# Sleep and Dreams > General Dream Discussion >  >  Reason for my girlfriend's dreams about ex-boyfriends...

## Frankiestein

I have a great relationship with my girlfriend for 1.5 year now. I am her 3rd real boyfriend. We are 23 and 21. I proposed her to marry me 1 week ago and she said "a million times yes".  :smiley:  In our relationship we decided to tell eachother everything and keep it honest. We also tell our strange dreams.

Over the last months she has dreamed multiple times about her first and second boyfriend. A summary of what happened in the dreams:

-She was hugging her first boyfriend (maybe kissing) but she felt so guilty that she would loose me by doing this, so she wanted to escape.
-We were going to get married, but her first boyfriend cancelled the wedding by sending letters to her parents. She was angry and sad because at the wedding part she was happy.
-She was hugging and kissing me, but her 2nd boyfriend was in the same room watching us. According to her story, he was still convicend they (gf and ex) had a relationship. She was hugging me more strongly to make him realize it is over.
-Last night, she dreamed again that me, her and 2nd boyfriend were in the same room and he started to talk again like "why did you leave me, we could have been so happy, etc" and she told him to get out.
After he left me and gf had a fight.

***every "-" is a new dream***

So there you have it. In all dreams she seems to take my side and her ex-boyfriends still want her.
But why she still keeps dreaming about them? She has'nt seen them in 4 and 2 years or something. What is triggering this?

I asked her a couple of times if she still had feelings for them or anything but that isn't the case. She has said before that she has never been more happy than now with me, and that I am her "best boyfriend".

Still I am irritated by all these dreams about them...

Does anybody have an idea?

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## Brandon Heat

I don't see how you could get irritated by completely random acts of the subconscious. Since these are non ld's she has absolutley no say over what goes down in the dream world. So you shouldn't be getting irritated about it. If something ever happened to you or you ever experienced or have an idea of how something could happen. It will present itself to you in a dream.

Ever dreamed you saw the sun? Exactly it's a replication of an experience.

Now to put it in a different way. Has your girlfriend ever had another boyfriend? Well then chances are they could show themselves in a dream. Random acts based on previous experiences.

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## Frankiestein

Yes but I already know about 4 dreams in 4 months... Isn't there something "bothering" her or causing her subconscious mind to be busy with her exes?

I don't want her to have these dreams once in a month for whole her life :Eek: 

I myself do almost never see girls from my past, and certainly not on a regular base...

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## Jadestar

It's possible that she's worried about the feelings of her exes. Maybe they didn't have closure? Maybe she didn't have it? It seems like something is bothering her about them. She may want to talk to someone, you and/or someone else she's close to, about her past relationships and see if she can figure out what's worrying her. I don't think it's something that'll get in between you two. It's likely just an unresolved issue she hasn't gotten past, mentally. I have dreams like that.

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## Frankiestein

> It's possible that she's worried about the feelings of her exes. Maybe they didn't have closure? Maybe she didn't have it? It seems like something is bothering her about them. She may want to talk to someone, you and/or someone else she's close to, about her past relationships and see if she can figure out what's worrying her. I don't think it's something that'll get in between you two. It's likely just an unresolved issue she hasn't gotten past, mentally. I have dreams like that.



Sounds good.
But I have talked to her before about this. She honestly swears she has no feelings whatsoever for her ex boyfriends and that she is not missing them at all. 
At most, maybe she compares her experiences with the new ones with me sometimes...

So I can not think of any "unresolved issue" that still occupy her mind... 
Maybe worth mentioning that she is going to leave her homeland soon to live together with me in my country. (we are living together in her country now)
So there is a big "step" coming up and she could have fear about it, which is logical. She is coming for a future with me.
But do you think this could have had to anything with her dreams? That she is scared that it will end like their relationship? Or does she want to say goodbye to them? (symbolical)

Ideas?

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## Jadestar

Hmm. Well, when I grew up and moved out of my parents' house, I kept having dreams where I was still living with them and other dreams where I was driving away from their house for the first time, sometimes in a car, sometimes bus, sometimes F-16. Point is, I think it meant that I did not mentally finish growing up and breaking from them, and in a way I hadn't really left yet.

Of course my dreams were a bit more literal than usual. I think the fact that your girlfriend is leaving her country is an excellent explanation. Even though she does want to leave and be with you, she's still about to take a big step that would affect anyone no matter how much they want to leave home. I guess her exes are one of her links to her home country and a part of her doesn't want to leave. We all feel some ties to our homes, like I did, and it would take some time to adjust. She's probably just going through that, and it's showing up in her dreams. If so, she's also telling her dreams that yes, she really does want to be with you even though it means leaving what's familiar.

I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep the dialogue going.  :smiley:  It's awesome you guys are talking about it.

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## Misbijoux

> Still I am irritated by all these dreams about them...
> 
> Does anybody have an idea?



And that is one of the reasons why I don't tell my husband ALL my dreams (I do tell him most) because there is no point in "irritating" or upsetting him with such things like dreaming about my ex, which happens every now and then. 

I think it's wonderful you two have an open communication, but to share EVERYTHING, to be completely honest? "Complete" anything is just a bad idea, IMO, especially if it's going to make one person uncomfortable or "irritated", while the other person sees it as nothing.

I dream of the past often, whether it's being with my ex, or wandering the streets of my childhood home. The dreams about my ex are usually crazy...like, I'll be making dinner (in the dream) and realize I'm still with him, and then, get quite upset. Or, I'll wake up, roll over to give my hubby a kiss, and realize I'm lying in bed with my ex. The dreams mean nothing to me. Just my subconscious messing with me. 

There could be many reasons why she has those dreams. Like her fear of something getting in the way of your relationship.

I wouldn't worry too much. She'll probably have those dreams 10 years from now. One learns to deal with them. They're annoying, but they're just dreams.

Just wait until she starts telling you dreams she's having about you leaving her, or cheating on her (which, in my case, are a fear of abandonment).  :wink2:

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