, but I pointed out that he would be seen.  He attached a different sort of seat on top of himself and explained he would be unseen.
I said I would not have my face underneath someone's butt and have have them fart on me the entire trip.  I refused to do it.  But the drivers were coming back.  He threw a blanket over top of me, but the drivers were distracted which gave me time to go to the back of the vehicle and someone else took my spot.  We were also carrying around a box with some sort of living things inside that we were protecting.  The driver was Ron H. from my congregation.

The next thing I know, we were in a building with a zip-line.  I took the zip-line to a lower room and I saw the latch and rope with vivid, perfect clarity.
I placed the doll in the closet of a room and told my children to NEVER go back there.  But I started to feel compassion toward the doll and felt sorry for her being in such a cramped and possibly scary place.  So I started taking her out of the box and I heard her crying.  I reassured her that everything would be okay and told her how sorry I was for putting her there.  I eventually got her out and hugged her.  She didn't look like the doll at all, but like a child.  Instead of blonde hair, she had black hair.  She was beautiful but I was still scared of her.  I told her I would take care of her, but I was also keeping her close to make sure she didn't turn into the monster I remember. 

The next thing I recall was carrying the "doll" and my ex-husband was with me and we were fleeing.  I was flying but couldn't gain any altitude.  We were in a swamp like area and our feet were dragging in the tall grass and my ex was falling.  I told him to just hold onto my arm and we would be okay.  He couldn't fly himself.  I was explaining what he had to do and when to do it.. "kick up with your feet... raise your arm, now lower it quickly..."
Eventually, I gained enough altitude and dropped him off through a window, on the upper floor of a building.  But at that point, I saw the man we were fleeing from:  Vernon T., another Elder from my congregation.  I couldn't grab my ex in time, so I jumped out the widow and went to the top under a roof. (The building was like a mall or some such, with many floor and buildings separate from the other but under the roof of a larger building which contained the whole.)  A few minutes later, my ex shouted that everything was okay.  Vernon meant us no harm and offered peace.
I was very relieved... then woke up to my dog crying again.   ::roll:: 

I now forget the other dreams.

The reason I had that dream was because of the psychological/parenting test I had to take yesterday.  He asked questions about everything imaginable, including any recurring dreams I have.  I told him I usually have nightmares about the doll at least once a year.
I spoke a little about my ex as well as my children and congregation.
We spoke about my tendencies toward avoidance.  He asked if I talk myself out of doing things- even things I enjoy.  At first I said no, but I corrected myself and said:  "That's not true... Even though I enjoy my congregation meetings a great deal, I make up excuses not to attend."
So that's why the Elders were pursuing me in my dream.  I was avoiding them, for no particular reason lol

It's interesting to me, though, that I made peace with the doll.  Hopefully it's a lasting theme and I'll no longer have nightmares about her.

In life, my ex abandoned me and our kids... so what's the significance of his role in my dream... ??? I'm not sure.  I had a chance to abandon him during our flight but didn't.  Which could indicate that I hold no grudge (which I don't).  But at the end, I did abandon him when I had no other choice but to do so. ??? So what could that mean?  That we acted as we had, in the past, because we had no other option?  (I was not a perfect or even good wife by any means.)  I'll have to think about that some.

As for hiding under the seat and being afraid of being farted on lol, I write that off as my own stomach distress.  Before a trip, I become severely anxious.  And for some weird reason, when I become highly anxious, I also become highly gassy lol.  I went to sleep after taking antacids which helps with the reflux but not the gas, so I was farting in my sleep I'm sure  ::D: 

The vehicle changed when its role in the dream became unbelievable.  I do that all the time which prevents me from becoming lucid.  If a dream becomes too unbelievable and I can't change it, I simply wake up.

Why the doll became a dark haired little girl?  ???  That could have been brought on from watching 3 episodes of Battlestar Gallactica before sleep.  Harra (I little girl) was in all of the episodes and she has dark hair.

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## Zhaylin

I leave for my trip in about 12 hours.  I don't know if I'll be able to access the internet in Hawaii or not.  So happy dreaming to everyone  :smiley: 

I feel absolutely horrible.  I was up until about 7:30 this morning doing laundry.  When I skip sleep (or am even a few hours behind going to bed), my anxiety-induced breathing difficulty becomes much worse.  In the past, it would be so bad, and my chest so tight that I would "crack" my breastbone as I do my knuckles.  Thankfully, medication has ended that problem!!  But what I do suffer is still annoying.  It's annoying because I KNOW the reason for it, I face my anxiety strongly, and it still pesters me.
I walked from the RV to my hubby's house (about 30 steps), down into his basement, transferred the clothes then came back.  My heart was pounding and I was a little light-headed.  A few minutes passed then I remembered my blood pressure machine.  I took it and was astounded.
My blood pressure was 167/110!!  My pulse was 120 (which isn't unusual for me).  I decided it was time to go to sleep, even though I took a Provigil to help me finish my chores.  It wasn't working well anyhow.

I don't recall the first dreams.  My dog, as always, woke me initially.  I went back to sleep and had strange dreams of cockroaches (which I detest and have a phobia of).  In the dream I moved to an apartment, but brought over some things I had stored in my parents garage.  I little devils were bigger than most, but smaller than "wood roaches".  It was hard like a beetle.  I picked one up with a folded paper towel and could still feel it's gross, hard and thorny legs.  I was going crazy trying to figure out where they were coming from.  I didn't know if it was from the apartment under me or from my parents garage.  I didn't want to squash the one I carried.  Even though I loathe them, I don't like killing anything.  When I was a kid, in life, my dad used to joke and say even if I was being attacked by a shark I wouldn't be able to so much as punch it on the nose.  That's not quite true, but close lol.
I ended up dropping it outside, still partially wrapped in the paper towel.  I worried that it wouldn't be able to get out of it, but when I turned to look, it had.

In another dream, I was running from the Mafia.  I was with someone else in a Mall-like building I often dream about.  He wanted to steal a sled for some reason, but all the buildings were closed and locked.  He finally found one and we took off running.  We were spotted though and I took to flight (literally).  At that point, I realized I was dreaming.  I told myself NOT to wake up, but I did *grrrr*

When I woke up, I walked a couple feet to my fridge and took out a coke and carrot cake.  I took one bite of the cake and one toke from my cigarette after I sat back down on my couch.  I then thought to take my blood pressure.  It was 121/90 and my pulse was 110.  Not too bad, but not too good either.  I should take half a blood pressure pill, but they sometimes make me sleepy or (as I call it) "floogally" (where I feel somewhat light-headed and dreamy).  And I'll be driving 3 hours to the airport later.  I should take a Provigil, but I don't know if it will raise my pressure.  I guess now is as good as any time to experiment... though with the anxiety, the results will be jaded regardless.
*Blah*  I just want to be there.  I LOVE flying, I just hate leaving home.  But once I get where I'm going, the anxiety reduces and I thoroughly enjoy myself.

Oh well... time to get back to work and packing...

Oh yeah... I also dreamed someone saw my scarification tattoo and was admiring it.  That's all I recall of the dream.
The reason I had it is simple.  I worked on my tat some day before yesterday.  The borders aren't scarred or colored enough.  I used blue bic ink and it didn't take very well.  When I worked on the flames underneath the butterfly, I used red bic ink and the scars aren't nearly as well defined but the color took much better.  Red, I figured, is a good color for me, so I went over the old scar tissue with red ink.  My hubby would FLIP OUT if he sees it though.
I was a "recovering" self-injurer for several years, but my new emotional trauma/stress of having my kids taken and having to deal with the Court triggered my former bad habit.  But I determined not to cut for cutting's sake, but I would be more creative or not do it at all.  I've been working on the butterfly for almost a year now and the flames for a couple months.
I'll cover them up with a nicotine patch when we get to Hawaii (the moisture also hinders the healing process which makes scarring take place more seeing how I don't cut deeply), but there's always a chance he'll find out which worries me (but not enough to make me stop).  I want to perfect my tat before I return because I'm determined to become spiritually healthy when I get back and God does not like self-injury.  
It's inappropriate to think so, but seeing how I'm disfellowshipped and smoking (which God also disapproves of) I feel (wrongly though it may be) that I have a free pass of sorts to screw up as much as possible before seeking forgiveness.  I don't even pray much while I'm smoking because it's like a slap in the face to God (i.e:  "Please help me Father and never mind the cigarettes")
I've always been proud of my scars.  It shows me that I've survived.  But it also shows an almost blatant apathy and disregard for God whom I hold very dear and before whom I need so desparately to become reapproved.
Welcome to the insane inner workings of my screwed up brain.

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## Zhaylin

I'm back from my trip... and what a trip it was!!
I had some extremely strange dreams.  I didn't record nearly any of them because I was too lazy.

Sad thing, however, I quit smoking while I was there and I started as soon as I got back.
I got the result of my psycological/parenting test and it wasn't as favorable as I wouhave liked and he shared more info than I wanted.  And my hubby's attitude doesn't help any, bless his heart.  He thinks I should just tell the state:  "You think you're the professionals, take the kids then and make them any better than my wife has tried."
But he's never been a father or friend to them and I'm not about to abandon my kids.

So, I'm *grrrr-ing* right now.

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## Zhaylin

I had some truly bizarre dreams last night.  Of course, as usual, my dog woke me up this morning lol so I'm very surprised I remember them.
I dreamed I was in a large house I often dream about.  It was located where my grandmother used to live.  I was with some other people in a basement.
The first thing I really remember was a little door in a wall similar to the one that's in my hubby's basement in life- only smaller.  There were screws in the door to keep it shut and I'm uncertain as to whether I wanted to open it or keep it closed.  I was trying to keep the others away though.  I left and went outside.  I was trying to keep my hubby out of the basement and away from the door but I was also scared of him and avoiding him.  The RV I currently live in, in life, was in the yard.  He went into the house and into the basement. He had no trouble opening the little door.  From the room, he removed the liquidfied (sp) remains of several people.  He was trying to conceal a crime.
Next thing I recall was talking on the phone with him.  He was taking the RV somewhere and was asking questions about it's maintainence.  He was also disappointed because he gave me plenty of times to make copies of some paperwork.  I finally confessed that both the furnaces were broken, the outside tank was almost empty of propane, the water tank or line had frozen, the water pump had likely burned up, and I hadn't canceled phone service to the Farm [our country home in life].  I explained I hadn't wanted to trouble him, that I was getting of heat from the stove and oven.  Then I realized it was almost 5 o'clock, so I rushed off to a store to make copies of the paperwork.  I started to leave through the large gate of my grandmothers yard and several dogs passed by me.

Then, it seems as though I entered another dream... I was in a time long forgotten, with a group of people I don't recall actually seeing for the most part (as in the first dream as well)., or perhaps I've simply forgotten them.  We were making a secret journey using extreme stealth, and our preparation was rushed.  I couldn't find anything to wear.  I took a simply but beautiful band for my my head.  But then I put on pants that had one of the legs cut off in shorts.  Someone told me I wasn't going to wear those and I laughed it off, saying I wasn't being serious and I rushed off to find something else.  I don't know what I chose but I wanted also to wear some sort of bandanna but a woman said it would look better worn as an extension at the back of my head and asked if there were any beads and thread so she could weave it on.  There wasn't and we hadn't the time for such things anyhow.
We left and the next thing I recall was sneaking up on a bad guy and throwing a sack over his head and holding his hands behind him.  He could use magic and it was extremely important that he couldn't see or use his hands.  We wrestled on the ground for a long time.  Then he somehow changed and I changed somehow as well.  He was holding himself up with a probiscus (sp) of some sort and then other creatures appeared and snapped them off.  He was in excruciating pain and I felt pity for him.

Then the dream changed again, or perhaps it's a fragment from one of the other two dreams.  I was sitting outside with a preacher and a woman.  We were talking about the things that give us strength and what we look forward to.  I started talking about how I looked forward to the Bible's promise being fulfilled when the righteous and unrighteous would be resurrected, given the opportunity to learn the truth about God and have the prospect of living forever on a Paradise Earth.  The Preacher respectfully said nothing.  He had similar but different beliefs.  The woman, however, became extremely angry.  She started talking about how such things are NOT in the Bible and how my dreams were impossible and stupid.  I let her rant and when she was in a better mood, I gingerly explained myself more.  I told her the verses in the Bible where such promises could be found.  Then she started tearing Jehovah's Witnesses apart, saying we let the Watchtower magazines explain and define our beliefs.  I explained the magazines were nothing more than study tools.  Like educational worksheets on specific topics which were entirely Bible based and Scripturally sound.  Then she started to bash God and said the Bible's inconsistent.  She gave us topics to look up in the book of Exodus that spoke of God having non-believers killed and how slavery was acceptable ect.  She said we would meet back in a week with our findings.

Then I started to have another dream.  It was being narrated by someone but I could see what was being said.  Someone on a train had been against someone else in power.  So he was placed on the rails of the track on a bridge and strapped to it.  No one knew he was missing until they later found his severed head.  And they knew it was him because he was the most beautiful man in the known world, with long hair and an unusual complexion.
The part I actually saw was him strapped to the tracks and the lights from the incoming train, and him screaming.

Then I woke up.



Interpretations:
The first one is actually easy.  The basement represents things about myself that I want to protect by keeping other people away.  It's been a recurring theme lately so it definitely relates to my current mental state which is an absolute mess filled with suicidal ideations, self-loathing and self-injury.  I don't want such things known by people I interact with.  But I had to take that stupid pschycological/parenting test and I was unforgivably honest for it and he included information that does NOT pertain to the case and he implied wouldn't be revealed but he did.  So now Child Protective Services know all of my secrets and I'm certain they'll try to use them against me even though he did recommend that I get my children back for the trial period.  I requested a copy of his results to be mailed to me and I read all 15 pages and my hubby read the last portion with me though I wish he hadn't.    Thankfully, he didn't see the first part which states I currently use self-injury but he wants a copy of the paperwork.  
The dead bodies hubby removed were those secrets.
The part of the RV is because when we returned from our trip, such was the case.  But I don't want anyone around me and I don't want to disrupt hubby's already chaotic schedule by telling him the extent of work that needs done.  He worries about me using the stove/oven for heat because I could die.  But, frankly, I don't care if I die or not but it hasn't killed me yet and I seriously doubt it will, so I continue to use those as my heat source.
The part about the phone and the Farm is because I feel guilty that I still haven't discontinued service even though I've not lived there for two months now.  I HAVE to do that today!!!
The part about the dogs is likely because my dog was probably barking.
I talked to my hubby on the phone because that's usually (and sadly) how we communicate.
The dream took place at my grandmothers because that's the only place I've been the most happy for the longest period of time and I felt safe there except for a pervy uncle.  So while the overall theme of the dream was keeping myself distanced and safe from people, the truth of the matter is- I don't care what people know or don't know about me.  I'll be okay and happy in the end- which shows that even when I'm sad, anxious and even suicidal, I'm optimistic lol.  I KNOW problems don't last forever, even if I do seem to feel otherwise at times.

The second dream was likely inspired from watching 5 episodes of "The Seeker" last night.  I usually don't watch shows that are magic-themed because of my religious beliefs and I felt guilty while watching them.  I also found the outfit of the female character extremely unrealistic. It's long and flowing.  If someone wore something like that while horseback riding or sword fighting, the clothes would be snagged on the trees or used against her in battle.
Wrestling with the magician was me wrestling with my conscience.  His being snapped apart and my feeling sorry for him, represents that I need to stop watching the show even if I don't want to lol.
The part about his hands being bound came from an episode directly.  The part about the sack over his head is my needing to stopping watching.

The third dream reinforces the interpretation of the second.  In it, I was sharing my religious beliefs with others.  The Preacher represents my apathetic side.  A lot of Preachers in other religions "tickle the ears" of the flock because they don't want to lose membership.  To such Preachers, it doesn't matter what a person does or believes so long as they try to be good people.  It shows the direction I'm heading.  I started smoking again as soon as I returned from my trip and read the results of the stupid test.  I started cutting again after that as well.  I watched the show with the magic theme.  All of which are against the beliefs I hold very dear to my heart.  But I'm overwhelmed right now, kicked out from socializing with my congregation and lacking a support system, so I'm drifting further away from God.  The Preacher represents that part of myself that doesn't care.
The woman represents the problems themselves.  At first she attacked my beliefs.  But I returned with sound reasonings so she went on to attack God.  Exodus, in brief, means to leave.  Because all of us accepted the challenge of looking up information in the Bible and agreed to return with our findings, it shows I have some soul searching to do.  I am tormented in my spiritually disapproved state but I don't think I'm strong enough or determined enough to put my life in order.  Am I for God or against God?  There is no fence.  It's a joke among Jehovah's Witnesses that Satan owns the fence.  Either you accept God and do what he wants to the best of your ability, or you don't.
I need to get off my butt and decide one way or the other.
Which, for me, can only mean I get my life in order.  My spirituality defines the very essence of who I am.  If I lose that, I die.  And as suicidal as I currently am (off and on), this is an issue I need to take most seriously.

As for the last dream.... it was interrupted, so there is no interpretation. 

Now, I think, I'll go back to sleep lol.

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## Zhaylin

**Grrrr**- stupid phone!  Twice, it woke me up.  What I recall of my dreams is little.
What I do recall is strange to say the least lol

I was somewhere, fleeing for my life with greatest fear with a group of others.  I want to say we were on a spaceship, but it doesn't make sense with the rest of the dream.  Perhaps it was a large building.  In any case, we were being hunted by creatures that were in the likeness of zombies and yet wraiths as well.
At some point, everyone was outside with their few remaining belongings.  A little girl was extremely sad and upset because her animal had been abandoned and she asked a woman why she hadn't left her own animal behind.  The woman tried to explain that the girls animal was sick and slowing them down  while her own beasts were healthy.  I had the impression that these animals were livestock of some kind and vital for their survival.
I don't recall actually being in this dream.  It was a story I was watching but not influencing or participating in.
Then my view turned toward the houses along empty streets and to an abundance of dogs.  Many of them had turned and were eating or turning the healthy ones.  Others were safely locked in pens or houses, but were doomed to die slowly of starvation and my heart went out to them.

In another dream, or perhaps the same one at a different time, there was some drama about love.  I've forgotten all of the details except that eventually the couple sneaked away for some intimacy.  At first they were skydiving but then they were somehow under water with parachutes and breathing aparatuses (sp!).  From far away I could see him thrusting inside of her, both lost in passion.  Then I hear voices ask:  "Is he hurting her?  What is he doing?"  And my view became more distant and I saw the question was asked by a fish lol.  As my vision became even more distant, I saw they were surrounded by beautiful fish in such numbers I couldn't count.  I thought it was a very peaceful, passionate and breathtaking scene.

In another dream I was trying to land a spaceship.  Ah yes,  something else I now recall is that two factions were fighting.  There was a spy on the one.  It was male and I saw the dream through his eyes.  He was trying to take control of the one ship and after much difficulty he entered the chamber of a smaller craft- but one that was vital.  He was being pursued and he slammed the door behind him and entered the craft and ejected.  The leader of the bad guys found out and entered a craft of his own for pursuit.  The chin strap of the good guys helmet came off and the helmet itself was following.  He needed it to control the vehicle and as the helmet slipped off the window/door above him was opened  and he started being sucked out.  The vehicle had fail safes installed for such events and began returning to the ship it had come from.  The man was distraught.  He thought he could regain control but didn't have time to with the vehicle turning around.  It landed and he managed to eject again, but the bad guy was in close pursuit and the good guy was terrified because now he wasn't sure he had enough fuel to return to his own spaceship.


Interpretations...
I think, for the most part, these dreams were of entertainment value only.
Exceptions:  the dogs in the first dream are making me rethink previous interpretations of their presence in my dreams.  They seem to be a daily recurring theme.  It has been raining all night and all day and I know my dog wasn't out in it barking.
What do dogs represent to me?  Mostly, I see them as a burden.  I often wish I didn't have a dog to take care of.  But like everything else in my life, I'm bound by extreme loyalty.  I won't just abandon anyone/anything that's dependent on me no matter how much loathe the responsibility.  Perhaps they represent my desire to run away, leave everything behind, and damn responsibility.  But my heart goes out to them, in the dream, so I know that no matter how much I don't like having to take care of them I will remain forever bound because loyalty is as ingrained in me as my spirituality and I can't severe that quality without killing or changing the essence of who I am.
That interpretation feels true.

The other exception is the couple having sex.  I'm in an extremely emotional and volatile state.  In such, I'm feeling somewhat hypersexual but I have no relief.  My hubby has ED because of his blood pressure meds so he's stopped trying to be intimate with me.  I want to rut and I can feel sexual energy from anyone I'm close to so I'm keeping to myself.  Masturbation isn't an acceptable option 1) my religious beliefs but mostly 2) my dark side.  I always imagine I'm a young child being violated.  I was not molested as a child so I don't know why such disturbing and disgusting thoughts consume me.  They disgust me and when I give in to them, I disgust myself on a most profound level.
The dream simply represents my pent up sexual frustration.

Yet another exception are the fish.  They too are a frequently recurring theme, though I seldom write about them because their presence is usually very brief and their import is quickly forgotten.
What do fish represent to me?  Freedom, beauty, tranquility...  They could simply represent my desire to be free.  Because they appeared during the sex scene, they likely represent the desire I have for peaceful sexual release.  That interpretation is strengthened by the fact the fish asked if the man was hurting the woman.  He wasn't.  It was a natural, loving and mutually passionate act.

Why the sex dream went from skydiving to under water.... I'm unsure.  My immediate feeling is that the scene was inspired by the prologue of a short story I read before sleeping (it had nothing to do with sex but about the freedom of flight and gathering water from the clouds).

That's all I have right now  :smiley:

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## Original Poster

I know perhaps this isn't the type of comment you're looking for but I have a personal question for you.  Why are you interested in attempting to rejoin the congregation?

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## Zhaylin

Not a problem at all Omnis Dei.  I thoroughly enjoy talking about my beliefs- anywhere, any time lol
Long story very short- I searched all my life for Christians who could logically explain my questions about the Bible AND who lived in harmony with their beliefs.  I studied with and about so many different spiritual paths- Christian and non-Christian, that I've lost count.  Jehovah's Witnesses were the only ones I found.  We do not tolerate hyposcrasy among ourselves.  If someone is found to be willfully sinning, if they are genuinely repentant, furthur action is usually not necessary.  To be genuinely repentant means a person STOPS doing the sin.  I failed in that regard.  To keep the congregation clean for my bad influence, I was disfellowshipped [df-ed].  I can attend all the meetings and be spiritually strengthened.  I can talk to the Elders (experienced men who take care of the congregation) if I need help or assistance etc.  I only cannot associate with the individual members.  I accept my punishment.  I understand it was necessary to make me take my actions seriously.  And I'm okay with that.  But since my df-ing my life has gone from bad to worse to unbearably miserable.  My own personal beliefs make me conclude that 1) my mistakes are catching up with me 2) Satan is making sure I remain miserable and weak by bringing about these trials all at one time.  The second I start to regain spiritual ground, another trial confronts me.
My spirituality is the very essence of my BEING.  If I deny it or walk away from it, it will kill me.  Maybe not physically- not at first anyhow.  To put it another way, I need that part of myself as much as I need to breathe.
Hope this helps.


As for last nights dreams........ *grrrr*.  The expanation I was hoping for did not come.  Not from dreams anyhow.
I had been awake for two days.  To see my sons requires I drive to a city about 2 hours away.  I was feeling sleepy, so I bought a 5-hour energy drink which always tears up my stomach in the end.
I got home, watched tv, played games, contributed to forums and found I still wasn't sleepy by 2AM.  So I drank a wine cooler.
Then I gave in to my disgusting fantasies of being raped as a child, hoping that would trigger what I sought from my dreams.  But I was so disgusted at myself that I gave in to self-injury.  I also worked some more on my butterfly scarification tattoo.
I was feeling sleepy, but when I would lie down, my brain wouldn't shut up, so I grabbed my iPod Touch and played some Glyph (a game that makes me tired).
I started nodding in and out of sleep and "poetry" came to me.  I grabbed my notebook and wrote in stages:
"The somehow sweet sound of betrayal
Of knowing I was right
That you would fail
I am unlovable
I knew it all along

Pain is all I'm good for
Pain is all I'll get
It might as well be 
By my own hand
Self-inflicted agony."

Then directly before falling off to sleep, I wrote:
"My life in expectation
of the other shoe to drop."

When I finally did get to sleep, my dreams were mostly about about my husband seeing my cuts and over-reacting.  Or about me trying to stop them from bleeding and trying to conceal their existence.

I woke up at 1 this afternoon with the most God-awful headache.  I sincerely doubt the single wine cooler brought it about, but rather the propane gas fumes from using the oven as my heat source.  My sinuses are completely dry, the passages stuffy.
The visit  with my daughters was canceled today due to the weather, so I'll probably sleep some more if I can.
If not, I'm going to go to the nearby theater when it opens and watch "Taken".
Or perhaps I'll just vegetate here and wallow in self-pity some more.

Which leads to the interpretation of the sleep-deprived and induced "poem" I wrote (I'm not into free style lol)
Was it brought to birth from wanting to face my dark side, from the self-injury, from both?- I don't know.
But the message is clear to anyone:  I despise myself.  Which is kind of funny because I truly do like myself.  But myself **alone**.  I don't like myself who interacts with others.  I don't like feeling responsible for others either on a physical or emotional level.  I always let people down which is unforgivable- even though I freely forgive others of their mistakes against me.  Which in an odd way shows I'm a very self-centered person.  I know to err is human but anything less than perfection from myself is unthinkable.  Who do I think I am to place myself on such a high pedestal?  Am I more important than every other human alive?- I feel I am the least of creation.  So why do I expect perfection from someone I myself considers to be damaged goods and who is incabable in all ways, least of all perfection?
That truly boggles my brain.
Perhaps I should leave Dreamviews and find somewhere for emotionally damaged people lol

This headache is driving me bonkers.  My neck is very stiff, so perhaps I slept wrong.
Arg... I forgot I have to call the Case Worker.  I guess I'll do that now, but then I'll likely be agitated to sleep lol

Until next time.
Your resident nut,
~Zhaylin

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## Astral Entities

hey, read your last post about religion and your most recent dream. I'm not here to judge you for I am accepting of everybody's religions and beliefs. But I just wanted to ask something: Do you think it's possible everybody is in fact their own God? And if so, if you think you deserve only pain and suffering because of something you did (which already happened in the past), that's all you'll get and it's the wrath of some Deity? It doesn't make sense to me, so I would just like to hear your side.

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## Zhaylin

Thanks for the questions Astral.  Short answer (as if anything of the sort is possible with me lol)- No.  I believe the Bible is inspired of God (he merely dictated words the words for men to write in the case of prophecy).  And because I believe the Bible, I believe in God.
I think most of my punishment is self-sabatoge.  I seem to constantly set myself up for failure.  God isn't punishing me.  I brought my problems about myself.  But in order to rejoin the congregation and enjoy association with people I admire and love, I have to clean up my act.  So far, I've been refusing to do that.  I don't believe in the wrath of God as many do.  I don't think he'll strike me down for not listening or confine me in some fiery hell.  The wrath I'm experiencing now is simply spiritual separation.  And if I was to die, I would simply cease to exist.  There would be no resurrection for me because I'm embracing my failures instead of correcting them.


I just woke back up.  It's a little after 7PM and the headache is still as intense as ever.  My sinuses are still just as dry and clogged.  BUT, I've only had a couple drinks of coke today and I've not eatten since yesterday and then I only had half a Big Mac, a few fries and a desert parfait (not McD's- made of cake, whipped cream and jelly-like stuff) before I went to sleep.  The headache could be harassing me because I'm likely dehydrated.
LOL, as I was typing that, my hubby called offering me a T&L Hotdog and some fudge he just bought on his way home.

I need to record my strange dream first though before I forget because I've already nearly forgotten everything.
I was in a large building- an apartment complex.  I was with some other people and we were being pursed.  The entire world should have been afraid- it was a global enemy, but only a few of us was aware of it at that time.  At one point, I was in front of a large window and the face of an enormous T-Rex came into view.  I immediately ran.  In the kitchen was a man and a child.  I told the man we had to leave NOW.  He told me to take the boy.  I called for the boy but he didn't want to leave his grandfathers side, so I had to carry him.  Outside I met an adult version of my daughter Zee.  She told me she knew of the danger and would join soon.  I had the impression we had been at odds.  Then the child is cut somehow and I was told by a man that the wound would be entirely healed within 2 minutes "the miracle of stem cells" (which the boy could produce as needed).  People wanted to steal the boy to use him for their own evil purposes.  The child was only about 3 years old.
I stood before a road, wondering where to go.  A map came up to view and I said "reptiles hate the cold.  We'll go to Pennsylvania first."  On the other side of town, in the oposite direction, were several oddly colored dinosaurs, killing whoever they came across.

In another dream, or perhaps at a different time than the first (for it feels connected somehow), I was on a road at night, carrying grocheries home.  It was very late.  No one else was around.  I don't know the neighborhood in life, though I've often dreamed of it.  It could have been an extension of my own neighborhood when I was a teen, which I took only at night and was unfamiliar with.  In life, if it's the road I now think of, I was spooked whenever I walked it and the last time I did I was 7 months pregnant with my first son.  Long story short, I **feel** I was raped that night because I accepted a ride from a stranger.  He took me to be a prostitute and I didn't say no or fight because I was scared for my child and he had driven me an hour or so from home.  That interpretation of the road feels true.
Back to the dream.... as I was walking, a car pulled up beside me.  I rolled my eyes to myself and hoped the guy wouldn't be a jerk.  He wasn't and left me in peace.  Then I lose some of the dream... a lot of the dream actually, and I'm too hungry to dwell on it right now lol.  The rest of the dream involved me trying to get close to a guy I secretly liked.  He kept trying to get money from me, which was owed him by my employer but I could tell he was attracted to me too.  At the beginning, he was locked in a closet to hide by some other person and then I went into an adjoining closet to hide and that's how we met lol.  Towards the end, I had to run away but I went down to where he was sharing a bed with another woman (not in a romantic way) and I snatched his pillow from him and held it close to my chest and I said:  "Sorry" as I ran away.

And a snipit of a dream either from this morning or earlier today was of my dog licking my toes lol.

I'm going to eat now then go to the store, and then I might write the interpretation of the dreams.  It's not interesting though.

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## Zhaylin

Oh yes... I also dreamed I was with my husband and he was feeling my face to see if I had any swollen nodes.  
He's an opthamologist  in life, and lately I've had a slight black eye and my face near my nose, under my right eye has been very tender and swollen.  I think it's sinuses related.
That's the simple reason for that dream.

As for the others......
I dreamed of the dinosaur because I read of a dream about such here at dreamviews and I thought it was interesting that I've never dreamed of a dino lol
The boy with the stem cells was dreamed about because I watched an episode of the Mentalist last night that was about stem cells.
As for the rest, I don't know and I'm not in the mood to think on it.
After I ate, and then ate some more- in fact, so much that I now feel ill lol, I no longer have a headache.  But I can feel the soreness in my neck all the more.
My sinuses are feeling a whole lot better now (they always do after I've been awake for awhile).  So now I'm enjoying an episode of Monk  :smiley: 

Oh yes... thanks to looking at Astral's dream journal, I remembered that during the dream with the guy from the closet, when I was escaping from something, I was packing my fannypack and backpack with equipment.  I was worried about forgetting something.

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## Astral Entities

Well, that's a much larger explanation than I was expecting, but you can't really expect anything in this life huh? lol -

You make a good point on your beliefs, at least you're not all like one of those zealots "pray or go to hell boy!" - okay that was a little exaggerated but you get the idea. From the sound of it, your waking life directly affects your dream state, more than it does for me at least. Maybe you'll recognize some dream signs from them. Anyway as for religion and such, do you think at the heart of all religions lie the same, basic fundamental core of it all? Attaining peace of mind and living in harmony with your environment? Including sentient and non-sentient beings?

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## Zhaylin

Possibly.  I think a lot of people are sincere about their beliefs and they're simply doing the best they can to attain the peace you spoke of.
I am a zealot but only where myself and my family is concerned.  I drive my poor kids crazy lol.  A simple example is magic.  My beliefs say I am to avoid it even so far as entertainment is concerned.  But I LOVE video games and movies.  In moments of weakness I buy games like "The Witcher" and "Pharoah".  In the past, when I regain my spiritual health, I destroy the games.  THen when weakness returns, I buy them again.  I've forgotten just how many times I've rebought Pharaoh lol  To attain balance I finally settled on a compromise.  If magic is the **theme** of a game or movie (Harry Potter for instance), we are to avoid it.  If it's just aa small aspect of the whole, then it's okay (say, World of Warcraft where you can choose or reject to play a magic based character).
I drive my kids further because I strongly disallow vampire shows while I myself love shows about zombies (so long as their not brought about by magical means).  My kids pointed out through sound reasoning that I was being hypocritical.  Because of my love of the shows I refused to see the similarities.  Now I do so I reject both.
And I am ashamed to say that I sometimes do resort to scare tactics.  My 14 year old son has a deep understanding of my beliefs.  He has a learning disorder as well as a mental disorder (possibly Oppositional Defiance Disorder).  He gets into fights often and is disrespectful to everyone.  He then tells everyone he can't participate in holidays and such because he's one of Jehovah's Witnesses (which he's not- you're considered a Witness only after your baptism, before then you're simply interested).  He talks about Paradise Earth a lot.  But when he's misbehaving I'll throw out comments like "**Sure**, _you're_ going to be on Paradise Earth acting like that."
I know he's at war with himself.  He's going to spend 30-90 days in a mental facility as soon as they get room for him.  I was opposed to such extreme measures, but now that my children are in the care of the State I can do nothing about it.  But perhaps some good will come from it and his war can come to an end.  Out of all my children, he's the only one I see growing up to share my faith.


As for last nights dreams.... thanks to reading Astral's comment above, I remembered a dream I had forgotten.  I was at the Kingdom Hall (what we call our church) with all of my kids.  My 16 year old son was sitting on a table and even though he wore dress clothes, he wore sneakers instead of dress shoes.  The congregation was very happy to see my kids and they were happy I had come with them even though in the dream I was still df-ed.  My 16 year old was very unhappy about being there and I thought about saying to him he could always return to the Shelter because I told them all before hand that when they came home we would all attend the meetings.  But I didn't because that was too mean.
I've forgotten the rest of my dreams except pieces involving my cuts and my hubby seeing them.

My dog woke me up around 10 this morning, I went back to sleep and my hubby called and woke me at around 3PM.  I went back to sleep and woke on my own at 4:30.  I got about 13 hours of sleep.  I'm still sleepy though.  BUT, the headache is gone for the most part as is the tenderness in my neck.  My sinuses are mostly fine  :smiley: 


Interpretation of the dream.  It's simply my desire to have my kids back and be part of my congregation again.  Because my son was acting out, I realize it's not going to be easy and the sneakers show I'm afraid of the battle to come and how I know that changes will come about slowly.

The cuts are simply anxiety.  My hubby wanted me to stay the night with him last night.  I felt horrible and declined.  Tonight is not an option unless he feels poorly.  Bandages are not an option because he'll probably see them and tell me to take it off.  My butterfly is safe though.  I'll just put a nicotine patch over it.  The others are so small, hopefully he wont even notice them.  He doesn't want to know about them, so hopefully he'll blind his eyes to them.

That's it.

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## Zhaylin

Blah... the headache and soreness quickly returned.  Hubby told me to take a valium so I did.  I'll be going back to sleep soon lol.
Hopefully I'll have a lot of good dreams AND remember them.  I'd turn the phone off if I could but it's the only way hubby and I communicate lol.  And I'm still supposed to stay over with him tonight, but he feels badly too, so perhaps I'll get to stay in.


Mwahaha... I just talked to hubby.  He still doesn't feel well, so I get to stay in the RV tonight.  And I told him I'm taking my phone off the hook too  ::D:   Finally... I may get some proper sleep, so long as my dog doesn't start yapping in the early AM.

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## Zhaylin

Confound it all.  I just woke up.  It's 11:40 AM.  My dog woke me up at 3AM and again early this morning.  This last time the heat did me in.  I had the oven as high as it would get as I always do but the outside temp must have risen a great deal.  It feels like it's easily 80 degrees in here.
My neck is sore but I don't have a headache.  My nose bled a little last night and is now very dry but okay.
Dreams?  I'm not sure I remember anything substantial.
Early this morning, I dreamed once again that I was wrestling someone/something (?).  I woke up when I sat up on my couch.  I wanted to record the dream because it was then fresh in my mind but I was too tired.  I laid down and fell right back to sleep and dreamed I was looking for my voice recorder to record the dream.
More of the dreams may come to me as the day progresses but I'm not holding my breath.

I think I'll go back to sleepp/

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## Zhaylin

I fell right back to sleep and the phone woke my up at about 4:40.
The dream I remember was being at a religious meeting and one of my teeth hurt.  I played around with what was a bloodied stump of a tooth and it fell out
There were other strange things going on with my mouth- like bubblegum stuck to the roof of my mouth or something.
I also dreamed about peeing on a plane or a bus.  I was very annoyed because some boys were playing around and taking forever.  Then a lady went in and I rushed in behind her and took a second toilet.
I also dreamed I was a little boy.  I was with my parents (not my parents in life though) and they were picking up a free gift for me and my mom said they couldn't leave until they got a gift for my little sister too on Monday.  My sister was 7 and at first I was confused because I thought I was 7 but then I realized I just turned 8  ::D:   I don't completely remember what the gift was but I *think* it was a paper rose.

I'm not even going to bother trying to interpret these dreams because they're only partials of a larger whole which I've forgotten.

Oh yes... I now remember I also dreamed of trying to buy a coke out of a vending machine.  I used a dollar in dimes but they kept getting stuck, then, from a different coin feed I inserted a dollar in quarters.  I could see the inside of the machine where everything was getting stuck which was pretty cool  :smiley:

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## Zhaylin

WOOT!  My dreams have returned tonight but they were mostly uninteresting.  The coolest one was of myself and my hubby on an island.  We were on a covert mission which took us down some steep cliffs and into the water itself which was very choppy.  We found a bag we had dropped off earlier from a plane and in the bag was a heavy duty raft.  We went to the other side of the island and climbed back up onto the island.  From there the dream dissolves.
My recall is still no good.
I went to bed around midnight, I think and I just woke up at 3:30AM.  I'm going to go to the restroom then go back to sleep.

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## Zhaylin

I had completely forgotten this dream until I laid down to go back to sleep lol

I was at my grandmothers house.  She was sick and in bed.  My former childhood friends were in the living room and they were complaining about being bored.  They were still kids (young teens) but I was an adult.
I told them neither me nor grams had any money to use to go somewhere.  Then I said:  "We could always sell those peeps for $5.00 each, then we could go to the movies."  There were two boxes of the marshmellow treats and we had already eaten one box.  As I went to get the other, I saw someone had opened it too and most of them had been munched on.  They were disappointed and started complaining a little.
My grandmother got up and started cooking some spaghetti and she told me she didn't know if this was going to work out.  She enjoyed having us around, but it was turning out to be too hard on her.
At another point, I was carrying a large pot of stew from the "big house" (two houses on the same property.  My grams lived in one, her 3 retarded brothers lived in the "big house").  I was amazed at how clean the kitchen looked and I admired their new green counters.  My uncle Jimmy was at the sink.  I walked out the back door and flies kept trying to get into the stew and I kept shooing them away.
My dream gets fuzzy at this point.  My ex-husband was in it, but I don't recall how exactly.  Also, there was something about cars.
Oh yes.  There was also a garden.  In a dream several months ago, I found a vacant plot of land and on it I grew some vegetables.  In this dream, the plot of land returned and I spoke of growing cabbages and tomatoes on it.  I didn't actually see the plot of land though, it came up during conversation.

I'm going back to sleep.  It's nearly noon but I'm still tired.  I'll interpret these dreams later.

Blah.  It's now 3:30 and I just woke up again.  The only dream I truly recall is coming to dreamviews and to this thread and someone had written "What do you mean you forgot your dream until your laid back down?" lol
I also dreamed about my kids and also about keeping some kid out of trouble.  But I've forgotten the details and I'm sick of sleeping right now lol so I'm NOT going to lay back down  ::D: 
I jst checked my email and in doing so I remembered I also dreamed of eating, of rushing through a large building on a bicycle and going up and down stairs while trying to avoid running into people.  I also dreamed of peeing and taking a crap in a container and trying to hide it from people until I could throw it away.  I also dreamed of a large house.  It was spooky hand had many rooms.  I also dreamed someone was wanting the email address of Alision but I told them she was no longer our case worker and it's now Tina but I didn't have her number on me.

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## Zhaylin

Interpretations:
I don't know and I'm not in the mood to think on the larger dreams.
Some of the more recent dreams though are simple.  I've not eaten for 13 hours or more and I'm very hungry lol.  I also had to go to the bathroom.  The bit about the case workers was a memory because the woman who supervises my visits with my daughters said she would email Alison but I told her she wasn't our case worker anymore.

That's it for now.  I'm not going off in search of food  ::D:

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## Zhaylin

I went to sleep "last night" at 6AM this morning lol and I just woke up at 1:10PM
I had some powerfully emotional dreams last night which goes along with the foul mood I was in before sleep overtook me.
I had more dreams than these, but these are the only ones I recall at this time.

I was carrying around a baby girl I named Destinee.  She was in a carrier and covered. Then I was in a large school like the one I attended in my youth.  I was rushing to class and once I got there, it was the Kingdom Hall.  All of my friends were getting ready for a test (which we don't have in life lol).  But then I man I dearly love as a friend, our former Presiding Overseer who moved a couple years ago, came up to me and said how happy he was to see me.  Then my friend Roxanna said my return was just in time for the start of the new Service month.  I was confused because becoming reinstated is NOT that easy lol.  You don't just show up at a meeting and everything is kosher!
My other kids were with me and everyone was happy to see them too.  Then I realized the baby was MY baby and I was devestated because I named her Destinee which is the name of my third child and I wondered how I could go about changing it.  Then I realized her diaper needed changed lol but I didn't have any there with me.  She fussed a little, but I played with her and she went back to sleep.

During another dream, my hubby was getting the RV ready for a trip and he was emptying the tanks and filling the water.  He then called me on the phone and asked if I had the paperwork to give to the man on another line.  It was FOR our trip, but I had lost it somewhere.  Thankfully, I had the information committed to memory.  Hubby was still disappointed in my unreliability.

In another dream, I was looking for food lol  I woke myself up saying "hungry"  ::lol:: 


Interpretations:
In the first dream, I had a baby who wasn't mine but then was and she had the same name as one of my daughters.  I think that merely represents my missing my kids and longing for happier, easier days.
My showing up at the KH/school in the middle of a test, shows I feel I'm being tested right now.  Being welcome by those I love shows how much I miss them.

The second dream was triggered by a phone call with my hubby before going to bed.  I gave me and his 2 children $5,000. each with the stipulation we could only spend the money on ourselves and they couldn't be "practical" purchases (no paying bills and such).  We also had to provide him with receipts at the end of January.  He was disappointed because he's only gotten receipts from his son (his kids are about 30 and 19 years old).  I have my receipts, I just forgot to give them to him.
As for the part about taking the RV on a trip, I think that was merely showing the problems that I'm currently having with the tanks and water.

As for what I barely recall of the last... I'm HUNGRY lol.
I tend to only eat once a day and that's fast food (I have a bit of a food phobia and though *logically* I know food served at fast food chains can't be entirely sanitary, I *emotionally* tell myself they have strict codes to obey and I feel safe eating there.  Food in my fridge and freezer must be eaten within a couple days or I fear it's spoiled.

Anyhow... I'm going off in search of food  ::D:

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## Zhaylin

I stayed the night with hubby "last night".  I actually went over there at around 12:30AM then soaked and read in the tub until nearly 1:30.
He was actually up for romance last night, so he kept me awake until about 6:30AM this morning.  I woke up at 12:30 this afternoon and boy did I dream.

In one dream, barely remembered, I was carrying around a hamster I named Critter (after my hamster who recently died).  But the odd thing is that I was carrying her around in a fish bag with fish.  She kept getting out and I was afraid she would get hurt or killed but she always stayed close.  Then the fish were given to me on tiny hooks (they were goldfish).  And when I removed the hooks one of them also had a string or another hook in it's mouth and from it's mouth I mouth I removed two small shrimp.  I then went over to a large plastic container which held a larger, more colorful goldfish.  Someone worried that the larger fish would eat the smaller ones, but I told the person the fish would be okay.  Then I added that the one with the shrimp in it's mouth is a little bloodied, so it might get eaten but most likely not.  Then I fed them pellets.

In another dream, I remember only bits and pieces.  I was with my ex for some reason and I was showing him a house my hubby and I used to live in, in life.  He had a woman with him.  My hubby had some of his antique art glass on a table and I proudly showed it to them, but my ex kept picked up items and when he would place them back on the table he almost broke one by placing it back to roughly and he nearly knocked the lid off of another as it tipped to the side.  I blurted out "Please don't touch anymore!  They are very breakable and all of those are worth at least $5,000 each!"  But I regretted the words as soon as I spoke them, thinking they would return and steal the glass.
Then there was something about driving a car and it was veering out of control as almost all my car dreams do.  It also wouldn't drive in reverse which caused some problems.  I eventually found a construction lot to turn around in and on the lot was a midget.

I also dreamed something about being at a convention with my hubby and having trouble finding the room which is a recurring theme.

In another dream, I was in my parents home.  I was sneaking a smoke when several members of my congregation showed up.  I opened a window to hide the smoke but my dad ratted me out "You need to stop that damn smoking!"  he told me.
Before the congregation showed up, I was trying to clean the house up.  There was diarrhea on the floor as well as dog crap and there was also basic sweeping to be done.
One of the Sisters started telling me that they changed the way they wrote up talks and I needed to change how I did it as well as how I took notes.  I wrote too much and it was overwhelming.  I wasn't aware of it, but a couple tears trickled down as a Frank B., a Ministerial Servant [one who helps the congregation by running the mikes during meetings and helping distribute literature and such] told me personally it was just too much for him to read, then he gently wiped away my tears.

I also dreamed once again of the baby girl, but I don't remember where or how she fit in.

In the last dream, I wasn't myself.  I was on a large street and someone said it was LA, California.  I was trying to get home.  I took an extremely large elevator to get to the lower street.  But while I was waiting, a man started to get on it with me.  We were very attracted to each other but didn't know one another.  He got pulled away, but we looked into each others eyes and he was compelled to chase after me on the street below.
Next thing I know, I'm in an apartment.  We're trying to figure out what we're going to do.  It was love at first sight.  I already had a live in boyfriend, but he treated me badly and I had wanted out for a long time.
Then I was in a maids outfit (not the sexy kind lol) and I was scrubbing the kitchen floor.  Money flew out of a cabinet and was on the floor behind me, but I seemed to neither notice nor care.  Then the boyfriend walked in.  He went to the soulmate who sat on the couch and as the boyfriend threatened to beat him up, he pulled himself in a ball to protect all vital areas.  I rushed to the other room and introduced them.  Then I said I wanted out of the relationship and he had an hour to pack his things.  He was short for a man, about 5'2" because he was shorter than me. He didn't put up a fight or protest, and I asked myself "Was that so hard?  Why couldn't you have done this sooner?"


I want food now, so I'll return and try to interpret some of the dreams.  Many are simple.  The hardest is the first one.
These are the best dreams and best recall I've had in a very long time.  Perhaps I should try having sex more often lol

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## Zhaylin

I listened to 30 minutes of Binaural Beats before I was able to fall asleep by 2 AM "last night".  I woke at 6 to wake the kids, for a second again as they rushed out the door at 6:30 then I crashed right away again 8AM.
I don't recall much about my dreams other than they were themed after FallOut 3 and Maximum Ride again.  One scene was intense as I hid in a doorway as an army walked by, and I remember actually flying and not levitate-flying, other than that, I draw a blank.

In health related news, my physical anxiety returned yesterday.  It became worse as they day went on (adrenaline surges every couple of minutes for hours on end).  They started up again today, in force, by noon.
My stomach is still rebelling about all the coffee I've been drinking and I still don't have a noticable appetite.
I'm still extremely fatigued.
I'll probably give in and start taking my meds again today or tomorrow.  Any any time I yawn, stretch or move I have an adrenaline surge (makes my face numb then extends to my hands), though I'm not consciously worrying about anything.
I LOATHE my stupid, illogical symptoms!!!

I think my brand has finally healed (how many months did it freagin take?!), so I started working on another tattoo last night.  It's the rest of my "signature" applied to the back of my left wrist.  For as long as I can remember, when signing my name, I finish it with a sort of flattened backwards "S", with three lines in the center which almost make a "U" shape.  The bottom of the "S" is longer and above that part, I draw a tiny moon with a star.
I've had the moon and star on the inside of my wrist for a few/several months now, but it looks wrong without the rest.
And the greatest thing about them is that they are completely concealed under my watch when I need to be among more "polite" society.

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## Zhaylin

I woke up at 8 AM thinking about all the things I had to do to get my car fixed today so I lost my dreams quickly.
The only thing I really recall is dreaming about dirty hair lol.  I was trying to pull my hair back into a ponytail but it was very tangled.  I was using a hair tool I don't normally use in life because it annoys me (I can't think of what they're called for the life of me, but it has "combs" on two sides and snaps open and closed on the ends).  I managed to get my hair pulled back and noticed my roots were dark but then my hair became more blonde towards the ends (I don't have blonde hair).

I also dreamed something about my youngest daughter Zee, but don't remember anything more.

I dreamed of my hair because I need to wash it and it's been getting more tangles in it.  My scalp aches when I skip two days of washing my hair.  Why it was blonde, I have no idea lol

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## Zhaylin

I didn't sleep last night other than a couple of super micro naps.  Both times were just a couple minutes each but I dreamed during them.
But they were very short and I very quickly forgot them.

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## Zhaylin

I few nights ago I dreamed my teeth were rotting and falling to pieces.  Some of them I picked out of my mouth as tiny shards and "grains".  Other teeth came out easily and whole.
I had all of my teeth pulled back in 1997 or so.  A few of my teeth were falling out as in the dream (though never whole), but the rest of my teeth were healthy and their removal traumatized me somewhat (they were so hard to remove that the dentist had to practically stand on the foot bar of my seat and use his entire body weight to pull them.  And to make matters worse, the numbing medicine didn't work as it should have).  I use to have that dream a lot, but they've become more and more rare with the passage of time.
When I wake, I have phantom pain for a couple minutes.  And my having the dream reflects the abundance of stress I've been under as of late.

I also dreamed of having a fight with my mom.  She was disappointed with me because I wasn't making anything out of my life.  In the dream, I had moved to WV to go back to school.  Instead, I went back to my ex-husband and gave up all my dreams to be completely dependant on someone not reliable.

Last night I dreamed of going shopping.  A mother and son were entering the store and the boy raced off ahead of her.  She made some sort of threat and when he stopped she said:  "I'm just kidding.  Your rectum isn't really going to explode".
I thought she was a cruel monther, but the boy did push buttons.
But he was only about 5 years old and he was beautiful with black hair and blue/green eyes.  His name was Codey.

Inside the store, I bought groceries but realized I was over limit.  Plus, I went through a 20 items or less lane with more than the allowed limit which cost me an extra $10. lol.  The cashier messed up and I told him to take it all back so we could start over.
By that time, there was a man behind me in the line who looked extremely impatient, but then he laughed and smiled.

Then I saw Codey walking down an isle carrying a dog.  I think it was pink and he was lost.  Then I noticed the store sold clothing.
I tried to find a few items and when I went to a desk, I instead asked the video store manager how much I owed for my late movies.  I didn't owe anything and checked out several CD's.

In another dream, I was romantically involved with my psyciatrist... only he was "Adrian Monk" from the USA show "Monk".  I had a couple dream loops which I've forgotten.  In one of the loops, though, we lived happily ever after.  In the other one, I died, and he went on to die as a lonely old man.  I was disappointed that USA ended the show on such a sad note  ::lol:: 

In another dream which I've almost completely forgotten, I remember scenes but not the dream itself.  It was about outer space and colonizing new planets.  There was some deception and betrayal.  It was a scarey dream.

In another dream I've almost completely forgotten as well, I was swimming in a vast and chaotic sea.  I remember the marine life but that's it.

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## Zhaylin

My sleeping schedule is going to be enormously screwed up for some time.  I no longer feel safe to sleep at any time my children are home (my 14 year old daughter snuck a guy into the room she and her sister share and they had sex while I was in the next room and her sister in a second bed beside her *grrrrr/sigh* Which is what my increased stress has been about)

Exhaustion forced me into a few micro naps early in the AM and after they went to school I slept from 7-9.
I know I dreamed, but I woke up in a hurry to make McD's breakfast  ::D:  so I've forgotten them.

But last night I did recall a couple other dream snippets I had over the weekend.
One was of me standing at the end of a rainbow and I sarcastically wondered where my pot of gold was.
Another one was an extension of the dream about the store.  I was looking at toys and such and one of the Wal-mart workers (in real life too lol) was singing in another isle and I made a cymbol sound to finish it.  He saw me and said something along the lines of:  "So you're the one who finished my song" and I blushed and tried to change the subject because I'm self-conscious about singing around other people.
In one of the isles was a HUGE drum set that looked roughly wooden and had hide for the top.  I asked him if they were Bongo drums and he shrugged.

----------


## Man of Shred

AWESOME! one of my lucid goals is to find a Rainbow. maybe walk on it and see where it leads to!

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## Zhaylin

That would be cool, MoS!
I'm going to have to write up a cool dream story one of these days to induce (I can induce dream themes, but rarely lucid dreams).  I might expand on the rainbow  :smiley: 

Last night I was exhausted so I laid down off and on for 2 hours, listening to "Caffeine" and "Clean Slate" binaural beats for energy.
It worked pretty well, but after awhile I became too relaxed (because I started to count my breaths and imagined being weightless) and I fell asleep for about 2 1/2 hours.
I don't recall the dreams I had before then.
When my kids left for school, I went back to sleep from 7-8AM and I had some dreams that were intense and others that were humdrum and hard to recall.

In one, I was have rough and vigorous sex with someone.  I wasn't myself but some other young woman.  I didn't "experience" most of the dream but viewed it from the thoughts of the couple.  I think the dream was triggered by "Max", a book I'm reading which involves a teenaged couple becoming more passionate with and about each other (though they're only kissing because it IS a kids book mostly lol)

In another dream, I was with some members from my congregation.  We talked even though I knew we shouldn't.  And then later in the dream, hubby and I were about to eat which always involves silent prayer in RL, but in the dream he asked why we even bother.  His comment made me both sad and grumpy.

In another dream, I was at a resort.  (Why do I so often dream about resorts lol)
I was walking along outside, trying to find a hidden cave that opened to an amazing Courtyard.
I never found it, but my persistence wasn't welcome, so I was transfered to a different Courtyard (?) and had women attending to me.
I had a mouse with me, which one of the women didn't really appreciate, though the mouse was highly intelligent.  At some point in the dream, the mouse became a turtle, but then became a mouse again lol
Outside, an ambush was waiting for me, but the mouse seemed warn me through it's place at the window by shaking it's head and waging it's body.
I battled anyhow, but have forgotten the details.  It was like a video game though.
When I returned to the women, the mouse had been killed.

Then I was in a parking lot outside of a store.  Some young people were clowning around and I smiled at them.  One of the guys took my hand and danced a little.  But then the building and parking lot began to crumble.  I was inside a truck at that point and the driver helped me out the window, but then became trapped and crushed.
A story line developed about those who died, but I no longer remember it.
Besides the people who had died, I was upset because I lost my camera and iPod.

I woke up pretty quickly but refreshed.
I'm dragging now.

Spoke with my pdoc today instead of Friday.  I got my meds and I'll be taking a Provigil soon.  He wanted to try me on Abilify, but I can't afford it, so we're trying something called Seroquel instead.  It's not as expensive and he sometimes has samples of it.

During all my family drama, I branded myself twice more so now I have a nice symbol of infinity above my right ankle.  I learned my lesson from the last time.  I didn't make it nearly as hot and I didn't apply it nearly as strong.  I have 2 nice blisters which have already drained.  Cutting doesn't "do it" for me anymore.  The endorphine rush I got out of the brand though... *wow* I felt good for the rest of the day.

But that's enough about my insanity for one day...

I'm missing my dreams.
Next week SHOULD be MUCH less chaotic.  I'll probably only be in town on Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday so I'll be able to get caught up on my sleep.  This week, I've been in town every stinking day.  Friday will be the only time I'll have had to get some real rest.  I'm going to try not to sleep at all Friday night- Sunday.

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## Zhaylin

Ugh... I took the Seroquel last night at around 8PM and it knocked me out.  I woke up at 7:30AM to discover that my kids did NOT go to school.  I woke up my youngest who screamed at me that she was leaving (to move back in with her Aunt and Uncle) and that there was NOTHING I could do about it.  I told her "Good luck with that, but you're still going to school, so get up."
I was so angry while driving them to school that we nearly wrecked (I took a sharp turn at almost 50 mph and there was loose gravel on the road... we almost slid into the side of a hill, so I overcompensated to the left and we nearly went off the other side of the road and I overcompensated right toward the hillside again *sigh*, turned to a proper degree and got under control again.  I steered only with my left hand during all this because my right hand was holding a cigarette and trying to keep my son from falling over on me *sigh*)
WAY too much drama for the start of a day!!!
I bought $9. worth of breakfast for myself with change  ::D:  watched a show on Hulu while I ate, and then I had to call the State who was unhappy with recent developments.
I truly dislike my relatives.

Anyhow.........
I had some vivid dreams last night but because of the early morning drama, I've forgotten a lot of it.

I recall being at a resort and battling Behemoths (from FallOut3) only, in the dream they were aliens.  It was a very intense battle with many, many casualties.
At some point, I stole a small spaceship (a single person aircraft) and shot down turettes (sp) and other aliens.  I almost wrecked several times and had to navagate through many tight spots between and inside buildings.
Another part of the dream, I was shopping for clothes.  In another dream, I was at my Congregation and Elder Gary P. told me I was still "Marked" but no longer disfellowshipped.  I wanted to tell him I was still smoking, but couldn't bring myself to do so.  So I quit smoking then and there, though it was difficult through the dream as various trials shook my determination.

I almost wrecked a car at some point and nearly rolled down a hillside.  Another time, the highway was crumbling into several large chunks.  I had to get out at some point, and walk, and there was snow on the ground and the way was hazardous.

Every part of the dreams, came from either FallOut 3 or the book "Max" that I'm currently reading (with a twist- in Max a couple characters are in a small "submarine" and in my dream it was a spaceship).

Blah... time to go grocery shopping...

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## Zhaylin

Because I can't come here as often as I'd like now-a-days, I've started keeping a dream journal again.
I started taking 50 mg Seroquel daily over 2 weeks ago.  My dreams have been crazier/more vivid than usual.  They've been filled with emotions- both good and bad.
Almost every night, I dream the State takes my kids again and I wake up in a state of panic near tears.  I wonder if I could sue them for causing PTSD lol *sigh*

I woke up too quickly to recall my dreams in their entirety today.  I remember scenes of war and death, of my Congregation, of my kids, of flying.
But that's it.

As for Seroquel... I'm not sure how to feel about it.  Meds start working for me pretty quickly.  I can usually tell within a day to three days how well I'll handle something.  I almost always stick it out for at least a month though to give it time to fully work and for the side effects to deminish.
I'm much more raw emotionally.  I'm quicker to anger and to tears.  I cried myself to sleep one night (I can't recall when I last did that!).
One the other hand, I'm able to focus more.  I've nearly finished crocheting a blanket (about 20 hours worth of work), I feel more creative and my mind- period- just feels more sharp and alert.
It works decently as a sleeping aid, but I still need Provigil to get through the day.

Gotta run......

----------


## Zhaylin

I had several dreams last night but I recall only one of them in it's entirety.

I was still married to my ex-husband but we were living in my hubby's house.  Hubby's house has an enclosed breezeway that attaches the garage to the house.  In the dream, the breezeway was much larger.
I was asked if I wanted to partake of some intestinal ooziness and I wrinkled my nose and said no thanks.  He was naked when he asked and when I said no, he laughed and pulled up his pants.  I said "I thought you were going to ask for a BJ."
He said he was and I laughed and said "Well, why didn't you just say so?"

I can't recall when I last gave a BJ, but my memory of them is so perfect it amazes me.
I FELT my teeth gently scrape him so I made adjustments so I wouldn't hurt him  ::D:   I FELT every sensation.
When he was almost finished, I knew it was time for sex... but he got my car key instead to lock everything up.  When he came back, all of my kids were awake and swarming the area.  I lost my temper and told everyone to get the hell back to bed.
Hubby asked me why I was so uptight and I told him I wanted to spend some time with him and that I wanted sex and that I couldn't remember the last time I had an orgasm and I was in serious need lol
I was in tears because I was so sexually frustrated.
He asked if these things were his fault and I quickly back-pedaled and I said no, I was just frustrated.

Then the dream changed and I was at a restaurant.  There was a mural on the wall of a tiny kid serving drinks to customers.  I then became that little kid.  I wore a strange contraption on my head which held the water.  It extended downward as a pair of glasses.  The weight was unbareable on my neck.
I was then myself again and my father became my ex-hubby in a continuation of the earlier dream.  I tried to walk, but the glasses threw my vision off and I almost fell.
My ex-hubby the sat down and indicated he wanted me to sit on his lap while we ate.
I smiled and thought it was sweet.  But as soon as I sat, he gathered me in his arms and cried.  He said that everything I told him had wounded him to his very core.
I told him I was sorry again and repeated how frustrated I was and that- to make matters even worse- I had quit smoking which made me even more on edge.

Then that dream ended.

In another dream, I watched a strange young woman dance around near another woman.  The older woman thought the younger one was stupid so she asked her to go away.
As the younger one danced closer, her eyes became my eyes and I saw the older woman had very rotten teeth.  Some even had holes through them.  I told myself not to stare then I left the body completely and merely watched as if from afar once again.
The young woman said something along the lines of "I wouldn't even dream of taking you with me" and she went on to sing some more- something about Brooklyn and a bridge.
The young woman wore a long, sleeveless sun dress (the sort I fancy) and she had flowers in her hair as well as flowers in a little basket which she threw into the air as she skipped and danced about.
Then I was inside the young woman again and I was sitting beside I tiny pond.
There were 2 rabbits (white, I believe) that kept scurrying up and around the trees as if they were squirrels.  I got my hands wet in the water and the rabbits licked it off of me but they wouldn't allow themselves to be pet.
I held a decorative fountain and wondered where I should place it around the pond.
The older woman returned to the dream and asked if I had seen the swans.

Very, very strange lol

I went to sleep last night at around midnight.  My oldest son woke up at 2:30AM and got on FallOut3.  The clicking of the controller kept waking me every 30-60 minutes.
I was comfortable as I slept, though my coughs bothered me occasionally.  At some point, though, I became chilled.  I sleep as a pretzel sometimes- rolled in a ball which my arms going through my legs then behind my head.  I think I do that to take advantage of my core temperature (my chest being the hottest part of my body).
I woke at 5:30AM absolutely drenched in sweat.  I literally had to grab a towel and dry off.

I'm still running a slight fever of 99.5 and I'm still extremely sick.  Yesterday I lost my voice for the most part from all the coughing I was doing and today it hasn't yet returned.

Now, we keep losing electricity, so I'm going to go ahead and submit this.

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## Zhaylin

Grrrr, lost my post.  I REALLY dislike this Averatec laptop.

I'm still majorly sick.  My chest is still congested and I'm frequently coughing up nastiness... but ow my head is clogged too.  I'm dizzy-ish.
My temp is currently normal at 98.3 but when I woke up ot was only 97.1.  The strngest thing though is that I was drenched in sweat.  How is that possible lol

My dreams were all over the place last night. I had nightmares of my kids being taken, of being at war with Super Mutants (from FallOut3 lol), of being unable to control my vehicle.
I also dreamed of sea creatures, the Brooke captured and ate a rabbit and a raccoon; that I tried teaching someone how to fly and as I was taking off I saw the most beautiful spiderwebs floating in the air with dew in their centers and the light reflecting off of them.
I dreamed of having Thanksgiving with my family at my Grams house
I also dreamed I had some weird disease that starts with the letter "P".  I kept wante=ing to call it pyrosis but that's very wrong lol.  All the disease meant is that my white blood count was way too high and that my immunity-system was turning on itself which made me sicker for longer periods of time.

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## Zhaylin

Ugh... I still feel miserable but I'm no longer running a fever which is a good thing.
I went back to sleep after the above post and slept until 1:30PM.
I turned around and went back to sleep at 8PM and woke at 2AM  I soaked in a HOT bath for over an hour and got a little more sleep.
It's now 4:08AM and I'm about to go to sleep yet again  :smiley: 

My dreams have been too chaotic to recall.  After getting out of the tub though I've been stuck in a sense of nostalgia.  It's the weirdest thing in the world.  I *feel* like I'm at my grandmothers house even though I recognize I'm not.

Time to get some more zzz's.

----------


## bro

You've got some breathtaking recall, at least it seems. Did you have to work at that or has it come naturally?

Get well soon

I remember having the most frightening "fever dreams" years back..very chaotic indeed.
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## Zhaylin

My dream recall has always come pretty naturally, but I have plenty of off days too.

I hope I get better soon too  :Sad:   I keep going from bad, to almost better, to even worse than before..
I'm still running a fever but it's been really low grade (99.- 100.)

I've been sleeping almost all day and I can't recall my dreams worth a hoot.  I was freezing earlier so I took a very hot bath and slept in the water for about 3 hours (every time the water would cool down, I'd wake up, empty the tub some then fill it up with hot).
I now feel like vomiting... I"m absolutely miserable.

While sleeping in the tub, my ankles started coming unclasped and my big toe touched part of my other foot and I jumped awake.  I had dreamed a mouse fell into the water with me and was trying to climb out .
But that's as far as my recall goes.

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## Zhaylin

I am almost completely over the flu.  I had a slight fever yesterday and nothing today, though I have a bit of a lingering cough.  I abused my Ambien a little to sleep through the illness (took it twice one day and at 5PM yesterday).

I slept yesterday from around 7PM-6AM though I woke a few times and once I woke drenched in sweat.
I had strange dreams last night.  I wrote them in my dream journal when I woke, and I don't have it with me so I'm sure I'll forget a couple things.

In the dream, I was at a Chinese wedding.  I think my hubby's daughter was getting married.  The announcer kept making a big deal about hubby's involvement in the wedding and I thought he should mention Vicky's family (the ex-wife) instead.  Hubby was nowhere to be found and I was a little irritated.
I sat down to eat and one of the dishes tasted very strange.  Someone told me I wasn't supposed to eat it, but take a mouthful and then spit it back out into the bowl.  It was some sort of mashed potatoe soup which had some sort of vomit base lol.

I eventually ventured away from the table and I was acting secretive.  There were fountains all over the place and a couple of them had food dishes of nuts and chocolates near them.  I kept trying to sneak some food.

At some point, I was a Chinese little girl.  I had been fighting with my sister so our father made us push part of a nut across a large floor.  The nut was halved and when we got to the other side, we were supposed to try to figure out how to make it whole again.  Before we got to the other side, though, we were laughing and having fun and the task wasn't quite forgotten but treated as a game instead of a lesson.

In another dream, my oldest son caught our "house mouse" inside of a cooking pot.  He had the lid over it so he could show me.


I flew at some point and I also dreamed of being in a huge grocery store and buying icecream sandwiches and other goodies.
I also had a recurring dream of a broken highway and making a dangerous trek across thin ice.

I dreamed of food so much last night because I was hungry lol.  I was too lazy to cook stinky noodles (which is what we call Cup of Ramen  ::D: ).  All I had to eat yesterday was half a thing of Thai rice noodles with Spring Onions.  It was WAY too sweet for me.
As for the dream about the wedding... ??? I have no idea what inspired it.  Hubby's daughter isn't engaged or anything.

That's it.

----------


## Zhaylin

Arg... my coughing started back in force last night.  My jaw hurt a great deal last night as well and my ear was gurgling on the same side.  I'm sure it's connected.
I didn't get to sleep until after 3AM.  I woke up to see the kids off to school (or rather, to yell at them to wake up and make sure they left from the comfort of my couch) at 6AM.  I fell right back to sleep and slept until 8:30.

I don't remember much about my dreams.  I played a few hours of FallOut 3 before crashing last night, so I do recall my dreams having a FallOut 3 sort of theme about them.  Well, that AND zombies lol.
I barely recall moving through a war scene.  There were super mutants all around me and I had to get inside one particular building but I kept dying.  It was no big deal  ::D:   All I did was "reload" an earlier "saved" game lol  I kept replaying the scene as I would a video game and I eventually made it past the bad guys successfully.

Once inside, there were many other people but they were all zombies (they looked like ghouls but were contagious upon being bit).  Some of the people hadn't quite changed and I wanted to help them to safety.  As I escorted a woman with a baby to a door, the baby bit me and I realized it was a zombie.  So I reloaded the dream and tried again  ::D: 

When I fell back to sleep after getting the kids out the door, my dreams had the same theme but instead of people, super mutants and zombies, I was battling dogs and zombie dogs.  I vividly recall grabbing one of the dogs by its nose and flinging it away from me... and then I felt bad because I realized the dog hadn't meant me any harm.

The dreams were all brought about by things I did and thought about before falling asleep.  While I played FallOut3, my oldest son kept trying to talk me into playing Resident Evil (a game about zombies).  And I had quibbled with my daughters about making sure the dogs go outside the very second they wake up in the morning- thus, the dogs in my dream.

----------


## Zhaylin

I had an extremely strange and sexual dream last night.
I saw a close up of a man penetrating a woman, but then the view widened and I saw that the genitalia was actually a womans mouth. But the mouth looked strange and almost fish like. Then I noticed that the womans head itself reminded me of a goldfish.
There was something on the floor that was supposed to be a penis.  The fish woman took into her mouth in a way that reminded me of a catfish that attaches itself to the side of a fishtank.
It was very strange.
I remember the color orange more than any other color.

That's really the only dream from last night that I remember.  I was going to post other dreams that I've had recently, but the space and some letters on the keyboard of this crappy laptop keep sticking.
So I'm just going to say farewall for now.

----------


## Zhaylin

ahhh, SWEET, sweet, yet still incredibly strrange dreams.
In one dream, last night, I was fighting in a great and disturbing war. I flew in a spaceship-like-jet. I quickly honed in on targets-- things appearing like the circular mines found in water. Only these mines flew as "smart projectiles".  I blew them up repeatedly before they got close enough to me to do any damage,though there were a couple close calls.
My self-appointed mission was to rescue my family and in-laws.  While searching for them, on the ground outside my "bird", the insanity of the people was overwhelming.
At one point, I found myself inside a store, longing to buy something that would help me remember simpler times.  Then I'd encounter people and my heart went out to them. I just HAD to help them.  We'd climb into my bird and as I raced them to safety, the state exploded.
"No, no, no.  That wont do at all."  So I reloadedan earlier saved dream file lol
I tried several times, but every time I went out, I encountered other people, other  stories, struggle and sorrows.  I wanted to help so many people (most of them children) but no matter what I did or changed, I always ended up leaving someone behind.
It was very nervewracking and I despaired  in sorrow.
The places left on the world were in a deplorable state.  Dead people were left in the roads where they fell.  Children were covered in dirt and grime- some openly weeping, others wailing, others vaccant.

I don't recall how that dream ended.

I entered another strange dream.  I was married to someone else (?) and I heard him slap my 14 year old daughter, Destinee.  I raced into the kitched and told him he was WAY out of line. It came out that she cooked an abundance of food and stored it in the freezer for future use... but she hadn't wrapped the food and it had ruined. So I gave her a lecture on proper food storage,but I was also happy because she had made an effort.

In another dream that seems connected to the first, I was on a plane to China.  There were large buildings, used in some official capacity.  The windows were oval shaped and colored red. "Reagal" is what I thought about them.
There were guards all over the place.  We didn't want tobe here but it was the safest place in the world.  A war was being fought in the sky.
We leave the airport and visit some shops, then retire to our room in a large Hotel.  I'm panicked because I keep losing clothing andother items.
Eventually, I somehow come to have 2 husbands but then one of my husbands takes a husband-- and he's a HUGE man; like the Russian in one of the Rocky movies.
I'm not happy.
The new husband wants to lead the family in prayer to a foreign god and I was boiling with silent anger.

Yesterday, I had some very awesome dreams. I don't know what I was doing or why exactly, but I would point to water valves and make turning motions with my hands. The valves turned and tightened without me actually touching anything.
Then I noticed several lamps and overhead lights.  I would simply point at them and they would come on.  A couple lights were stubborn though, so I made my hand into the shape of a cup but I closed it with my fingers and thumb.  I looked at the stubborn lights and "opened" my cupped hand, a symbol of a flash of light.  And those lights too started to shine.

In another dream,I was flying.  I was high up in the clouds, but I was flying in my new way that I think of as maintained levitation.  I pick a place I want to go to and with the pointing of a finger I travel to it. Other times, my entire hand is required, as if lifting a great weight.
I was quick to get back to the ground but too quick.  I thought for sure I was going to crash, but I got everything under control.
I then found a bandana and I held it in the wind which caught it and I went gliding on.
It was so much fun that I thought:  "Too bad I can only do this when I'm dreaming"
But then I shed my lucidity and slipped back into dreams

These have been the best dreams I've had for quite a while.

----------


## Zhaylin

Strangely enough, I remember barely anything about my dreams last night.
I recall a dream about driving the Land Cruiser and it broke down.

There was another dream where I discovered the cats tore up the plastic bag that I keep some of my yarn in.  I was really mad, but I told myself I got 2 from the Dollar Tree and I could very easily replace it.

In another dream, I was at a grocery store.  I wanted to buy a foot long sub and I hoped I had enough money.  I was wavering on what bread to use.  I wanted to try the (something like) Joshua bread. It had little pits throughout it and tiny seeds inside the pits.  She let me try a small piece and it tasted a lot like wheat bread.  She told me I really wouldn't like it.
Then she discouraged me about buying the sandwich at all.  She said the prices were insane and I could buy the individual ingredients for just as much money.  
There was some open Macaroni Salad nearby and I took one noodle to see if I'd like it. Then I decided to just buy 6 bananas- one for each of my4 children and 2 for me.

Then I dreamed about 2 freezers.  One of them was filled with icepops and ice.  I had a fountain drink but it went flat.  I went to get more soda and saw I carried a 2 liter Coke bottle.  I poured Coke into it but saw I put in way too much, but stuffed in ice cubes anyhow.

In yet another dream, I was playing a game with my son Myles.  We were fighting though.  He thought I took an extra turn.  I was going to go somewhere with my kids. Myles wasn't there- he was at school lol.
But as I was leaving, the kids said they saw him outside.  And then I noticed 2 DHHR workers walking down the street toward our house.  I was angry about they persistent meddling in our affairs.
We were in trouble again because of the 3 days of school my oldest boy missed.  I said he WOULD have had a Dr.'s excuse but the DHHR messed up and it was inactive.

I vaguely recall flying.

Hmmmmm... I guess I recalled more than I first thought lol

The deams were inspired by basic things:  I'm supposed to visit Myles today, but we're snowed in so I can't.
I went to sleep hungry.
My oldest son did indeed miss 3 days of school and I've been worried about it... the State really did mess up his benefits somehow.
My hubby told me to stay off the road today because the Land Cruiser is broken down so if I went off the road he wouldn't be able to wench me out.
My youngest daughter wanted me to play cards with her but I had a killer headache and didn't want to, so she got mad at me.

----------


## Zhaylin

*Arg* I had some of THE most awesome dreams last night. But I waited too long and now most of the plot has been forgotten.

In one "humdrum" dream, I was grocery shopping.  At one point I coughed and a member of the Congregation asked me: "You're STILL congested and coughing?"
I put my first finger close to my thumb to show "Just a little bit"
As always, in these dreams, I was confused as to why I was being spoken to... and though I answered the question, I did so in a way that wasn't really "socializing".

The next dream was intricate and amazing.  I was in a swamp and I soon found myself being hunted by cannibals.  But they made up a small community and I was amazed at how many young people there were (teens and children).
I have forgotten SO stinking much.  I think I was caught in a couple dream loops (where I "load" an earlier saved dream lol!)
I was in a couple different houses at different times.  Sometimes I was a reluctantly accepted guest, sometimes I was in hiding.

The Overseer to the community came by at one time and said if I was going to stay, another sacrifice had tobe made because the population wasbecoming too high.
At one time I was romantically involved with a young man there,another time is was with a young woman.  Another time, everyone welcomed me  except the grandmother.  When I went to the restroom, I became trapped, though 2 floors (upstairs/downstairs adjoining restrooms) were available to me.
At some point, I discovered a man who lived among them who wasn't quite accepted. I found myself in his house, basement level, an area that opened to his swamp boat.  I found a strange weapon on his boat.  Pointed one way, it was a rifle.  Pointing the other way and attached to the rifle,was the hilt to a sword.

At some point, I saw the community had lost several of their homes because of flooding.

That's all I have.

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## Zhaylin

The phone woke me repeatedly this morning.
I don't recall much about my dreams at all.

In one dream, I was at a beach resort type area.  There were many forgotten problems as I explored, but what I recall most was an aquarium type section... you could see the creatures on the other side as you swam in safety.  The creatures I recall best were giant squid and large starfish.  They were amazing to watch and I wanted to share it with a little boy.
But things kept coming up and by the time we got there it was too late- darkness arrived too soon.

In another dream, I was driving the Hockis (the RV).  Scott was sitting up front with me like he normally does in real life while hubby slept in the back.  I asked what he was coming along for.  He's hubby's friend and they go to glass auctions together sometimes, but in the dream, we were going to a medical conference in Atlanta.
He said that after we were dropped off he was going to drive up to North Carolina to see his kids, even though his ex-wife would throw a fit.
Hubby woke up and asked if there was anything special I wanted to do in Atlanta and I said I would love to visit the Aquarium  :smiley: 
We had some problems getting gas and I had a hard time manuevering along a narrow road.

At some point, in one dream or another, I was talking on the phone with people who are working on hubby's house. ???

In other news... I've done pretty okay today.  Mr.Monthly started, so I've been laying down, playing my DS all day long.
My oldest daughter cooked some chicken and mashed potatoes and I took a bite, then took my Seroquel and Ambien.  I played the game some more and found I'd become stupid.  I had no idea what I was doing.  Then I jumped up, ran into the restroom and puked.
I BETTER not be getting sick again!  Hopefully the food just didn't agree with me.
But I am burning up...

----------


## Zhaylin

I had some of the most screwed up dreams ever last night.  I knew I would.  I watched a movie called Memory (which was awesome) and then a one called Salvage (which was really strange) right before I went to sleep.

One dream I only recall in bits... or maybe it's several dreams I've melded into one.
I was a man having dreams and visions of an alternate reality or something. I thought I was going crazy but some how I found others who were seeing the same things.  At first there were just three or so of us. One day I walked into a room where we met and there were half a dozen more people.
Then I became aware of the "bigger dream" (the dream becomes like a movie which I view) and someone asks another person how long they were going to let "this" go on.

Then I became the man again and we had our meetings wearing white wigs.
A friend (who was completely uninvolved in all of this) told me I had to stop and implied I was feeding the group paranoia by telling them my details before asking for theirs.

I recall being in a restaurant.  There was a sheet of paper on a brown counter.  It had writing and scribbles all over it so I went to it to investigate.  When I picked it up, all the words disappeared.  When I set it back down on the counter, it could be read again (I don't now remember what it said, but I did in the dream).  It was decided that the owner had used wax paper and some sort of pigment that only showed up against the color brown.  What was written didn't seem very important, but the manner in which it had been written told me to hold on to it.
Someone with me then went on to tell us he had used a similar method using milk and honey.  I rolled my eyes and said that wouldn't work.

I vaguely recall flying, outer space, aliens and something or someone named "Prundit".

I recall another bit of dream with a little girl with snot on her fingers and face.  There was a huge green booger and snot on a finger she thrust my way.  I grabbed one of the wipes I always have with me in life and wiped her hand.  She wanted me to wipe her face but I pour alcohol onto my wipes and I told her it would burn.

The seriously messed up dream I thankfully recall very little of.  I was in California and my kittens were all with me.  3 of them became stuck in something and when I peeled it from their body, their faces and the top part of their body came off with it.  The look on the kittens faces were horrible.
I drive back home with the bodies wrapped.
Then the dream becomes movie like and I see the bodies of the kittens which I had left behind crying and wondering around completely lost and in pain.
I come back to myself, crying and devestated.  I asked no one: "How is this possible?!  They have no brain stem!"

When I get back to my house, I remember that one of the doors open in California and that I could bring the kittens home and take them to a vet or put them out of their misery.


The three kittens (out of 6) were:  my youngest daughters black cat, Panther; my female mottled calico, Ro'Roshka; my white and brown/black male ??, Bucky Boy.
Why those 3 and none of the others, I don't know. The other 3 are Buttercup (super fluffy light gray and also mine ), Akira (little bit fluffy darker gray, belonging to my oldest daughter), and 'Laushes (very furry bluish gray with white feet-or galoshes SP lol, which belongs to my youngest son).
I think the three who suffered in my dream were chosen by my sub-conscious simply because they hang around more and are more playful and cute.
And why we wore white wigs in the other dream is completely beyond me.
As for the rest, the dreams and symbolism etc came directly from the movies (with some other tidbits thrown in from life such as California.  My hubby's son lives in California with his wife but they just arrived in West Virgina for the holidays.)

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## Zhaylin

I didn't get to sleep until around 5:30 AM.  I woke up at 10:53 AM, in a rush for a lunch date.
I remember very little about my dreams.

In one dream, I was being taught by someone about telling spiders apart.  I watched a rather grainy video that showed different spiders behaving in different ways.  One sign of agressiveness is when fuzzy spiders bob up and down.  Another way is by looking at their eyes  ::D:   If they're downcast, you're encroaching and should back off or get bit.

I had a very long dream next.  I'll be damned if I can remember it.  I KNOW I woke up when I died.  And I remember that I was a man.  I was trying to help a woman................. ??? there was a bomb.
Aha!  I was in court and a lawyer brought out a walky-talky.  The judge said she disallowed it as evidence.
The lawyer smirked and showed there were no batteries in it.  I stood up and exclaimed:  "What have you done?!  You've killed us all!"
I grabbed the woman and ran for the door.  We were blown out of the building and I died on impact.

I don't know why I dreamed about the spiders.  No clue.
I dreamed of the court setting and the bomb because of an episode of Sanctuary I watched a couple days ago.  There was much more to the plot though.  When I woke up, I thought some of reminded me of the movie Memory.

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## Zhaylin

Bah!  I have no recall for last night.
I had one heck of a hard time falling asleep.  I took an Ambien at 9PM and still wasn't sleeping at 4AM
I woke up at 11AM, extremely hungry and in need of the restroom  ::D: 
My lip ring had also fallen out while I slept, so that distracted me a bit upon waking as well.

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## Zhaylin

UGH!  I feek najorly hung over.
I took an Ambien at 7PM and I was still awake at 1o so I took 2 Seroquel.  I fell asleep listening to "Hash" binaural beats lol  I recall only tidbits of the  my dreams.

I recall a small field mouse jumping onto my lap.  I pet it once before it scurried away.  I dreamws that because of my thread in the lounge.
I dreamed someone had an infected toe and a bug was seen moving just under the nail.  Someone screamed and many other people were extremely upset.  It flew away before it could be killed but we looked for it for awhile.  It looked like a

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## Baron Samedi

Oh my god. Loaf dreamed of a bug crawling in his arm. My sister dreamed of a bug crawling in her leg. All very recently.

Ambien has some really creepy side effects, being a hypnotic inducer. You probably already know about this, but just in case you didn't...

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## Zhaylin

Wow... I did not know that.  I think I'm going to try to have some fun with that little tidbit of info  ::D: 

My Averatec froze on me earlier.  I didn't even think my post went through, so I unplugged the phone line and went back to sleep.
I've never had such disjointed dreams my entire life.

The bug looks like one I've seen in real life but have never known what it is..  It looks like a fly but darkly colored and with longer wings.
Another dream was disturbing.  I was someone else and I fell on my butt.  Only my oldest son with behind me and whoops.. what is that stinking inside me *roll eyes*  Then I became myself and was appalled I had "sex" with my son.  Then my son became someone else and I was just embarassed.

In yet another dream, I was walking down a street and happened upon a group of kids following one lone guy.  The leader of the group had a gun and he fired a couple times.  I asked him what the heck his problem was.  Then the person became a law official and I looked to see his nametag.  It was blurry though and I asked how he did that.  In fact, all the names on his clothes were blurry.  I told him it looked like I was watching a show where they blur out info to protect the innocent.  Only, this person wasn't innocent and his rage turned in my direction.
I took off flying

In another dream, I was in a grocery store.  I ate a couple samples and I was carrying bags.  Something happened (?) and I tried to take off flying to protect myself.  My arms were full and I didn't want to drop the bags, so I merely told myself to "fly up, stupid!"  And I rose off the ground.  Then I thought left and right, higher, lowerto go in those directions.

I didn't wake up again until 4:30.  I was so stinking hungry that I got up too quickly and forgot all dreams but one.
I was in a convenientstore to buy cigarettes. I counted out a lot of change, then noticed she gave me the wrong pack.  I had to count out 50 more cents and she had to call a supervisor to override thelast transaction.  There were people behind me and everyone was becomming annoyed.
I went outside to buy something to eat and drink out of the machines.  I got a weird Strawberry Fanta that had milk in it and tasted a bit like a shake.  
Another machine ate my money.  I had three dollars in bills on the ground and a lot of change. A guy came outside and opened the machine and I grabbed the money that was in the return slot.
He was a big guy, slightly fat.  He told me I stole his money, so I gave him the bills and kept the change.  He said he was still short and the rest was his too.  I told him, lol, "I cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.  What I kept is mine."
Then he became a scrawny guy.  He shrugged and went over to a machine to buy lotto tickets.  I asked him why he was going to blow his money on those things, why not go accross the street and get something to eat.
He asked me why I didn't ask him sooner.  I told him "Because I'm broke.  But I probably have enough for a Coke or something."
So we walked across the street and had breakfast together.

When I woke up I rushed into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles.  I've never eatten faster in my life lol.  I finished the bowl AND drank the milk in about 3 minutes  ::D:   It usually takes me 15 minutes at least.

Oh yeah... I dreamed something about traps. My son is talking to my daughter about a game she's playing and I just remembered.
I was sneaking through a building and trip wires were laid across many of the doorways.  I was worried about tripping some of them because the traps could come from anywhere.  One of them was on the ceiling behind me.
I finally asked myself why I would WANT to trip them when I could just step over the things lol
That's all I recall.

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## Baron Samedi

Ambien dangers

Your dreams are very interesting. I feel you have a lot of untapped power... first it must be used for self-healing, but you already know that.

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## Zhaylin

Thanks for the link  :smiley: 
Self-healing is a major role, I feel, my dreams play.  And self-exploration  ::D: 

I use to have premonitions to an unusual degree but a trauma struck my life and fear of myself stole my "gifts" away.  New religious beliefs have kept me from recultivating them,

I remembered another dream I had at some point.
I was on the phone with my brother-in-law.  He was kidnapping my daughter and moving to another state with her and his family.  I told him he had NO right to do so and that I would hunt him down to the ends of the earth and beyond.
Then I left my body and saw the entire scene.  He wasn't bluffing.  His family and my daughter were in the car and he was adding more idems.
I woke from that dream seething with anger.

Oh yeah... in another dream, I was spitting into a tissue and it was covered with dark red blood.  It was coming from my nose and throat.
>That's happened to me before in real life.  I don't know what the heck was the matter with me at the time, but I was in and out of sleep constantly.  I fell asleep eating and while talking.  I wasn't taking any meds. but I was acting drugged.
My kids got freaked out when they saw me spit out blood.  My voice was slurred while talking to my hubby so he sent his friend to pick the kids and me up to keep us at his house while hubby worked.
That happened at least 7 years ago.  It lasted only that day and has never happened again.
I guess I dreamed about it because when I pierced my lip, I would sometimes spit blood.  It must have triggered the memory.

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## Zhaylin

I woke up much too quickly this morning.
I remember dreaming of flying, of a grocery store (maybe I should eat more lol),of my Congregation.
I also dreamed again that my brother-in-law was kidnapping my youngest daughter.  I'll probably keep having that dream until she comes home from an extended visit with them.  I pick her up this Sunday.

Other than that, I remember nothing.

----------


## Zhaylin

I took an Ambien at around 8PM and I was asleep by 10.  I woke up at 2:45AM having had some emotional dreams.  I'll be going right back to sleep after posting this.

In one dream, I watched the end of a sex train made up of 5 people.  The were very proud of themselves for having accomplished the act.
Then I became one of the women in the group.  My ex-husband was one of the men.  We then all laid down and fell asleep intertwined with one another.

I dreamed something of my Congregation (?)

I dreamed I was ... it feels like "servant" but I think I was dating her son.  All I really recall is not liking her.  In one scene, I was trying to clean.  I went into a restroom which connected to 2 rooms.  I was replacing the carpet matting in front of the toilet.  THe one there was green and all I had was a blue one to replace it.
Then I noticed tiny hairs on the floor, as if someone cut off their dead ends and the pieces didn't make it into the trashcan.
Just then, the woman comes in and barely looks my way.  She then undressed and got into the tub as if I was too beneath her for her to feel modesty or embarassment.
I left but came back with a bar of soap intricately carved with 2 angels on it.
I thought about placing it into the tub with the woman, but I didn't want the bar to melt. It was too beautiful.  So I stuck it on a cabinet, only something was beneath it so that it sat at a slight slant.
The dream dissolved.

In another dream, I was living in a very small town much like my own but only smaller.  I had several male friends.  Many of them were much older than I was.
A gossip spread rumors that I was sleeping with various men of the town- many of whom were my dear friends.
I vaguely recall a bar scene.  I was sitting at a table with three guys and there was another sitting at the bar.  He tipped his drink toward me and we smiled.
There was some sort of mess up with my order of food.
Someone was shot.
Then I recall walking through a clinic.  An elderly woman walked behind me and she had pure hatred in her eyes. She had been told I was having sex with her husband, but I wasn't.  I told her "You KNOW me.  I would never do that."  But she was too blind in her rage.
I rushed ahead and confronted one of the women who worked there.  She had been spreading the lies and I had had enough.  I told her to stop spreading her venom .  At first, she denied everything.  Then she became defiant.
I don't recall how the dream ended.

I remember the tidbit of a dream in which I was sorting through boxes.

That's it for now... I'm going back to sleep.

----------


## Zhaylin

Ugh... I woke up too distracted.  
I fell asleep by 3:30AM, after having taking a Seroquel I had forgotten earlier.  I didn't wake up until 11:30.

I remember dreaming about our missing kitten, Panther.  The dogs like to play tug-of-war with the cats and I fear the worse.  I dreamed he was okay, just hiding from the mutts.

In another dream, I was flying.  I was using mental commands again.  I don't know why I dream of flying thus now-a-days, it's not nearly as fun and free and normal flight.
In the dream, I was escaping something.

In another dream, I was with my ex-husband.  He decided to give himself several tattoos, but then blamed me for them when he family gave him a hard time about them.
One was on his shoulder and he came to me, asking me to scrape out the ash using a blade.  I told him I had tried that and it doesn't work.  That he'd only have more red scar tissue in the shape of his tattoo instead of a gray one.  I even showed him my flame tattoo, trying to convince him to just leave it alone.
I had multiple peircings.

In another dream, I was living at my grandmothers.  My deceased Uncle Hank was there.
My family was very unhappy with me for some reason.  They were yelling and near tears, their anger was so great.  I was trying to clean and trying to ignore their hurtful words.
In another dream, I was driving.  I kept getting lost and some of the roads were treacherous.

In another dream, I was playing a Civ type reality in God mode.  I created land masses and water ways and built up communities.  When I unlocked certain acheivements, a store became available to me to purchase more things for my cities.  I had over 400 points, so I bought a large swingset and a fountain.  I was left was either 2 or 12 points  ::D: 

I dreamed something about my Congregation.
I dreamed something about food lol

Because I have so many dreams, does that mean I wake frequently?

----------


## Zhaylin

I couldn't sleep last night to save my life.  I took my Ambien and Seroquel at 9PM and I was still awake at 5AM.  I woke up at 10:45AM

I dreamed Panther was okay.
I dreamed my oldest son told me he heard on the radio that there was extensive flooding in West Virginia and that schools were letting students out at noon on Monday and Tuesday.
>I dreamed that because he said he wished we got a lot of snow so there wouldn't be any school on Monday and Tuesday.  We've been getting a lot of rain instead.

I dreamed I was a black tribal woman.  There were problems between clans.  That's all I recall.

I dreamed I ran into my friend Roxanna at a grocery store.  She didn't talk to me because I'm disfellowshipped from the Congregation, but she started to smile at me until she saw my lip ring.  I was embarassed because of it.

I dreamed again of building a world in God mode.
>I play WAY too much Civ lol

I also dreamed about a battle, of flying, of helping someone.  That was the longest and most recent dream, but I can't recall the finer details.

I'm refreshed and only a little hungry.  I think I'm becoming desensitized to the Ambien.  I'm going to try to go without it for the next few days.

Oh yeah.  I stopped taking my Strattera about 4 days ago.  I've had absolutely NO problems without it.  But, is it possible that going off it cold turkey has messed with my sleep somewhat...

----------


## Zhaylin

Wow... last night was a most awesome night of sleep and dreams.
BUT... my Averatech refused to load and after an hours worth of frustration, I lost most ofthe dreams.

I went to sleep last night at around 10PM after taking an Ambien and Seroqual.  I slept until 6:30AM at which time, I was freezing yet drenched in sweat.
It was then that I tried to come here to no avail.
I went back to sleep at around 7:30 and woke at 10:30 with the ringing of the phone.

I dreamed of being in a little shop.  They sold everything from clothes to herbs and crystals.
I was looking for Hemmotite.  But everything she sold was more of a greenish-pinkish hue than black.  Some of what she sold were HUGE.  I can no longer recall what they were called, but the shape was a tappering sphere with a necklace mount of silver at the thickest point.
I searched in my purse for a tiny hemmatite I tend to carry around to show her what color I was after.  When she held my little piece under her lamp though, it was actually a dark bluish green.
Then she brought over a small sculpture to show me.  It was called something like:  "6 for dinner maybe 9" lol.  I saw a little girl surounded by doves.  All she saw were the birds.  I told her it was an optical illusion and I pointed out the shape beneath the mass of wings.  Sometimes it appeared the girl looked straight ahead, at others (depending on how you looked at it) she appeared to have her head looking behind her.
She wore a long gown with a trane beneath the wreath as well as one from the top of the wreath.  Both flowed behind her and mingled with the dress.  Upon the dress the birds were perched "in flight".  There were 6 birds most prominent, but it you looked another way, there were nine.
We then went on to speak of illusions and I told her about the eyes and faces on my wall which is wood paneling.  The eyes and faces are formed from the knots.
By that time though, she lost interest in conversing.  She gave me a huge discount on one of the hemmatite necklaces and the dream ended.
Oh yes, the dream was so vivid that I could see shattering within some of the necklaces.

In another dream, I was at a bar.  It was some sort of celebration.  I went through a line and ordered veggies, fried chicken, a coke and a beer.
I wore my black sleeveless dress with blue flowers, but for some reason, I had a Braves T-shirt on (colored red) and my black skirt.
A girl asked if she could throw a blanket over me and wear my skirt.  She was in only tights and a long t-shirt.  At first I told her no, that it wouldn't fit because it was extra small.  But she looked so disappointed, that at that time, I remembered wearing the dress beneath it.  I took it off.  I was wearing black tights as well, and they started coming off with the skirt and I nearly flashed my butt at the patrons lol.
A man kept hitting on me and annoyed the crap out of me.

Then the dream changed.
I was on a boat.  The water was very cold and icy but someone (the annoying man) fell into the water.  I jumped in after him.
I found him with little trouble though it was night.  But he wasn't breathing.  I tried giving him CPR but my rythm was way off because he rested on only a leg while I treaded water with the other.  I swam frantically toward the boat (which was being pulled by another) but the driver couldn't me nor the people in the boat being pulled.
The dream ended.

I dreamed I was somewhere (?) and robbers came.  At first, it was a normal building, but when they arrived, I noticed an aquarium.  They were stealing a shark.  Only, they had to watch the people with guns ready, so I volunteered to go fishing.
The aquarium then became like a dock, with wooden piers and such slightly away from where we stood.  It made casting the line almost impossible.
I eventually got the line into the water and after what felt like forever, I finally had a snag.
I was devistated when I pulled it out, with the help of some others, and saw the body of a female attached to the extremely large hook by her finger.
She appeared dead and I mourned for her.  She worked at the building and I knew her only a little.
I removed the hook then carried her to a lounge chair.  I smoothed the hair from her face and as I prepared to leave, she breathed.
I told her to take it easy and I demanded the robbers call for an ambulence.

When I woke up, I had a song from Hamlet stuck in my head.  It's after Ophelia's father had been killed and she went mad.  Her brother saw her and she sang a haunting song about death.

I wish I could remember the other dreams.  They were just as intricate and vivid.
But even still... this had been THE best nights sleep I've had in what seems like months.

----------


## Zhaylin

I remembered some of my earlier dreams, but I couldn't get on the internet.
I never did remember the cool ones.

In one, I dreamed of Rogue and Panther.

The other dream was... well strange.  I thought I was awake and I was partially or something.
I thought I was laying on my couch trying to sleep.  My eyes were closed.  I heard my youngest daughter gently jump over the living room couch which separates my "room" from the living room (I also have a curtain hung up for privacy).  Then I slit open my eyes and saw her victoriously hold up a can of Coke (everyone get's their own soda but I go through mine the slowest and they always steal them).
She jumped back over the couch and my oldest son said:  "I don't care."
A few moments passed as she giggled then I spoke up and said:  "I'm not asleep.  I know you took a Coke.  But tomorrow you have to earn it off."  (I swindle extra chores out of them).

When the kids woke up I asked them if that happened.  They laughed and said Zee did do what she did and took a Coke, but no one said a thing about it.  Not my oldest son, not me lol.

The girl who died in the dream above had the name of Marta.  I don't know anyone of that name IRL.

This is my first night trying to sleep without Ambien.  It's almost 3AM *rolleyes*

----------


## Zhaylin

I remember a lot of tidbits from many mini-dreams "last night"

I didn't fall asleep until around 5:30AM and I woke at 7:30AM.  I definitely go back to sleep after this post lol.

In one dream, Iccabah was in the bathroom inside a dog crate.  She had given birth to kittens while we slept and she wanted outside. So I opened the crate and she went to the door.
Several dream hours later, I was kicking myself in the rear.  I had fallen asleep and the kittens had been without their mom for many hours.  It's also very cold in the bathroom and I feared they froze.
>The dream was so realistic that when I woke, I ran into the bathroom to check on the kittens.  We don't even have a dog kennel like the one in the dream lol

In another dream, I was with someone else.  We were gliding through the air as if on gliders, only they were parachute shaped.
We glided down into a Courtyard.  There was white everywhere and it was beautiful.  There was even an arch for getting married under.
We never landed and the visit was so short it saddened me.

IN another dream, I was driving down the interstate looking for a McDonalds.  There were some new exit ramps and I took the wrong one.  The  sign said the road would eventually lead to Toronto.
I merged back on a lane that lead toward home with no troubles.
>I dreamed of Toronto because I posted about hubby's hernia before bed and he had it repaired in Toronto.

In another dream, I was hammering nails into the wall beside my couch and one of them became stuck and crooked from the stud in the wall.  I was highly annoyed lol
>I dreamed that because I cleaned my room some yesterday which included me hanging things up on the wall and I ran into the problem with the stud a couple of times.

In another dream, I was shopping at Wal-mart.  I bought a high chair and I had to keep asking the worker who assisted me if the chair came with this and that.  He said yeah, embarassed, while he looked for the attachmentsto include.  It was a display model, so everything had been out of the box.
I went outside to leaveand it was getting dark.  There were a group of men working on a sign (one which you can switch the letters and numbers around to create new annoouncements).  They were very high up and something about them made me want to capture their picture.  
I tried driving, but the car was stubborn.  By the time I was ready and able to take the pic, it became too dark or they too busy and I lost my chance.

At some point during that last dream, I kept building static electricity.  I was inside the store shopping for clothes for a daughter (npt either of mine IRL).  I kept wanting to zap her but I told myself that would be too mean.
By the time I decided to zap her anyhow, I felt the energy evaporate and nothing happened when I touched her.

In another dream, I was playing my Civ DS game and I was annoyed because I was playing the English when I wanted the Aztecs.

I also dreamed Brooke, the dog, met several male friends outside and when I opened the door, everyone tried to run inside.

----------


## Zhaylin

ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
I CANNOT sleep properly.  I took an Ambien at 5 AM this morning.  I was still awake at 9 and had to call AAA so I went outside and shoveled about 15 feet of snow (1+ feet deep) WITH MY HANDS!!!  The kids lost the shovel.  I have no snow shovel.  Hell, I didn't even have GLOVES.  I used a pair of socks as gloves.
I was out there for 1 1/2 hours.  I kept laying down on the hard snow, using snow as a pillow.  I was careful not to fall asleep.  I wasn't sleepy even then, but I know the dangers.
I would just regulate my breathing, slow my pulse and watch the dogs romp, throwing snowballs at them  :tongue2: 

When I came in, my finger nails were purple.  I was hot and sweaty and exhausted.  I got naked and laid in "bed", sure I would fall right to sleep.
I didn't.  About an hour later, I took a very hot bath.  I did manage to fall asleep for 40 minutes or so.  I had dreams of my car sliding in snow, of losing control.  I dreamed of McDonalds and getting the wrong meal, then sliding on ice leaving.

An hour ago I took an entire Valium (20 mg I believe).  I CANNOT sleep!!!!  
I haven't had a cigarette since noon.  I'm stranded at the Farm, my vehicle stuck in snow and in danger of rolling down a steep hill.  AAA  can't help.  I need a wench and everyone seems to have "roll backs" only.
Grrrrr!

I go grocery shopping on Wednesday.  I also buy my carton of smokes on Wednesday- in the morning.  I want a freagin a cigarette!!Q!!!!!! We need groceries.  The road is too treacherous to ask for help from friends.

GRRRRRR!!!!!

----------


## Zhaylin

My brother-in-law and his friend came to my rescue and it only cost me $150. (they had to drive from over 2 hours away and the truck and chain were the friends)

I've had tons of great dreams but my recall has been sucking more than usual and I hate dial-up so much I'm rarely on the computer except for Wednesday's and Thursdays when I'm in town.

Last night, I crashed at around 11PM and woke up at 6:30 AM.
In one dream, I was flying.  I was high above the trees and the power lines.  I kept going up, above the cloud line and I started getting nervous.  I told myself:  "Down, darn you!"  But I kept rising, until I added hand motions (controlled levitation more than actual flying).  

In another dream, I was in a store.  I bought some fried chicken to eat, but then someone needed my help with a Slushie machine.  I added a bunch of things that looked like pixie stix and when the drinks were made, we discovered I hadn't emptied them properly and the plastic was in the drinks.  People were very unhappy lol and I was embarassed.

In another dream, I was in a store again, but a small group of women were near me and I was getting something from a lower shelf.  Someone was talking about Jehovah's Witnesses and how such and such person was disfellowshipped and speaking badly about the Congregation.  A JW, Helen D. said:  "I don't blame them.  I would have some bad things to say too."
I then looked up and said:  "No you wouldn't and neither should you.  We don't know the whole story and it's not our place to say or judge."
One of the other women looked down at me and said:  "You're disfellowshipped right?"
I said yes.
Then she asked:  "But you can return any time you want, right?"
To which I replied.  "Yep.  I just have to stop smoking first before I'm all the way back in."
Then all of them looked at me as if I was some sort of alien.

In another dream, I was escaping some military compound.  I had a baby girl with me.  They wanted the baby but I was trying desperately to steal her away for her own protection.
I don't recall anything more.

----------


## Zhaylin

I had a lot of disturbing dreams last night.
I fell asleep at around midnight and I'm up (barely lol) at 6:30AM

The dream that stands out the most was of my step-daughter dying.  It was either a stabbing or a car accident (I feel like the car accident is the right one),
My hubby told me and I passed out.  I actually fainted in my dream.

In another dream, I was with a group of peopleand we were escaping something/someone (?).  I ended up levitating the entire lot of them.  Then I flew above em, showing off somewhat.

I dreamed our dog Brooke was running around with about 3 other ogs.  One of them was a Saint Bernard. Every time he ran by, I saw blood on his face and I slowly came to realize he had bloody noses.  I asked someone to take a look at him and while we were examining him, I saw water pouring off from the top of hishead,
I also saw Panther and Rogue in a dream.  Panther had been living in the culvert under the gravel driveway.

I also dreamed of walking with someone and I had false teeth in the shape of fangs.  I kept discretely taking them out and putting them back in because they were bothering me.   also had orher piercingsand I was talking to a woman about the imge it sends to others.

That's it.

----------


## Zhaylin

Three nights ago I had a lot of sex dreams.  In them, I was very frustrated and kept getting interrupted.  At one point, I was at a bar, hoping to pick up a stranger for a quickie lol
In other words, my period is about 2 weeks away.  My libido is always crazy then.

Night before last I didn't sleep at all.

Last night, I "died".  I woke up twice to the phone, though, so I lost the dreams.  The only thing I remember is having a hideously large, mis-shaped and blackish butterfly tattoed on the side of my upper leg.  I was wearing some outfit that had a large slit up the side and I was terrified of hubby seeing the tattoo so I changed into something else.
I also vaguely recall scaling the side of a Hotel and something about a crashing car.

That's it though.

I HATE not having reliable internet.

----------


## Zhaylin

I took an Ambien last night at 7PM.  I slept in the tub for about an hour, then went to my couch and fell asleep by 11PM.
I had some strange dreams, but (unfortunately) I don't recall many of them.
I had Court today.  My kids are finally back in my custody completely (YAYYY!)  I had to be there at 9AM, so my morning was rushed and panic-filled.

The dream I recall most was about one of male cats, Laushes.  In the dream, for some reason, there was a litter box on the kitchen counter.  I was in the kitchen doing something and all of a sudden Laushes' back feet start moving in a dance, side stepping.  Then he placed his front paws on the side of the litter box so that he was standing, and his front paws moved in harmony with his back ones  ::D: .  It was amazing to watch and I wished I could train him to do that on cue.  Then I noticed a cup on the counter at the same time the cat did.  He lept into it and looked like one of those key chain cats with a wrung neck and fat head with buldging eyes.  He just cat there, staring out and I thought it was the cutest thing ever  ::lol:: 

>>I have NO idea what inspired that dream other than nagging my daughter to clean out the litter box.

In another dream, my hubby and I were getting romantic.  He had his pants down and things were about to get serious, but then one of the kids walked in  ::roll::  

>>My libido is still a bit crazy.

In another dream, I slept past my Court Hearing and all my kids missed the bus.  I was majorly freaked out and in a horrible mood.

>>I woke up on time but 3 kids (my daughters and one of my daughters friends) missed the bus and I had to drive them.  I've been stressing this day for a long time, which is the reason for the dream.

In another dream, I was at an airport but that's all I recall.

On another note, I really want to try to find something that will keep bath water at a temp of about 70-75.  Perhaps Lowes would have something along the lines of turning your tub in a spa sort of thing.
My gallbladder had been acting up SEVERELY lately.  Last Thursday/Friday, for 12 hours, I was in so much pain, the only time I found relief was laying in the tub.  I could feel a peach pit size gas bubble floating near my gallbladder but I couldn't belch it up (oddly enough, when my gallbladder acts up, I have no problem farting but I can't burp to save my life).
Anyhow, I had forgotten how much I love sleeping in the tub.  Last night, I even turned out the lights and floated and slept.  It used to terrify my mom when I did that as a kid lol
But the water gets too cold too quickly.  Especially seeing how there's no insulation under the bathroom at the Farm.

----------


## Zhaylin

Again, I took an Ambien at around 7PM and I was asleep by 11.
I had several dreams last night, which I mostly only partially recall.

In one, I drove my daughter, Destinee, to school.  I drove through the bus lane though and ended up blocking traffic and people were angry with me.

In another dream, my hubby light-heartedly nagged me, asking when I was going to start going to the Kingdom Hall again.

The most vivid dream was about my pdoc.  I was in a house and two little boys raced by.  One of them fell against some pictures that were on the floor, leaning against a wall.  Dr. A ran over to him, frantically checking for injury.  But once he saw the little one was fine, he patted the boys rear and told him to go lay down [take a nap].  I was amazed at how well the child listened.
Then another man (?) walks down a staircare [spiral?].  The two men start talking and I find out the home belonged to the other man before the Dr. bought it.  Then the man asked Dr. A if he was bothered by the ghost/s (?) of the someone(s-?) who had been murdered in the bedroom.
Dr. A waved the comment away then indicated me and said:  'Like our friend here, maybe I need more proof than what my eyes see.' 
At first, I thought he was commenting me, then I became uncertain and woke up.

>> That dream was inspired by:  watching House yesterday.  Also, my daughter Destinee talked about some book she read about ghosts.  But I was also having an imaginary conversation with Dr. A before I fell asleep. 
In the conversation, I simply told him that I told hubby he thought we should go to Conseling as a couple.  I said, I "even told him about that other person" he had recommended so hubby knew we wouldn't be seeing my pdoc who could be accused of being impartial.
I ran through different ways of saying that so I wouldn't sound full of myself lol and at one time I admitted to my imaginary pdoc that it wasn't completely unreasonable to think I might even *expect* the Dr. to take my side more, so I would rather not take the chance.

Then it occurred to me:  I do that ALL the time.  I signed a prenumptial (sp) because I didn't want to take a chance that if hubby and I came to bad terms, I could become vindictive.  I wont get a job or take "college" (?) courses, because I'm afraid I may become inappropriately attached to someone.

It's silly, but it was a major "eurika" moment and I brought it with me into my dream.
But how do I interpret the dream with the information at hand?

"I need more proof than what I can see with my eyes?"  Said first as a compliment... but in truth it may have been a mild slight.
Does it mean I need to have more faith in myself?

Before sleep, I also thought about how he would respond to my eurika moment.  He would tell me:  "You never know unless you try."  He would encourage me to put myself "at risk" through more social interaction.
To which, I responded along the lines of my fear being a virtue because it protected me and my family.  Why subject myself to unneeded risk.

That could explain the confused message being a compliment/slight... I haven't made up my mind about it yet lol..

Oh well, enough "insight" for one day...

----------


## Zhaylin

I dreamed this morning of fighting with my daughters.
My youngest daughter, Zee, in one dream was arguing with me about having an early dismissal at school because of the weather.  It was in connection with her brother who actually went to school today but I forget the exacts.

In a separate dream, I dreamed of lecturing Destinee about toilet habits and not trying to flush clumps of paper towels.
When I woke this afternoon, I asked her if I lectured her on the subject this morning and she said no.  I told her I'd be sure to take care of that after I woke up more  ::D: 

The strangest dream was about 2 of our cats.  Iccabah was in a short box.  My blanket was under her and she was dead, but I couldn't bring myself to throw her out or bury her.  Then, one of her sons, Bucky Boy, was with her in the box, also dead.  I was a little sad.  Then Iccabah started breathing and she left the box after having been dead for an entire day.  Then Bucky Boy was fine.
I told my kids that's why I didn't want to be buried when I "died".  What if I really wasn't dead and woke up under the ground.

>>In life, I'm "at war" with Iccabah.  The other day, she started to squat over an open 12 case of Coke that was on the floor.  I KNEW she was about to use the restroom so I "tsst!" her but she ignored me.  I was recording my dreams in my journal, so I threw my pen at her and she took off running.
She's pregnant and for some reason, I'm her hormone driven target.  She has a litter box and uses it when she's inside, but just for spite, she'll pee on the blanket on my couch or take a dump on the floor in front of my little fridge.  I'm always shooing her out of my "room".
So I can somewhat understand, lol, why I dreamed that she was dead.  But I love her little boy.  He's very affectionate, though he did leave me with two massive scratches when I pushed him off my lap a couple weeks ago.  Usually my dreams don't hold "grudges" that long.

----------


## Zhaylin

I slept strangely last night.  I haven't taken Ambien for several days...
I fell asleep by around 10PM and a movie my kids were watching woke me at 1:30 ("Girl Interrupted").  So I pinned my curtain open and finished watching it with them then sent them to bed.
I fell back to sleep around 3AM.

I woke at some point, sitting up, eyes closed having been dreaming.
In one dream, I was at my friend Roxanna's house.  I was babysitting Josiah (her toddler).  A friend of mine came over (not known IRL) and bent down to give Josiah a penny.  Instead, the little boy took the cigarette the man had lit but tucked back toward his wrist.  Josiah put it right to his lips and inhaled lol.  We both stared at him, oddly fascinated.  Then Josiah ran off and we followed to coax the cig from him.
He flushed it down the toilet and we shook our heads in disbelief.
When Roxanna came home I made her promise she wouldn't get mad at me, then I told her what happened. 
I don't recall her reaction.

In another dream, I was with a childhood friend, Robert H.  I was a passenger and we were driving across a snowy road that ended at an incomplete bridge.  He drove on 2 tires, riding a beam, until it ended, then we got out and cautiously crossed the the other side.

In another dream, I was at a grocery store.  I had, what I figured to be $76. worth of food but the bill came to almost $300.  I was mortified, and tried to scrounge together the change.

In another dream, I was buying food at a restaurant and had the same problem.  Only, I had stolen $1,000. from my hubby and I tried to find the money in various pockets in 2 different bags, and I couldn't find it all.

In yet another dream, I was walking through a marsh where there were alligators.  I was looking for some babies.

In another dream, I lived in ancient times.  I was an important person and some great tragedy was hitting my people.  Someone told me to write an order on (??? magic imbued) paper.  I searched for some, but it had all been written or drew on.  I found a sheet and wrote out orders.  The person left and I noticed in a shadow in a corner.  It was a Grendel (?)  It was crawling in the corners toward me so I ran to a door and waved at the scouts across a field.  Then I made bird whistles.
The dream ended.

In another dream, I dreamed of 5 Apostates I dreamed of night before last.

I also had a brief sexual dream.  I was heading to the shower to clean up and don't recall how it ended.

I woke several times with an earache.
The Grendel was inspired by watching "They" earlier in the evening.

----------


## Zhaylin

I'm going to record my dreams from the night before last.

"I had some demented dreams last night.
In one dream, I was talking to hubby.  There was another man in the room and a third man entered.  I was confused because the man who entered was my hubby... but he was sitting in the room already, so how was that possible?
My hubby had a twin.
The second hubby said *he* was the one I met at the Strip Clubs in 1998.  He looked kinder than the man I married.
The man I married had an evil glint in her eyes, then he offered me a divorce, saying I would get absolutely no money.
I then turned to the unknown man- a lawyer, and told him if I did divorce, I would take *everything* that had been given to me & was already mine:  art glass, a doll, boxes in the attic and in the basement, the things from the trailer.
Both hubby's agreed and I woke up.

In another dream, I was w/ hubby in his garage when 5 women entered.  They had belonged to the Congregation (not IRL) but they had become Apostates.  I left but hubby talked to them.  When I returned, they were concluding and Jerry told them to put us both down (for a donation).  I said to leave me out of it, but asked what the money was for.
Jerry warned me w/ a threatening look, to never repeat a word or hint of the name, then told me it was for some hotshot JW in another country- for blood and procedures JW's dn't accept.  The woman was an Apostate who hadn't been discovered.
I then told the group I never wanted to see them again- that I planned on rejoining the congregation.

In another dream, I was flying.  I recall little else, except for a lot of snow and a car accident.

I also dreamed of playing Civ, both as a game and in "god-mode" on a global scale."

----------


## Zhaylin

I took an Ambien last night at 7 and was asleep by 10 or so.  I had some whacky dreams that I only partially recall.

In one dream, I was traveling through a large building.  There was (?) crawlspace access above the rooms which connected and served as a lower crawlspace for rooms above.  I traveled up and down, beween rooms and floors hiding from something.  At one point, I found a room that contained a safe.  I opened it and took out some money and was surprised to find my missing novella "Gypsy Moon"... it was missing the first 14 or so pages (as in real life before I lost the entirety).
I heard my hubby coming, so I shoved everything back into the safe and closed the door.  When he opened the door to the room, I sat smiled at him and he went on his way.
I raced through the crawlspace and I eventually found something that looked like a cave.  I was afraid to go through it, but then a light shown and I saw the cave was just some other sort of vent or crawlspace but a door, further back opened into an unexplored room.  There was a lot of junk in the "cave" and I didn't want to go through the door, so I backed out.
Once inside another room, I was going to sleep on the floor, but then I saw several sizable roaches scurry away.  I HATE roaches, IRL.  I'm literally scared of them.
I picked up a shoe and squashed several of them, then some of my cats were in the room and they ate the corpses.
I thought I'd never get to sleep because of the bugs and eventually the dream ended.

In another dream, I was at my parents house (a house I lived in from the age of 16-20 something.  We were in the back yard and some sort of ceremony was taking place.  I asked them why they hadn't told me sooner.  There was dancing and the passing of a chalice.  Then my mom came over to me and I was uncertain.  I was about to turn my back on my religion and beliefs.  But then I welcomed my mom and she folded me in her arms and sucked the blood from my neck.
I don't recall how it ended.

In another dream, I was at my grandmothers house and my Uncles were there.  I snuck into the "Big House" (where my Uncles lived) and I wasn't supposed to be there (in real life, I could come and go as I pleased).
There was snow on the ground outside and something scarey in the field behind the houses.
That's all I recall.

In another dream, I was with my hubby on vacation.  But we were fleeing from something and I could fly.  I took his arm and jumped from the back of the Hotel.  I slowed our fall, but his weight was more than what I was used to.
I was trying to protect him and wouldn't leave him behind.  I had to take to flight again and I flew mostly by power of thought and some hand movements.  "Higher... to the right... stop!"
I don't recall how it ended.

>>The crawlspace dream came, in part, from watching Hostage (I think it was called).  The bit about my manuscript came from typing on DreamViews about it.  The part about the safe came from my son joking that he would break my safe to get my gun in an emergency.
>>I don't know what inspired the vampiric dream.
>>I don't know what inspired the others either.

I woke up again, at some point last night, sitting up.  Other than that, I was awake and rested by 4:30AM  I fell back to sleep at around 7AM and slept until about 10.

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## Baron Samedi

I have had hundreds or thousands of dreams about exploring a house, or running away from something in a house. I would often find secret passages and be afraid of dead ends and such. It sounds so much like those dreams I used to have.

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## Zhaylin

Okay lets try this again  My periods and commas don't seem to work  They show up as "p's"  Yesterday my space bar didn't work so I just gave up
I guess I'll use "/" as a period/  GRRRR!  Or how about *  Yeah*  That's better I think*
Or how about `
Grrr` (comma`)  I hate what my keyboard gives out!

Anyhow` I've head such dreams are pretty common*  I used to dream about houses with secret entrances since I was a wee kid*  In them` the secret passage was always in a closet or bathroom*  Once I figured out where the dreams came from` I stopped having them for a long time*
When I was very young (5 or so?) I had a friend whose room was in a attic*  In a closet was a laundry shoot that wound up in the basement*  I was never allowed in there so it set off my imagination lol*
For the longest time` the secret passage opened to a perfect bedroom*  There was a picture window and a large bed with a canopy in front of it*
As time went on` the secret passages became escape routes*

Night before last` I finally experienced Ambien Loopiness*  My kids were fighting and dropping the "F" bomb left and right and I had had enough*  So I took 2 Ambeins (a total of 20mg) and I felt the effects almost immediately*  I was seeing double and gave my kids a royal laugh*  I thought I was inside a video game my son was playing and that there were two shooters instead of one*  My youngest daughter held up some fingers and I was annoyed because I thought she was trying to trick me*  I saw 2 rows of 4 fingers each*
I then went into my room and puked into a walmart bag and fell promptly asleepp
My kids are still at iti` so every time I wake up` I take a Valuim*  I've had 4 in the past 24 hours*  I wake up for a couple hours each time*  My kids are stealing my smokes and I don't have enough foodi Coke and water to last until Wednesday` so I'm sleeping as a means of self-preservation*  But come Wednesday` all hell will break lose*  The State is off our back` so they see it as "let's screw over mom" time*  GRRRRR!

Anyhowi I've had a lot of strange dreams*  I don't recall most of the though*
In one` I was flying and I grabbed hold of a bunch of mens penises and threw the men*  When I woke` I realized I dreamed that thanks to a movie my kids were watching where someone kept saying "he had him by his penis" or something to that effect lol

I had a sad dream of a bunch of animals in cages*  They hadn't been fed or watered in a long time*  All the monkeys were dead*  The rabbits were almost dead*  A cat spoke to me and asked me to insure their escape and revenge*

I dreamed of the house with many secret passages again*  There was an outside entrance and I was annoyed because someone else discovered it and trucks were paving the road to it*

That's all I have for now*  I'll be back to sleep in an hour or so` so I'm sure I'll have many more dreams to addp

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## Zhaylin

No dreams to add.  I didn't sleep a wink after my last post.
A neighbors dog was shot and he came over looking for her.  He left, then I took my own dogs outside to look for their buddy- to no avail.  I went to the neighbors house to ask if she had returned and she hadn't.
I went back home, was about to fall asleep when he knocked on the door again asking if we'd seen her.  He had followed her trail back to our place.
So then he and I and my dogs went looking through the yard.
Poor Iesha (aka Jackrabbit aka Kanga aka Trash Terror), was dead near our house in some trees  :Sad: 
The neighbor opened up a fanny pack and asked if I wanted a beer.  I nursed one then we went inside because it was so cold.  We spoke for awhile but our fruit flies were getting on our nerves and I told him we had a bunch of trash in the basement because hubby refuses to pay for trash service.  He said he does too... he just burns his.
So, for the next 2 hours, he and I and my 3 youngest kids, gathered all the trash together including the stuff his dog had scattered and we burned it all lol... including 3 old mattresses.
We talked some more and he thanked us for helping him look and for giving him something to do to take his mind off his dog.  Then he took off at around 3AM to bury her  :Sad: 

Our dogs are going to be tied up from now on.  We have another neighbor whose crazy.  He shoots all dogs who wander onto his property and poisons any cats he sees.
But we have no hard evidence against him *GRRRRR*

Anyhow... I'm at the RV, wide awake and on a computer that actually works.

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## Zhaylin

I've been having some really strange and intense dreams lately.  I can't recall most of the details any more though.
I've been taking so much Valium it hardly has any effect on me anymore, but I've noticed one very interesting thing:  My blood pressure and pulse have been superb.  I know I should take high blood pressure meds instead, but they make me feel flugally.

I've had several bouts of SP with a twist.  When I "come to" (in that twilight stage) I feel dizzy, almost drunk.  I tell myself to go with it and as I fall back to sleep I obtain lucidity for a short time (I willingly give it up).
I've been dreaming about flying a LOT.
The last dream I had, which I recall was about being in an airport.  I was a male Marshal who went out a side door to enter the plane in secret.
But then the dream changed and I was myself and I missed the plane and was very stressed out because of it.
There were a lot of food vendors and I was in line to buy a bunch of delious food.  Only, my money was foreign and it took twice as much to pay for what I wanted.  So I saw the food and smelled it and then had to watch it go back because I couldn't afford it.

>>That theme is very recurring because of a kindness a stranger showed.  I was at a Dollar General and I didn't have as much money as I thought I did.  I deleted some of my purchases then went to the car.  Once the guy behind me checked out, he came over to my car and said I forget some items back there that I might want to get 'here's some change'.  He gave me $10.  I thanked him then went back and bought the items.  I hated myself afterwards.  I'm a DOCTORS wife.  I should be the one being charitable.  I shouldn't run out of money like that.  I should be... blah blah blah.  I became very depressed over the whole ordeal.
I've come to peace with all the "should have's" but now my dreams are always haunted by similar scenes.

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## Zhaylin

I went lucid last night for a short time.  In the dream, I wanted to fly but I thought I was awake.  I went ahead and tried any how and when I got in the air, I realized I was dreaming.  I told myself to go with it for awhile and enjoy it.  I thought of an animal I could conjure and a rabbit appeared.  I then wanted to have sex with  Sayid Jarrah from "Lost" (because he is one SEXY man), but the person changed and I wasn't interested.
I took off flying again and found myself in the sky facing some sort of floating  mirrored box.  I told myself not to go inside it because I didn't create it.  But I went inside anyhow.  I was in an area devoid of light and sound.  It was like hell to me and scared me.  I told myself I was lucid and I could just leave it at any time, but I was so distressed, I ended up waking up.

Earlier in the evening, I dreamed it was the aftermath of the "end of the world".  I was crounging through a building and found some goods.  I left a few dollars on a table but as I was leaving, a huge black man blocked my path, calling me a thief.  I told him I thought the place had been abandoned but I left some money just in case.  I said I knew it wasn't nearly enough to make up for what I took, but I would be happy to trade for the rest.
He looked at the table and there was no money on it.  He became even angrier.
Then I saw a pudgy little boy.  I was kneeling at that point, my hair in the mans hands.  I asked the kid in my sweetest, calmest voice if he took the money.  I told him I wouldn't be mad at him if he did and he wouldn't get in trouble.  But the man yelled at the kid, saying if he took it he would be beaten (not helping matters) and the kid denied taking it.
I knew I was about to be raped, but I suddenly didn't care.  The man was attractive and strong and powerful.  He pulled my hair and my head went toward him willingly, in anticipation.
But the dream ended before anything happened.

In another dream, I was at my grandmothers house looking through old pictures.  I wanted some of them.  It was more involved than that, but I've forgotten it.

I dreamed something about an airport and food again.  I don't know what's up with that recurring theme.  I was *supposed* to take a trip in January, but I didn't.  I only fly once or twice a year and the next time isn't until October or so.  Flying dreams always indicate anxiety.... ???  And why food is always available but unobtainable is also curious.

That's all I recall.

I took an Ambien last night and I was asleep by 10PM.  I woke on my own by 8AM

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## Zhaylin

I have had a LOT of truely epic dreams these past two days.
Whenever my kids refuse to do their chore rooms, I tend to stay in my "room" and sleep.
The kids have been at war, so I've been retreating to dreams.

I completed the lucid task of the month (I'm not going to repeat it here.  Frankly, it sucked compared to my other dreams.)

I've forgotten the awesomeness of most of them, but I'll do my best.

In one dream... let's see... it was very disjointed to begin with, so where exactly did it start?
Grrr... I'll just start writing and rearrange it later.

I was in a building, running from monsters.  These creatures were huge and... aha, now I recall where it started:

I was James Sawyer (From "Lost") and in some little store.  I was strong arming a guy into selling me some rare gun as well as rare Penthouse magazines lol.  The place had changed ownership and the new guy didn't want to help.  I jumped behind the counter and told him the "Jews" were taking over, that they were hoarded up in some house down the road... only they were really monsters.  Only I could see them to kill them and if he didn't give me what I wanted, I'd bash his brains in before he could even think of sounding the alarm.  He (err, I) said I was a regaular, weekly customer so I wanted respect and service!
Then "I" walked into the store as myself and I no longer had control of James.  I tried to pacify him.  I grabbed his magazines then wiped off a notebook above it that had been touched by both of us.  I grabbed the rare gun and James ran outside ahead of me.
I calmly walked outside as a couple policemen ran inside.  I held the door open for them.  James ran across the street, but was hit by a car.

I knew what he was talking about, as far as the monsters went, but his own racist paranoia made them Jews.  I went into a hotel/casino and took the elevator to my floor.  But I ran into some trouble (?)
I was then in a large office building.  I passed door after door and I came to realize I was on a Cruise Ship.  It was supposed to be passenger free, but a little girl walked in front of me.  A bunch of monsters were behind me, so I grabbed her arm and told her to run with me if she wanted to live.
I came upon a large restroom and I started to look for a secret hole in the floor that would lead to safety (a recurring theme) and I realized I was dreaming.
I told myself "you don't dare!" because going lucid means I'll soon wake up and I didn't want to lose the dream.

The girl told me not to worry, then she went to her room.
I opened another door and found myself in a stairway.  A lot of people were with me as we shot up monsters.
The stairway decended into a cavern.  Across a chasm was a monster, but I took shots at him anyhow.  I didn't realize it, but there was a man attached on my side of the chasm to the monster.  Every time I shot the monster, the man was pulled closer to the edge.  Finally, the monster was pushed back so far, the man fell and the chain snapped.
My vision zoomed in on the man.  He hit a ledge and all of us yelled at him to be still.  But in his daze, he moved just enough to make the weak ledge crumble.
Seconds before he hit the lava, he was pulled into some gear mechanism, ground up then deposited into the lava quite dead.

My group and I ran along the stairs some more and I was in the lead but out of amo.  A huge beast, almost like a "Big Daddy" (from "BioShock") but more crude, was coming my way.  I asked if anyone had a weapon or amo... ANYTHING at all?!  Someone tossed me a bottle of beer lol.  I wondered what I was supposed to do with that, then I realized I could shake it up and shoot the beast.  My hopes plummeted again as I realized most bottles needed bottle openers, but as I looked at it, I saw the words "twist to open".
Of course, the "explosion" did no damage, but it was enough of a destraction for me to run away.

And that's all I recall of that dream.

In another dream, I had an affair with some guy and then I made love to my hubby (only he was about 80 years old-?).  We got to our home which is where my grams used to live.  He found out about the affair and asked me why.  I told him I wanted a baby.  He asked "boy or girl", I said "girl, but it doesn't really matter."  We held hands as we spoke but I knew he was really upset.
Then the dream turned into something else and he was beyond angry.
We lived at the Farm, but there was a slender building on the edge of the property.  I discovered it and went exploring and there were many rooms and a long story I've since forgotten.
When I came out of the building, hubby called me a criminal.  He yelled about all the burnt trash all over the yard, and "what were you thinking burning it so close to the house!?"
The dream ended with us discussing divorce.

I woke myself up several times during me sleeps by talking.  I woke up sitting up a couple times.

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## Zhaylin

I just remembered part of another dream.
I was walking through a marshy area that opened to a waterway (ocean, lake??).  I was looking for something.  I was afraid of swimming through the water, but I had to in order to get to a bit of land.  There were aligators and something else, far more ancient beneath the waters surface, but I wasn't afraid any more.
I then found myself with other people.  A boat was sinking in the distance and we wanted to help.  Most of the people stayed behind- too afraid of what was in the water.  Then someone identified the "things" as sea monsters.
I told them not to worry, that I had crossed and they didn't bother me.
Another person said to stay above their body because if they came up and you were in the wrong place, they would snap you in two.
I went into the water.  The beast had fins but was smooth instead of scaley.
I grabbed onto one of the fins as it turned under the water.  I came up safely and exhilerated.
But then I looked across the water and one of the beasts had a man between his teeth.  I pet my monster and spoke soothingly to it as it took me where I wanted to go (?).

When I got to the other side, one of the sea monsters was beached.  People were leering and taking pot shots at it and I ran to its defence.
I tried to tell the people the monsters were scared.  They didn't know if we were food or preditors and ther were more of us than they had ever encountered at one time.
I soothed the creature but it's wounds were too severe.

It looked a lot like a GIANT snake with smooth skin, several rows of fins down its side and (??) spiked fins (?) around its head like certain lizards.  They were brown mottled with reds and greens.

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## Zhaylin

I REALLY hate dial-up and I dislike this Averatec laptop but the blizzard struck so I'm stuck at the Farm until it melts a great deal  And now my "period" isn't working/  We have about 3 feet of snow which isn't as bad as it COULD be/
GRRRR!

I've had a ton of great dreams though- but I recall only fragments now/
In one dream-[comma] I was at school and I lost my backpack/  I went over to a table (lunch) and rummaged through the bag of a big black guy who was extremely offended/  I told him "I sincerely apologize" but his bag was identical to mine/  I ended up finding it but my iPod Touch was missing/  I was frantic- angry- depressed/  Then I found a blanket which had been in my bag- with a pile of abandoned clothes etc in a heap of lost and found/
Then I was trying to catch a bus and the second floor of a highrise across the street exploded in bursts of light and noise/
Then my dream went into rewind mode about three different times/  At the last burst I became extremely depressed over the loss of life and my own inability to do anything/
I met 2 guys and we spoke at great length about the explosions and what we could do about it/  We concluded the explosions were taking place in a janitor closet- but they were kept locked- so an employee was detonating the bombs/
I don't recall how the dream ended/

In another one- I was shopping/  I was pushing a baby in a carriage that was filled with snow/  I was worried about the baby freezing someone gave me some "nectar of the gods" which I fed to the baby through a straw/  I worried about giving him too much but the person helping me said he'd be okay/  And sure enough- the snow started to melt- but I realized my baby was bigger/  The person told me my child would only live for a week- but he'd live out his entire life during that week/
The childs grandmother pushed the stroller- well- it was actually a carrier on top of the grocery cart/
I filled the cart with groceries and the grnadmother put back some pants she wanted/
I separated from her and found a carton of Marlboro Menthol Full Flavor 100's which is my brand; but these were flavored cinnamon and sugar/  I HAD to get a pack to try/  A guy working there said I could buy them for cheaper at Sams Club/
When I went to check out- the grandmother bought the groceries and the clerk made me feel guilty- saying the grandmother had put back something she wanted to get us these things and here I was buying Smokes/
When my order went through- some nose rings and necklaces etc came through as well/  I told her I didn't buy those (and they hadn't shown up on my bill) so I set about trying to separate things/
Don't recall how it ended/

In another dream- I was a male cop/  Don't recall what it was about/

I also dreamed of a little girl/  Her dad was a total pushover and I asked her what she preferred- a dad who ignored her completely (then I lowered my voice) or a dad who took charge and took care of his family/  She started crying lol and I felt guilty about scaring her/  So using different vocal inflections- I asked her how old she was etc and she started laughing/

In another dream- I was driving but I was being tailed by a cop for some reason/  He flashed his lights a couple times- but didn't use the siren so I pretended not to see him and I eventually lost him in a residential neighborhood/  I pulled into an alley way between houses and noticed I was behind the house of a JW friend/  I drove away so she wouldn't be uncomfortable/
Don't recall how it ended/

In two dreams yesterday:
I comforted a little girl who was run over by a car/  The driver drove forward by a fraction because the girl was somehow BEHIND the front wheels- but I screamed at the driver not to move at all/
I don't recall anything more/

In the other dream; I created a man/  He was very life like and whenever my hand moved over his body (not touching his body though) - designs formed:  Roman sandals on his feet; a very intricate blue beaded belt around his waist; tribal tattoos on his face and arms/
It was AWESOME!

At some point I dreamed something forgotten about y hubby and something also of my grams house and my uncles/
I also dreamed my nose piercing fell out and my lip ring was in my mouth- having been sucked in during my sleep [which I once did but not this time lol]

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## Zhaylin

Let's see how much I remember/

In one dream- I was on an airplane that was crashing/  I had to jump out of the plane to help it and knew the drag would pull me back 4 feet/
When I jumped out- I focused on the plane and willed it to stay adrift/  I controlled the wind and it was a very cool dream/  It was more complex- but this is all I recall/

In another dream- I had a girlfriend/  I was myself and hubby was uncertain about the arrangement/  At some point- I was with the girl in the RV- driving  Only my dad (I think) was driving- and he kept missing his turn/  I decided to take over and after missing the turn once I backed up into the gas station perfectly/  I told the girl I didn't know how long we'd be together/  We were in College and were moving apart after the year/
She still admitted to my folks that we were an item which impressed me/
The dream changed again and I was with some scary guy who lived in a Marshland/ There was a long- complicated water way I had to travel to get where he was even though he wanted me to stay far away/
My girlfriend was then raped by all the males/  I watched as a VERY old man mounted her and my anger was supreme/  
I yelled at the woman behind everything- that she was nothing but a coward (and a few "choice" words) who couldn't do anything for herself/
The old man had finished and said- in defense of the woman-in-charge; that she could grow the best weed around and some other shady compliments I've forgotten
I don't recall how it finally ended/
*** I dreamed I had a girlfriend because my oldest daughter was talking on the phone to a friend earlier in the day/  When she hung up I asked who it was and it was one of her female friends/  I then asked if she LIKED that female friend/  She blushed and screamed "MOTHER!" lol but then I went on to explain to her how inflections of her voice lead me to believe she has a crush on her girl friend/  She rolled her eyes and wouldn't admit to anything/
*** I have no idea where the rest came from/

In two separate dreams- I dreamed of rabbits/  In both cases- they were in cages and starving to death from neglect/  In one dream- my cats shared some cages and outside space with the rabbits and I was terrified the rabbits would be eaten/
*** I had that dream because my youngest son was in my room the other day looking at one of my nick-knacks/  He can be rather stubborn and when he asked what it was I said:  "A stuffed rabbit"  To which he replied:  "This is not a stuffed animal"  Then I said "It's a painting of a stuffed rabbit"  To which he replied:  "A *painting*?"  I rolled my eyes and told him:  "It's a sculpture of a rabbit that's been painted to look like a stuffed animal/"
But the whole conversation brought back bad memories of a time I tried raising rabbits- thus the nightmares/

I had other watery/snowy dreams which I've forgotten/  I also dreamed of having multiple piercings and tattoos- but I no longer recall the story behind it/

HOPEFULLY there is school today!!!  The snow comes up to my waist in areas/  Walking up the hill to the car (10 minutes easily) is a MAJOR chore/
But boy do I love the snow!!!
If there's school though I'm going into town ad watching Hulu  ::D:

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## Keitorin

Just read a few of your dreams before bed on my iPod. Very interesting! It's been a while since I've had as many and as long dreams as that.

May you continue to have them! G'night.  :smiley:

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## Zhaylin

Thanks Keitorin  :smiley:   I'll be sure to check out your DJ soon (probably on Wednesday when I go into town)

I had some messed up dreams during a nap today/
In one dream- I dreamed Panther came home (we think our dogs either killed the cat by playing too rough or he ran away)/  Except- the cat only had 3 paws and there was a large frost-bitten patch on his chin/  Other than being too skinny- there was something else wrong with him that I've forgotten/
I cried as I held the young cat/  I wanted to put him out of his misery but part of me thought he could be saved/
At some point in the dream- my old cat- Rogue- came briefly out of hiding/  In life- he's been missing for a few years now/  He was perfectly healthy but skittish/
I don't recall how the dream ended/
***We had been talking about the cat before I fell asleep which triggered the dream/  I'm also reading a book "Black Lightning" by John Saul in which the madman has killed a couple cats (not to mention people)

In another dream both of my sons were in some sort of Institution for trouble makers and disturbed kids/  
My oldest son was discharged and I had a visitation with my younger boy- but the staff couldn't find him anywhere/  I started getting emotional and loud/  How could they have transferred him to another facility without telling me and THEN losing him?!
A doctor pulled me aside and quietly told me to calm down/  I was giving the officials exactly what they wanted and I'd receive no answers and no official help while playing into their hands/
He then gave me sheets of paper for my kids to fill out/
They said stuff along the lines of:
"NOT TRUE AT ALL/Not true/Neutral/Agree/AGREE COMPLETELY"
Followed by:
"I want to be home"
"There's enough food"
"There's enough money"
"We get along" etc

The doctor told me to give them to my kids and I would receive answers soon after/

When I went outside the dream changed/  A nun stood beside me and a huge red brick building housed countless kids/
I was looking for my son but he was hiding/
Across the street was a snow bank and I noticed there were the faces of children in the snow peering out at me/
I went into the building and children were dressed as officers; nurses; doctors; trying to confuse me/
When I went back outside I scanned the windows of the building where huge bands of children had gathered/  
I was FURIOUS about my son being kept from me; so I screamed up at one of the windows "F* YOU!" and made the whole gesture with my arms and middle finger/  One of the kids fainted and I ran inside/  I NEVER say that word or behave that way/  My actions shocked my son into revealing himself lol
I don't recall how that dream ended either/
***The only reason I can think of for having that dream is that my oldest son insists the his brother would be better back at the Facility he was at (through no wrong doing of his own)
Having my kids removed from my care for almost an entire year was extremely traumatic so warped events keep coming back to haunt me from time to time/

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## Baron Samedi

You have the most disturbing DJ I have ever read. I hope recording your dreams will help to heal you.

You've been through so much extreme trauma.  ::hug::

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## Zhaylin

lol, but thanks Nomad  ::hug::   My kids tell me the same thing and I don't even tell them ALL my dreams  ::D: 
Like last night, for some bizarre reason or another, I dreamed I was helping my youngest daughter decide which pubic hairs she should pluck  ::wtf:: 
Actually, I know why I had that dream... I took a bath before bed and thought I needed a... trim.  And then my oldest daughter asked why there were hairs on the back of the toilet and I said they were just loose hairs from heads and clothes and that if they were pubs they'd be curly lol
But WHY in the world my youngest daughter appeared in the dream is beyond me.

As for that brief and somewhat disturbing dream, I had some truly awesome dreams these last couple days.

Night before last, I had a dream that spanned 3 generations but when I woke up, most of it had been forgotten.  All I really recalled was driving down a road.  Joey Costopolis (sp- from "Full House") was driving and he was my Uncle lol.  Off to the left we saw a huge Bull Elk or Moose with a yoke and chains attached to it.  It was being used to pull a fallen tree out of a river.
2 cougars appeared in front of it though and they attacked and I saw the Work Animal fall down.
Joey grabbed a shot gun to kill the cougars, only there were two trucks in front of the work animal instead of cougars.
Joey open fired on the vehicles.  I told myself he was trying to get to the cougars on the other side of the vehicle and I wondered why the truck drivers weren't helping.
Joey got into a lot of trouble.  He ended up killing the drivers.

I went back in time and asked him questions:
"Do you think a persons life is more valuable than an animals?" to which he replied people are more valuable.
Then I asked him if animals should be used to help people with jobs they can't do alone and he said yes, so long as the animal is treated humanely.
I then told him there would come a time in his life that he would have to remember that.  No matter how poorly he felt an animal was being treated, it wouldn't be right to kill the owners.

Then I went forward in time, past the event.  I was some other woman and Joey was going away somewhere.  I cried at him that he had promised we would be a family again but he said the world wasn't safe with him in it.
I went back to my apartment and found a barrel there.  I knew I was supposed to empty the barrel onto a mat and did so.  Out poured a liquid a strange shade of blue and in the liquid was a human skeleton.. and another skeleton, and another and so forth.
At first I was horrified, but as I watched, the skeletons became people... members of the womans family she thought she had lost forever.
>>> I don't know what brought on that dream in its entirety.  The part about the value of animals came from the killing of my neighbors dog and a conversation I had with my kids and then my shrink about it (my kids wanted to kill the man who is suspected of having killed the dog and I told them such action wasn't balanced.  The man should pay a fine and/or go to jail.  My shrink said he shouldn't go to jail but pay a fine instead.)
>>>The barrel came from Animal Crossing and perhaps even the skeletons (I dug up a fossil in the game of a Peking Man).

As for last nights dreams.... they were true doozies but it's hard for me to keep them in order.

In one dream, thanks to reading a thread at DV about flying, when I flew I lost control and shot towards space.  I told myself I was dreaming and to just go with it, but I was too freaked out, became dizzy and woke up with SP.

In the next series of dreams though... wow... I bounced around from DC to DC, to god-mode, to viewer only.  It was very confusing, but here's the story.

At first I was myself.  I was marrying the son of some Chinese Diplomat.  I was in China and knew nothing about the Culture, but I bowed to the father and my husband to be said I did it perfectly.  Ours was to be an arranged marriage.
Then I forget a bunch of stuff.
Next thing I know, I'm a Chinese woman.  I had had an affair with the son and I was killed for my actions.  I was pregnant though, about 9 months along and as I drew my final breath I became a Viewer and I could hear the baby wailing from within the mother.  I screamed that the killer should at least save the child.  He should cut open her belly and put the little one up for adoption if nothing else.
Then I became the woman again.  She hadn't died but she lost her baby.  The Diplomat was hlping her escape to a place called Allisium [a play on words from the Percy Jackson series and Ellysum- a place in the Underworld which I can never properly remember]
Allisium was a place for exiles and crimals.

She was taking a boat to the area and I could see witches flying overhead on broomsticks and other sorts of grusome spirits.
Then I became Viewer again and watced as she jumped/flipped onto a platform on the island she had to reach.
There was the spirit of an evil King waiting for her.  She had to kill him as a final obstacle, which she did.
When she arrived at the gate of the city, she had to pay to get in.  She said she had no money and they agreed she could work it off.
The city itself was in horrid condition.  People were starving, weak, dirty.

Then the dream changed again and I was the Diplomats son.  The Diplomat was trying to kill the baby he had from the arranged marriage.
He thew a fake baby at his father, then telekinetically pulled his son to his chest and into his arms.  He said:  "I will NOT let you harm my son!"  Then he fled.

I then became the exile again.  I was standing before a Counsel and I let down my hair.  It shimmered in waves and I floated off the ground.  They realized I was a person of power not to be triffled with.  I then told them I could tell them anything they wanted to know about the people in power (namely, the Diplomat and others like him).

Then I woke up.

I fell back to sleep and dreamed I was at one of my kids' schools.  Hope G. from the Kingdom Hall worked there and I tried to hide my piercings from her lol.  I also noticed another woman in a very short dress who was extremely pregnant.  I asked her when she was due and she said "a month ago".

I woke up again.

>>> My bath inspired the pregnancy aspects of the dreams.  My breasts were sore like when I've had to breast feed in the past.  No, I'm not pregnant lol, I get fibroids or somesuch that irritate me when I've had too much caffeine.  But it was enough to trigger the dreams.
Allisium HAD to have come from the Persy Jackson books.
I was thinking about my step-daugher yesterday and she's part Chinese which might have caused that part of my dreams.
As for the rest... ??
Well, the piercings is obvious.  Such is frowned upon (but not forbidden) in my religion.

I was MOST impressed that my telekinetic powers are improving in the dream world.  I'm definitely going to have to play around with those some more!


**EDIT**
Just remembered another dream I had some time last night.
My kids and I were on the run and we duck into someone's house to hide.  I try to leave everything the way it is, but my kids (being my kids), trashed everything they came across.
I was running around trying to clean and fix everything when I realized only my daughters and three of their friends with me.  And we weren't in an entire house, but in my great grandma's bedroom of the "Big House" my Uncles lived it.
My Uncle Eddy is very upset with me and tells me if it isn't clean, I'll have to answer to the Kernal (how the heck is that spelled lol), which is someone my Uncle rented the room to.
I yell at the girls who still ignore me.
Then I forget the rest...  I found something (?) and at some point I was in the yard and saw my Uncle Hank.  I told myself "I thought he was dead", but then I saw my Uncle Jimmy too so I concluded I had only dreamed they had died  ::roll:: 
I think it was then that I started flying and lost control and woke with SP.

>>>I dreamed part of that because one of my daughters friends is staying the night tonight, which means I have to be extra vigilant in making sure they behave and don't break something.

***EDIT***
Just recalled another dream thanks to a scene from Burn Notice.
It's not much... it may have been from the Chinese Diplomat dream...
I was talking to a woman about NEVER owning a house on the beach.  She actually got tears in her eyes and became very angry with me.  I told her my philosophy:  Why own something where you keep your most prized and cherished possessions, only to have a hurricane or tidal wave come along and take it all away.
I told her I'd much rather live on higher ground where there wouldn't be constantly anxiety.
But the more I talked, the angrier and more upset she seemed to become.  So I tried to find some common ground and did a little back-pedaling.  
I told her I understood the appear of living on the beach.  I said, for some people, perhaps the beauty and peace of living there were worth anything a person could own.  
She seemed to calm down some, so I went on to say living in the mountains probably had its own dangers; so- to each their own.

That's all I recall and I KNOW where that dream came from:  the tsunami warning for Hawaii.

----------


## Zhaylin

Bah... I slept terribly last night.  I took an Ambien at around 9PM and the girls were still awake, cutting up until 1AM.
I had spent about 4 hours working on a choker necklace I'm trying to make and it didn't turn out quite as well as I had hoped... So I went to sleep annoyed at the girls, sore from stringing beads for so long, and frustrated.

I barely recall my dreams.  They all centered around my religion and Congregation but other than that, I have no clue.

I woke up groggy and very slowly.  I'd sit up but fall right back to sleep in a seated position lol.

In other news... I stabbed my finger with one of the wires I was working with and it seemed to bleed for hours (just weepy) and now I have a long mark, like a splinter, inside my finger  ::roll:: 
BUT!- I am happy to report that I found a ring for my nose.  It's a little bigger than I'd like but it fits perfectly (so long as I don't look up while talking to someone, then it would appear as if I had a shiny booger  ::D: )  I think the ring is for an eyebrow, but instead of it being a loop it's shaped like ")" instead.  There's a "jewel" on both sides.
It's a 16 gauge and the jewel screws on which I hate.  I might try to talk hubby into taking me to the Mall this weekend.  I'd like to find a 16 gauge internally thread ")" nose ring and a 14 gauge internally thread lip ring (the 16 g I'm wearing is a bit too small and I'm always pulling it into my mouth  ::?:  )

I'm sleepy today (having finally woke completely by 6:30AM) but I'm in fair spirits.

----------


## Zhaylin

I had another horrible night of sleep.
I went to my Congregation meeting, and as I always do, I mentally named everything there and missing.  When I got to 3 people I have great affection for, I couldn't remember their names.  I finally named one of them and almost named the other (I kept thinking "Edna" but it "Edrie"), but I couldn't for the life of me remember the name of one of the brothers who's like a father to me.
I started crying, which is fine because I always sit in the back room (preference).  I was melancholy for the rest of the meeting (though I had a good many laughs too) and I ended up leaving about 30 minutes early.
I expected the worse when I got home, so I picked up a bottle of Boone's Blue Hawaiian (big bottle of wine cooler lol).
When I got home, I smelled fresh cigarette smoke.  My daughters ran to their room to put out their cigarettes, yelling and asking why I was home early.
*GRRRRR*
Time to do another search and siezure in their room.

I drank maybe 1/3 of the bottle and tried to sleep.  Before I did I spoke with my kids and ended up shedding my anger, so that wasn't a factor of my insomnia.
I want my hubby to buy a bookstore for me.  It's going out of business and I'd love to have my own income.  I kept obsessing about the pitch and then on my qualifications to run a business.  I have none.  It's a horrible idea.
Then I thought of other ways to earn money.  I'm an idiot with no marketable skills.

And thus I tossed and turned for 2 hours at least before I finally fell asleep after midnight.

I recall only bits and pieces of dreams: My mom coming over to help us clean and me seeing the broom and wondering who brought it down from the car.
I dreamed something of driving, of water and a marsh, of food... the typical things I tend to dream about now-a-days lol.

My oldest daughter missed her bus and I told her to let me sleep another 30 minutes.  She let me sleep for 40 and I recall most of that dream.

In the dream, we were staying in a "no-tell" Motel (a seedy establishment).  I was trying to clean up and opened the windows for fresh air.  The windows were huge- more like a sliding glass door than windows but had screens.
We sat in front of the window for awhile, people watching.  I thought, briefly, that we were in New Orleans, but the thought disappeared and I wondered why so many people were walking by when we live in such a small town.
A girl walked by and my oldest daughter said she was "jiggly".  The girl heard and to turn the situation around, I told my daughter she was pretty "well-endowed" as well (breasts).  (I was trying to turn "jiggly" into a compliment lol).
When I looked at my daughter though, she had three breasts under her shirt.
She looked annoyed then pushed on the center one.  It disappeared and the other two became bigger  ::D: 
Then the girls started talking and laughing and asking each other if they knew certain others.

>>> I dreamed of my daughter because she missed her bus.  Why the city and rush of people- I don't know.  Why the thing with the breasts- I have no clue lol other than I'm always trying to make daughter tone down her clothing.  She always says "I have a *terrific* rack" and indeed she does.  My other daughter and I might as well be flat chested compared to her lol, but my oldest daughter is only 14 so she doesn't need to show off her rack quite so much.  I must tell her every day to "pull up your shirt", so I guess it was lodged in my brain.

I'm slightly melancholy today...

----------


## Zhaylin

I've made up my sleep this weekend.
I don't remember my dreams from last night, but the night before I had a bunch.  I'll have to record them later because my kids are here and we're watching Hulu.

I've been taking 3mg Melatonin since Friday and it seems to be working pretty well.
I've also been taking Korean Ginsing (which seems to put me to sleep instead of energizing me) and I've been taking Green Tea with Hoodia which I'm unsure about.

BBL.

"03/06/10

I had some very disconnected and disturbing dreams last night and this morning.

In one, I remember driving w/ my kids.  I was in a hurry but the road was icy.  My car spun at least 5 times when I turned too sharply, but I kept us on the road and was very proud of the way I handled it.

In another dream, I was in space but there was a cloud covering.  I knew the floor had ended, but I stepped off the edge of the platform and free fell through space.  I wondered why I wasn't scared and a feeling of trust was w/ me.

In another dream, I was neighbors with an elderly couple.  We found some old books filled w/ prophecy and cursed dates.  I was interested in one from 1881 but the woman was (?) keeping me from the book.
I left and some time later I saw a truck, out of control, drive into their home.  THe couple blamed me, but not harshly.
>>>That dream was inspired by watching "the Knowing" before bed.

In another dream, I was traveling via RV and stopped at a gas station/convenience store.  A kid tried to steal my purse.  I grabbed him by his shirt to take him to his father, then the dream oddly changed.
I was in the backseat of a vehicle, looked for a missing friend.
I think Jerry, my parents, and Edrie S. were w/ me.  They told me to stop worrying but I said I *knew* something was wrong and I was crying......."

Going to the movies.  I'll finish some time later.

----------


## Zhaylin

Bah... I don't want to finish recording the rest of those old dreams.
I've been sleeping like a log these last few days.  My dreams have been abundant and vivid, but I forget them almost as soon as I wake  :Sad: 

I remember the themes (which never seem to really change much lol).  I've been dreaming about a baby every night (a boy); about driving the RV and having to swing it in a narrow spot for refueling; of my grandmother and parents; of my hubby and kids; of flying; of terraforming a world; of food and eating lol; of my Congregation.
I've also been dreaming about water/ice/snow/floods a LOT lately.  I normally dream of those when my life is out of control... but everything's been pretty mellow lately.

I have been having an EXTREMELY hard time waking up though, even though I've been going to sleep before midnight.
I had to sign some paperwork for my youngest son the other day before he went to school.  I kept falling asleep as I wrote and I couldn't figure out why nothing was showing up on the paper.  I didn't "click" the pen out.  When I finally got it to work, I fell asleep 3 times while writing our address, phone number and signing it.  It looked like major chicken scratch.
When I wake up, I sit up, but I'm so exhausted, I sort of rock back and forth on my couch with my head rolling ceilingward.  Sometimes it takes me almost 30 minutes of doing that before I can either lay back down and fall back to sleep or get up and move around :wft:

I helped hubby move a pallet and a half from his pick-up truck into the house and then some of it to the basement.  He ordered an obscene amount of emergency food/provisions for when the economy completely crashes.  It's about a 2 year supply for one person.  There were 8 buckets that easily weighed 50 pounds each and countless boxes.  Three days after moving everything, I'm still pleasantly sore.  Perhaps all that exercise is the reason I'm so out of it.

----------


## Zhaylin

My dream recall has been majorly sucking.  Last night made up for it though.

I recall, first, driving through a major city.  The city was on fire, buildings were empty and collapsing, making a terrible sight.
Then I "woke up" (FA).  I was telling the dream to someone (?).
THen I "woke up" (FA) again lol and I found myself at a huge gathering.  There was a race going on and a handicapped little girl ALMOST won, but some guy beat her and I was sad.  Then some other guy kept trying to get me to go to the other side of the building with him, but I got bad vibes from him and declined the offer.  I told him I was there with my husband.  He asked my husband's name and I couldn't remember it.  I kept thinking his name was Charlie, but I knew it to be incorrect.  I remembered seeing a man by that name doing some capentry and thought I had confused things.  (It was a false dream memory lol).

I was then leaving a store with some Witnesses.  I ran up to Jessi S. and asked her my husband's name.  Before she could answer, though, I loudly said the name of my ex-husband lol.
I went on to tell someone (?) about the firey dream and my false awakenings lol, and then "woke up" (FA) yet again.

A little boy had strange scratches on his upper left leg.  It almost looked like a child's drawing of a small house.  It was carved into his leg, but it was yellowed and infected in the center where another design was.
He was my son and I asked who gave him the tattoo, afraid it had been me.  He said a friend gave it to him.  He pointed to my own bare legs.  On my right leg was a beautifully done self-portrait and a tat that looked a lot like the little boys.  He asked me if I liked his because we matched now.

I "woke up" again (FA).  I was living at the trailer again.  I remembered with horror that I had a bunch of rabbits in cages which hadn't been fed or watered in nearly a weeks time.  I hated myself for neglecting them and became very sad.  I rushed out the door to check on them and there were two dogs in the yard.
I forget the rest of that dream but at some point I saw a huge Moose and heard a couple bought it for $19.99  ::D: 

Then I dreamed I got into a fight with my hubby.  I've forgotten the specifics.

I don't know what inspired those dreams or numerous false awakenings.

----------


## Zhaylin

I only got about 2 1/2 hours of sleep early this morning.
My oldest son didn't take the bus home and I wasn't $20. in gas looking for him, so once I found him, we stayed in town in the RV.
I had to be up early to wake him and call home to wake up my other kids so they'd go to school...

I couldn't get comfortable.  It's the first time I've left my kids overnight since I've gotten them back and I obsess even though I KNOW everything is fine (I spoke to them several times and we have a really nice neighbor).

I don't recall much about my dreams.  In one of them, I stood before a woman (alien?).  To look at certain parts of her was to succumb to death or insanity, so I averted my eyes.  The conversation wasn't going well.  One of us commented on how looking in her maw of a mouth would end me.
Another dream was like an episode of Psych.  Shaun and Gus were calling dibs on a cool new word lol (forgot what it was).
I also dreamed about cats.

I woke up to gurgly ears, a slightly sore throat and MAJOR nasal congestion and post nasal drip.  Allergies, for the most part, from sleeping on this dusty couch with no sheets.
Blah....

----------


## Zhaylin

I've slept horribly these last couple of days.  I remember very little about the dreams I did have.

In one, I was running away from something (?) and I ran into a woman who was heading where I had been.  I told myself to fly because I would make better time and the woman said she would love to be able to fly but never could.
I told her we were dreaming and could do anything.  She told me her name was Amanda and I showed her how to fly, which she did.
Then I lost lucidity and I was talking to someone about how much I hated the roads in Pensacola.  There were double one way streets that made turning almost impossible- espcially on Barancas and Jackson [those streets are real- well, Jackson is- but they're normal roads].
Then my son Myles and I were running down the street toward a brilliant light.  We were going to pass into another dimension.

In another dream, I was driving my car off road.  There were holes in the ground and trees ahead of me.  My car wouldn't slow and was hard to control, so I stuck a foot out the door, lol, and tried slowing down Flinstone style.
I eventually got the car turned around and under control.
Then I heard the voice of a woman (?) telling me the holes were the graves of her murdered family.
Then I was walking toward a dog.  The yard turned into that of my grandmothers right side neighbor.
I was somehow communicating with the dog but it was excited and kept trying to jump on me.  I stepped back so the chain stopped the animal and I told it I wanted to help but only if she would settle down.

A man came outside then and asked what was going on.  He noticed my daughters dog Rocky and I said no funny business was going on between them.  He said it's been going on for sometime now and his daughters dog was pregnant.  She squatted before the dog and asked her what they were going to do about the pups.  I feared for the dogs safety so I told him I would take the puppies once they were born.
Still talking to the dog, he asked how they should give the pups to me- in two pieces or several more.
I told him his dog was in pain and I needed to help her.  He said he just wanted his daughter, Candice's, dog back.
I was started to get annoyed, thinking the dog hadn't gone anywhere, she was just prenant.

Those are the only dreams I remembered and I don't really know what inspired them.

----------


## Zhaylin

I don't recall much about my dreams from these last couple of days.

In one, night before last, I found myself in an alternate universe.  The deaf lady off of Heroes asked me why I had a branded infinity symbol on my ankle.  I told her it was decoration.  I then went to show her my tattos, but they weren't there.  I had an extremely faint blue rose where my rose used to be.  It was so faint, most people couldn't even see it.
I went on to tell her I also had my eyebrow, nose and lip pierced.  Where I came from, it was quite common.  But, like my tats, my piercings were gone [my eyebrow isn't pierced in real life though].  I was very strange, because I could FEEL the ring in my lip, but it was a "phantom sensation".

I went into a store to buy a Coke and some cigarettes.  Soda's cost $20. and cigarettes (for one pack) was $14..
That's all I recall.

Last night brought some disturbing dreams.
In one, there was a car accident.  Some horses were trapped and I was flying, so (telekinetically), I made the horses fly from the wreckage.  Someone told me to put them out to pasture so I did.

In another dream, I was being attacked by a dog.  He latched on to my arm and wouldn't let go, so I grabbed a kitchen knife and sawed off the top of his muzzle (sp).  I had it teeth, nose and a lot of blood in my hand and I threw it from me, disgusted and sad.  The dog wondered off to die.
Outside was the body of another person it had attacked.
At some point, I became aware that the dog wasn't naturally vicious.  SOmeone made it that way through noise.'
I was beside myself with grief and anger.  I kept feeling as the dog must have- once happy-go-lucky, next blood thirsty, then confused, depressed and dying.

I caught a Wolf Spider and put it into a bug catcher some time yesterday.  It was on my bed- a smaller version of the one that had been crawling across my shoulder last week.
In my dream, one of my kids kept opening and closing the pen and I worried it would get out.

I had many other dreams, but they're too terribly fragmented for me to even try to record.  But I had more bad dreams than good ones

----------


## Zhaylin

I didn't go to sleep night before last.  Last night, I couldn't fall asleep as fast as I thought I would.  The thought of spiders in my "bed" made me anxious, so I pushed my blankets to one end of the couch, then promptly fell asleep on them lol.
Throughout the night, I ended up covered.  I woke to an itch once, but was too sleepy to care.  Another time, I felt myself "stung", but again, I was too sleepy to care.

I had mostly disturbing dreams I remember very little of.  It was all death and dismemberment.  I woke near tears at one point.  At another point, I chomped down on my lip ring and woke briefly in pain.

There was one good dream though.  I was playing Spore in god-mode.  I was some galatic entity that was terraforming planets and creating stars and galaxies.
I woke with the name of an alien god "Woocy" in my mind.

It was very hard to wake this morning, but I grudgingly got going by 8:30.

----------


## Zhaylin

I had epic dreams these last two nights.  Unfortunately, I've forgotten most of them.

In the one, night before last, I was flying.  Someone wanted to see Florida, so I held the person (?) then flew above the clouds.  I told the person we couldn't actually SEE Florida, but we could look in the direction of Florida.
I saw the sun, then looked to the East.
But then Angels appeared and tried killing us.  They were fallen angels.
I took the person back to their apartment.
I had a small child.  Someone I knew was a Diplomat and I tried telling the man the angels were very unhappy about something the government was doing and they needed to stop or there would be war.
My advice wasn't heeded, however, so war it was.  I watched as my family was butchered; helpless to do anything.

At some point, I dreamed hubby and I were moving the RV's and we were across the street.  There was a huge male black and white tabby with pale colors.  Hubby patted his back and the cat jumped onto his shoulder.  It made me think about my old cat Rogue.

In last nights dreams... ??? ... grrrrr.  It was something about an alternate universe. I was flying again.  The cat I dreamed about the night before made a brief appearance.  But darn it if I can't remember anything more.

The kids and I are at the RV.  We moved it, so it's no longer hooked up to the propane, which means we froze last night.  We're staying the night again tonight, but we're bringing out more electric heaters.

----------


## Zhaylin

I wish I could star this entry, so bold type with have to suffice.


I don't recall much about my dreams from the last few days.  But one of them was life changing.

In one dream, we had 30 cats or so but they were in someone else's yard.  The person was taking them to the pound and I was okay with it.
Another dream was lucid and sex related.  I was very much in the mood, but achieved no satisfaction *GRRR* lol
In another dream, I was with an older man, cheating on my hubby and going through a divorce.
In yet another dream, I ate Spaghetti at a fancy restaurant.

*The life altering dream started out random.  I was fighting monsters and running through a large building that was partially a hospital and airport lol.
I was smoking and some guy told me it wasn't allowed, so I stepped outside.
I was then walking somewhere and a cousin (not in real life) walked beside me.  There were Jehovah's Witnesses nearby and I had spoken to them and I was trying to tell them I was disfellowshipped, but I never could.
I became very depressed and my cousin said she understood what I was going through.  I asked "You do?" she replied, "Sure.  You've been partaking of the emblems though you've not had God's blessing to do so."

I stopped walking and took both her hands in mine.  I told her "That's not why I'm depressed.  I DO have God's blessing.  I AM of the Anointed and it's not the place of anyone to question that or doubt it.  It's between me and God.  I'm depressed because I'm still smoking.  As long as I smoke, I don't have God's blessing.  As long as I smoke, I'm disfellowshipped."
I wasn't angry as I spoke.  I was filled with complete peace and certainty.*

When I woke up, I decided to stop smoking.  And I stuck to it.  Tonight was the Memorial of Christ's death.  I'm the only one in the Congregation who partakes of the wine and bread.  All 50+ members of the Congregation have the Earthly Hope (which means they look forward to everlasting life on a perfected Earth).  I am one of the 144,000 worldwide who have the Heavely Hope (I won't be resurrected to life on Earth, but in Heaven).

Officially, I shouldn't partake of the emblems for as long as I'm disfellowshipped.  But with the dream came the knowledge that so long as I'm not smoking I AM approved of by God.  It will take awhile for the Congregation Elders to confirm that themselves, so I'm still disfellowshipped.  But their lack of confirmation doesn't change the facts.
I am once again approved and I couldn't be happier.

----------


## Zhaylin

I took a valium and fell asleep by 8PM last night.  I woke at 6:30 and drove my oldest son to school.  I was so sleepy, I kept almost nodding off behind the wheel.
I got to the RV at around 8:30.  I was so sleepy and I knew the RV would be freezing, so I laid down my seat in the car and slept soundly until 10:30.
I dreamed of water and whales and sea monsters.  That's all I recall.

----------


## Zhaylin

Only thing I remember about my dreams is spinning.  I was going very quickly and it was exhilerating.

**EDIT**

I remembered some strange tidbits a little while ago.
One dream played out like a movie, but I don't recall the plot.  What I do recall doesn't make sense.  There was a gun fight and some people were killed.  I needed their clothes, so I stripped them, but then they were manaquins and not people at all.
The shoes were enormous.
There was something else about strange candies... ???

I forgot the rest I remembered lol

----------


## Zhaylin

Ugh... slept terribly.  I didn't wake up in time for my Congregation meeting  :Sad: 

I had a lot of strange dreams, but frequent wakings is causing me to forget them quickly.

There were cats in one of the dreams.  It was very small with oddly textured fur.  I was in a Curiosities Shop asking if they bought this and that.  My oldest son wanted to sell the family Bible but I told him no.  I was writing the Bible out but because it was incomplete, I couldn't sell it.  My other Bible wasn't worth much.
I asked if she bought cats and she said yes, but they didn't stay at her store.

In another dream I was racing down a mountain.  A man was after me.  ???
I was in a world where everyone was dying.  Some man kidnapped a baby.  I ran into him later and he said the baby had died so he kidnapped another.
The man was obsessed with me and I loved him but I wasn't in love with him, I was a lesbian.
I tried explaining to him that he was from a different era.  He was full of radiation and it was causing him to go crazy and to kill those around him.  I laid in his arms and cried, but reason was beyond him.

In another dream, I was in a cave, fighting monsters.  They dropped odd items, from broken armor to pictures.  I was gathering all the items I could to decorate my house.  I had daughters whose names both started with "T" and they rhymed oddly.  My house was strange and made of cardboard in parts.  I would lift certain areas to store things and one place and an electrical warning.

That's all I recall for now.

**EDIT**

Oh yeah... I also dreamed I was trying to teach some little kid how to blow.  His food was really hot.  He was far enough that I couldn't blow on him to really show him what I meant.  At first he drizzle/spat into his food lol.  Then I asked him to "huff and puff and blow the hot away", and he then got the picture and did it correctly.
I have NO idea what ispired that dream lol

The others were mostly inspired by Runescape and Fringe.

----------


## Zhaylin

Strange dreams...  I've forgotten most of them.

I dreamed of our old Presiding Overseer, Dan R.  He was back in our congregation and I asked if he was there to stay and he said no.  I was very sad.  I then asked about Ron and Melvia H. and asked if they'd be returning and he said he didn't know.  They were trying to sell their house.
I spent a great deal of time with him then slowly realized he looked like my hubby.  I thought it strange but nothing more.

Then I dreamed that hubby wanted to shoot up all our animals with Coke so they'd O.D and die.  I was adamant and stood my ground.  I would find them all homes, but they would NOT be killed.
He apologized.

There's more dreams I've forgotten...

Then I dreamed I was with a primitive tribe.  My skin was slightly darker.  There was a pool at the bottom of a mountain and whoever was entering adulthood had to climb down the mountain to be bathed in the pool.
I was the oldest one because of how my birthdate fell.  I was born during a strange equinox (?) that occured again 3 years after I reached puberty.
Dan was in the dream again preforming the ceremony.
Then I became a boy a the top of the mountain.  He had been afraid, but decided to go through with it after all.  He and a small group ran down the mountain.  There were skeletons on the path.

I was in the water, swimming and full of joy.  I was trying to do a stroke that wouldn't be "invented" for centuries.  There were too many people in the water.
Someone said they peed in the water which made another person enraged, but I chuckled.

I got out of the water and was working with dividing the food.  The late group showed up and a girl jumped right in clothes and all.  Dan kept trying to tell her she had to wait.  He'd pull her out of the water and she'd jump back in.  This happened 3 times before I reached her side.  I laughed and told her I understood her zeal, but the pool meant nothing unless she was purified first.
I then took her to dry off.

Then the late boys started making fun of me.  They said I had a funny looking vagina and if they were me they'd ALWAYS wear clothes.  I told them they didn't look exactly normal themselves, getting all hard and bouncy.  One boy took offence at that and said he would never get hard in his own clan- that's incest.

Eventually, the ceremony was over and I helped pack away the food.  We had some Arby's and Burger King lol

I was looking for my cigarettes but I couldn't find them and was getting angry.  I didn't want to smoke them, just smell them.  I also wanted to ask Dan if I looked normal to him.  What the boys said had bothered me a little.
Dan said I was completely normal, that I just looked a little different because I was older than everyone else.

As we climbed up the mountain to get into our cars and head back home, I noticed the mountains were oozing tar and lava. I asked if they had always been in West Virginia.  I had never even heard of them and they were beautiful.


That's all I really remember.  There were other tidbits about a store and being paid change back with gold.  There was some other bit about my clothes getting lost.

----------


## Zhaylin

I had some weird, freaky dreams last night.

In the last one, I dreamed I was a teenager.  We moved out in the middleo f nowhere.  One day, we went out wrangling bear cubs.
I caught one and named him Old Yeller lol

The house was messy.  There was old spaghetti on the stove and trashbagswith coke cans etc in them.

My boyfriend came over and we had a quickie while I stood at a window.  It was my first time and I freaked out when I noticed my parents coming back.  I asked what she was doing here and he said ever since we started dating, she's been followingme around.  I made himstop what he was doing and shoved him in the bathroom.
My mom came down the hall looking for us and I said the silly boy came over to see me then ran to the restroom.
I then almost said "He reminds me of my little brother."  But in the dream, I didn't have a brother.

I couldn't findmybear, so I stopped two neighborsandasked them if they'd seen him.  They said no but they'd take me to the Pickins shelter- thatmaybe someonebrought him there.
We talked about the area as we walked.  Some houses were in shambles, some were just being built.  One of the girls said it was a farming community but alot of people only lived there when the crops were in season.  She went on to say that others were different and stayedyear round.  I told her we were year rounders.

I go and along the way one of the girls points out a Christmas sticker their mom had stuck to the side of the building.  It was of a skull with words I no longerremember.

The girl says we have to stop at her house first.  Her dad worked at the shelter and kept videos at the house.
We watched a lot of different animals.
My chewing gum got stuck to the roof of my mouth and it was driving me crazy.  I kepot trying to look away so I could puill it  out.  Someone asked me about it and I laughed and said the darn stuff was like cement.

None of the animals were of a bear and I felt I wasted a lot of time.
I told them I had found him when he was about 4 months old and that he'd been missing for 3 months.  They wrote him off as dead.

I went home feeling extremely depressed and confused.  I felt as though I had JUST found my bear.  I felt the stream of time was out of whack.
I told everyone I could prove it when I heard a TV show.  It was an older show, but new to us.
I started saying, word for word, what the actors were about to say.  My little sister and parents were amazedand spooked.

I woke myself up when I said:  "Here she says:  'We went to a party but he tried to force himself on me so I came home."

I wasn't myself in the dream and none of the people arepeople I know in real life.  Except the cats.  When the guy was showing videos of animals, cats kept appearing which look like ones I have in real life.  It confused me because I thought of them as "my cats" but in the dream I didn't have any, which further destabalized the dream.

The dream before it was trulyawesome, but I recall very little about it.  I was fighting monsters and a wizard would come along behind me and put tight metal necklaces on them which made the monsters powerless.
I lusted after one of them. even though he was about 10 feet tall (the monsters were humanoid) and I kept trying to go away with him.
Then I realized I was actually sleeping in the RV with my daughter so that wouldn't work and the dream changedlol

IN another dream, I was a young woman in a relationship with an overly emotional man.  He was going to create a maze with cards to represent him love for me and I joked that I'd leave them in a straight line or something.  He took offence at my lack of effort.
There was a LOT more story to that dream but I've forgotten it.

My oldest daughter was awake all night and on the computer, so perhaps she watched some shows which inspired the dreams.  Other than the slaying monsters bit (which could've come from Runescape... ahhh and so did the bear because my son commented on how they had changed their appearance since he last played) I'm clueless as to the rest.
Well, the wizard could have come from playing Where's Waldo earlier in the evening.
The rest is a mystery to me.

----------


## Zhaylin

I went back to sleep and had a REALLY messed up dream.

It started out with me as a young Kate (from Lost).  My libido was through the roof and I was miserable.  I went to take a bath, but my mom kept coming in to give me clothes.  We had a fancy dinner to go to.
I was hoping to take care of my own sexual needs  ::D: 

But my mom kept coming in.  Eventually I gave up.

At dinner, Sayid (from Lost) hit on me, not knowing how old I was (I was 16).
I was following him out of the restaurant when my dad showed up and made a stink.  Some jerk thought he was the one going to get lucky but Sayid pushed him off.
My dream dad followed us, yelling at me to come home and I yelled that I had needs lol
Sayid secretly nodded his head in the direction we were going, so my dad followed at a safe distance.

He realized I was too young and "innocent" so he had his buddies pile into a car and claim it wouldn't start.

But then the dream took a morbid turn and I saw a nearly dead man loaded into the back of a convertible.

Then the dream flashed forward and I was Kate, on the island, remembering the incidence and shaking my head at the weird run-in.

Then I was Sayid, after meeting the younger Kate.  I went into viewer mode and saw a friend of Sayid outside with his family.  A former friend was fighting with the man of the house and a shoot out ensued.  The man tried to protect his wife and kids.  They had strange guns that looked like mini-rocket launcers.
But one of the family members was taken.  She was to be raped.

Sayid picked up the trail.  He grabbed the woman but she had to balance on the corner roof of an unfinished room.  I, as Sayid, stayed on the other side of the wall, waiting for a good shot.
But the guy entered the unfinished room and eventually saw the woman and started shooting at her.  I tossed her the gun and she made a kill, but took three shots and fell into the room.

I forced my way through the door and grabbed the gun.  She had died.  As I left, another door to some other room opened and three female assassins tried killing me.  I took out each of them and whenever a bullet hit them, my vision zoomed in and saw each drop and spray of blood splatter.

Then the phone rang and woke me up.

I had that dream simply because I read the celeb. crush list in the lounge and I couldn't believe that no one else thinks Sayid is HOT  ::lol::

----------


## Robot_Butler

Sounds like you have Lost on the brain  ::D:

----------


## Zhaylin

hahaa- that I did!

This evenings dreams were unusual.  I thought I was dreaming about something the kids were watching on TV and I even asked my son about it when I woke.  He laughed at me and asked what I was talking about.

I recall the end of one dream... I was a guy and lived in the middle of nowhere with another family.  There was a woman crying in the distance, asking for help.  But I (and some other sentry's) held our ground initially.  It turned out to be a good move, but still for naught.
A huge man slowly came into view.  He was playing a recording to draw out victims.

One of my people (though not in my group) fell for the rouse and was killed.

He spotted the only house in the area and used a rocket launcher.  I saw a man walk past the doorway at just the wrong moment.
The man had kids, so I ran for the house.  There was a woman with me.  
The little boy was easy to find, but the girl took awhile.  She was hiding in a closet underneath a bunch of clothes.

I grabbed the kids and waited for a moment to flee.

I then entered another dream.  I was an Indian Chief.  There was an accident at the bottom of a hill.  They were my people, so I helped them home.
A certain business man was trying to buy our land.  He went to the wrecked car, shredded the seats and hid within them lots of drugs.

The next morning, a kid ran towards us, propelling down a cliff, claiming he had never seen anything so terrible.

I went to take a look and bulldozers were creating a parking lot off some of our land.
The government seized our land and began developing it without even holding a trial.
I was enraged, then woke.

----------


## Zhaylin

I've been sleeping a LOT since I last posted... but I've been sleeping poorly.

I've woke up, I don't know how many times, in cold sweats.  Once I dreamed I ate something gross and I woke up spitting in my sleep lol (I had spit rolling down my face into my hair *ick!*)
My parents are in town, so most of my dreams are bad and concern them.
I've also been having countless bad dreams about car accidents or simply losing control of my vehicle and driving all over the road... or getting on the wrong roads and getting lost.

I did dream about coloring in one of my tattoos.  It was blue ink and it didn't take very well.
I also woke up asking my oldest son if we had a conversation about the dogs.  He had "asked" me if Brooke was having trouble with her pregnancy because she was acting strangely.
We never actually had that conversation lol.

I dreamed about the cast of Lost again.  Sayid's name was Zhamid or somesuch and he looked a little different.  They were part of a "circus act" (for lack of a better word).  They were doing complex stunts and trapeze acts using ropes.  I wanted to give it a try but lacked the courage.  I nearly fell off the stadium.

I've been dreaming a lot about smoking now that I've quit lol.
I've had 1 cigarette since March 27  ::banana::  :Shades wink:

----------


## Zhaylin

I'm still sleeping more than I need to... but I've been having some awesome dreams.

I've forgotten all of them except the last one I had.

I was at a resort, asking if they had a laundry mat.  The woman said no but then she gave me complex directions to the nearest place.  I asked her how long it would take to walk there from where I was and she said about 2 hours.
I then started flying.  I was thoroughly enjoying myself but then I went to high  and lost track of the landmarks.  I started spinning, trying to get my barrings but then I was spinning out of control.
I was in California and I ended up over a bay of bridges.  I went down for a closer view and I had absolutely no idea where I was.

I went through a parking garage that had a squared opening through each level, but along the roof were spikes and I wondered what kind of person would build such a place.  It was hard for me to avoid the spikes, but I did and eventually made my way out.

At the top level, a bunch of guys were playing soccer and one of them fell over the edge.  I caught him.

Then I was a guy and I was carrying a girlfriend.  I was still completely lost and the guy I caught offered to show me how to get back into the main city.
I knew that carrying them both would REALLY drain me though.
He asked me how I flew and I tried explaining it was a type of sustained telepathy.  He jumped over the edge again and I grumbled, asking what he would have done if I was too weakened.  But before I grumbled, I stretched my hand out toward him and said: "Halt".  Then I pulled my hand toward myself and said:  "Come".

Then I was carrying both he and my girlfriend.
I became thoroughly exhausted after flying for awhile.  I landed on a bridge but my girl was freaking out.  I laid down and started falling asleep.
I somehow realized I was dreaming then did the lucid task (which I recorded in the TOM thread).
I took my head off and stood on it, then I rode it around as if it was a unicycle.

Then I woke up.

----------


## Zhaylin

Night before last I had a horrible dream.
I dreamed my youngest daughter skipped school because I was at the RV while she was at the Farm.  In the dream, she became injured and my Brother-in-law found out and called me, cussing me out.

I wasn't taking any more crap though.  I said if the State was called they would NEVER see Zee again.  If they were to be placed back in Foster Care, I would have them placed with strangers before going back to them.
I was cussing a lot myself and I was absolutely infuriated.

The only thing I recall from last nights dreams is of being with my Congregation and a brother announcing that Brother V. T. had died.

----------


## Zhaylin

I dreamed of flying through a store.
My psychiatrist and his brother were shopping.  I wanted to talk to him so badly, but we avoided each other.
I continued flying, showing off.
I looked for a pen for my iPad.

----------


## Zhaylin

All I recall from last nights dreams is one in which my hubby backed over the back half of my cat Bucky Boy.
I jumped out of the car to check on him and he LOOKED okay, but he dragged his back legs behind him when he walked.

----------


## Zhaylin

My sleep has been terrible.  But my dreams are slowly improving.
I'm too lazy to type all the dreams I've been having.  Initially, during this past week, they centered around fighting with my mom.

Last nights... they were strange and troubling for a different reason.

In one, I was with my hubby at a huge wedding.  Marcy B from my congregation asked if we had been having sex (she phrased it in a more polite way lol).  I started to say yes, but my hubby interrupted and said he kissed me once but that was it.  I was confused as to why we weren't supposed to be intimate and it had something to do with the wedding and our being disfellowshipped.
>>The dream was inspired, in part, from watching "Glee" which was very sex themed.

In another dream, I was married to a woman.  I was trying to squeeze through a small opening while flying.  She told me my upper body was too fat and I needed to start losing weight to be a proper role model for my oldest son.  I grumbled over the fact that every relationship I enter has been borderline emotionally abusive and my partners are always impossible to please.
Then I was at my p-doc's office (?).  He was sitting on the floor with one knee drawn up.  I cuddled close to him, leaning against that one leg.
I woke up feeling very lonely for him.
>>NOT good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm falling for my psychiatrist because he's the only person who doesn't judge me, encourages me and supports me.  In other words:  He's great at his JOB.  I've been seeing him for 8 or so years now.  I don't want to look for another p-doc.  Thank goodness he's completely professional, or I'd throw my life away for him.  That realization doesn't help lol!!!!!!

I've been waking up in a freezing sweat every night.  I'm miserable.

----------


## Zhaylin

I dreamed of my p-doc again.  It was one of my earliest dreams, so I've forgotten most of it.  We weren't in an office this time.  I think we were in a house.  All I recall is a caress and being very close to him (an embrace or hug or snuggle ???)
I woke feeling lonely and sad.

I woke up too quickly this morning and lost most of my other dreams.  I recall only snippets:  flying, getting lost while driving, eating.  That's it.

----------


## Zhaylin

I don't recall much about my dreams.  My son woke early and turned on the TV.  The TV influenced the dreams I do recall.

There was a snippet of a pyramid.  The top portion of it rotated and I heard what the bricks were made of (I've forgotten).  I was surprised the bricks weren't placed directly against the "wall". Some of the bricks were white with moss.

In another dream, I flew.  I recall nothing more.

In yet another dream, I somehow pushed  (?) my car into a body of water.  I jumped in after it, hoping I could drive it up a slope.  The water wasn't deep, but it still covered the car (?).  The door was like that on a school bus.  I got into the vehicle, but then I couldn't get out.  I started to drown then woke up.

I sweat a lot as I slept, but I was at no point drenched.  I was cold a few times.

----------


## Zhaylin

Day before yesterday, I started feeling VERY sick- vomiting, dizziness, headachy etc
So, I've been spending a LOT of time sleeping.
Yesterday, I slept for about 18 hours easily.

In one dream, I was in a moving hotel.  It moved like a car or a train and I was confused by it lol.  It even had an airport in it.
At one time, I was buying a plane ticket.  Someone ahead of me was going in my direction and I recommended they take the helicopter tour.  But then hubby showed up.  I asked which island we were going to (of Hawaii) and he said the northern most one, Kauaii.
Then we were standing in line.  He was in front of me and I was hugging him from behind.  He was talking to someone about how he liked having a companion because he hated traveling alone.
Then I added "because you love me".

I wanted him to say that, but he wouldn't.  I became depressed and he was confused why.  I said, "in my old age, I'd just like to be reassured."
Then he became grumpy and told me when I got to be as old as him, only then could I complain about "my old age".

In another dream, I called my p-doc to confirm my appointment.  He was exasperated and asked "but didn't I just see you?"  I said yeah, and became confused by his passive hostility.  He asked me if I've tried any of his recommendations because I might as well postpone my return until I did.
I became silently upset then and told him I had changed my diet and he told me I could come see him then.

In another dream, I was running away from zombies.  I was bitten though and became one.  But, for some reason, I ate the brain of another zombie.  More specifically, I ate from the "limidic system" (lol) which was at the base of the brain.  I became human again, but still looked like a zombie.
My friends were excited to find the cure and ran ahead of me.  They went through a tunnel and I tried catching up, yelling for them to wait.

Ahead was a confrontation I've forgotten.  One cured zombie lost its head and I exposed it's brain and told someone to eat from it.  The person did and was cured.  When we turned around, the body of the other had disappeared, but I knew it was just regenerating.

In another dream, I was at a fastfood drive-through.  I was ordering breakfast and it came to $26.  I thought of canceling the order because I hadn't bought any cigarettes.  My kids show up inside the restaurant.  They went through the employee doorway and I lectured them.  They got into the car, but then I was inside picking up my order.
My hubby showed up and said:  "Doesn't look like frozen vegetables to me."  I was surprised to see him because he doesn't take a lunch break on Tuesdays (he does surgery all day on Tuesdays).
I asked if he was on a lunch break, but he was wearing his bed clothes.  He said he was off for the day.

I dreamed something about a missing baby and little girl.  I was at a huge mall and I took them back to their mom.
Then I was looking for a strip club.  I had a picture of the place but not the name.  I went into one place, but the poles were thicker than fire poles and I became irritated.
I eventually found the place I was looking for.
But then, I was fleeing (??) and wound up at some place with oil drums and large cardboard boxes.  I woman was about to have sex with some guy inside of one of the boxes.  I told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to.  ???
I can't recall how it ended.

I had a Civ dream in god-mode.  I recall nothing more though.
In another dream or two, I was flying.  I don't recall the story.

----------


## Zhaylin

I forgot to record the most awesome and gross dream I've had in a long time, yesterday.

It was during one of the mall dreams... I dreamed I had a toothache, so I started playing with the aching tooth with my fingernail until it popped out.  The weird thing is:  attached to the tooth was a pocket of skin and that pocket grew until I could pull it over my head like a sweater.
Inside the pocket of skin were several ulcers and abscesses.  It was REALLY more gross than I can describe lol

I woke up because I was playing with the inside of my lip ring with my tongue  ::roll:: 

Last night, I had similar dreams of teeth.  I'm going to either have to start taking my ring out when I go to bed or use it as a tool for WILD or LD-ing.
Other than that, I've forgotten most of last nights dreams.
I recall fighting with my parents in one, flying in another.
In another dream, I was fixing up a trailer and I found a video feed using a picture from my childhood.  I started cursing and looking for the hidden camera.

I've not been sweating as much in my sleep.  I use a couch bed (rooms too small to take the bed out though), so my cushions tend to sag.  So I started using a body pillow and sleeping on my left side, usually curled in a ball.  I propped the cushions up some placing blankets beneath and I've been reminding myself to sleep on my back.  I guess I generate way too much body heat when I'm curled in a ball.

----------


## Zhaylin

Maybe my sleep apnea is getting worse?
This morning, as every morning, my alarm went off at 6AM.  I yelled for the kids to wake up, hit snooze and fell back to sleep for 10 minutes.
I did that until 6:40, when my kids leave the house to catch the bus.
Every 10th minute, I would wake, yell and verify they were moving, fall back to sleep and immediately back into dreaming.
I then slept until 7, when my oldest son woke me to drive him to school (it was planned- had to stop at the store for him).

I'm sweating a LOT less, but this morning when I got up moving was agonizing.  My back (mid back) hurt a great deal.  I don't think I'm built to sleep on my back lol

Despite the many dreams I had, I remember only 2
In one, I was running through a very large house or building.  At least one other person was with me.  We were being pursued by something so we had to duck into rooms with lots of clutter and limited mobility.
I don't recall how it ended.

In another one, I was learning how to cook "rat po-po" (poe-poe).  First, you cut off the end of the rats tail and fry it in oil.  It tastes like a french fry.  Then you slice, length wise, the rest of the tail and add it to the oil.  Finally, you use a knife that looks like a melon baller to carve out pieces of the rat itself.  It ends up looking something like spaghetti with rat meatballs  ::barf::

----------


## Zhaylin

I've not been sleeping very well.  The other night, I went to sleep by midnight and woke up at 3AM.  I went to the tub, washed my hair started to shave and fell asleep until 5AM  ::D:   I slept wonderfully in the tub.  My shaving job though.... lol I only got half of one leg done.
I've only been remembering fragments of dreams.

In one, last night, I dreamed my youngest daughter dented my space heater.  In another dream, my oldest daughter was crying and being comforted by a gay friend who told her "guys don't tend to fall in love with girls who put out."
Other than that, my dreams are a blur.

----------


## Zhaylin

I remember a lot of fragmented dreams from last night.

One of them was my typical "running from something through a large building with another person and hiding in cluttered rooms".

In another dream, I watched the progress of the trailer being cleaned and hubby's huge garage being built.
>I had that dream because I watched a crew cut down a couple large but dead trees and hubby worried one of them would land on the trailer when it fell.  It didn't lol

I dreamed that one of our new kittens who died a couple days ago was still alive.
>Obvious dream, obvious reasons.  I think one of my kids accidentally stepped on it, though they'll never admit to it.  They were all pretty upset.  I held it during the last hours of it's life- wrapped in a blanket and placed in a shoe box for its comfort.

I dreamed my sister showed up at the Farm with my daughters bikes.
>I spoke to my sister a couple days ago about picking them up from her house.

I had a flying dream and an airport dream.

That's it.

Oh yeah, I also dreamed I bought 2 packs of cigarettes from a strange oddities store.  Once I opened them, I noticed the boxes were red and not green and I was upset I had made the mistake of buying non-mentholated smokes.
>I ran out of cigarettes last night, so they were on my mind lol

I also dreamed about my congregation again.  Don't remember the details though.

----------


## Zhaylin

I slept absolutely horribly last night... but my dreams were awesome!

In my last dream, I dreamed of living in a large house next to my grandmother.  A high schooler came over, upset with my 15 year old 9th grader (though in the dream, he was in middle school still).  The boy was telling on my son for beating him up and threatening to get a gun.  I looked at the boy complaining and didn't want to take him seriously.  He was much bigger than my son.  Then he said my son stole something from him and that had a ring of truth, so I grabbed my son by his shirt and asked what he had taken and told him to give it back.  My son was near tears and said the stupid arm bands lost their color anyhow.  The boys made up.
I saw one of my cats on the walkway.  I thought it was dead, but then it got up.  It looked like N.G., one of the new kittens and I was confused because the animal I was looking at was an adult.
As we were walking toward the house to retrieve the stolen items, I saw my oldest son lying on the ground next to some trash cans.  I called and helped him up.  There were HUGE maggots all over his clothes.  One of the kittens bodies were near the trashcans and the flies came to feast and lay their eggs.  I was confused again, because the maggots were so large.
I got a stick and helped clean them off my son with it, but eventually I was too disgusted and walked away.

In the dream before that, I was at my grandmothers house.  It was the first mostly pleasant dream of my family I've had in memory.  We had been driving.  Oddly, I also had a bike.  I had to get out of the car in order to push my bike up a huge hill because I couldn't ride it up all the way (but I was IN a car lol!)  I saw someone take the wheel of the car and when I finally got back inside the vehicle my grandmother was driving.  But she was also in the passenger seat and in the back seat beside me.  I concluded they were my Aunts with a similar hairdo  ::D: 
There was also a baby boy and a little girl in the car with us.
THEN we were actually AT the house.  My parents were there and asked me to make the baby something to eat.  I asked if the catfish on the counter was good so long as I carefully de-boned them.  They said yeah, though a girl caring for him said she didn't know if he would eat it if it was mixed in with the rice and peas.  I said baby food is all combined, so I didn't know why he wouldn't.
As I set about the task, I became constantly distracted.  In my grams bedroom were a bunch of blankets.  My mother showed them to me and my father told me he thought I would understand why I wasn't being given one (the condition of my house and unruliness of my kids).  I did understand but I was still hurt.  They were tapestry blankets with different snap-shots on them from the life of my family, myself, and my children.  When I tried to get a closer look, though, the image faded and I concluded I was tired.
I go back to preparing the meal and while cleaning a bowl, the water sprayed all over me.  There was a hose attached to the sink and it was high above my head on a cabinet.  I asked someone to help me and eventually someone did.
I gathered up some baby blankets to clean up with and noticed several of them had gunk all over them.  I was annoyed and gave them to my mother to wash and keep for future use.
Then there was a map on the counter and I tried folding it but the creases were wrong.  I insisted to my father that we fold it properly.  It was as big as a bed sheet and when we finished the creases were even worse and my dad told me I should have left well enough alone and no, we were not going to redo it lol.

I went back to prepare the meal and noticed it was gone.  I went to the living room and the baby had been fed.  I asked if he liked it and she said no.  She had asked him to try just a few bites but he wouldn't.  It didn't agree with his stomach and she didn't want to force it until his allergy results returned from the doctor.
I was hungry by that time and desperately wanted a cigarette.  I didn't feel comfortable eating the food there though.
Then I was distracted by a strange game system.  It was like an organ but also like a guitar.  Notes appeared on a tv like in guitar hero or DDR.  There were places (slots) to insert your fingers for one instrument.  You beat 2 notes on the outside of the slots then there were 3 or 4 keys on the inside.
I sucked at playing it and one of my cousins (still the age of 16) took over and I was jealous of being pushed aside and also of his talent.
I wanted to ask my parents for gas money for having driven them around, but I didn't.

Then my dad showed up, upset.  They had bought my 14 year old daughter a pair of shoes and the soles were falling off.  He asked me if I wanted to boil them.  I told him no, that I had to be leaving.  I would just buy shoe glue or a new pair.  I told him Destinee likes to walk in puddles and he didn't want to hear any excuses.  He was very angry with her.
I went to tell the girl and baby boy goodbye.  I didn't know their names though and my parents mocked me.  I kept think the boy was T.C. or T.J. but then I saw "Christopher David" written out.  It didn't feel right, but I knew that was his name.  I no longer recall the girls.  She talked to me several times when I was trying to prepare the baby's meal.  She shared something with me (?) and was very sweet.
My parents told me to make sure my hubby was home the next day so they could say hi.  My mom said the last time she was over, he was in such a bad mood that she didn't even get out of the car for fear he'd punch her. Then someone said something about just shaking his hand.  I asked them what tomorrow was and they said "Friday".  I told them I would try, but work has been hectic so there's no telling when he would even be home.

I went to the store before going home.  There were packages of cheese I wanted to buy but they were an off brand and more expensive.  I became more and more frustrated as I walked through the store, unable to buy what I wanted.
I don't recall how the dream ended.

The first dream from last night was amazing.  I froze all night long.  I also have my monitor, keyboard and mouse on the couch I also use as a bed.  When I go to sleep, I push them back into the furthest corner, but my daughter was up all night, using the computer.  It wasn't as far back as normally and her presence alone disturbed my sleep.
In the dream, I was running through the large house I so often dream about.  There was a huge battle going on and I killed several "Morde Sith's"  ::D:  and warriors.  In the end, I was captured though.  Outside, I saw a huge tower.  Some of my people had scaled the wall.  Some bad guys fell over the edge, but in the end, my people were killed or captured as well.
I was made to walk through the house again with a Doctor.  There weren't many bodies lying around and I was about to ask her what happened to the "bad guys".  But I was sensitive to her feelings and to the fact that she may consider my people to be the "bad guys" lol.  So I asked, instead, where the bodies of my enemies had disappeared to.  She said, most of them had already been removed.  They needed me to identify the bodies of my people for their records and to help find any they may have over looked.
There was blood and gore everywhere.  The house was in shambles.
At some point, we became separated.  I found her in a bathroom, looking at mini bottles of shampoo and conditioner.  She was wearing shorts instead of her uniform.  She began asking about me and my family.  She wondered if I had no affection for my children.  I told her I did, that they had recently been reunited with me but that it was a very long story.
Instead of continuing that line of conversation, something else was asked but I fail to recall what it was.

That's all I remember.  I woke up from that dream at around 6AM
I woke from the other 2 at 8 and 10AM.

----------


## Zhaylin

I slept poorly again last night (darn cold summer weather and inadequate heating)

I took a valium to go to sleep early last night (migraine).  My oldest son was on the computer at the edge of my couch.  When I woke later, turning up the heat on the space heater, he said I had "woken up" at one point.  I reclined on the couch, almost sitting, and started laughing.  He said it was very strange  ::D: 
I have no memory of that.
I remember having a lot of really cool and vivid dreams, but I woke this morning too quickly and lost most of them.

In one dream, I was at my grams house and there was dog crap all over the floors.  I tried picking it up but it seemed like an endless supply lol.  Later in the dream, my grams was sitting in her favorite chair and I asked where the puppies were.  She said once she saw the crap, she put them outiside on the porch.

In another dream, I was swimming and 2 sharks fixed themselves on both my arms.  I couldn't swim so an older guy I was with pulled me to a pier.  I was mad at him because he used me as bait.  They were very small but aggressive sharks.  A game warden came to our aid and wrote down their descriptions.  I was surprised she didn't automatically know what breed they were.
>I had that dream, in part, because I REALLY love a nicorette commercial that plays a lot on Hulu.  A black guy is sitting on a pier, lamenting:  "Cigarette, cigarette, cigarette..." a shark jumps out of the water and starts chomping on his arm.  He doesn't notice and keeps saying "cigarette."  Then he takes a mini nicorette lozenge.  The lozenge kicks in and he notices the shark for the first time.  He starts screaming "Shark, shark, shark" and punches it repeatedly.  My son thinks the commercial is retarded, but I LOVE it lol.

I was flying in another dream... had another about my congregation... had another about the house I also dream of

During all those dreams, at some point, I realized I was dreaming.  I cursed myself for not knowing what the task of the month is.  Then I asked myself what I would like to do.  I said I'd like to learn something or something more about myself.  The task seemed impossible, so I thought about something else (like teleporting etc) but my lucidity started making my dream glimmer and dim into consciousness, so I gave up my lucidity and continued dreaming... but I fail to recall what I dreamed about.

Oh yeah!!  One dream occurred while my son was listening to music.
I don't remember the beginning, but I'll ask him when he wakes because I told it to him and he was surprised because the dream was so long even though he had just started listening to music.

Anyhow... I remember my youngest son saying he wanted to be a singer when he grew up.  He started rapping and singing and I thought he was really good, but then a stream of profanities started pouring from his mouth.  "F" word this, "F" word that.  I told him to find a suitable substitute word because if he continued using them, I would wash his mouth out with soap.  At first, he listened, but then started cursing again.

When I woke up, I heard my sons music and told him he knew he wasn't allowed to listen to such.  I then told him my dream.

That's it.

**EDIT**
I also dreamed something about our new kittens.  Many of them had died and I worried N.G. was one of them.  I remember little tuffs of fur but that's about it.

----------


## Zhaylin

Night before last I had a strange dream.  I don't recall most of it anymore.  I was flying and I found a cylindrical object.  It was fleshy and gross.  I began peeling it.  At first, it sort of looked like a penis, but as I peeled more it became a baby.  It was a very ugly newborn.  It's face was squinty and it was slimy, as if the covering was it's afterbirth.
>My brain usually knows better than to give me dreams THAT abstract.  I'm at a complete loss as to why I dreamed it.

I also dreamed of 2 people from my congregation.  One was Heidi R. and I don't recall the other.  I was shopping and we began talking.  They said they missed seeing me at the meetings.  I told them I didn't deserve to come back at this time.  I was smoking again and I would be until I got my house in order.  I told them of my daughters sneaking out and getting drunk with a neighbor.  Then I surprised myself by telling them my other daughter has been sexually active since she was 11 years old.  They were shocked and sympathized with what I was going through.
>I had that dream because part of my really misses my congregation.
Oh yeah, during the course of that dream, Heidi wrote something, then threw it away.  I retrieved it so I could have something to remember her by.
>That was probably from finding a couple letters she had written to me years ago.  I have saved them.

Last night, I had many vivid and sometimes disturbing dreams.  But in recording the older dreams, I've forgotten most of the newer ones lol.

In one dream, I was shopping and ran into someone from my congregation (not a real person though).  He was disappointed in me and said:  "Out of everyone, I thought you would be one to endure to the end no matter the trials."  I felt very ashamed by my failures.
>Obvious dream for obvious reasons.

In another, I was in some woods I've often dreamed about.  In the woods to the north is a cave.  It's cluttered and many chambered.  At some point, I ran into a woman and asked her about it because she worked on the property.  There's a monster in the cave and I wondered how many people it's killed and where it came from.  She had no ideas.  This time, the cave also had chambers that lead to the surface as if manholes.
>I've never understood the source of these dreams.

In another dream, I dreamed something about the cast of "Lost"- Sun in particular.  Don't recall the details though.
>But I know I had this dream because I was very disappointed by her fate lol

In another dream, hubby told me how proud he was of me for having stopped smoking.  I confessed, partially, by telling him that I still slip from time to time but I've been doing much better.
>I had that dream because I worry about him discovering the truth.  He has a very sensitive nose.  But most perfumes stop him up right away.  I smoke in the RV- out of sight.  When I see him coming over, I put my cigarette out then spray some vanilla perfume.  It works, but I feel guilty.

I dreamed something about food.
>I'm hungry  ::D: 

I dreamed of the airport/hotel/building I often dream of, but I don't recall the details any more.

Oh yeah, but night before last I dreamed I was flying.  There was many power lines in my way and I worried about navigating through them safely.  When I got above them, someone else was there and a grid was revealed to me.  I thought they were more power lines, but my anxiety changed the dream so that they were border markers lol

That's it for now...

----------


## Zhaylin

I don't recall my dreams from last night... but I took a long nap earlier.  I had a strange dream about a woman who got a job as a school (or some such) cook.  Someone was playing mind games with her.  All she knew how to make was grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches.  Eventually she (or someone else) started throwing a major hissy fit.
>All I have to eat until Wednesday is Peanut butter and bananas and I was hungry as I slept.  When I woke up, my son was watching something called "Strawberry Panic"  ::D:

----------


## Zhaylin

I had my typical dreams:  Big house, cluttered, running from something.  I also dreamed of my congregation and about how disappointed they are in me.  
I dreamed something about animals but I've forgotten the details.

----------


## Zhaylin

I don't recall much about my dreams last night.
In one dream, some of our pets were out in a field.  One was a white rabbit, which I don't have in RL, one of our cat Iccabah and another was a dog.  I was surprised that the cat wasn't trying to eat the rabbit.

In another dream, I was sleeping between two guys.  One of the guys was extremely dirty and I moved closer to a platform (?) so he wouldn't get any ideas.

That's all I really recall...

----------


## Zhaylin

Gracious, but my dreams are becoming all too predictable!

I dreamed of walking across a parking lot with my hubby.  I was talking about my ex, Robert M and how I see his smile everywhere.  Hubby then said the girl he first loved was entirely unique in all ways and he never sees a glimmer of her in anyone else.
As we walked along, he dropped something and an elderly man called out for his attention.  I noticed, but I had forgotten my hubby's name lol  The guy caught up with us, handed over the item (?) and hubby asked why I hadn't said anything  ::D: 
When we got to the car, he wanted to make out in the backseat.  It was a station wagon or some such.  He laid down a blanket then called for me to join him.  I took off my jacket and laid it on the edge of a seat, but he grabbed it to use as a pillow.  He then went through my pockets because he felt something lumpy.  As I approached the trunk, he said:  "First pocket, no cigarettes."  then he went through the second pocket and found 2 packs- one Sonoma, one Marlboro.  I quickly told him I slip from time to time, but I'm not smoking anywhere near what I used to.
>Yesterday, I bought those 2 packs of smokes.  Hubby asked if I was still not smoking, and I lied.  He said, "very good" and when I went back into the RV, I considered how easy it was becoming to lie (because he doesn't understand how much I enjoy my smokes and he never cuts me any slack about it).  I also realized I didn't feel guilty about lying to him... but I DID feel guilty about not feeling guilty  ::roll:: 

IN another dream, I was watching a Date Show or something.  There was a black couple on and a question, such as, "What will make your relationship work in the long run" inspired the man to start dancing and grinding against his date.  He said something along the lines of 'how quickly she puts out' She slapped at him, said "not funny" and began to sulk.  But she was only pretending to be insulted.  As he quickly tried to take back what he said, she started singing and grinding against him  ::D: 
She was a very large woman, weight wise, and he was extremely tall and fit.
>I have no idea where this came from.

In another dream, there was some spying taking place in a large building with many rooms.  A boss approached, so everyone scattered.  I was a man in this dream and I snuck out the side door.  As I was leaving, I saw another man climb out of a mail box (it was large for packages).  He scattered the mail but took off running.  I had JUST passed the boss and I worried that I had been discovered, but I hadn't been.
>Inspired, in part, from watching "Toxic Sky" and other movies before going to sleep.

IN another dream, I was flying in a hot air balloon with another person or two.  We were in some great cavern (?) and I picked up a couple people along the way.  We were looking for someone who had been taken (?).  I worried about how to keep us in the air.  Slits had to be made to allow us to descend.  I then placed people along the ropes and wrapped their legs or arms to keep them from falling out.  It was a very strange dream.
>I have no idea what inspired it.

In another dream, which I only partially remember, I was at my grams house.  As I walked onto the porch, a cat appeared with snow and ice on its back.  I pet it and it rubbed against me.
I had a small yellow bird, which I then noticed.  It was lying on the ground and someone said it was dying.  It looked strange for a bird. I picked it up in a shirt and took it to my chest to warm it.  Then several cats showed up and crowded me where I sat, trying to eat the bird.
>Again, no idea.

In another dream, I was in a large house that was very cluttered.  There was dog and cat crap all over the bathroom floors and I was very angry about the mess.
>Inspired from always having to keep a house clean.

I "woke" at some point to crack my knuckles.  I often do that.  I often know I'm doing it as I wake up just a little bit beforehand.  But there are times when I had no recollection of cracking them and other people tell me.
Last night was hell.  I almost screamed and cried because the pain of cracking them was so intense.  My joints had completely seized up and cracking them was like breaking them.  I've never had that before and hope to never again experience that!!

Oh yeah... in a snippet of a dream, there was a train.  There was some sort of dialogue about one of the passengers who was a serial rapist and how fortunate some woman was for not sharing her room with him.  
>No idea....

That's it for now.  I'm going back to sleep soon though...

----------


## Zhaylin

Amazing dreams...
I woke up briefly, earlier.  In the dream I was a different woman.  I was in love with some guy, but he was sworn to someone else.  I suggested we have a 3-way marriage and a made alterations to the wedding hammock that allowed us to intertwine and have our hands bound in a traditionally appropriate way.
At some point during the dream, I complained about the size of the planet and joked that if I ran for only 30 minutes I could cover it all.
There were centaurs during the beginning of the dream.  They were the rightful inhabitants of the planets but they were mostly sterile.  They thought we were trying to conquer them or somesuch, but we were trying to help them thrive.

I woke up, but I'm almost out of smokes, so I'll be hybernating today.  I went back to sleep after 30 minutes and I fell into the same dream.

I became lucid at one point and thought what an awesome book the dream would make.  I couldn't hold onto my lucidity though, so I let it go.

The dream was mostly about the ruling class of that small planet.  Incest among the royal class was the traditional means of populating the world.  But I became confused when I realized these people never died and concluded that was why there were so few children.
Children were property of the males, though the mothers could buy them if they were "unusually" attached and the parents weren't pair.
I followed 3 different generations during my dream, though I only really recall 2 of them.
The royal class wielded magic, but it was tightly governed and frowned upon.  The females wielded the most magic.
At one point during the dream, I purchased a daughter who was being mistreated by her father.  Later, he changed his mind and I was fearful for my child.  Somehow, though, I was able to keep her.
I similar problem was happening with one of my sisters and a son.  I spoke with the father, and reasoned with him for the sake of both mother and child.

At another point, I drifted along and noticed a fortified area.  There was a man in a pool, along with several of his family members.  I watched the son of my sister (just a boy) present identification and enter the area.  He dropped something into the pool and I realized, right away, that it was some sort of poison.  With only my mind, I severed the ropes that bound them then telepathically lifted 3 of them out of the pool and sat them down in a building.  Then I lifted the man and sat him with his family.  I created an unstable storm front in the process though- something I didn't discover until later in the dream.
I then saw as the family was taken to safety and the father of the boy that poisoned the water sat and spoke to him about what he had done and why.  I don't recall much of the conversation other than the father telling the boy that the future wasn't set in stone and he didn't have to blinded do what others wanted but choose and fulfill a destiny of his own making.  The boy wasn't buying it, though.

At one point, I tried flying through a broken window and 5 slivers of glass became lodged in my skin.  I think I was my daughter at this part.  Another family member, a healer, took the pieces out.
>This part, I'm sure, was dreamt about because my finger itched terribly before I went back to sleep so I slit it.  If I flexed my finger just so, the skin would part and I would start to bleed a little.  I dabbed it with a paper towel and left it straight then went to sleep.  My finger curled a little in my sleep, though and I bled a little and it pooled in one spot and dried.  The finger I dreamed about was the finger that had glass in it.

Then the dream began to shift and change.  I watched as someone came (?) and bagged up a chicken creature with all its young and its mate.  They were being placed in storage and when I asked about it, they said there were too many and not a big enough market.  I felt sorry for the creatures that would never die, being stored in a vault and going crazy.
Then I set about rescuing other creatures.  There was a kitten, a spider, a squid, and others I don't recall.  I had to set them down beneath a building and close to water at one point, and the kittens face was alternately stuck to the back of the spider or the suckers of the squid.  I quickly moved each and placed them in their proper environment.
There was a dead, giant creature beneath the house (?) and I worried there would be others and I wondered how an eternal creature would have died.  It looked like a Shrumbler from EQ2.

At some point, I found myself in a forest.  A male was concerned that I had created an unstable weather pattern and my view automatically went to god-mode and I saw the planet from a satellites view.
He told me it was making fires dangerous and demonstrated with some clothes at the roots of 2 enormous trees.

He was creating a box for the elements that resulted from my telepathically lifting the family from the pool.  They were on the last and fifth slat needed.  I was dangling from a tree branch for some reason and 2 boys were in front of me, also dangling, but also cutting the branch.  They thought they were secure, but they were cutting the branch they dangled from, and when it broke, they fell and I telepathically caught them and flew them to safety.

That's about it.

I'll be hybernating on and off all day today, so hopefully I'll have the same dream again  :smiley:

----------


## Zhaylin

I ended up recycling 2 yard bags full of coke cans and got a pack of smokes.
But I recalled a dream I didn't record.  It was very primitive and I don't recall the story behind it, but I was drawing a rough map of the neighborhood I lived in in Puerto Rico.

I had severe insomnia last night.  I took a valium and still didn't fall asleep until almost 4AM.
One of my dreams was of the world I dreamed of the other night.  I was flying and teleporting objects and people.  At some point, I came across some colored sand and rocks in different piles.  You had to combine the items, somehow, and sometimes it long-distance teleported people but I forget what the others did.
I worried about the power lines again as I flew and at one point I became lucid.  I forgot the task and as I wondered what I should do, the dream, as always, began to fade so I sacrificed my lucidity.  The dream was very involved and I wish I recorded it sooner.

In another dream, my youngest daughter was standing in the doorway of the RV smoking a cigarette.  My hubby walked by, outside, and he saw her.  My other daughter grabbed the perfume I use in RL to mask the smell.  He stormed through the door and said it was too late to cover up now and he was very angry with me for having lied.
>Guilty conscious dream.  I came clean to my hubby today, telling him I fell off the wagon.  He was upset with me and told me 2 nights ago he dreamed of talking to his parents (they've been dead a very long time) and he told them I started smoking again, so he moved me and my kids back to Florida and he was crying, saying how disappointed he was with the way things turned out.  He said he woke up drenched in sweat and crying.
I didn't tell him about my dream, so I thought it interesting we had similar themes  :smiley:   I wish he would lay off me though.  We don't live together and rarely see each other so I don't understand what his problem is and it's starting to tick me off.

I also dreamed of stripping at a club at some point, but I don't recall the story.
>I had that dream because my esteem is currently very low and my mood melancholy.  The only things I'm half-way decent at are stripping and sex.  I've screwed up my faith, my family, my life and my old life is calling to me.  Which is also the reason why I'm having such magically themed dreams.  Though I could never be "Wiccan" (I cannot BELIEVE in another God or religion), my spirituality is pulling me again towards my past...

----------


## Zhaylin

Yesterday was very scary.  I couldn't sleep night before last.  By the time I had to pick my kids up from school I was dead tired.  I drove to the middle school and fell asleep before getting out of the car.  I had a micro nap and woke up wandering where the heck I was.
I went inside to sign my daughters out and my voice was slurred as if I was drunk or had had a stroke.  I felt like falling asleep as I signed their names, but I caught myself and told myself to snap out of it.

The I went to pick up my youngest son (my oldest stayed at the Farm to clean and take care of the animals).
He was waiting outside, so he got in the car.  Traffic was backed up, and I fell asleep, making a gap for about 10 cars.
I fell asleep while driving home several times.
I didn't have the money to buy my meds this week and what happened felt more like panic/cataplexia attacks than sleep deprivation... but sleep deprivation made it worse.  It was a nightmare.

I came to the RV and crashed on the table bed (the table folds down and the cushions make the mattress) and fell right to sleep.  I woke at around 7PM, saw my hubby and was asleep by 9PM.  I woke again at around 4AM and traded spots with my daughter who fell asleep on my couch with the computer monitor.  I fell back to sleep around 6AM and slept until around 10.
When I woke at 4, I came here and read some posts.  Someone's signature had a picture and something about how annoyed they are by the triangle left behind by windshield wipes.  I also saw that my nose was swollen where I had re-pierced it a couple weeks ago.

One of the dreams I remember was having a jack-o-lantern type triangular hole in my nose where my piercing it. I worried that it wouldn't heal because it looked so weird and gross lol.

The other dream I had was one I've had several times in the last 10 or so years.  I was going to school but was failing out of several classes.  I kept trying to race for class but I could never find it and it was on the other side of which ever building I was in.
I was also working for a library, but I had missed a LOT of work and refused to just show up expecting I'd still be employed.  I felt guilty because the elderly woman running the place had given me a lot of chances and I continued to blow it.

IN the dream, I was also still married to my ex.  He was leaving me, though, and I worried about what I was going to do.  We fought during some of the dream, at various times, and each time he left in his car and I was alone, crying.

That is a nightmare to me.  I'd rather kill zombies any day...

----------


## Zhaylin

I've been sleeping overly-much these last few days.  I took my last Provigil this morning when I just couldn't wake up... despite having gotten 13 hours of sleep.
I started my period 3 days ago, which could account for my fatigue.

I've been having a lot of very vivid dreams, but they're old stories that I don't care to re-type.  I fly, levitate others, fight monsters, run through many roomed large buildings, run through trashed building etc ad nausium  ::D: 
I've also dreamed of my congregation, of smoking, of fighting with my hubby, about my ex and being abandoned.

Recurring dreams I've also been having (though not as frequently as the others) include me drowning, a huge tidal wave, being chased by sharks, sex, sex, more sex (thanks to my period); of losing control of my car, losing control of the RV, car being flipped by water and me drowning.
A new dream, I had this morning, was one I don't recall every having had before.  I saw myself on a video monitor.  I had the impression I was watching myself being interviewed by the cops.  I don't recall the questions... in fact, I don't think there was any sound.  As I watched myself, I was annoyed at first because I didn't consent to being taped.  Then I was worried that they captured me picking my nose or something lol.  Then, out of nowhere, a cigarette appeared in my hand and smoke obscured the view.  I was annoyed at myself for smoking, but don't remember why.

In short, my dreams reveal (in abundance) that I feel my life is out of control.  I feel overwhelmed, trapped, hopeless and, yes, even horny lol

I don't feel those things as much on a conscious level as I go about my day, but it's definitely churning in the background.

----------


## Zhaylin

I've been working on a rune set, which means I need a lot of privacy, so I didn't go to sleep last night.  I took a caffeine pill early in the evening and it held strong until 4PM this afternoon.
It's so stinking hot, that I went to the trailer and took a cool bath, reading a book "Meg Hell's Aquarium".  I fell asleep in the tub for 4 hours and when I woke up my hands were so pruned they HURT lol.

I don't really recall my dreams.  I knew one of them was about the book I was reading.  I was David, but he was a Prince and not a scientist.
The dream was oddly combined with Flash Forward, so it was a love story/disaster themed dream  ::D: 

I'm still sleepy, but I may skip sleep again tonight so I can take care of more things once my kids all fall to sleep...

----------


## Zhaylin

Same ole, Same ole.  The only thing different is a few days ago, I dreamed of drawing my own blood.  What came out, though, was water which confused me.  I somehow also used both hands lol and the dream was in 1st person.
Other than that, nothing has changed.  Still dreaming of drowning and running through large buildings...

----------


## Zhaylin

The only thing I recall from last nights dreams was of being in a classroom setting.
My friend, Roxanna was sitting behind me and Ruth was sitting to one side.  Roxanna was talking to me and I kept my voice extra low when responding because I didn't want her to get in trouble for talking to me.
I had a cigarette I was trying to hide.  I placed it in some sort of container and closed the lid, but the smoke still escaped the sides.

----------


## Zhaylin

I've been having some strange dreams lately, but most have been same ole same ole.  I've been having a lot of sex dreams.  One in particular that I recall was being a man and I had a hamster as a penis  ::D: 

Last night's dreams were mostly stressful and symbolic.
In one, I was moving.  As I packed my belongings I looked for my 2 new born babies.  I had stuck them on a shelf and I'd forgotten to feed or change them for a couple of days.  I was also looking for 2 rabbits that I had also forgotten about.  I became more and more freaked out as time passed.  I couldn't call it in to the police.  If they found their bodies, then I'd go to jail for neglect/abuse... they'd do an autopsy and find they had been starved.  As I looked, I eventually found my son.  I baby talked, asking him if his diaper needed changed and I changed it.  Then I fed him, worrying about my daughter, whom I still hadn't found.  Her name was Leieesha.
Eventually, I looked back up on the shelf and saw the bunnies were back in their aquarium.  I asked my kids about it and they said they had found them.
I then saw our dogs running outside and I became terrified that they had found and eaten my daughter.
My grandmother was in that dream, but I don't recall in what context.

I woke up then fell back to sleep.  In that dream, the first thing I recall is that of two women trying to give me information about their religion.  I told them I didn't want to go to Heaven, but instead, looked forward to living forever on a perfect earth.  I quoted Scripture to them.  One of the women was pleasant and we shared our different beliefs.  Her partner though became increasingly agitated and said they HAD to go NOW.  I asked her what was wrong- was I taking up her time to fulfill her quota.  The nicer woman laughed and said her partner would never forgive me for that statement.
I took off flying, swerving to miss some power lines.

I was then in a house (?).  This part is foggy, but I was looking through picture or something for subtle demonic influences.  A guy was with me.  He started to leave, saying he didn't see anything with demonic or alien activity.  I reached for other papers and pictures and said I definately saw alien influence in some of them.  He asked me why I hadn't told him of them sooner.  He looked through them and added material to a pile to be burned and thrown away.

The next thing I know, I'm at a Witness gathering or study.  I left to get something out of the car and 2 Witnesses stopped me.  One of them is like a mother to me.  She said "[?] and some people can't get out of here fast enough to get a cigarette."  I told her:  "I'm not leaving for that."  She then took my arm in her hands and she was shaking like a leaf.  I told her again: "I haven't quit but that's not why I'm going to the car.  I'm out of cigarettes.  I just need to get something."
An old friend, Dan, had been at the gathering and I wanted to talk to him so badly.
I was sad because Barb had died.
I left but instead of ending up at my car, I was in a different room.  I was going through Bible material.  Vernon showed up and started commending me on the way I had organized some of the material.  We started talking and he said I needed to get everything that was demonic out of my life in order to move on spiritually and get close to Jehovah again.  Then I realized it was HE who was dead, not his wife Barb, and I started freaking out.  I told him there is no such thing as ghosts- that he must be a demon sent to further confuse me.
It was somehow explained away.

>>I had that last dream because I'm spiritually confused and yesterday I learned that Vernon had died.

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## Robot_Butler

> II've been having a lot of sex dreams.  One in particular that I recall was being a man and I had a hamster as a penis



 ::lol::   That is awesome.

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## Zhaylin

ROFL  It was definitely an experience  ::D: 

Last night I dreamed of one of our cats, Panther, who ran away.
Then I dreamed I had a boyfriend even though I was still married.  My hubby was fine with my relationship until I had to go to a Conference with him and my boyfriend was there as well.  Boyfriend was a baseball player and he had a game during the Conference so my attention was torn between the two loves of my life.

I also dreamed, again, of burying bodies.  They had liquified but then I somehow managed to grind them into bonemeal.  I was trying to hide them but they were being dug up and I was really worried.

That's all I recall.

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## Zhaylin

I had a lot of really "deep" dreams night before last, but my kids kept waking me up and I lost most of them right away.
The one that stands out was riding with a former Elder of my Congregation.  He asked about my kids and I told him some of the good things that had been happening [not RL events though] and then we moved on to deeper spiritual discussions.  I don't remember the context, but I used an awesome analogy of a migraine- how sometimes, you can feel them coming and can stop them by doing (or from stop doing) certain things; and how sometimes, life changes can stop migraines from being a problem almost all the time... but how other times, the person suffering might need help.  At that time,they would go to a doctor for suggestions or relief etc.  I applied the analogy to spiritual things and my oldest son was the reason for the topic.
He was proud of my reasoning.
Then he pointed out all the recent troubles I've been having and said I needed to spend some time with my bestfriend, Brigette.
I then became somewhat depressed, thinking his concern for me was superficial because he had forgotten who my friend was.  I don't even know a Brigette.  I told him my bestfriend was Roxanna.

>>Dan, the former Elder, moved "up" spiritually and became a Circuit Overseer (an "Elder" of sorts for several Counties) in another State.  I always had a bit of a crush on him and he symbolizes everything I would like to be spiritually.
I dreamed of Roxanna, in particular, because I found her on Facebook, but because of my disfellowshipping, I cannot add her as a contact.  It would be too hard for both of us.

Last night, because of watching Splice, I had a lot of great dreams.  Once again, my kids woke me too often and I forgot most of the dreams.
What stands out most, in my mind, is shooting wings out of my back, at will, and flying in a way I've never flown before.
There was also a bit about taking a tour somewhere and being given a vase made out of some sort of brown stone with black flecks in it.  I held it to my chest and cherished the gift.
At some point, before or after the tour, I was running from something.  I was in a group of 5 and we made our way to some watery tunnels beneath a street.  The tunnels were gated and guarding  a natural spring but some of the homeless population had broken in and used the area for housing, cleaning, cooking and fresh drinking water.  There was soap on the steps near the spring.
But then 3 of the people were killed.

I also dreamed of my grandmother and Aunt Judy and my grandmothers house.  There were also cats in the dream and a daughters friend who gave me a kitten, then took it back, saying she only brought it over to visit lol.

Oh yeah!!  I almost forgot one of the scariest and best dreams ever.  I was driving the RV.  There was a lot of snow on the ground and I took a turn too sharply and rolled the RV.  The roll lasted so long I was able to tell my kids to keep their seatbelts on and to remain calm.  I told them to bend down and grab their ankles.  The seating was like that in a car and not in an RV.  Secretly, I was thinking we would never make it.  I told myself that an RV is little more than a bunch of mobile matchsticks.
But we did make it.  In fact, even the RV made it- though it looked like a smashed up Station Wagon afterward.
When I told my hubby of the accident, I thought he would be very mad.  But he knew the turn very well and started laughing.  He was amazed we survived and wasn't angry at all.

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## Zhaylin

I've been having a LOT of intense and vivid sex dreams.
In one of them, I was a captive.  I was terrified at first, but then I started enjoying myself.  It was a twisted sick dream.
I've forgotten the details of the other sex dream...

Last night I dreamed of being on the run with a baby boy.  I ended up with my ex-husband in a house that was used by the homeless.  He was the only one there at the time.  Then we went for a walk and we were kidnapped.  We came to in a building for homeless people and it was packed, but still looked very nice.  It was very structured.
There was some bit about a building and grafiti but I've forgotten the details.

Then there was another dream where I was wrapped in a rope by a GIANT snake.  She was saving me to eat later.

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## Zhaylin

I'm still having the same annoying theme of dreams:
Burying people beneath a house, worrying about the police and disposing of human "goo"; having a baby and forgetting to feed it then loosing it (only this time, the baby was named Georgia Rose); of flying...

Last night I dreamed of being with my ex-husband again.  One of his siblings was trying to kill their father for a large inheritance.  The siblings name was Stephanie and I kept going through the names of the children in my mind and failing to find a daughter with that name.  I also had a hard time believing the father was wealthy.  In real life, their in the lower income bracket and there is no daughter named Stephanie.
Then, I was watching a video or something of my ex and I having sex, then in a lower corner of the movie, I saw a woman being raped and murdered.  I rewound the tape to show someone, but it had disappeared. 

At some point in time, I also had a very child-like dream in which I was going down water slides which seemed to never end.  Toward the end, the water became chocolate and I was careful to hold my breath.  When I reached the end of the ride, I hit a wall.  The ride was out of commission and I had to be picked up by some sort of ski-type lift.  It had to fling me to a platform.  It had to go backward and the further I got from the platform, the more scared I became.  But then it flung me to safety and I was elated.

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## Zhaylin

*sigh*
I had the same dream themes again last night.  When I figure out what my subconscious is trying to tell me, they'll go away.  I hope I figure it out soon lol

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## Zhaylin

I figured out the meaning behind the dream and it finally went away.  It's nothing major, my subconscious, however, just doesn't like to be ignored.
The dreams just reflect my sadness over my youngest daughter growing up.  And my kids are always complaining that they're hungry (even though they eat well).  My dream merged the two.

The same time I figured this out, I sort of figured out something else.  I was lying in bed, in a twilight sleep, conflicted over my religious/spiritual beliefs and about how much I confused my p-doc, when last we met.
My head kept telling me "1+1=2" and then randomly said things like "1= Accurate knowledge; 1= Godly Works... 1+1=God."

I became so annoyed by these thoughts that I woke completely and wrote down all that came to mind and this is what I wrote:

"The truest, the purest religious equation is:  Accurate Knowledge + Godly Works= God.  1+1=2
It is easier for me to deny the existence of 2 than it is for me to accept anything else.  1/2 + 1/2 + 1/2 + 1/2 would also = 2.
In that, however, 2 becomes "watered down", diluted and therefore impure.
Likewise, I would sooner disbelieve in Jehovah God than accept him as anything *less*.
I cannot follow other so-called "Christian" paths because they are incomplete.

I would rather cast runes."

Though the logic is anything but.... logical lol, I understand myself better for my rambling rantings.

BBL

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## Zhaylin

I slept for almost 2 days.  I've been SO exhausted.
I don't recall much about my dreams.  I recall flying and teaching my friend Roxanna (who didn't look at all like Roxanna) how to fly.  At another point, I was at an airport, flying.  It opened into a Mall and then a stadium.  I was then sitting down, taking a test which didn't make sense.  A boy in front of me turned around and asked what perfume another guy was wearing.  The kid beside me then said a string of numbers which makes up some of my password.
Then I saw ropes hanging from the ceiling and I said I hoped my name was picked so I could swing and fly from them again (a dream I've had before).  But something happened and I had to leave.
I started flying again after asking for directions to a major road.  The people gave me instructions to drive to but I told them just to tell me the direction (north, south etc) and when they did, that's when I started flying.  I dodged some power lines and started going too high.  Clouds began obscuring my vision, so I started lowering myself, though it wasn't easy to do.
I then saw a tower of sorts with an evil priest in a window.  I looked for a ledge to perch on and the priest fell from his window.  I flew down to catch him, but he caught fire as he hit the ground.

There was much more, I've I've since forgotten...

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