# Sleep and Dreams > General Dream Discussion > Nightmares and Recurring Dreams >  >  Recurring dream of unknown girl I'm in love

## rafaelcg84

This is my first post, I got here after researching about a recurring dream I'm having. 
I hope to find some answers or people who have been through similar situation.
For the last 6 years, I dream about a girl that I am completely in love with. I don't know who she is, but at some of the dreams we stayed together, kissed, and I felt so good, completely in love. 
But every time I wake up, I'm angry because it was just a dream.
I was married for 4 years, got divorced last year, and recently I had a dream with this girl. I talked with the girl and she told me she got divorced (which I had no idea she was ever married)
I only had one girl in my life (my ex-wife for 7 years) after the divorce I thought I would be able to pick up many girls, but I actually don't have the will to do that.
I just watched X-Man movie today, and when Logan sees Jean, I cried because I had the feeling that I have to find this girl, she was projected in Jean, I could not stop crying.
I would love to dream about this unknown girl again, and ask her whatever I can.
Deep inside I have the feeling that this girl is somewhere out there.
Is it possible that somehow the subconscious of two people communicate through dreams?
I'm wondering if Lucid Dreaming could help me communicating with this girl.
Anybody else could comment on this? 
Anything would help me.
Thanks!

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## DreamRealEyes

Oh my god could I comment on that!  In fact so much so I can't even begin to touch on it in the time I have right now.

You are touching on one of the biggest dreaming and waking obsessions in my life.  With a triumphant conclusion I might add...

My dream girl first appeared when I was 20 years old (I'm 57 now).  It was on my fist attempt to follow Don Jaun Matus technique of looking for your hands in your dreams.  Not my first lucid dream but my first attempt at using a technique to become lucid.  That night I had a dream of being high in the mountains hiking with a beautiful girl with long dark hair.  We got to horsing around and we tumbled down a grassy slope together.  At the bottom of the hill we ended up with me on my back and she straddling my abdomen.  I tell here "you know what I like about your?"  She says "What", I say "your hips".  Then she grabs my hands and holds them in front of my face and she says "you know what I like about you, YOUR HANDS!"   I'm taken aback for a moment wondering why she would say that and then it hits me!  MY HANDS!  I"m looking for my hands in my dream!.   I became lucid at that point but the shock of the whole thing also woke me up.

That was my fist experience with the recurring dream character I would have occasionally in my dreams over the next 20+ years.  Every dream I found her in I was lucid, but these dreams were very rare and I was never prepared to ask her anything about who she might be. I never knew her name so I referred to her as DHG, (for Dark Haired Girl).  I was completely taken by here and spent several lucid dreams searching for her calling out her "name" (dhg), trying to find her by intent.  That never worked, every time we were together it was spontaneous. 

But she was also my first conscious experience of what I would later come to call a Type 2 Personality in dreaming.   I consider Type 1 dream persons to be the normal cannon fodder of dreams, products of my brain/mind.  But one can run into another another type of person in dreaming (mostly talking lucid dreaming here, but sure it works the same for ODs (ordinary dreams).  This type of personality has a different feel about them.  They are some how aloof, intelligent, and often somewhat mischievous but not necessarily malicious.  They are often teachers too but again in an aloof way.  But anyway to put it simply I always felt DHG was a separate being from myself.  Whether she was in the world or not I couldn't say, but I felt in Love with her and wanted to find her.

Ok, there's much more to the story than that, and I want to share but it will have to wait.  So my question for you is, do you have a name for this girl?   Oh, and to say don't be quick to discount your experience.  People said I was crazy, but you know what, I think I ended up with her!

Thanks for your post!  You made my day.    -DreamRealEyes

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## Darkmatters

So, if you take out her 'middle name' then you've got DG, which is exactly what it sounds like she is (a dream guide). I take it when you first started calling her that you didn't know about dream guides?

There used to be an older married girl in some of my dreams - I just might run through a dream shouting *"OMG!! OMG!!"* (  :Cheeky:  jk lol!)

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## DreamRealEyes

Darkmatters,  I know you're joking,  but in truth I'm not sure how to take it.  You seem to be dismissing this experience as something trivial when you don't know a thing about how my experience of this character unfolded in dreams and in waking life over a period of 25 years.  Yes you could call her a dream guide I guess but I really don't know what your concept of a dream guide is.  She definitely was guiding me in this dream and others but also was part of a larger group of which there was an Elder group that were really the guides (although I use the term teachers).  To tell these tales is something I will only unfold over much time if ever.  But as for DHG, she was as much of a comrade as a teacher/guide.  Later in life I had my friends telling me she was my Animas my feminine inner self and as that is "all it was", I shouldn't be obsessed with finding her.  Well I tried to take their advise and get on with my life (so to speak), but after many trials and tribulations I finally realized that people don't know what they're talking about, they take a little information and try to tell you what something is but they don't have a clue.

So I got back on the trail of finding DHG and I'm telling you I did. I was 45 years old, everybody in my life thought I was crazy (with some notable exceptions), but I kept on the "path with heart" and I found a true partner, that fits every description of DHG and waking dream events that brought us together, that allowed us to find each other are part of the greater dreaming of my life.  It has been 10 years now and we are partners true and true.

So when I saw rafaekcg84's post and felt his story I had to respond as I did.  To be a voice in this waking dream that says don't be quick to discount it, don't let other's label your experience and play it down.  Follow the path with heart, keep your eyes open and stay lucid.

So I guess that's why I didn't know how to take your joking because to me this has been life long serious stuff.     And please I don't mean to put you off or be too serious but I had to speak my truth.  Thanks,

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## Darkmatters

My apologies for that - I didn't mean to trivialize it, and it _was_ awfully flippant, at least the second part that I tacked on later. But I was serious about the first part, and of course from what little you had written I had no idea about the depth or complexity of your experiences (except that you had hinted about it). But dream guides aren't just my idea, they're something many people have talked about in here and elsewhere, and it does sound like that's what she is. My point in posting that (the first part anyway) was that, if you aren't familiar with all the lore surrounding dream guides you ought to look the term up here on the site.

I really do need to learn when it's appropriate to let loose with my weird-ass sense of humor!

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## DreamRealEyes

:smiley: Thanks for saying that.  I would like to look into what people have shared about dream guides, get up to speed on the thought on the forum concerning that.  I'm sure I've been experiencing that.  But for now I don't want to get far afield from rafaelcg84's original subject.  Dream well...

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## rafaelcg84

> So I got back on the trail of finding DHG and I'm telling you I did. It has been 10 years now and we are partners true and true.



Thank you very much for sharing this, I really feel the same. I also believe that this girl is not a unique individual in the whole world, but it represents the true passion/love feeling that I want to find so much. And my dreams are not often, it happens once or twice a year. But it feels so real, to the point that you would prefer to live there forever than waking up. But I'believe that somehow the "dream world" has a connection to the "real world" and it can help me finding my path in life.

The dream came back shortly after I got out of a depression, and started to take care of myself and focus on my life and personal development. I'm not in a hurry, but I hope it won't take me so many years to find her  ::tongue:: 

Answering your question, I don't have a name for the girl of my dream. I just remember she was very pretty and short, like 1.60m maximum.
Question for you DreamRealEyes: After you found DHG, have you ever had the dream with her?

If anybody else has something similar, please feel free to share.

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## DreamRealEyes

I have had several dreams with my wife, a couple of them lucid but not with the DHG of my dreams.  I think you got the gist of what I was trying to convey with my own dream-girl story.  Although when you say:




> I also believe that this girl is not a unique individual in the whole world, but it represents the true passion/love feeling that I want to find so much..



That is certainly one way of looking at it, perhaps the best "normal world view" way of looking at it.  But for my own story (and somehow I feel, yet with so little to go on, that this might pertain to your story too), there may be more to it that that.  Now I'm going to permit myself to get weird here...

I believe as you said the dream world is connected to the "real world" and you are right to put the "real world" in quotes.  I believe to understand the connection is to see that there are only dream worlds.  What makes this "real world" or waking life different is our insistence on seeing it a certain way. I'm super simplifying things here but I think this is the crux of it.  The way I see it is all experience is dreaming, and dreaming comes with a dreamer.  The thread that connects the dreams and dream worlds is memory.  I think memory is the real mystery here. What makes a lucid dream lucid is memory of your waking life-dream.  What makes waking life seem like the "real world" is the quality of memory that is present.  When a person begins to lucid dream frequently the boundary of dreams vs "real world" begins to dissolve.  They blend because of the quality of memory available in both. Memory is sort of an organizing principle.

Now, back to the mystery of our dream girls...   Person hood somehow exist, in dreaming I exist, but only through the threads of memory do I know I exist.  Through my own lucid dreaming I have found that I seem to have a life, or lives in other worlds and with people that I have almost no memory of.  I only know this because I have on occasion connected, through my lucidity, my waking life dream with the dreaming of another life.  DHG is part of that other life, that other "real world".  

I have in conscious memory only the faintest outline of this other life, but I have made contact with it many times over 40+ years.  So I believe the DHG I know in that other world-dream may well be in this world-dream and yet herself have no conscious memory of it.  Anyway it doesn't matter, I know what my heart of hearts was looking for, I know what I found and I know how happy I am to have found it.

I too was married and unmarried (after 20 years), went through hell, and rebuilding, searching, frustration, and then renewed my search, and then through fearless action and boldness that left my friends and family concerned about my sanity.... found the girl of my dreams...  in all meanings of that phrase.   And she too followed through nearly identical steps.  

I hope you can see why I was so taken by your story when I heard it.  I have never shared my story before to the level I have here, and I thank you for that.  It was the fact that you would feel so moved that you would put a shout out on the internet that hooked me.  The biggest advantage that you have I think is that you know what you're looking for, now hold life lightly, move forward, let the dream unfold and act boldly when the time arises.   Good Luck!

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## rafaelcg84

DreamRealEyes, 
Thank you very much for your thoughts. I'm definitely interested in digging deeper this subject. I share the same feelings and I promise I'll let you know if I have any progress in this matter  :smiley: 
Cheers!

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## Sivason

I had not taken Darkmatters post as flippant or making light. I found his comment about DHG=DG to be interesting and a fun coincidence. The second half was a joke, and I did laugh. It is easy to feel touchy when these important events are so often made light of or treated as crazy.

We all have our own take on what DG actually are, but few if any around here deny they exist. They are undisputedly exactly as you describe. That is, dream characters who have an extra element that makes them seem different from what you called type 1 personalities. So, no one doubts DG exist, but we have fun debating or speculating on what may cause such a phenomena. Many science minded types feel it must be a creation with in the mind, perhaps as a way to interact with deeper levels of sub-conscious self. Others feel these DG are from outside themselves, perhaps other dreamers, or perhaps entities that we do not really understand.

I am very convinced that the DG I have met are from an astral realm, and have an existence of there own. I have had a flirty fling like romance with one of them. It was so intense and satisfying that after awhile I considered not dating IRL and considering this DG to be my girlfriend (how is that for sounding nutty). The latest development is that I got married, and began feeling guilty about the dream/astral romance. I often would be having a great dream and we would be together (me +DG) and I would feel deep love for her, and then feel guilt. I tell you she did not like that! She treated me as if I was just as nuts for caring about waking life as others would for caring about a DG. I regret that she eventually left me alone and has not been around for a couple years. I wish I had not pissed her off. What a great chance to have two wonderful deep loves in my life with out cheating. Perhaps someday I will be able to have both. Neither woman cares about the other, it was just me who blew it. My wife at first was angry that I had these dreams, but decided it was some spiritual thing that need not bother her. The DG never cared and thought I was a moron for caring.

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## DreamRealEyes

> I had not taken Darkmatters post as flippant or making light. I found his comment about DHG=DG to be interesting and a fun coincidence. The second half was a joke, and I did laugh. It is easy to feel touchy when these important events are so often made light of or treated as crazy.



Yes I was a bit touchy to Darkmatters post, I know that.  Needn't to have been, but at the time couldn't help myself.  I do think the joke was funny, just wasn't to me at the time.





> We all have our own take on what DG actually are, but few if any around here deny they exist. They are undisputedly exactly as you describe. That is, dream characters who have an extra element that makes them seem different from what you called type 1 personalities. So, no one doubts DG exist, but we have fun debating or speculating on what may cause such a phenomena. Many science minded types feel it must be a creation with in the mind, perhaps as a way to interact with deeper levels of sub-conscious self. Others feel these DG are from outside themselves, perhaps other dreamers, or perhaps entities that we do not really understand.



I have followed Darkmatters suggestion and read up on some threads regarding DGs.  I agree people here take them different ways, as you can probably tell I'm in the "they are outside myself" camp.  Although one prominent one I've met may be some kind of future aspect of myself.  I did even take a little offense at Darkmatters reference to DHG as a DG (as was obvious), well, all I can say is I came here 20 years in the past regarding LD lexicons and thought that calling her a DG was diminishing the experience...  Which is what Darkmatters had suggested (that I hadn't understood the lexicon)  God  I have to laugh now at how I reacted.   But no matter I think we got past that!  





> I am very convinced that the DG I have met are from an astral realm, and have an existence of there own. I have had a flirty fling like romance with one of them. It was so intense and satisfying that after awhile I considered not dating IRL and considering this DG to be my girlfriend (how is that for sounding nutty). The latest development is that I got married, and began feeling guilty about the dream/astral romance. I often would be having a great dream and we would be together (me +DG) and I would feel deep love for her, and then feel guilt. I tell you she did not like that! She treated me as if I was just as nuts for caring about waking life as others would for caring about a DG. I regret that she eventually left me alone and has not been around for a couple years. I wish I had not pissed her off. What a great chance to have two wonderful deep loves in my life with out cheating. Perhaps someday I will be able to have both. Neither woman cares about the other, it was just me who blew it. My wife at first was angry that I had these dreams, but decided it was some spiritual thing that need not bother her. The DG never cared and thought I was a moron for caring.



This is so amazing.  You never cease to amaze.  Had I your control of dreaming perhaps I could have had the same, but no matter I'm happy with how things turned out for me. Hope the best for you too.   Dream on...

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## Bluemoon2018

[QUOTE=rafaelcg84;2108636]
Is it possible that somehow the subconscious of two people communicate through dreams?


Hello! I was wondering if you found her?
I kept dreaming if the same person since i am 14 and older i get more often i see him..
And i have exactly same feeling, tottaly in love and it is so strong that after waking up I still feel that person. And i love that person.
Now for the first time I saw him two days in a row. I wished there was a place will all these people who dream of the same. Maybe we then could find each other. I so want to find him while i am still young. These  love is so strong i dont want to not to experience it in life. 

I cannot describe him unfortunately and i am 164 height so i am not that girl of ur dream  :smiley:  

So did you find her?

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## Selfcreator

I have had dreams of someone I was in love with too. It's been a while since I've seen him..i think i forgot his face. I remember him having hair styled to the side and glasses?... the last time I saw him we were standing outside in front of a car and we were so in love that my  body just filled with warmth. I'm not sure if he died in my dream but I havent seen him since...and I have been grieving since. I think we had a little girl in my dream. I saw her twice. I knew she knew him because she showed me a picture of him she had found in a chest. 

It makes me sad because I feel like I grieved someone for so long that I know must not exist. But those dreams were so real and those feelings were so real...how could he not exist? I haven been searching for him..but i cant seem to find him.

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