# Off-Topic Discussion > The Lounge > Ask/Tell Me About >  >  Ask me about being Transgender

## Maria92

Yeah...disappeared to figure some stuff out. I'm transgender. Some background information:

I've felt like/wanted to be a girl since I was 7 years old, around the same time I became aware that there were differences between boys and girls. I was born this way. It wasn't a choice I made.
I like girls, which means I'm a lesbian (also not a choice I made).
I'm undergoing gender reassignment and ultimately sexual reassignment surgery. 
My family is totally chill with the whole thing and they are being very supportive. 
My favorite term in relation to all this is t-girl. 

Have a question, serious or goofy? Ask away. Please don't troll. Religious extremists eager to condemn me to hell can piss right the fuck off.  :smiley:

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## DeletePlease

You'll make a fine woman, lass.

"I've felt like/wanted to be a girl since I was 7 years old, around the same time I became aware that there were differences between boys and girls. I was born this way. It wasn't a choice I made.
I like girls, which means I'm a lesbian (also not a choice I made)."

Mind elaborating? On what, I don't really know, I just like asking people to elaborate. Also, how did your family first react?

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## Darkmatters

Mario! Welcome back! I was wondering where ya been at - this place isn't the same without you - well, even though you're not quite the same - or soon won't be or whatever. 

Ok sorry, feeble attempt at humor. 

Anyway, wow, I had no idea - but congratulations and much respect. Guess I haven't asked a question - um - which one do you use?

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## Maria92

> You'll make a fine woman, lass.
> 
> "I've felt like/wanted to be a girl since I was 7 years old, around the same time I became aware that there were differences between boys and girls. I was born this way. It wasn't a choice I made.
> I like girls, which means I'm a lesbian (also not a choice I made)."
> 
> Mind elaborating? On what, I don't really know, I just like asking people to elaborate. Also, how did your family first react?



Aww, thanks.  :smiley: 

Well around the 1st/2nd grade, I found myself naturally drawn to the company of women. More than once I claimed that I would grow up to be a woman. I detested wearing boyish clothes and dressed as feminine or androgynous as possible. For several years, I had very long hair that went above and beyond the "mullet". I found it greatly satisfying when people mistook me for a girl. So, yeah, it's just sort of been with me my whole life.  :smiley:  I've also been attracted to ladies since forever. That started when I was 4. I find men sexually unattractive in all regards (although Old Spice Guy is somehow oddly charming). 

My family took the news in stride. My dad and sister both thought it was kind of neat and adjusted to the idea in a matter of seconds. Overnight, they started treating me like a girl. My mom was a bit more stressed out from concern (as mothers are apt to do), but still accepting. She's adjusting quite well.  ::D: 

Strangely, both of my parents figured I was gay. They were half right.  ::teeth:: 





> Mario! Welcome back! I was wondering where ya been at - this place isn't the same without you - well, even though you're not quite the same - or soon won't be or whatever. 
> 
>  Ok sorry, feeble attempt at humor. 
> 
>  Anyway, wow, I had no idea - but congratulations and much respect. Guess I haven't asked a question - um - which one do you use?



Aww, I missed you, too.  ::hug::  Thanks.

I'm still presenting as male, so I use the men's room if I have to. More often than not I'll just plan ahead and wait to get home.

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## IAmCoder

WAIT! Who is your role model / do you have a hero?

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## Marvo

Cool, didn't really see that coming. It's a good thing your family is with you on all this.

This is the part where you post pictures.

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## Maria92

> WAIT! Who is your role model / do you have a hero?



I suppose my hero would be Norman Borlaug, who used science to save the lives of over a billion people in his lifetime. 





> Cool, didn't really see that coming. It's a good thing your family is with you on all this.
> 
> This is the part where you post pictures.



Sorry, I don't have a camera.  :Sad:  Besides, I'm still presenting as male, and I don't want to be remembered/thought of/pictured as being male. Maybe in a year, though.

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## stormcrow

Congratulations Mario, it sounds like you've given this alot of thought and I'm glad your parents are on board. That is encouraging news to other kids in the same predicament as yourself, in light of the stories we all hear about families disowning their kids (for simply being who they are wtf). Also are you going to change your name? Perhaps Mariana?

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## Maria92

> Congratulations Mario, it sounds like you've given this alot of thought and I'm glad your parents are on board. That is encouraging news to other kids in the same predicament as yourself, in light of the stories we all hear about families disowning their kids (for simply being who they are wtf). Also are you going to change your name? Perhaps Mariana?



Thanks.  :smiley:  I hope I can be of help to anyone thinking of undergoing this transition, or people just curious to understand it. 

I'd love to change my name, but I don't have the points to do it (although I will change my real-life name in the not too distant future).

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## AURON

Are you going to bank your sperm?

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## ooflendoodle

So you're doing hormones then a physical sex change? Also if you need to someone to talk to you can PM me although I don't really have too much experience with what you're going through.

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## Maria92

> Are you going to bank your sperm?



Yeah...mostly for my parents' comfort, I suppose, but it's still a good idea regardless. 





> So you're doing hormones then a physical sex change? Also if you need to someone to talk to you can PM me although I don't really have too much experience with what you're going through.



Yes, I need to bank the swimmers, get a letter of recommendation from a therapist, and then I can begin hormone therapy. I should hopefully be on them in a couple of months. Over the summer, I'll start presenting as female. Some people go through gradual transformations, but mine is going to be more like an explosion. After a year of presenting as female and two more letters of recommendation, I can go through with the main event. 

And thanks.  ::hug::

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## Squishdiboo

Why do you subscribe to society-deemed gender roles?

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## Maria92

> Why do you subscribe to society-deemed gender roles?



I never really have. I've never been masculine or macho. I've always been pretty feminine or androgynous. Being a girl is just so much fun. :3

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## Squishdiboo

What makes someone a "girl" though?

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## stormcrow

> Yes, I need to bank the swimmers, get a letter of recommendation from a therapist, and then I can begin hormone therapy. I should hopefully be on them in a couple of months. Over the summer, I'll start presenting as female. Some people go through gradual transformations, but mine is going to be more like an explosion. After a year of presenting as female and two more letters of recommendation, I can go through with the main event.



Are you nervous about hormone therapy? Specifically how your body will react to it( or more importantly how your brain[part of your body lol] will react to it)? Ive read that Alan Turning killed himself after undergoing hormone therapy (which castrated him) but of course it was kinda forced upon him. I'm not trying to frighten or discourage you from undergoing it but I was wondering if you have thought about how it might change your personality?

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## Maria92

> What makes someone a "girl" though?



An excellent question! I happened upon a set of letters from another transgender person a while back, and I really can't put it into better terms myself. 





> *If someone asked you to come up with 7 specific characteristics that define what "female" is what would those be?*
> 
> I cannot define the word 'female' from a godlike perspective, as an arbiter of Meaning. I can define the word 'female' in terms of my own experience. So....
> 
> 1. My internal, for lack of a better term, "Body Map". Amputees sometimes complain of phantom limb sensation, and so do those born without arms or legs. Even without ever having possessed limbs from before birth, they still feel fingers and toes. The brain has a kind of map of the construction of the body. This map functions even when parts are missing. Naturally the map is different for males and females. I felt, was aware, of what I lacked. I could feel it. After my surgery, that feeling is about as equally cured as my surgery was successful. Until my studies included knowledge about the brain's map of the body, I was amazed that I had somehow 'guessed' exactly what having a female body would feel like. Now I have learned it was no guess: my internal map literally did know how I should be constructed. Knowing that makes things seem less mystical, I must admit. So for me, being 'Female' is having a body that matches my internal 'map'.
> 
> 2. My internal emotional state under both male and female hormones. Under male hormones I was angry yet emotionally suppressed, like a dam about to explode. My sexuality was out of control, and I felt horrible feelings and had loathsome drives. Unchecked, I am fairly certain I could have eventually committed any manner of violence or savagery from the insanity I felt. I literally felt out of control, distanced from my own actions and perceptions, and constantly out of balance. I felt physically and emotionally ill. On estrogen, on female hormones, I am better in every imaginable way. I am nicer, happier, safer to be around, and healthier. I love my life and feel a part of it. I can express my emotions and they are appropriate to circumstance. So for me, being 'female' is feeling like my self, rather than feeling like somebody else other than myself.
> 
> 3. My position within society and the world. In the male social role, there was almost nothing that I could do and feel comfortable about doing. Whatever action I took, I had to act in a manner alien to me, in an artificial way, or risk being physically harmed. I suffered many beatings before I learned how to walk, talk and act in a way that would not have males hurt or berate me to dangerous levels. Now, living as a woman, I simply act from my heart. I act without thought to how I act...I sit, stand, walk, talk, and function as is natural to me, and this causes me no injury or danger: indeed I am complimented or simply left alone. So for me, being 'female' means being able to stop performing theatre, and simply live my life naturally.
> ...







> Are you nervous about hormone therapy? Specifically how your body will react to it( or more importantly how your brain[part of your body lol] will react to it)? Ive read that Alan Turning killed himself after undergoing hormone therapy (which castrated him) but of course it was kinda forced upon him. I'm not trying to frighten or discourage you from undergoing it but I was wondering if you have thought about how it might change your personality?



On the contrary! Hormone replacement is an exciting new adventure. Is death a risk? Sure. It's marginal, but present. On the other hand, if I _don't_ undergo it, death becomes a certainty. Either way, I do not fear it. I fear pain. I fear the torment of being trapped in the wrong body and social role for the rest of my natural days. As for my personality, I'll always be myself. I may gain a newfound depth of emotion and lose most of my sex drive, but that's fine with me. I embrace such changes with open arms.  ::D:

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## Marvo

Well you have to remember that there is "gender" and there is "sex". Gender refers to the psychological aspect of a person, where sex refers to the physiological aspect. We all know when a person is a girl, in regards to sex, but gender is different. It's very fluid and has more wiggle room. Personally I know I change a lot, depending on what sex I'm dealing with. I wouldn't say my gender switches into "girl", but I'm definitely more feminine when pursuing a guy, where as with girls, I'll have a more 'normal' masculine mindset.

edit: @Squishdiboo

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## Squishdiboo

I just hate the concept of gender roles, and labeling.  I like to think of myself as "me" not as "girl."

So how about getting a job? Are you excited about the prospect of earning less and being treated as less competent than males in your field/position?

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## Darkmatters

> What makes someone a "girl" though?



Squishy boobs  :Cheeky:

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## Marvo

> I just hate the concept of gender roles, and labeling.  I like to think of myself as "me" not as "girl."
> 
> So how about getting a job? Are you excited about the prospect of earning less and being treated as less competent than males in your field/position?



While labels can at times become obnoxious and pointless, there's definitely nothing wrong with identifying a pscyhological trend in humans with a word. "Guy" is definitely an adequate description of me that I accept. So is bisexual.

edit: ah, apparently the term "bigender" also exists. I guess that also could be used to describe me to some extent. This is the point where labels begin to become too exhaustive  :tongue2:

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## Squishdiboo

> Squishy boobs




Every fat man out there probably takes offense.  :tongue2:

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## Darkmatters

I wasn't answering the question, I was trying to figure out how to write your name.  :Shades wink:

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## Maria92

> I just hate the concept of gender roles, and labeling.  I like to think of myself as "me" not as "girl."
> 
> So how about getting a job? Are you excited about the prospect of earning less and being treated as less competent than males in your field/position?



Labels are fine with me. I'm a lesbian. I'm transgender and transsexual. I'm a girl. These are words that accurately describe me. Why should I take shame in them? 

As for jobs, I'm not really concerned. I'm going to be a pharmacist, for which there is enormous demand, so finding a job isn't a problem. Any gaps that arise between sexes in terms of respect and income also tend to diminish as the level of education required for a job increases. Further, the empathy typically expected of women gives me an advantage over my male counterparts as a pharmacist, especially in jobs that deal directly with the public.

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## DeletePlease

How comfortable are you with being shirtless atm? Will that change after the procedure? Will we be able to inspect the surgeon's handiwork?  :Hi baby:

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## Maria92

> How comfortable are you with being shirtless atm? Will that change after the procedure? Will we be able to inspect the surgeon's handiwork?



I just recently became aware of this sort of thing, actually. In private, I don't really mind if I go shirtless or not. In public, whole different story. Even wearing a t-shirt leaves me feeling oddly exposed. It takes a couple of layers before I feel proper. I'm not one of those ultra-conservative prude chicks, but without the whole bra thing, it feels...off. 

Other fun fact: I'm not planning on getting a boob job.  :Cheeky:  If family heritage is any indication, the hormones will make me plenty stacked all on their own.

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## Xei

Sexually I would tend to say I'm akin to a lesbian, in the sense that I am only really attracted to women, and I've never felt any kinship with stereotypical male desires. I don't care about sex in a physical sense; I don't seek out sexual encounters. I have desire for intimate emotional relationships. Of course, it's debatable how accurately this represents the female psyche.

But I am fine with my body and would be averse to changing it. What's the difference between us?

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## AURON

> Sexually I would tend to say I'm akin to a lesbian, in the sense that I am only really attracted to women, and I've never felt any kinship with stereotypical male desires. I don't care about sex in a physical sense; I don't seek out sexual encounters. I have desire for intimate emotional relationships. Of course, it's debatable how accurately this represents the female psyche.
> 
> But I am fine with my body and would be averse to changing it. What's the difference between us?



Have you also felt that you wanted to be a girl since a young age?

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## mooseantlers

> Labels are fine with me. I'm a lesbian. I'm transgender and transsexual. I'm a girl.



Mario92, meet seroquel.

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## Quantiq

Question:

Have you ever been ridiculed by people you know or don't know? And are you scared or excited about this entire process? 

Also, congratulations! Definitely think you made the right choice. I used to know someone that went under gender transformation and it was hard for him at first but in the end it made him much happier knowing he was who he should be.

Good Luck!  :smiley:

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## Maria92

> Sexually I would tend to say I'm akin to a lesbian, in the sense that I am only really attracted to women, and I've never felt any kinship with stereotypical male desires. I don't care about sex in a physical sense; I don't seek out sexual encounters. I have desire for intimate emotional relationships. Of course, it's debatable how accurately this represents the female psyche.
> 
> But I am fine with my body and would be averse to changing it. What's the difference between us?



Sexuality and gender are two separate variables. What you describe isn't atypical among men, especially "beta males." Where we differ is that I am not fine with my body and I want to change it with all my heart. It isn't just that I lack kinship with male desires and the male social role...they repulse me. At the same time, the vast majority of stereotypical female desires and gender roles is immensely appealing. The thought of acting, looking, _being_ a woman feels right. It isn't sexual excitement or arousal. It's correcting a long held gender dysphoria. 





> Question:
> 
> Have you ever been ridiculed by people you know or don't know? And are you scared or excited about this entire process? 
> 
> Also, congratulations! Definitely think you made the right choice. I used to know someone that went under gender transformation and it was hard for him at first but in the end it made him much happier knowing he was who he should be.
> 
> Good Luck!



Ah, I've been ridiculed once, by a notorious troll. Years of being on the internet has given me a thick skin, though, so not much bothers me. I was branded "that weird shy kid" in school way back when, so nobody bothered me after they realized I didn't give two shits.  :smiley: 

Thank you.  ::content::

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## AURON

What about makeup and shaving? Are you going to be all natural or what?

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## DeletePlease

Whatever you do, don't have that stupid little "landing strip" thing. God damn, that thing annoys me like you wouldn't beleive. What the fuck is the point of that? Either shave, trim, or leave it alone; don't shave half and then leave the rest because you got bored. God _damn_.

/nonsensical rant

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## Maria92

> What about makeup and shaving? Are you going to be all natural or what?



I'm not going to be into heavy makeup, but I'm already shaving. Arms, legs, face, the recreational funpark, etc. Essentially, Alopecia from the neck down.  :smiley:  Makeup will be light after I transition. A little foundation, maybe some light blush and very light mascara (not the stupid-looking raccoon thing). Not a whole lot, and probably not every day. My sister doesn't use much or any and still looks fantastic every day, so I'll shoot for something like that. 





> Whatever you do, don't have that stupid little "landing strip" thing. God damn, that thing annoys me like you wouldn't beleive. What the fuck is the point of that? Either shave, trim, or leave it alone; don't shave half and then leave the rest because you got bored. God _damn_.
> 
> /nonsensical rant



That was the first thing I shaved. XP I'm going to see about getting the whole area lasered. At least nice and thin. ...although for some reason I'm now tempted to trim a little heart in it just to annoy people. XD

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## AURON

Would you ever date a male to female post-op girl?

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## Maria92

> Would you ever date a male to female post-op girl?



If she's cute, yeah.  :smiley:

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## Jeff777

Mario92, were you nervous to come out as a transgendered person?  Also, do you have an accepting special someone in your life right now?





> What makes someone a "girl" though?







> Squishy boobs





^Girl?

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## DeletePlease

I'd tap that.

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## Quantiq

:Pissed:  That sir, was definitely something I did not want to see today.

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## Maria92

> Mario92, were you nervous to come out as a transgendered person?  Also, do you have an accepting special someone in your life right now?



Ah, I was a bit nervous. I'm not really sure why...I was never really worried that my parents wouldn't be accepting. Maybe just because it was so huge and so far outside the norm that I wanted to be absolutely positive before saying anything. As for a girlfriend, I don't have one yet. I've never been in the dating scene before...never had so much as a kiss, even. Part of that stems back to my discomfort with myself and how that impacts my relationship skills. I don't think I'll really be looking for anyone until after I transition (which will be easier on both myself and my partner).  :smiley:

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## ooflendoodle

So are you going to try to look like your sister and do you and her have a good relationship?

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## Maria92

> So are you going to try to look like your sister and do you and her have a good relationship?



My sis and I are on great terms, but I don't want to look like her.  :wink2:  She's got her own unique look, and I've got to find mine. I'll still probably end up raiding her closet for fashion ideas and tricks, but I don't plan on copying her.

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## ooflendoodle

lol my sisters never stopped fighting about cloths until one moved to Texas and even when she came back they had a fight about it lol.

Also your green circle is off what's up with that?

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## SpaceCowboyDave

Do you have man-boobs?

Are you annoyed when people ask you if you are a guy or gal?

I don't understand it.  You have a male body and you are attracted to women , but you want to be a lady?  why?

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## Supernova

> Do you have man-boobs?
> 
> Are you annoyed when people ask you if you are a guy or gal?
> 
> I don't understand it.  You have a male body and you are attracted to women , but you want to be a lady?  why?



As an aspiring psychologist, I can tell you that gender identity is a [I]little[I] more complicated than that.

Mario, good to hear your family is being cool about this; there's plenty of people out there that would be unnecessarily weirded out by the situation.  Can't exactly say I've been in a similar position, but I've been through some rough patches and it's always good to be able to look at the people around you and know they're on your side.

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## Maria92

> lol my sisters never stopped fighting about cloths until one moved to Texas and even when she came back they had a fight about it lol.
> 
> Also your green circle is off what's up with that?



Hahaha, I don't think my sis and I will have too many problems.  :smiley:  The light is off because I'm a paranoid parrot.  :paranoid: 





> Do you have man-boobs?
> 
> Are you annoyed when people ask you if you are a guy or gal?
> 
> I don't understand it.  You have a male body and you are attracted to women , but you want to be a lady?  why?



I don't have man-boobs. In fact, I'm quite slim and small. Petite is a good word.  :smiley:  

People haven't asked if I'm a guy or a gal, as I'm still presenting as male. After I switch, getting spotted or "clocked" comes with the territory at first, so I'll be pretty darn used to it.  :wink2:  

Supernova is right. Gender identity is a complex issue. For me, being male doesn't bring me any joy. It isn't just a neutral indifference to it, either. I find being in a guy's body to be repulsive and wholly uncomfortable. Even the prospect of getting laid more frequently can't offset the massive mountain of negatives that come with it. In fact, it actually hurts my chances of ever having sex. If I'm not comfortable with myself, how can I expect to be comfortable with anyone else? How can I expect them to be comfortable with me? It essentially demolishes my ability to create and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships. Gender and sex are two separate variables.





> As an aspiring psychologist, I can tell you that gender identity is a [I]little[I] more complicated than that.
> 
> Mario, good to hear your family is being cool about this; there's plenty of people out there that would be unnecessarily weirded out by the situation.  Can't exactly say I've been in a similar position, but I've been through some rough patches and it's always good to be able to look at the people around you and know they're on your side.



Thank you.  :smiley:  There's an immense shortage of psychologists with actual training or even knowledge of this field. May you do much good in this world.  ::D: 

 ::hug::  Family is important. From the transsexuals I've talked to, not having parental support is devastating and all too frequent. I'm very fortunate and thankful to have so many allies.  :smiley:

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## IAmCoder

On a more serious note, what if you wake up in a cold sweat 20 years from now and question what you have done. How would you feel about yourself and your life? And how do you think your loved ones would feel about you and how you have lived your life?

I am more curious about the feelings / emotions than the specifics.

Then, how would you feel 20 years from now if you changed your plan this very day; went to the gym every other day, studied martial arts, married the woman of your dreams and perhaps started a family?

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## Maria92

> On a more serious note, what if you wake up in a cold sweat 20 years from now and question what you have done. How would you feel about yourself and your life? And how do you think your loved ones would feel about you and how you have lived your life?



For some people, gender is fluid. They drift in and out of phases. In my entire life, I've done no such drifting, and the odds of it happening in the future are remarkably slim. If that day ever does come, there is a reverse. I can go back to presenting male. However, just like people don't randomly wake up gay, I doubt I'll ever wake up male. As for my loved ones, I know they'll support me in whatever I do.  :smiley: 





> Then, how would you feel 20 years from now if you changed your plan this very day; went to the gym every other day, studied martial arts, married the woman of your dreams and perhaps started a family?



I doubt I'd ever get that far. I've been denying and hiding who I am for years. I can't imagine going back to that. More likely, I'd enter a spiraling depression with suicide the only escape. If I were to suddenly snap and just go all-out macho man, it wouldn't be me.

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## ooflendoodle

It's why he needs letters of req and counseling

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## IAmCoder

Thanks for the answers!

Please allow me a final attempt at debugging: since you are attracted to women - what if you fall in love with a straight girl?  :Oh noes: 

Have you been in love before?

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## Supernova

> Please allow me a final attempt at debugging



F**king coders, man...

 :tongue2:

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## Maria92

> Thanks for the answers!
> 
> Please allow me a final attempt at debugging: since you are attracted to women - what if you fall in love with a straight girl? 
> 
> Have you been in love before?



5 Bits of Advice That Don't Make Sense Until It's Too Late | Cracked.com #5 is the relevant one. I've always been a big fan of the whole million-fish-in-the-sea idea, so I'd be just as likely to turn around and "fall in love" with some other random girl. Eventually, one of them will be a lesbian. The only real way I could actually love a straight girl is if she thinks she's gay for years and then suddenly wakes up straight (which doesn't happen). I can't change to accommodate that. If she doesn't love me for who I am, the relationship is destined to fail. 

I've been in infatuation before, but not love.  :wink2:

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## IAmCoder

Respect. I tried. 

Just out of curiosity: if you had to narrow it down to one single variable, what would you say made you this way?

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## greenhavoc

I was actually looking forward to a conversation with you, but the moment I read this:




> Have a question, serious or goofy? Ask away. Please don't troll. Religious extremists eager to condemn me to hell can piss right the fuck off.



I knew anything I said that hit home would either be deleted by a mod, or blamed on trolln and simply avoided all together.
Later, guy.

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## IAmCoder

Lies. Mario92 was great at answering my questions, which could easily be construed as rude.

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## marwanin

are you born with penis? and you replaced with a vagina

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## Marvo

> Thanks for the answers!
> 
> Please allow me a final attempt at debugging: since you are attracted to women - what if you fall in love with a straight girl? 
> 
> Have you been in love before?



This is exactly the same problem as a lesbian falling in love with a straight girl, or a gay guy falling in love with a straight guy, or of course the reverse, a straight person falling in love with a homosexual person. There's not much you can do about it really. You just have to let them go.

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## pllplp

Ever worry its not going to be as great as you hope? Like you might not feel feminine enough or right, even after hormones and surgery?
How much is all this gonna end up coasting?

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## Darkmatters

@ Jeff -

Didn't I already answer this?  

Squishy boobs was not a serious answer to Squishdiboo's question, more a play on her name. 

And - Damn!!   ::holycrap::   ::lol::

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## TruMotion

I heard they can't change the voice, is it true?

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## Marvo

> Ever worry its not going to be as great as you hope? Like you might not feel feminine enough or right, even after hormones and surgery?
> How much is all this gonna end up coasting?



Can't speak from experience, but I would be surprised if it wasn't enough. Hormones do so much.

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## MischiefManaged

Are you female in dreams? Lucid or not.

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## Maria92

> Respect. I tried. 
> 
> Just out of curiosity: if you had to narrow it down to one single variable, what would you say made you this way?



The current theory is that during development in the womb, there is enough testosterone present to shape the genitals but not enough to make the brain develop as male. Puberty is really what makes males men and females ladies. Marvo is right, the hormones do amazing things. I'll essentially have a second puberty. 





> are you born with penis? and you replaced with a vagina



That's the general idea, yeah.





> Ever worry its not going to be as great as you hope? Like you might not feel feminine enough or right, even after hormones and surgery?
> How much is all this gonna end up coasting?



I'm not too worried about it. I shaved my arms and legs about a week ago and it still feels like exactly the right thing to do. I'm already pretty feminine, and it feels pretty good. 
This whole fiasco should take up between $10,000 and $20,000. Around half of that goes to the SRS. The rest is for laser hair removal, electrolysis, hormones, and clothes.  :smiley: 





> I heard they can't change the voice, is it true?



They can't change it surgically. FtM's do get a deeper voice with hormones, but FtM's are stuck with longer vocal cords. That said, it is possible to learn how to use your voice in a new default tone (and I'm well underway with this fun learning experience), which means it is possible to get a female voice. Using it becomes natural and subconscious after a little while, such that it becomes your own. 





> Can't speak from experience, but I would be surprised if it wasn't enough. Hormones do so much.



Bingo bango bongo. It's called magic girly juice for a reason.  :wink2: 





> Are you female in dreams? Lucid or not.



I don't recall much, but I've been female much more frequently as of late. I initially took up lucid dreaming with the intention of switching sexes.  ::D:

----------


## marwanin

oh !!

how could you cut off your penis? and replaced it by vagina? 

I just can't imagine that


and what about your friends and family ? one day will found you wearing lingeries with huge fake boobs lol ( fake vagina too )

I feel sorry for you.

----------


## Maria92

> oh !!
> 
> how could you cut off your penis? and replaced it by vagina? 
> 
> I just can't imagine that
> 
> 
> and what about your friends and family ? one day will found you wearing lingeries with huge fake boobs lol ( fake vagina too )
> 
> I feel sorry for you.



Troll check? 

SRS is a bit more detailed than 'lop it off'. Feel free to use Wikipedia for all the fun details.  :wink2:  

As I mentioned above, I'm not looking to get a boob job. I'm quite fond of small breasts. My friends and family are fully supportive and even eager to take me out shopping.  :smiley: 

Of all the people to feel sorry for, it's your own neck you should be concerned about.  :wink2:  I pity you.

----------


## TruMotion

> Marvo is right, the hormones do amazing things. *I'll essentially have a second puberty*.



That really sucks.
Female dude, I respect you and your courage. I don't think I'd have the guts to do what you did.
I'd like to know what it feels like to have a vagina though  :Thinking:

----------


## Maria92

> That really sucks.
> Female dude, I respect you and your courage. I don't think I'd have the guts to do what you did.
> I'd like to know what it feels like to have a vagina though



I'm not too worried about it. The first puberty didn't hit very hard at all, and the second one comes with breasts! Happy fun time.  ::content:: 

Part of the body map is that I already sort of do know what it feels like.  :Cheeky:

----------


## Darkmatters

And suddenly the anime girls in your sig take on a whole new significance...  ::lol::

----------


## ooflendoodle

Like a reverse boner I'd imagine.

----------


## IAmCoder

> [...] if you had to narrow it down to one single variable, what would you say made you this way?







> The current theory is that during development in the womb, there is enough testosterone present to shape the genitals but not enough to make the brain develop as male. Puberty is really what makes males men and females ladies. Marvo is right, the hormones do amazing things. I'll essentially have a second puberty.



Ah, I see now; a hardware problem - which explains why it didn't compile. May I ask why you have not considered testosterone therapy yet?

On a less serious note: did you know that beer contains female hormones?  ::shock:: 
They recently did a study and isolated a group of men, feeding them only beer. After just a few days they argued over nothing, refused to apologise when obviously wrong, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional and couldn't drive.

----------


## Marvo

> Ah, I see now; a hardware problem - which explains why it didn't compile. May I ask why you have not considered testosterone therapy yet?



For the same reason regular women don't take testosterone treatment; she is a girl. It is 100 times easier and feels much better to just accept your true nature, rather than struggling against it.

And your programming analogy is creepy and terrible.

----------


## IAmCoder

Sorry about that. But you are right; he is doing this to avoid pain or gain pleasure. Exactly like everything that every man in all of history has ever done; avoid pain or gain pleasure, 1 or 0. The only difference always is what we link pain and pleasure to. And this poor kid has his pains and pleasures badly wired. Worst of all is that everyone seems too busy trying to be pc to try and help.

Your true nature is a predator that has survived 3.8 billion years of evolution. Your truer nature, however, is a much more recent neocortex. Although it may feel better to accept your animal instincts, it is rarely for the best. Struggling against it and conquering it is what makes us human.

----------


## Maria92

> Ah, I see now; a hardware problem - which explains why it didn't compile. May I ask why you have not considered testosterone therapy yet?



Because that's going exactly the wrong way. Besides, my mind is already hardwired female. Flooding it with testosterone won't make any difference. It's what's been happening for years, actually. The way testosterone makes me feel is really not good. Hormones work on a threshold basis. They don't do much at all until a certain amount is in the system, and then they can't do any more, and they can't do any less, no matter how much extra you pump in. 





> On a less serious note: did you know that beer contains female hormones? 
> They recently did a study and isolated a group of men, feeding them only beer. After just a few days they argued over nothing, refused to apologise when obviously wrong, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional and couldn't drive.



Some, but not enough, and certainly not a testosterone blocker. Testosterone is the trump card of hormones, and will suppress the hell out of anything else in your system.





> Sorry about that. But you are right; he is doing this to avoid pain or gain pleasure. Exactly like everything that every man in all of history has ever done; avoid pain or gain pleasure, 1 or 0. The only difference always is what we link pain and pleasure to. And this poor kid has his pains and pleasures badly wired. Worst of all is that everyone seems too busy trying to be pc to try and help.



Remarkable, you take binary thinking to a new level. The reality is that gender and sex are not black and white. 

It's not bad, it's just different. I'm getting all the help I need in the form of proper hormone replacement and friends I can confide in. It isn't something that can be corrected psychologically. Just as you can't turn gay, you can't turn into a guy or a girl. You're born what you are, and no matter how you struggle, it can't be changed. Honestly, trying to correct this from a mental standpoint would cause massive trauma and potentially suicide.  It would be denying who I've been for 19 years. 





> Your true nature is a predator that has survived 3.8 billion years of evolution. Your truer nature, however, is a much more recent neocortex. Although it may feel better to accept your animal instincts, it is rarely for the best. Struggling against it and conquering it is what makes us human.



Turn into a girl. You, I'm talking about you specifically now. Go out, put on a dress, panties, a bra, a wig, and some makeup. Shave your face, legs, and arms. Don't tell anyone you're a guy. Now do this 24/7 forever. Feeling uncomfortable? Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Just fight against your primitive feelings of embarrassment. Fight all those manly instincts. Here, have some estrogen and let me know how you feel in a week. 

Welcome to my world.

----------


## IAmCoder

Wow, awesome post.

Much respect.

I am beginning to understand. I knew nothing of your world.





> Turn into a girl. You, I'm talking about you specifically now. Go out [...]



That is the least I can do for bearing with me for so long:

*Spoiler* for _R18 SNVL NSFW (will be removed shortly... pm Mario for a copy)_: 



Smack My Bitch Up

----------


## Tara

I'm not trans but if a wizard appeared and I had a chance to become 100% totally and completely a man, I'd probably change. I think I'd just enjoy that body more, though I do love my lady body. Even better would be the ability to change 100% between male and female each month.

Anyways! I'm going to donate all of my points to you so you can change your username should you want to, and here's my question: I don't know your current name in real life but are you going to change it to something more feminine? If so, what names have you considered? Name-changing seems like it'd be so much fun. :3

----------


## Darkmatters

Tara, you'd make one hell of a man! You got some balls on ya!  ::lol:: 





> so you can change your username should you want to



Yeah, I was curious about this too. Will it change perhaps to Maria?   :Cheeky: 

And please ignore the testosterone dripping ape above.

----------


## stormcrow

> And please ignore the testosterone dripping ape above.



Its kinda hard to when we can see his ignorance from outer space.

----------


## Darkmatters

There's a very well known and accepted inverse correlation between testosterone, intelligence and the ability to get along with others.

----------


## Darkmatters

... see what I'm sayin'?  :Shades wink:

----------


## Maria92

> Blah blah prejudice and hatred, et cetera



You have my sympathy. 





> I'm not trans but if a wizard appeared and I had a chance to become 100% totally and completely a man, I'd probably change. I think I'd just enjoy that body more, though I do love my lady body. Even better would be the ability to change 100% between male and female each month.
> 
> Anyways! I'm going to donate all of my points to you so you can change your username should you want to, and here's my question: I don't know your current name in real life but are you going to change it to something more feminine? If so, what names have you considered? Name-changing seems like it'd be so much fun. :3



Aww, you're so sweet! Thank you so much.  ::hug::  I am going to change my real life name, at least the first two and maybe the last. I've got some ideas, tried a few out. Mia and Mai are both out. Right now I'm going by Nicole, but that may change. It is a lot of fun.  ::D: 





> Yeah, I was curious about this too. Will it change perhaps to Maria?  
> 
> And please ignore the testosterone dripping ape above.



Yes, actually.  ::content:: 

As for said ape, I'm going to have to deal with these sorts of people no matter what. I actually do pity them; being trapped inside their tiny little world views. No matter how much you argue or fight or call them very mean things, little is more effective at proving them wrong than refusing to stoop to their level.  :smiley:

----------


## Darkmatters

Yes - I should remember that...

----------


## Quantiq

> *Rage*



Reading and intelligent discussion shows maturity sir. See below.




> Please don't troll. Religious extremists eager to condemn me to hell can piss right the fuck off.



Anyway, love the idea of Mai, I don't know why but that is such an awesome name.  ::content:: 

Also keep being awesome! I'm glad you're enjoying being excited about the change.  :smiley:

----------


## Maria92

I just wanted to say thank you, everyone.  :smiley:  Marvo, Darkmatters, Oofen, Stormcrow, Tara, and everyone else who has been so kind and understanding. I love you all. :3

----------


## funnky

idk if this has been asked but will you have to go though the menstrual cycle

----------


## Maria92

> idk if this has been asked but will you have to go though the menstrual cycle



Partially. I never have to deal with the bleeding, but I'll be on a hormone schedule that mimics that of the menstrual cycle, so I'll still get the mood swings and all the other happy fun. >.<

----------


## Solarflare

i like your name change  :tongue2:

----------


## IAmCoder

Have you had a chance to download a copy of the video of my night out? Please let me know so I can remove it and hide the evidence!

----------


## ♥Mark

> you're a little gay



Welcome to Dreamviews!





> Aww, you're so sweet! Thank you so much.  I am going to change my real life name, at least the first two and maybe the last. I've got some ideas, tried a few out. Mia and Mai are both out. Right now I'm going by Nicole, but that may change. It is a lot of fun.



Good thing you don't need surgery to change your name.

----------


## Maria92

> Have you had a chance to download a copy of the video of my night out? Please let me know so I can remove it and hide the evidence!



Yus, quite interesting.  :smiley:

----------


## DeletePlease

What triggered this decision? I'm sure it was on your mind for a while but what was it specifically that made you go "Alright, I'm actually going to do this."

----------


## Maria92

> What triggered this decision? I'm sure it was on your mind for a while but what was it specifically that made you go "Alright, I'm actually going to do this."



Last year, living on my own, I became depressed. Not just sort of sad for a while; actual loss-of-function depression. That set off a cascade of self-evaluation. Eventually, I realized that at home, I could express myself a lot better, but at college, I was horribly lonely and massively uncomfortable in nearly all social interactions. I never had friends in high school, but I didn't need them; I had my family.

----------


## Mancon

Hey Maria, I completely respect you for doing this. I sort of had the feeling we didn't like each other back in the old days with the spam thread. All good?





> I'm not going to be into heavy makeup, but I'm already shaving. Arms, legs, face, the recreational funpark, etc. Essentially, Alopecia from the neck down.  Makeup will be light after I transition. A little foundation, maybe some light blush and very light mascara (not the stupid-looking raccoon thing). Not a whole lot, and probably not every day. My sister doesn't use much or any and still looks fantastic every day, so I'll shoot for something like that.



 **Confession**
Even though I am a guy, I have to admit makeup sounds like a ton of fun. If I was doing this, I would be really into makeup XD.

----------


## ooflendoodle

So will you have transvesticles?

----------


## Maria92

> Hey Maria, I completely respect you for doing this. I sort of had the feeling we didn't like each other back in the old days with the spam thread. All good?
> 
> 
> **Confession**
> Even though I am a guy, I have to admit makeup sounds like a ton of fun. If I was doing this, I would be really into makeup XD.



Yeah, we're cool.  :smiley: 





> So will you have transvesticles?



lol for about a year, yeah. There enters the brave new world of tucking.  :wink2:

----------


## IAmCoder

Have you had a chance yet to read any of Siddhārtha Gautama's teachings?

----------


## ooflendoodle

You could teach a drag class

----------


## Maria92

> Have you had a chance yet to read any of Siddhārtha Gautama's teachings?



Yes. I don't agree with them. It assumes all problems can be fixed with mental focus, etc. Some can't. I can't just will myself into being happy or being male. What's more, to do so would be to deny who I am. Following the eightfold path to such an extreme would be tantamount to raping my mind. 





> You could teach a drag class



I'll have to take one, first.  :wink2:

----------


## ooflendoodle

That would be so freaking awkward to take that.

(unless you were teaching it, in which case it would just be awesome somehow)

----------


## IAmCoder

No, not by mental focus. Awareness is a more accurate term.

And the assumption is that ignorance is the cause of all suffering.

I would be very interested to hear how you identify with the fictional character of *Siddhartha* by Hermann Hesse. It is a free book and can easily be read in a day.

----------


## Maria92

> No, not by mental focus. Awareness is a more accurate term.
> 
> And the assumption is that ignorance is the cause of all suffering.
> 
> I would be very interested to hear how you identify with the fictional character of *Siddhartha* by Hermann Hesse. It is a free book and can easily be read in a day.



Sorry, it just sounds a lot like willful delusion. I've tried eliminating suffering, but along with that goes elimination of every other emotion. Sadness offers a baseline to gauge feeling. It's not good to wallow in it, but neither is it good to cut it out completely. If anything, I'd rather amplify the way I experience it to make life all that much richer.  :smiley:  I find Aristotle's golden mean to be more applicable in day-to-day life. Being transgender is one of those things that tends to break most models or paths of happiness. How do you gauge the mean of that? How do you clear yourself of the "ignorance" of that? It's here to stay, no matter what. It can't be "cured" with any amount of meditation or attention or deep thought, no more than you can change the color of your eyes by willing them to be different. It's just an integral part of who I am. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

----------


## IAmCoder

> Being transgender is one of those things that tends to break most models or paths of happiness. How do you gauge the mean of that? How do you clear yourself of the "ignorance" of that?



If a step on the path to enlightenment is to maintain an awareness and feeling and knowing that you are one with everything and everyone, male and female alike, and if you use the prefix to your gender (trans) to mean "beyond", then perhaps you are further along than you think?  ::shock::

----------


## ooflendoodle

Mind=Blown

----------


## Maria92

> If a step on the path to enlightenment is to maintain an awareness and feeling and knowing that you are one with everything and everyone, male and female alike, and if you use the prefix to your gender (trans) to mean "beyond", then perhaps you are further along than you think?



Yeah...I think you lost me somewhere.

----------


## mooseantlers

> yes very sick both.
> 
> We are born Men for women , and women for men.
> 
> Gays and lesbians are retarded and freaks.



I still don't see how what you see as a hormone disease would affect one's intelligence!

Last I checked I am not classed as retarded.

----------


## AURON

Have you ever thought about getting a DNA test to see if you had an extra X chromosome.

----------


## Maria92

> Have you ever thought about getting a DNA test to see if you had an extra X chromosome.



Yes, it's possible I'm XXY trisomic. I'm mostly infertile, I've got a rather feminine face, and despite being nice and lean, I've still got bigger boobs than my sister (without the aid of hormones). The problem is that a test to actually find out is in the range of $800.00, which my insurance doesn't cover. -.-

----------


## Marvo

> Yes, it's possible I'm XXY trisomic. I'm mostly infertile, I've got a rather feminine face, and despite being nice and lean, I've still got bigger boobs than my sister (without the aid of hormones). The problem is that a test to actually find out is in the range of $800.00, which my insurance doesn't cover. -.-



Wait, you have boobs? Without hormones/surgery/wizardry? This is mildly surprising.

----------


## KingVincent

> Squishy boobs



I love you right now XD

----------


## ThePreserver

I don't have any questions, I think it's awesome that you're not letting society force you to conform  :smiley:

----------


## abicus

Good luck with everything Maria92

----------


## mooseantlers

> Yes, it's possible I'm XXY trisomic. I'm mostly infertile, I've got a rather feminine face, and despite being nice and lean, I've still got bigger boobs than my sister (without the aid of hormones). The problem is that a test to actually find out is in the range of $800.00, which my insurance doesn't cover. -.-




You have bigger tits than your sister? She must envy you!

----------


## abicus

Its a shame that you must live with not only being born with the wrong hardware but live in a world in which so many people have a narrow and fixed view of everything around them. 
I don't agree with modern psychology and its attempts to make a label for everything and how things that are complicated and beyond our grasp into the elementary.
I am sorry only that modern medicine can only go so far as to correct your predicament.
I agree with an earlier post which I'm not gonna quote that I believe it would be amazing to get to live 100 percent as the opposite gender.
Given that I am a married straight man and love my current (for the lack of a more abstract term) stereotypical gender role as the man o da house and provider/protector.
I do enjoy being a man though I feel part of me is female.
Maybe cause all fetuses are original female?
I'm not an expert on the subject. Don't know what term to use as to what part o me it is that doesn't match.
After talking to others and reading certain things I find that I enjoy to act as man, and have straight sex but think in a more feminine perspective.
Not like a typical male would.
I think it would be wonderful to live on the other side being the caretaker per say.
The stereotypical roles of a woman do appear more spiritually fulfilling. 
Me and my wife have talked about the what if we woke up as each other.
Its a interesting topic.
Any way I wish you the best and I hope that a condition as this gets more lime light than it does and hopefully current medical procedures can advance as to better help others in the same position.

----------


## Maria92

> Wait, you have boobs? Without hormones/surgery/wizardry? This is mildly surprising.



Hehehe they're not very big at all. 





> You have bigger tits than your sister? She must envy you!



She doesn't know.  ::D:  I haven't gone topless in years. 





> Its a shame that you must live with not only being born with the wrong hardware but live in a world in which so many people have a narrow and fixed view of everything around them. 
> I don't agree with modern psychology and its attempts to make a label for everything and how things that are complicated and beyond our grasp into the elementary.
> I am sorry only that modern medicine can only go so far as to correct your predicament.
> I agree with an earlier post which I'm not gonna quote that I believe it would be amazing to get to live 100 percent as the opposite gender.
> Given that I am a married straight man and love my current (for the lack of a more abstract term) stereotypical gender role as the man o da house and provider/protector.
> I do enjoy being a man though I feel part of me is female.
> Maybe cause all fetuses are original female?
> I'm not an expert on the subject. Don't know what term to use as to what part o me it is that doesn't match.
> After talking to others and reading certain things I find that I enjoy to act as man, and have straight sex but think in a more feminine perspective.
> ...



There's a whole fun range of genders, and people who are gender-fluid or gender-curious. It's a bit like the Kinsey Scale, with a wide range between male and female.  :smiley:

----------


## Original Poster

> There's a whole fun range of genders, and people who are gender-fluid or gender-curious. It's a bit like the Kinsey Scale, with a wide range between male and female.



And here I thought you said you didn't like Buddhism

----------


## Maria92

> And here I thought you said you didn't like Buddhism



Nyan? It's more of an issue of binary thinking, not of religion. Granted, Christianity is infamous for it, but its opposite isn't Buddhism.

----------


## Darkmatters

I think the point was - Christianity teaches Opposites - Buddhism teaches transcending the whole idea of opposites.

----------


## Original Poster

I was talking about Buddhism, how did this end up a religious discussion?

Nah but yeah, what dark said. The philosophy you were promoting was very Buddhist.

----------


## Maria92

> I was talking about Buddhism, how did this end up a religious discussion?
> 
> Nah but yeah, what dark said. The philosophy you were promoting was very Buddhist.



Well, not just Buddhist. Before the Inquisition, non-binary thinking was prevalent. The Romans and the Greeks did it, as did the Philippians and the Indians. Some cultures still think in such a manner (Thailand is remarkably good at it in regards to gender identity). It isn't so much about transcending gender as it is finding your place...what makes you most comfortable. Goodness gracious, I couldn't live without opposites! I don't really identify as transgender (I mean yes, that's technically what I am...for the time being...); I identify as female. Not just not-male, but opposite it in many regards.

----------


## Original Poster

I don't like the term opposite. I prefer polarity.

----------


## Morten

One of the biggest stories in Denmark currently is about a 15-year-old boy who underwent a sex change operation. It is debated a lot about he might have been too young to undergo surgery. Do you think that there should be an age limit for sex change surgery or should it be up to the individual and his/her family?

----------


## Marvo

> One of the biggest stories in Denmark currently is about a 15-year-old boy who underwent a sex change operation. It is debated a lot about he might have been too young to undergo surgery. Do you think that there should be an age limit for sex change surgery or should it be up to the individual and his/her family?



Ah, thanks, I just read about this. Honestly, I think there's a possibility you can't be entirely sure of your sexuality before 16-17+, but if you're actually willing to get your breasts removed and take hormones, then there's really no doubt. The earlier people can get on the path, the better things will go for them anyway. I'm not really shocked by Caspian getting operated, and I think it's nice to see both sides of the parliament showing positivity regarding the issue.

----------


## Maria92

> One of the biggest stories in Denmark currently is about a 15-year-old boy who underwent a sex change operation. It is debated a lot about he might have been too young to undergo surgery. Do you think that there should be an age limit for sex change surgery or should it be up to the individual and his/her family?



I know a young lady of 11 undergoing transition. She's attempting to get androgen blockers before puberty hits. I don't see anything wrong with this. The vast majority of transgender people know what they are by the age of 7. Some get it wrong, but for those who show such unwaivering doubt, that's another 7 years of happiness she wouldn't have otherwise had. If she has that lightbulb moment in another 10 or 20 years, that's still two decades of joy she wouldn't have otherwise had. I can't speak for her, but for me, that _potential_ light is too dim and distant to wait for.

----------


## Ilumirath

Ha a fellow Girls Bravo fan

Personaly if there is such a thing as reincarnation and I could choose what gender next time (assuming I would be human) I would choose being a girl for a change. I think both genders have their fun sides.

Also when you start taking hormones do you still have to shave your facial hair for the rest of your life?

----------


## Maria92

> Also when you start taking hormones do you still have to shave your facial hair for the rest of your life?



Nah, there are multiple ways to permanently eliminate facial (as well as body) hair. I'll be using electrolysis to take care of it. Luckily, I've got late-onset facial hair, so it isn't too expensive or complicated.

----------


## Quantiq

> Nah, there are multiple ways to permanently eliminate facial (as well as body) hair. I'll be using electrolysis to take care of it. Luckily, I've got late-onset facial hair, so it isn't too expensive or complicated.



Does electrolysis have good success rates? I know when I'm older I honestly want to undergo that procedure to remove all my body hair except on my face. I know I'm a guy and I don't want to undergo gender reassignment surgery but body hair in unecessary places makes me feel:  ::wtf2::

----------


## Maria92

> Does electrolysis have good success rates? I know when I'm older I honestly want to undergo that procedure to remove all my body hair except on my face. I know I'm a guy and I don't want to undergo gender reassignment surgery but body hair in unecessary places makes me feel:



Hahahahah yeah, it has good success rates. It's been in practice since the late 1800's, and people have it down pretty darn good by now. A really crap doctor can still bjork it up and leave you with some scarring, but a seasoned professional won't have any problems. If you want to remove body hair en masse, you might want to try laser hair removal. It only works on people with light skin and dark hair, but it's usually cheaper and easier than zapping each individual hair follicle. But, you know, don't worry too much about it. A lot of women like some hair on their guys.  :wink2:

----------


## ooflendoodle

So what are you doing right now about being a guy? Also you've only posted here for a while, we want you back in teh conversations!

----------


## Maria92

> So what are you doing right now about being a guy? Also you've only posted here for a while, we want you back in teh conversations!



Well, I'm attempting to acquire hormones. I've already gotten some new clothes with my folks, but I can't exactly wear them yet. 
The rest of the conversations are just sort of......yeah. Religious debate has lost all appeal, I haven't bothered with dreams in months, and off-topic is just sort of awful.  :Sad:  I figured this would be more of an official goodbye once the thread dies.

----------


## ooflendoodle

aww

----------


## stormcrow

Double awww that's depressing. It is also depressing that I'm depressed that a girl I hardly know on the internet is going to stop frequenting the forum I am part of...

----------


## Merck

Will the X and Y chromosomes that you still possess bother you or is it just the psychological and the external appearance you worry about?  Also, do you plan to inform any romantic interests of the way you were born?

----------


## Maria92

> Will the X and Y chromosomes that you still possess bother you or is it just the psychological and the external appearance you worry about?  Also, do you plan to inform any romantic interests of the way you were born?



Nah, the chromosomes don't bother me. It only takes one X chromosome to express the entire set of female characteristics. The Y is the bugger one, but that's going to end up permanently suppressed, so it isn't' an issue. 
As for future love interests, I don't think I will. They'll be women, and the tackle I was born with is sort of irrelevant. It's sort of like getting corrective surgery for webbed feet. As far as I'm concerned, I never was a man. There was just penis-having-time, which will soon pass, and it will be a non-issue.

----------


## ooflendoodle

So have you named your penis?

----------


## Maria92

> So have you named your penis?



Yes. I call it "this fucking thing". As in, "I'm gonna be so much happier when this fucking thing is gone".   ::D:

----------


## tommo

Interesting.  I thought you were Marvo (used to get confused between you two a lot) for a second and was wondering how he would look like as a girl haha

Are you going to post before and after pictures?  Would be very interesting.

Good luck!

Oh wait, I was thinking about this sort of thing the other day actually.... why would you define yourself as gay?
I saw on the first page that you said you are still attracted to women, and therefore lesbian.  But why not straight?  Since technically you are a man.

----------


## Marvo

I may be pretty gay, but I'm not *that* gay.


 :wink2:

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## XeL

I think we're all a little gay! (it's DV after all) :Shades wink:

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## ooflendoodle

lol come on don't be mean to something just because you don't like something, name it.

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## Darkmatters

Heh you could name it Gaddafi and then kill it

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## eldante

> Heh you could name it Gaddafi and then kill it



When one lives by  the sword, exactly what what do you think they die by?

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## Darkmatters

> When one lives by  the sword, exactly what what do you think they die by?



Drone stike drone strike!

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## eldante

> Drone stike drone strike!



A philosophical conundrum, isn't it? Mankind dehumanizing itself?

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## ♥Mark

> "this fucking thing"



teehee

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## Maria92

> Interesting.  I thought you were Marvo (used to get confused between you two a lot) for a second and was wondering how he would look like as a girl haha
> 
> Are you going to post before and after pictures?  Would be very interesting.
> 
> Good luck!
> 
> Oh wait, I was thinking about this sort of thing the other day actually.... why would you define yourself as gay?
> I saw on the first page that you said you are still attracted to women, and therefore lesbian.  But why not straight?  Since technically you are a man.



Ah, I don't think I'll post pictures. At least not before ones. I don't have a camera anyway. 
Yes, I identify as gay, or specifically as a lesbian to avoid any confusion. I'm more of a lipstick lesbian than anything else, and I like it.  ::D: 

Oh good news everyone, I got hormones today! *squeeee*

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## unda

The amount of accepting and broad-minded posts in response to this is really pleasing, unfortunately I have a feeling that the dreamviews community is far more liberal than the public in general. Have you encountered people who you're close to who haven't been supportive, and are there people you are worried about telling?

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## Quantiq

> Oh good news everyone, I got hormones today! *squeeee*



yay!  ::D:  And Good Luck!

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## Maria92

> The amount of accepting and broad-minded posts in response to this is really pleasing, unfortunately I have a feeling that the dreamviews community is far more liberal than the public in general. Have you encountered people who you're close to who haven't been supportive, and are there people you are worried about telling?



I haven't encountered anyone who was just an asshole about it. My last doctor was clearly uncomfortable with it all, but she tried to do the right thing. She just didn't get it. Oh I suppose the campus "preacher" counts. He's just some nutter with a sign that stands around and bellows hate and brimstone to everyone and everything that isn't white christian male evangelical. Otherwise, everyone has been GGG about it. 

I'm not really worried about telling anyone. My extended family is all pretty chill and liberal. Only one set of uncles and cousins is even faintly traditional, and even they stopped going to church recently. And hey, if they can't accept it, fuck 'em.  :wink2:  I only saw them maybe three times my entire life.

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## ooflendoodle

So what effects have the hormones had on your body? Also what is a lipstick lesbian *gulp*?

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## Quantiq

> I haven't encountered anyone who was just an asshole about it. My last doctor was clearly uncomfortable with it all, but she tried to do the right thing. She just didn't get it. Oh I suppose the campus "preacher" counts. He's just some nutter with a sign that stands around and bellows hate and brimstone to everyone and everything that isn't white christian male evangelical. Otherwise, everyone has been GGG about it. 
> 
> I'm not really worried about telling anyone. My extended family is all pretty chill and liberal. Only one set of uncles and cousins is even faintly traditional, and even they stopped going to church recently. And hey, if they can't accept it, fuck 'em.  I only saw them maybe three times my entire life.



That's great news. Especially when your family is very supportive about it.  :smiley: 

Oh, I've always wondered why every campus has that one guy who walks around with a sign that says "everyone is going to hell except me." I swear every campus has one.  ::|:

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## Maria92

> So what effects have the hormones had on your body? Also what is a lipstick lesbian *gulp*?



The hormones take time to work, but so far, my sex drive is way down.  ::D:  I don't know if it will stay there or if it's just in my head, but so far I like it.  ::content:: 





> That's great news. Especially when your family is very supportive about it. 
> 
> Oh, I've always wondered why every campus has that one guy who walks around with a sign that says "everyone is going to hell except me." I swear every campus has one.



Yeah they're everywhere. They're more amusing than anything. I heard him shout out "Don't follow the crowd! Turn to Jesus!" hurr durr. It's fun when some people all come together and sing peaceful songs to him. He gets all worked up when they start singing "Jesus loves us." So damn funny.

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## DeletePlease

> Interesting.  I thought you were Marvo (used to get confused between you two a lot)



Amg, I get them mixed up all the time too.
-----
If not before, after pictures would be much appreciated. 

/anticipation

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## Maria92

> If not before, after pictures would be much appreciated. 
> 
> /anticipation



Hehehe I'll think about it. I go in for SRS in 1 year and 7 months.  ::content::

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## Quantiq

> Yeah they're everywhere. They're more amusing than anything. I heard him shout out "Don't follow the crowd! Turn to Jesus!" hurr durr. It's fun when some people all come together and sing peaceful songs to him. He gets all worked up when they start singing "Jesus loves us." So damn funny.



Haha, that is amazing! I wish people would do that where I'm at.  :tongue2:

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## melanieb

This is a late addition to this thread but I look forward to hearing about how things work out.

I've walked down this road. It's the path less taken.

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## Nhuc

I know how you feel, I to would make a pretty girl, but uhh that aside, congrats and I wish you the best.

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## Spyguy

You probably don't read this anymore, but I'm glad you found your way, and that your environment has been so supportive! I can't even imagine what you must have gone through all these years. You have my full respect  :wink2:  And yeah, nevermind the narrowminded idiots

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## Carrot

*I want to ask a question about transgender!!!*

Why does there seem to be more males changing to females than females changing to males physically?

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## melanieb

I found this: Transgender & Transsexual Issues 101: Are there more trans women than trans men? Part one - National Transgender & Transsexual Issues | Examiner.com

I included links that were imbedded in the story.

*Transgender & Transsexual Issues 101: Are there more trans women than trans men? Part one*

By: Matt Kailey


Frequently asked question: Why do we often see transsexual women (born male, transitioned to female) in the media and in public life, but we rarely see transsexual men (born female, transitioned to male)? Are there more trans women than trans men?

It would appear that way, but the answer is much more complex than appearances.

The American Psychological Association (APA) says, Current estimates of the prevalence of transsexualism are about 1 in 10,000 for biological males [people identified as male at birth] and 1 in 30,000 for biological females [people identified as female at birth]. These are updated numbers, but Professor Lynn Conway has far higher estimates.

One of the problems with statistically identifying transsexual people  both women and men  is that those statistics are reported by professionals in the mental health and medical fields (therapists, physicians, and surgeons) who work with transsexual people and facilitate transition. There is no other way to gather these statistics. The census takers certainly dont ask.

So those people who are counted are those who have sought out therapeutic and medical interventions from professionals who report on such things.

While both the numbers of trans women and trans men are likely underestimated, there are several reasons why trans men might be even more likely to be statistically underrepresented.

1. Because it is far more acceptable in the United States for females to dress in mens clothing and adopt traditionally male or masculine interests, behaviors, and even names, than vice versa, some people who are born female with a male gender identity may be able to live as men or with a masculine gender presentation without therapeutic or medical intervention more easily than those who are born male with a female gender identity.

2. Because of gender and sex inequalities in the U.S. economic system, people who are born female are overrepresented in lower-paying jobs, traditionally female jobs are not valued economically, and, in most occupations, women, in general, still make less than men. Therefore, many of those born female with a male gender identity may lack the financial resources necessary to secure the therapeutic and medical interventions they require. (This is not to say that trans women necessarily have money. Many trans people  both men and women  lack financial resources due to employment laws that do not protect us from being fired or denied employment based on our trans status. And when trans women transition, they lose the "male status" that is associated with higher wages.)

3. Female-to-male genital surgery is far more expensive and extensive than male-to-female genital surgery, so even those trans men who do have financial resources might not have enough to undergo this type of surgery and be counted in surgical statistics.

These are some of the reason why trans men might be statistically underrepresented. In part two, we will talk about visibility in society

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## Wolfwood

> 2. Because of gender and sex inequalities in the U.S. economic system, people who are born female are overrepresented in lower-paying jobs, traditionally “female” jobs are not valued economically, and, in most occupations, women, in general, still make less than men. Therefore, many of those born female with a male gender identity may lack the financial resources necessary to secure the therapeutic and medical interventions they require. (This is not to say that trans women necessarily have money. Many trans people — both men and women — lack financial resources due to employment laws that do not protect us from being fired or denied employment based on our trans status. And when trans women transition, they lose the "male status" that is associated with higher wages.)



If this were true, would it not also be a reason for the contrary? That females would undergo surgery so as to minimise the potential of being paid less?

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## Carrot

Thanks melanieb!

I really have thoughts every now and then whether am I male sometimes.

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## melanieb

I used to work with a woman who was very masculine in her motions and abilities, though she was quite feminine in her appearance, and quite pretty. She admitted to me that she would like to be a man, and I wouldn't be surprised if she were to follow that route.

At the time I was working a second job nights at Home Depot for extra money, and this position allowed her to be quite physical and be as masculine as she wanted without having to make a physical change, and this scenario fits in with the story I posted. It also fits in with not having enough money to make a physical change. Home Depot isn't known for high wages.

If you can identify yourself as masculine...despite others telling you that you are female...well, it's something you just know inside.

You'll know if you are.

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## Carrot

> I used to work with a woman who was very masculine in her motions and abilities, though she was quite feminine in her appearance, and quite pretty. She admitted to me that she would like to be a man, and I wouldn't be surprised if she were to follow that route.
> 
> At the time I was working a second job nights at Home Depot for extra money, and this position allowed her to be quite physical and be as masculine as she wanted without having to make a physical change, and this scenario fits in with the story I posted. It also fits in with not having enough money to make a physical change. Home Depot isn't known for high wages.
> 
> If you can identify yourself as masculine...despite others telling you that you are female...well, it's something you just know inside.
> 
> You'll know if you are.



What do you mean by masculine? Any examples?

Maybe I'm not, it might just be the pressure because I can't be with the girl I like because of my gender.

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## melanieb

Well, we worked at Home Depot, a home improvement store, with building materials and supplies on every shelf. Lumber and plumbing were also a big part of the store.

This woman was maybe 5' 2" and had long, dark hair, but she was as strong as many of the men and worked harder than most. Her work gloves would be on and she'd haul lumber, fencing, paint, all of which was heavy and made a good workout.

Traditionally, building supplies and work related to them would be a role filled by a man because of the larger muscle mass required.

Plus the job was at night, so standards of behavior were very relaxed. Swearing was common, particularly if someone got hurt.

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## Carrot

> Well, we worked at Home Depot, a home improvement store, with building materials and supplies on every shelf. Lumber and plumbing were also a big part of the store.
> 
> This woman was maybe 5' 2" and had long, dark hair, but she was as strong as many of the men and worked harder than most. Her work gloves would be on and she'd haul lumber, fencing, paint, all of which was heavy and made a good workout.
> 
> Traditionally, building supplies and work related to them would be a role filled by a man because of the larger muscle mass required.
> 
> Plus the job was at night, so standards of behavior were very relaxed. Swearing was common, particularly if someone got hurt.



Hmm okay.

I start whining when I have to carry heavy things for too long. Then a close guy friend will offer to help me to carry my backpack.

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## melanieb

Honestly I think that's a perk to being female.

It's nice having guys do things for me or offer help, something not always offered by guys to other guys. Kinda sad, really.

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## Carrot

I shall assume whining is not what a masculine girl will do?

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## Wolfwood

> Honestly I think that's a perk to being female.
> 
> It's nice having guys do things for me or offer help, something not always offered by guys to other guys. Kinda sad, really.



Haha a guy offering another guy physical help would almost seem offensive. Unless the other guy was in the elderly group.

Well, unless the guy clearly couldn't handle the amount of items.

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## ♥Mark

Or so the assumption is.

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## melanieb

> I shall assume whining is not what a masculine girl will do?



Since World War II, this image has shown the strength of women.

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## Carrot

> Since World War II, this image has shown the strength of women.



Damn.

I need something that defines a woman. Lols.

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## Caenis

> If this were true, would it not also be a reason for the contrary? That females would undergo surgery so as to minimise the potential of being paid less?



I'm not sure if most people think like this.  If they did, I can imagine a few issues:
1.  Transmen might not have the capital to fund the surgery.  Even if their financial pay increases after the transition to being male, the increase might not be enough to pay off the $10,000-20,000 required for surgery.
2.  As melanieb's article states, females/women usually have lower paying jobs compared to men as well.  Not only are women being paid less in similar jobs, but many women work jobs which require fewer skills, or the professions they take are underpaid.  Traditionally women's professions can be considered less valuable than men's professions.  Transmen could change professions, but usually that requires a significant time and financial investment.

Even if transmen decided to take on tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt in the hope that their future wages would be enough to pay off said debt, their profession would likely remain unchanged.  Their potential income would increase by an average of $1.25-2.50/hour more as men (assuming they started working for a different company; their original employer wouldn't suddenly change the men's wages after the transition).  Depending on the men's salaries and cost of transition, it could take anywhere from 2 to 10 years to pay off that debt--or longer if they have difficulty managing a budget.

This cost becomes much more overwhelming if you include ailing parents or children to care for, especially if one is a single parent.  These two issues would primarily affect older individuals wishing to transition.


I wonder what transmen/women think about the risk of losing the ability to orgasm.  I have a couple of friends who are transitioning, but that's a rather personal question to ask.

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## melanieb

I orgasm just fine. Honestly, better even, and certainly more frequently.

There is a risk of sensitivity loss after surgery, and this can last anywhere from 6 weeks to forever. These days, because of modern equipment and a lot of knowledge on trans surgery, many surgeons can avoid this loss of sensation, allowing a perfectly healthy sex life to occur. The risk of loss is generally low, and most surgeries are a success. Still, as with any type of surgery, there are always risks.

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## Caenis

I'm glad you haven't had any problems!  I know orgasms aren't necessary for happy relationships, but they're definitely helpful in reducing stress and frustration, as well as for intimacy purposes.  I'm sure the risk is worth it for most/all transfolk, but I imagine it must be very disappointing for those who do lose the ability to orgasm.  =/

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## melanieb

I once changed my medication doses, and I lost sensitivity all over my body. It was unpleasant, and I didn't feel right. I also couldn't find any 'release' and that just wasn't fun.

I stopped taking my medications together and all was well, even with the lower dose.

So many variables...

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## SzuruDusk

I was once dead-set on getting surgery done for Male-to-Female. I cursed my male body. I hated it with a passion.
Since then, I've learned to balance my female and male self a little better...
I don't curse myself or my body... rather I'm happy the way I am. I'm both female and male inside my head.
I still feel awkwardly out of place as if I don't belong to either gender- and it's a little isolating here.
But it's okay. I've accepted the hand I was dealt. 

I would still go through SRS if money wasn't an issue.
And if my body wasn't so horribly masculine. o___o]

It's a horrible thing to go through, not being able to accept yourself... not knowing who you are and how you relate to the rest of the world.
My love goes out to anyone who has to endure this. <3

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## Kevs

Do find social anxiety by the time that your parents doesn't know it yet? you know being gay...

You know what..I like gay I have so many gay friends and hanging out with them was totally fun  :smiley: 
I'm more on gay friends than girls like me  ::D:

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## Carrot

> Do find social anxiety by the time that your parents doesn't know it yet? you know being gay...
> 
> You know what..I like gay I have so many gay friends and hanging out with them was totally fun 
> I'm more on gay friends than girls like me



Transgender has nothing to do with being gay, they just feel they are born in the wrong gender.

In my opinion, I think transgender has more to bear than homosexual.

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## meistersomnius

So, you're actually a woman, but you want to have a cock?

----------


## Spyguy

> So, you're actually a woman, but you want to have a cock?



Well, that is to put it a little too simple, but essentially, yes. Although OP has it the other way around

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## ChrissyMaria

I am saddened that Maria no longer posts here in her thread, I too have finally come to terms with who I am the past few years and most recently made up my mind and before the year ends will be beginning hormone therapy to be the girl I always was inside.

Nice to see others brave enough to have started already, I'm a late bloomer at 28 but better late then never and not miserable and old and a drug addict who never transitioned one day.

----------

