# Sleep and Dreams > Dream Journals > Dream Journal Archive >  >  iarpo's Dream Journal

## iarpo

OK, so I'm new to this site and lucid dreaming in general. I've always been an avid dreamer but didn't know about lucid dreams until seeing Waking Life and now I want in. 

I'm feeling a little rough today so it's all text, but i'll most likely add videos, photos and drawings to some posts in the future. For now, I'm just getting it out of my head.

I'm taking a cue from others in terms of legend:
*[BOLD] is the heading*
[BLUE] is a Lucid Dream (As yet still to happen)
[BLACK] is Non-Lucid
[GREEN] is Non-Dream text.

OK, so my first day working on lucid dreaming went like this:

I found the site and read all the things I should do and so spent the rest of the day drilling myself in reality checks and saying, "I will wake up and remember every dream". I had a pretty bad nights sleep, it was 2am before I started any real sleep. I had a video camera next to me to record things as I woke up (but forgot) and I'd set alarms for 90 minute intervals 4.5 hours into dreaming but managed to wake up a few minutes before each one went off every time. So overall I'm pretty happy with my dream recall tonight, if I have a long dream like that I usually only remember the one, but tonight I know of three even during a poor nights sleep. Although I didn't remember to do one reality check.


*#1*
[I'm not sure what the bulk of the dream was but at the end...] The walls were old grey steel grills about 30 foot high and shaped the room into a circle at leat 70 metres across. The floor was again steel, but a more reactive kind, I didn't lick it but I could already taste it, metallic and very much like blood, the floor had wider holes in the grills, about 10cm suqared, and you knew that underneath was a hole that went hundreds of metres, but darkness meant i could see no further down than 2 metres. The floor sloped into the centre like a shallow cone and from a hole in the middle two electricity pole/pylons were sticking out and had those ceramic disc things on. It felt like Frankensteins laboratory. I saw my cousin in the centre running for the pylons and grabbed them both channelling electricity through him slowly killing him. I know the voltage was insanely high but it didn't kill him instantly, he just kept convulsing while I ran to him. unaffected by the electricity I grabbed him under his arms from behind and tried to pull him off, I'm not sure if I was getting anywhere but I kept trying [End of dream]

*#2*
[I woke up and remembered this but forgot to commit it to memory and now can't remember it - I just remember there was again old metal and old stone]

*#3*
We were with a man called the duke, he had a large old stone medieval residence but he was under siege and we had to flee with all the gold. We knew of a hotel where we could stay and hide out. 

[fragment missing] 

The duke tricked the owner of the room; it cost &#163;9, and each pound coin was a foot in diameter. He pretended to drop his money and dropped &#163;6 on the floor. She scrambled for the money and tried to pick it up. One of her more distinguishing features however was that she had 3 pound coins strapped to her hands, she counted the &#163;6 and then the Duke finished for her counting the &#163;3 attached to her - bringing the total to &#163;9, she had been tricked and said ok - The pound coins attached to her were cellophane wrapped and they unwrapped themselves at his words. Oddly, she had 2 arms but each pound coin was strapped to one hand like snow shoes, so I'm not sure how the third one got in there. 

The sack we'd been carrying the money in had been damaged, but it was rigid and looked like a diagrammatic cross section, so, our room being on the balcony overlooking the reception we turned it so the hole was away from her and she couldn't see our wealth, not sure why we didn't take it into the room. 

[fragment missing] 

There was some kerfuffle outside the room and I heard the duke and one of our group talking frantically in hushed voices; they'd discovered a horde of Gold beneath the hotel. The duke stayed while we went to investigate. There was indeed gold, but it was all attached to a brass Christmas tree like baubles. 

[fragment missing] 

One of our team put a bauble on the Christmas tree and I felt jealous and left out, so I left in search of decoration. It should be noted that the atmosphere was still a city under siege, it felt like we were in the middle of the French revolution trying to keep our heads. I heard of a place where you could find such decorations and I went to find the place 

[fragment missing] 

I was patrolling the playground of my primary school trying to blend in and get to the place. I saw an old classmate, who was now far older than she should be and a teacher. I slipped through the grounds and made it to the place -  a barbers. Two guys in their 30's were outside bickering that it was closed (it was late morning), and the sign had times to come back on various days all very early. They pushed the door open and went in, the room was raised from the street and 3 steep steps led you from the door frame to the room. The barber had a friend who looked sick, he was on the sofa covered in blanket, but as we entered he got out and seemed to grow, or I inhabited the camera as it tracked in on him. He was only wearing his Y-fronts and was about 60. The barber was not happy that we'd disturbed, He was a little younger, mid fifties. The two men asked about the baubles and trinkets, but the barber wasn't happy, he complained about not coming when the sign said, and sarcastically said  heaven forbid they'd drive themselves down at such an ungodly hour as 7am for wonders untold. Wanting to seem like a good guy I piped up and said I'd come back at the given time tomorrow and made to leave. I think the barber berated the other two for not being more like me, but there was something else as well, like reality had shifted at the barbers will, but not quite tangibly. 

I crawled through the hedge into the playground again, dodged my auntie who is actually a teacher at the real school and I began messing around on the walls and railings, trying to impress the kids with my feats of balance 

[fragment missing] 

I descended the cold stone steps, walls of old stone slabs rose up on either side of me. The path took long spirals like a gigantic spiral staircase. The air was a little musty. It felt like an old French castle town, and back in it's hey day this would have been the inner defences of the castle, or a part hidden from would be invaders. It was huge, the path as wide as a road, like the town snaked down, spiralling into the bowels of the earth. I came across the barbers and found a group of 14 year old schoolgirls outside, so I felt pretty uncomfortable hanging around them, I knew they'd start throwing abuse. The barber let us in, me and one other girl approached the counter, the others in the doorway. The babubles were a let down, one was a gold foil santa hat with a golden glass bauble on top for the pompom, I was jealous because she got the red one and I got a dirty yellow one. I felt pretty embarassed thinking about putting THIS on the brass tree [end of dream]

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## iarpo

I was at home, everything seemed fairly normal. There's a scraping on my bedroom door so I go to investigate. I open the door and staring back at me is a huge grinning mouth, attached to the distended face of an old witch looking down at me, her head alone larger than me. She's a long bloated, half insect creature with sickly lavender chitin and pale deathly skin. 

She says she's going to kill me, but she was in no rush. We spoke, I forget the topic, and she eventually fell asleep. A tall slender man with shoulder length blonde hair confidently strode in and told me to get some weapons from the garage - I found a hammer and a 2 foot long chisel. We drive the chisel in through her cheek bone and not unexpectedly she goes bezerk, screaming and cursing threats - we run like mad. She's fast however, her many limbs using the floor and wall to propel her in a flurry. 

Since getting the chisel the house has inexplicably grown to mansion like proportions and we eventually lose her in the maze of corridors, but we're not safe yet. There are maps around the house that show us our location and hers in real time and we figure out a way to lose her, but not after a mad dash for the door with her right on our heels, slobbering through long needle teeth.

We crash out of the doorway to safety, she's somehow bound to the house and cannot leave. Some friends are waiting outside, and as I'm flat hunting at the moment they take me to their place for a viewing. On the way I see an ex house mate with a video camera attached to a steadicam. The camera has an extension tube for the lens about a metre and a half long. Being into cameras I ask him about it and he passes it to me. It weighs a tonne, my knees are slowly giving way and I'm quickly trapped under this deceptively heavy lens - 

he doesn't notice. We finish the conversation and he casually picks up the lens and screws it onto the front of the camera. I hobble off. 

I round the corner to my friends house and have to cut across a park, but this is big enough to be considered moorland. It's desolate and vast, yet well kept and in the centre of town. I know it's dangerous, everything about the place says death. There are tales around the town of floating spectres that suffocate and smother people and leave empty husk corpses [I know that how they kill you feels exactly like when I go into sleep paralysis]. But I have to cross. I run like crazy, sticking close to the wall around the edge of the park. The air itself seems to be moving in around me with malicious intent - it's hard to breath and I feel like I'm on the edge of blacking out when my friend appears out of a concealed door in the wall and yanks me into the house. 

Everyone's casually talking shit in scruffy armchairs and piles of old pizza boxes. There are some guests there who came in through the back door - I wish I'd known about that. 

I sit around for a while chatting, but my chair is really uncomfortable. Under the cushion is a Nintendo Wii, but my friend signals not to mention it until they leave.

After they leave everyone decides to give me a guided tour; there doesn't seem to be a room for me but they show me anyway. First is a little alcove with a curtain pulled across, inside is a bunk bed with a desk underneath and a sexy redhead reading happily. As soon as she opens her mouth there's sexual tension, she tells me about the Wights in the park and that she'll show me how to deal with them.

The second room is a door pasted over with newspaper at the end of an dangerous feeling corridor. The air is electric outside the door. Inside is a bare brick box room covered in wasps, they're depositing honey and larvae on the mortar, thousands of them. a batch of larvae simultaneously mature and hatch in a few seconds, they climb down from the wall and march to the door as a unit, then climb up and leave through a hole. My friend beams with pride, "Isn't it amazing!" Despite the hum and the crawling walls it doesn't feel threatening. 

He points out a second project on a small patch of untouched wall. Tiny embryos are hanging from the mortar, one quickly matures, sprouting fur and I realise it's a tiny bush baby no more than two inches long. It scurries down and to the same place in the door that the wasps left from but it's too big to get out. I pick it up and we go back to the living room. 

After talking to the sexy red head I decide to go back to the park and take on the Wights. All is quiet again and I find the man from the house attacking some of the spectres. 

They're skeletons in ochre and red robes that, having no legs, float about. As he attacks them they seem to be trying to ignore them. He splits one with a sword, it explodes in a beautiful golden light. Time slows down for a few seconds as I watch this. There are two left who have decided ignoring the man isn't working and attack him. He easily dispatches them with the same light explosion and slow motion.

The park feels pretty safe now and I stroll about looking for something to do. I find some sweets and a laptop on the path that I know are mine and sit down to start typing. 

However the sexy red head turns up and suggests we go to a Ceilidh. I see myself and her go inside a red brick building to dance and have sex, but that's all I see and the dream ends.

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## iarpo

*#1*
It was the mid 1800's, I was a conductor on the trains and I'd just arrived new in this town. It was a frosty night and a wave of wood washed through the place; old wooden shaving boxes, signs, bits of people's houses. It all moved through the town, leaving a few bits and pieces scattered about. Me and the other conductor were left dumbfounded in the street. But then the train was coming down the street. We watched it slowly skid down the street, it's big iron wheels on the frost sounded great. Strangely I didn't panic, I just took in the scene; me and the conductor in our navy blue uniforms, stood in a moonlit street, holding onto our peaked hats because we didn't know what else to do with our hands, watching a train slide after the wave of wood. I realised my dream wife was on the train and I probably could have caught up with the train, but I knew she was meant to be going that way.

*#2*
I was a king in a 17th century courtyard, surrounded by wooden slatted buildings. However, someone at the other end of the courtyard was trying to kill me, shooting at me. I ran towards him and pulled out my knife when a bullet whizzed past my head from behind - it was a trap. The shooter behind was a sniper clad in futuristic black armour, his rifle at least a metre long. (It was a Vindicare assassin from Warhammer 40,000: http://es.games-workshop.com/especialista/inquisitor/images/bestiario/vindicare.jpg)



I took out the first shooter, who only had a pistol, and tried to find some cover. The courtyard had railway tracks coming through it and just then a train scooted through, I ran along side it for cover and nipped into the doorway of one of the buildings, loosing the assassin.

It was now present day, though I was still the same king. I ran down a steep grass embankment towards a crowded railway platform when a bullet whipped the grass right by me, a slightly overweight teenager was running at me with a pistol, letting off rounds with little accuracy. It was an acquaintance from secondary school, and I wasn't going to wait for him to find his aim. 

I ran to the end of the platform to a single carriage that was for staff only, the conductor was blocking the door, "If you don't let me on I'm going to be killed!" He shook his head, closed the doors and went to a table of tea and biscuits. But my foot was caught in the door and as it set off I was dragged along until the platform disappeared and I was hanging by my foot. I managed to shake it out and glided backwards perfectly horizontally into the pebbles along the track and slid a fair distance. I thought to myself "If only I could do this in real life" but the thought didn't stick... 

I was back in the dream running like a madman along the track, bullets flying by, until I decided to appeal to him, "Stop! Wait! Don't shoot!" He stopped, the pistol still pointed at me, "Just hear me out" We returned to the platform and sat down on a bench. I told him I hadn't lived yet, I'd spent all my time being a king to the people and that in my past I'd saved his home town from destruction. I'd fallen into disrepute but I'd done good things in the past. He still wasn't sure, but he had a train to catch and marched me onto it. 

It turns out to be the wrong train, when we arrived at the next station it had turned into a coach full people who did medieval re-enactments. We got off outside a pub themed as an old inn and my old art teacher turned up beside us with his loud-mouth wife. Me and my would be killer walked down to the end of the street and saw we were on the coast. It was a really vivid section of the dream, I was standing high above a fishing town, steep steps led down to the dock on my right which wound round to the high street and an undercover train station. The colour of rust was everywhere, but it was beautiful, I could every person with their basket of veg and fish, boats bobbing in their moorings, pebbles on the steps waiting to send you crashing down head first, all of it. 

We heard the art teachers' wife yell at him to stop acting like such a goddamn girl. He was a tall thin man with a scruff of beard, we saw him mince into the pub and clap his hands together at the trinkets and puddings on sale.

*#3*
Two men are racing through the woods. The path takes them into a barn filled with middle aged parents. The barn had two raised stages on either side with people in tweed jackets on them. The racers pushed their way through the parents, the narrator said, "Little did they know it was parents evening..."

They burst out of the barn into a small backwards village straight out of Resident Evil 4, an old Spanish country town in the middle of the forest, it was full of people. They looked around for the finish line. Two sticks stuck up from the mud with a piece of black and yellow chevroned tape across. They have a slow motion finish as they cross the line together to the cheers of the people.

I was in charge of the village and came out to greet them, but they'd carried on running on some never ending race they were having and I missed them. The photographer turned up for the local paper, but with no runners to photograph we just took pictures of girls in the village next to the inflatable dinosaurs. I spent the rest of the dream messing with his camera, I couldn't get it to work, when I looked through the viewfinder I kept seeing myself. I made a girl, an old friend from art college, stand for at least an hour while I fiddled with the lens, and I did so for the remainder of the dream.

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## iarpo

My dream recall's been pretty bad lately; my mind's been elsewhere.

Looking over my dreams I'm fairly sure that I can say RUNNING is a dream sign, or just generally falling/jumping/moving quickly (I'm always bloody running in dreams), as well as A LACK OF PAIN, though I don't know if this will change if I become lucid.

*#1*
I was a female character in a resident evil style computer game set in a large high school. I was pretty badass; running around tearing zombies and monsters in two and leaping down from great heights, I was even aware that this should hurt, but my life bar only went down a little. In the kitchen I beat up a tyrant in the cupboard.

[Fragment missing]

My life bar went down pretty far from an over ambitious jump so I needed to find some health - back to the kitchen. When I was there I got caught in buying a mobile phone from two aliens disguised as Japanese girls. My Dad was there too and we questioned them about the phone until they were bored to tears. Finally we bought one. 

We left the school down the HUGE front steps. There was a cherry red soft top Cadillac abandoned halfway down. I walked over it and we finally reached the bottom.

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## iarpo

I tried to sleep on my back last night but it just didn't work. I also had great difficulty concentrating on my HI. I was following instructions form lucid crossroads but I just couldn't relax. I've had sleep paralysis a few times since my last post. It happens very suddenly and explicitly, but I have trouble maintaining it.  ::help:: 

These dreams aren't very interesting, but for the sake of dream recall:

*#1*
My grandma used to own a newsagents, she's since however retired, and in it's place is a night club and sort of hotel. I met up with people I used to know. But there was something underhanded going on in the place. I spent the dream looking for something out of sorts but stopped when my Dad told me everything was fine and just go to bed. So I went upstairs to my old room, which was now the same dark dusty green colour as the rest of the club, and went to sleep.

*#2*
In a hybridisation of Leeds and London I met up with friends for pizza. the first place we went to was owned by a Turkish friend but the place was closing. He threw me a great wad of pizza as we were leaving. The thing is though there seemed to be drizzles of mayonnaise everywhere.

*#3*
It was night, I was at my childhood home with my sister. She went to the kitchen and I heard her scream. Two of my French friends had broken in and were brandishing those long sharp forks you barbecue with. A guy from school I never liked was outside the living room window, he was trying to sell me videos he'd stolen from next door. 

I'd tried to get the idiot to help but when he realised I wasn't buying he just left. God I was angry, I wanted to pound his thick head into pulp. I charged into the kitchen and vented some of my rage on the two French guys. I dragged my sister out more or less unharmed and started beating on the two. I was covered in cuts from the forks but eventually managed to get one myself and started swinging wildly, slashing them all over. 

I was broken out of my rage when one of them begged me to stop. I looked at the slashes all over me and them, they weren't bleeding. I think I was briefly a very low level of lucid. I knew this didn't make sense and wasn't real, but I didn't quite get to, "I'm dreaming". Just then all the wounds started leaking blood and it was ok again.

We had a stand off for a while, they had to come past me to leave and I was in no mood to let them go. The little one managed to escape, I chased him yelling and swinging but he was too fast. The larger one, who'd always been a nice guy bar tonight, was waiting outside. He said goodbye, I patted him on the back and he got into his mum's car and left. Again I thought this doesn't make sense...and woke up.

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## iarpo

I was just woken up by a phone call from my Mum - I'm now an uncle; My sister gave birth to a baby boy at 7am. It was about my 4th REM cycle but I only remember this one:

In the middle of snowy tundra, is a large mile wide basin that sits on a volcanic fissure, allowing life in this desolate landscape. On it is a town that's famed for it's vice. Some people believe it's an entranceway to hell. All I know is I was there to kill a teacher. 

Myself and my hit team approached the school from the back, a light dusting of snow on the ground. The building looked like a run down cathedral. Bars from within blocks of reinforced concrete were sticking out of the building, our sniper climbed up that way and found a hole in the semi ruined wall. 

The rest of us took a side door, taking out a teacher on patrol. It started to fell like the game Doom.
Through a corridor and round a corner we were beside the inner courtyard we were after. Rubble festooned the floor as we gathered round another hole in the wall, preparing to strike. In the courtyard was a priest and his assembly of choirboys, they were performing a demonic summoning. 

We stormed the courtyard, firstly taking as many of the boys out from range as we could then engaging them in hand to hand combat - they didn't go down easily.

But we were too late and from the wall burst a demon, huge to behold, skin blood red, with weapons grafted onto it. 

We were screwed. It charged us, the choirboys standing smiling. But a piercing gunshot rang out and the demon's head was blown in two - our sniper.

"FUCKING HELL, STOP!!!" yelled the priest irritably. The mood of the situation changed completely. Everyone stopped and looked abashed, as though we were rehearsing a film and had messed up. We were all on the same side now. "That wasn't right. Come on let's do it again."

As soon as he said that me and my team were outside again approaching the building. This time I took the snipers position and sent the men round. I scoped the scene and saw an old colleague from my Saturday job as a teenager. Distractedly I watched the same scene as before play out, I didn't pay much attention for some reason. My colleague called up to me curiously, "What are you doing?" I felt embarrassed and climbed down, god knows what happening inside. "Erm, you know."

We were suddenly in the store where I used to work, WHSmiths, I was in my uniform but wasn't working today. Now this colleague was not how I remember her - she was hot. She was tall with short blonde hair like the girl from the matrix, but with a girl next door demeanour. She wore the uniform very well, and I poorly disguised my lust. She took me for a tour while I stared at her arse. 

On a side note the lighting in the place was fantastic. The filmmaker in me really appreciated that - you couldn't have shot from a bad angle.

She introduced to a younger guy called Minsch."Wow...what an awesome name" I said. "Really? You think?" He said, now straddling a harley with no wheels. Like a stoner I said, "Yeeeeaaah maaaan." He blushed.

Upstairs in the staff room were some school friends getting smashed at a table. I joined them and we decided to go out on the town.

But first I had to cover a shift. A woman and two children turned up with a paper. The till wasn't working though and I had to use a calculator. I kept messing up though, and every time I redid it I'd find another paper stuffed inside the others. The woman was trying to smuggle them. I didn't say anything, I just added it to the bill. Her daughter however embarrassed me by doing the calculations quicker on her own - the bitch, I could have floored her. I left to join my friends.

My recollection's a bit hazy but We ended up in a bar that was a fusion between a medieval courtyard and an industrial nightclub. Tall ceilings with wooden beams were washed factory grey and lit with a subtle green side lighting. The tables were huge and rough hewn from "industrial trees" - trees with attitude. 

We went upstairs to the Inn and found our rooms with the same d&#233;cor as the club. It was amazing. [One thing about this dream that amazes me is how wonderful the locations were - they looked stunning]

[fragment missing] 

I was an expat merchant who specialised in the gems trade - those with scruples need not apply. In NE Cambodia, up the Meh Kong river, is a town called Pailin. It's occupied by the Khmer Rouge, a communist army that butchered thousands. They ran Pailin and were a law unto themselves, as I said, those with scruples need not apply, which was lucky in my case since I was not adorned with such a frivolous luxury. 

I was in a run down bar that felt like Mos Eisley Canteena; subdued lighting from little lamps at everyone's table gave a wonderfully seedy atmosphere. I imagined they had Tom Waits chained up in the back. I was talking to an Israeli businessman who worked in media. We ended up talking about his brother who was a TV producer.

His brother was hot stuff in the Israeli TV industry, and as such, everybody wanted his attention. His attention was normally given to aspiring actresses eager for their big break; young, voluptuous and naive - just how he liked them. Of course he was knee deep in women daily. He had a very strange ritual before he "auditioned" them. In his chamber the flooring was made up of sections, like Japanese tatami mats, but each section was a playing card. He'd sit on one of these spaces and.....

This is when I got the call I was an uncle. I've had about 6 hours sleep so i might yet go back to bed, maybe try a WILD

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## iarpo

Raaargh! Woken up again by a phone call.
In this dream I should have picked up on my dream sign of being chased.

The whole things a bit hazy but there's a man who can inhabit an inanimate items "Multidimensional potential". It's unknown if he inhabits them at a molecular scale or in a rift between dimensions, but he's able to use them like lucid dream playgrounds, manipulating matter at will, etc, but all within something as innocuous as a tennis ball for example. 

One thing about him though is he's wildly depressed and spiralling on a self destructive mindstate, and being able to control these dimensional spaces he's hidden somewhere creating his own hell. And for a long time I watched him tearing him self apart in these dimensions, articulating his anger and hurt into tearing waves and crushing sarcophagi that tormented him.

The lead in the dream is a vital young woman who has a romantic connection with the man and wants to help him. She sits with an older woman who is aware of and versed in "multidimensional potential". she explains the procedure to the girl and it begins. 

We don't see the process but the girl if now inhabiting a south park doll (though not a real south park character). The guide tells her to work with the benign energy of the doll and not to stray into darker potential. The thing about this doll's character is that when it gets angry it transforms into an axe wielding maniac. The doll starts shaking and the older woman warns the girl to remain calm and not get caught up in it, to remain in control. But doll, about 8 inches tall transforms into a man, 5'10", stocky with a dark bruise purple top and black trousers. His face is a mess of scar tissue and he has no features left except a gaping mouth. He jumps onto the window ledge and escapes.

Round the corner from my old house the madman runs frothing, looking for someone to maim. He finds me. I jump/fall out of the kitchen window and run for my life. There's a new family moved in nearby and they're all outside with their 3 children. I yell at them to run and they follow me. 

As we run we notice the madman's not very fast and we easily outpace him, though I get impression he has unlimited stamina and would chase us to our grave. On this bombshell I go to the shop to buy some sweets, and resume my running, leaving the family at the barbers. 

I come to a new bus station, and yell frantically for the bus that drives up and around to behind where the madman is. For some reason, if I lap the madman he can't hurt me. I find a jovial man who points it out to me and suddenly an old friend turns up. He's going out for a night on the town. I laugh, not knowing what day or time it is, "Hey, I just woke up and it's dark. For all I know it's morning or evening." We laugh like news anchors and slap each other's backs...it's daytime, but we're laughing at how ill-informed I am. "Hah Hah Hah Haaaaa."

We get on the bus and there's an announcement, but what is it? It's like, well it's kind of similar to...the phone.

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## iarpo

I moved house recently and I've had a lot of other stuff on so my recall is pretty bad right now. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of it again.

*#1*
I was in the college store room with my tutor, Amber. We were splitting open wooden packing crates, each one filled with old ornate plates from 16th century Japan.
Amber, "these plates are so good you could get like 10 women to have sex with you"
Me, "these plates are so good you get a whole goddamn country to have sex with you"

- That's it.

*#2* 
I was an Imperial Guardsman [Kind of like Starship Troopers]. I was mid ranking, I was no green horn but by no means a veteran either. We'd been on this planet about 4 months; the sky was filled with grey and purple swirling clouds, like ink in water. We'd been fighting a rebel contingent that had set up on the planet. 

My platoon was defending a manor atop a hill. The enemies' artillery had breached the rear of the house and the troops were scaling the hill coming towards us. We set up firing positions in the rubble and plaster, bits of wallpaper flapping in the breeze. They had little cover; bare twisted trees that easily splintered under fire. 

We took most of them out and pushed out of the house after them. The air was heavy with the distinctive feeling of a summer thunder storm. We reached their barracks, it was huge; heavy steel checker plate floors held with driven piles. Tall walls with an inner gantry, enough for hundreds of soldiers to set up a firing platform. The place was deserted however. Around some of the walls there were 10 metre tall canvasses. each had the face of a different animal, gorillas, giraffes, cats, dogs, but upon closer inspection we noticed they were made out of human skin; different hues intricately cut and stitched together.

We were attacked by four warped humans; they had pale grey skin, wore black leather and had prolific scarring that seemed intentional. They reminded me of the Synabites from Hellraiser. each one had a distinctive character and fighting style. 

As each one attacked us they would taunt us, talking of our death. The first was a lithe woman, spinning wicked blades and disembowelling soldiers left and right. The weird thing was that when they died their bodies burnt up and in the ash was polaroid of them in their death throes. One didn't feel like they were truly dead, the polaroids had an energy to them.

The second and third were dispatched and the fourth and final appeared, a burly clown type character, but still completely grey skin covered in piercings, on a motorbike that was covered in spines and blades. Our sergeant jumped onto a motorbike and grabbed a bottle of whisky. 

He drove to lead him away from us, the clown chased. The sergeant would slow down and take a swig of whisky, the clown pulling his arms back for a killing blow. But the sergeant flipped his lighter and blew burning whisky into clown's face. They repeated this cat and mouse chase about 5 times, until the clown eventually died, consumed in fire until his polaroid lay in ash. 

We knew we were safe now; that had been the boss battle.

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## iarpo

Myself and Randy (from My Name Is Earl) were sat in a convenience store hiding behind the shelves. We were about 17 and staring at a girl, we were supposed to be getting buff to win her over. I decided screw this, I'm having Yazoo (milkshake). I stomped up to the fridge grabbed the yazoo and downed it in one, apparently trying to impress her. that didn't last long though, I ran back to Randy - I did not feel good. He asked if I was ok and I vomited gallons of strawberry milkshake, it spread across the shop floor like lava. He tried to get me up but I groaned at him to leave me alone, lying in the expanding milkshake puddle. 

I managed to get up and get it off me and go investigate what she was doing. She was reading the magazines about sex, about generally how maladjusted people are when it comes to sex. The shop had a huge selection of magazines, each one had a comic illustration on the front with advice or wishes; "Don't be shy" said a bee holding apart two huge labia of it's partner, "shallow or deep?" pondered a squirrel, deep in another squirrel, "Ever tried stopping to ask?" complained a bored looking woman, and so on. There were a lot. 

"Why do you think people are so weird about sex?" she suddenly asked me. 
"Who knows, sex isn't alchemy" I said trying to think of something witty to say. 
"You seem fairly normal at least", 
"Sexually well adjusted you mean?", 
"Yeah. I don't think people have been sexually well adjusted since the 1920s." she said. 
"Why do you think we have collectibles?". 
She laughed, "Ah collectibles; haven of the sexually maladjusted."

----------


## iarpo

It was 1860 and I was 13, the village was full of rain, the old wooden shacks didn't keep a drop of it out. Rivulets poured through the wall as I hid in the dirt and straw of the outhouse churning it to mud as I squirmed with panic. Most of the adults in town had started vanishing over the past few days. Thunder cracked in the dark and rain beat a deafening drum roll on the roof. I looked through the gaps in the wood and saw my friend Liam running through the mud towards me. He burst in panting and sealed the door with a plank. He was a two years younger than me and terrified. He had to yell above the weather, "What do we do?!" I shook my head. There was nothing we could do, we were the only one's left. There was no way we could survive against IT. Suddenly we heard IT coming for us, it sounded like a train crash. We ran through a door to the next building and heard where we'd just been hiding get torn to pieces, we kept running, we were crying in the rain, being chased by IT, we couldn't win. How could we as little kids win against IT. So we ran, we slammed another door behind us but we were too slow. The door splintered into a thousand pieces throwing me against the wall. I screamed and grabbed for Liam in the darkness, I got his hand and we clung together, the sound deafening. He was ripped from my arms, his screaming ringing in my ears and all went black. The noise, the rain, thunder and wooden shacks meeting in a crescendo with me at the centre.


The village had been rebuilt. Thatched houses clustered around it's multiple churches. It had been 11 years since I was last here. I'd since become successful in the city, I was a respected man, betrothed even. 
The village had become a pilgrimage spot in the years since my childhood, zealots and preachers preached righteousness and salvation. Flagellants were not an uncommon sight. 

The head of the village came personally to greet me. she was a thin lipped woman, stern and cold with practised control. She wore a puritan dress and apron and had her hair tied in a bun. She had malign smile and was mockingly polite to me. She showed me round, most of the original village having been destroyed years ago. She would occasionally question me about the past, subtly trying to catch me out. 

Just off the central square a large table had been prepared, seated round which were village dignitaries, all looking me over with hungry eyes. The chef served up a blackened slab of meat, I didn't know what creature it once was. He flashed me a grin of yellow and black teeth and mockingly said, "Enjoy this, humble meal...sir" He roared with laughter and spat on the ground. I didn't let it phase me and ate as though all was normal. 

Eating the filth he'd prepared for me the people around the table began to question me, "It's, interesting, to have you back here. It must be peculiar for you, especially after what happened to the village. But God's will is just." she sneered. "In fact there was one particular boy in the village, Liam I think the boy was called, whose story was most horrific," Her eyes flashed, "Tell me, did you know this Liam?" She knows I knew him, they all know, but she also knows I'm a powerful man these days; she can't be blunt with me.

The dream continued with a couple of flashback and I woke up. I especially liked the narrative structure, I as a dreamer was the audience and didn't know what had happened to Liam, all that I wrote was all all that was revealed to me.

----------


## iarpo

I was trying for some nightmares last night but it didn't happen. I'm wanting to see if lucidity is more likely in a nightmare than a normal dream. I may have to crack out the big guns and go to bed with the Silent Hill soundtrack playing. These dreams weren't very vivid 

*#1*

[fragment missing]

I was walking down the high street at night, I looked pretty suspicious. 
When I reached the bank I pulled out a lock pick and let myself in the front door. when I was in my friend entered behind me and asked what the hell I was doing?
I was angry with the bank and wanted a statement so I printed one off for myself and that was it. We left, it was morning and the workers were coming to open up. My rucksack wasn't closed properly though and everything  fell out. one of the workers helped me pick it up. I was sweating like crazy that she might see what it all was but thankfully she didn't. 

Oddly, a human Abe Simpson, my grandad, decided he'd do the same thing; he broke into the bank but this time he left a stern letter behind the counter.
When he left the shop he was a wanted man on the run from the police. He bought an old red Cadillac and drove out to a friends place.
the police were already at the place where he was going, they were questioning a friends' wife about, satisfied she knew nothing they left.

He arrived at a huge house near new Mexico, it was a run down villa, just like the owner, a worn out old 'Nam journalist who'd done too many drugs.
They had numerous friends around, and even decided that a few of them should get married. At this point I wasn't part of the dream but I questioned if this was real and most of the dream characters said that they were just having a good time as it WAS  a dream, "Just relax man." Again lucidity didn't really kick in, I just knew it was a dream.

The marriage took place in the street, once finished the writer proclaimed it to be a sham, for how could he love this woman when he's just realised he love's pale RPG girls. He was suddenly wearing a loincloth, and dream pretty much disintegrated.

I was presented with an option screen superimposed over a diagram of the earth. On it were options for the next dream, again I knew it was a dream but I didn't become lucid enough to control my actions, I was just aware of it. I went for the hunting option as I'm usually the one being hunted I thought it'd be nice to have a dream where the tables are turned. 

I arrived in the deep jungle, the sky a deep red sunset, Incan ruins visible on the horizon. I had an odd knife; two blades twisting together to a point. I set off for some hunting when suddenly a grey brown gorilla burst out of a bush and ran towards me with a similar knife, "This isn't fair, I thought I was hunting, it's my dream after all" and I woke up.

*#2*
In my old house were two girls. An 11 year old Cinderella was in my old room and her older 24 year old sister, who was nice, was cooking. They were getting ready too go and woo prince charming. I don't remember much of this but there was a lot of chit chat.

[fragment missing]

I was sat in the back of the car in my tennis outfit, I was 11 and my mum was driving. We were on our way to china, to Pyong Yang to play Ping Pong (I don't think Pyong Yang's in china, and it wasn't China anyway - it was my home town in Yorkshire.

My dream little brother was next to me, he was 7. Together we made a pretty bad ass ping pong team, we were internationally known as the ping pong brothers.

My little brother couldn't get his lunch open, it was a small brown box wrapped in cellophane, I took off the cellophane and let him hold it until we stopped and got out. Outside I pulled out my machete and chopped a little opening like a coconut, "Don't you want the coconut juice?" I asked him, "That's not coconut juice" he complained and walked off. I tried it, it was Tiramasu juice, so i slurped it out of the little box coconut thing.

I was to the bus station and saw a huge billboard for "Crotas Tea" (Croatian Tea). It had a picture of a  greying middle age man wit a heavy jaw line. The Crotas tea was one in a series of teas from around the world.

*#3*

We were all animals in humanoid form, essentially furries I guess. But that was by the by, the real issue was that Britain was sinking. I was a rabbit and my human grandma asked me to do something. I ran around for a while, often getting distracted until Britain sank into the water. 

In a boat my grandma was sat in a wheelchair with her friends and complained that I should try again.

This time I was a duck man and I knew something the rabbit didn't; that Britain was made out of mint chocolate. I looked at a map of Britain and tapped at the Scottish border, which turned into chocolate and floated away to safety. This time I tried the Welsh border, forewarning people to hop on. It broke off and we sailed away, occasionally chewing on the chocolate. My grandma again pulled up in a rowing boat, "Not bad." she said, and handed me a newspaper. on the cover was the headline, "WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS HOODED DUCK?" it was me with a black Luchadore mask looking heroic.

----------


## iarpo

Recently I haven't been keeping up with my dream journal too well, though that said, I've had quite a few that aren't suitable for here. 

I've also been trying to give myself nightmares for the last week, but no success. So I'm giving up on that for now. I want to take my lucidity to the next level; I'm very frequently aware that I'm dreaming nowadays, but in a disembodied way. There will be the dream playing out, but there's also a second me aware I'm dreaming, but as though he's sat somewhere out of sight, watching behind soundproof glass. I don't know how to take this awareness and become lucid enough to affect my dreams. If ever it breaches into my dream self, no matter how slightly, the dream usually disintegrates and gets weird, as though now I know it's a dream it has an excuse to stop making sense.


*#1*

I had ANOTHER Warhammer dream. I never realised i dreamt about them so often. I was leading a Chaos Space Marine army against a rival Chaos Army. We clashed on many different battlefields over the course of many years. We never really bested each other. One thing though was a familiar dream occurrence, when I tried to run it felt as though I was underwater and couldn't really get any speed up. 


*#2 (All with the disembodied awareness I was dreaming)*

I was the new guy on the job. In a dark wooden out-building the rest of the crew sat on wooden crates playing cards. I shuffled my feet, unsure what to do with myself. They teased me a little and showed me the hot tub. The hot tub was a 5 foot tall packing crate in the corner. in the wall just above it was a large cat flap so you could flop onto the ground outside when you were done.

Their boss came in and told them to stop teasing, after all, I had an opportunity to prove myself first. He was a wiry Thai, with tanned skin from years in the sun, he was pretty tall though. He indicated I should get into the tub. The water was ice cold and up to my chin, they laughed as I gasped my way into it. But I steeled myself and took it with a grin. The boss said I should just stay put for a while. 

It got quite comfortable actually, or rather, my body had gone numb. I flopped outside occasionally and splooshed back in dramatically. I even remember pretend humping the side of it, "Yeah, this is easy."

The boss Told me to start the second phase. A mattress came up from beneath the surface and I struggled on top of it until I was comfortably cross legged on the floating mattress. He then told me to look at the tattoos, I pulled up my trouser leg and found some tattoos I never had before. The one he indicated was a human face, very simply drawn: Oval head, line mouth, spiky hair and big black inky eyes. As he began to explain....I woke up.

----------


## iarpo

At my grandma's old house, a friend was testing a spider's strike response time, I believe it was in the name of science but it involved tempting and taunting the spider with two pieces of hay; one to it's left and one to it's right. the spider was called something like a Mandst spider, not sure if it exists. This went on for a while with the spider striking at each one as it came closer but my friend got distracted and the spider sunk it's fangs into his leg. Oddly it's pedipalps had little feet hand things that steadied itself on my friends leg like a hungry vampire.

I knew it's fangs were huge because as he pulled away the spider was dragged with him. so he had to stop and give it a second to pull it's fangs out of his leg. 

For some reason I had a folder full of pictures of the accident as soon as it happened, in the style of crime scene pictures.

We had to get him to a doctors, but first however, we had to have tea; it was nearly finished and a shame to waste it. So while he sat around upstairs I went to see my mum at the cooker. I spent a long time nibbling at some boiled eggs in a pan, trying to remove the yolks with a spoon.

with tea apparently done the two of us left for the doctors. It was night and the street lights were on, but everything seemed over-illuminated. On the way we stopped at college and met a friend; we talked crap in the studio for a while, musing over my friend's imminently fatal wound. 

We acquired some stickers that played short videos of a Feeder song (The one with the line, "We'll buy a house in Devon, We'll drink cider from a lemon-lemon-lemon..." and we secretly stuck one to a door frame - our small act of vandalism. 

We set off again, stopping at a shop for no good reason and buying nothing. We just shot the breeze with the owner.

Although we were headed to the doctors, we kept getting side tracked. We ended up in tacky tourist arcade in Brooklyn, raised from the street and illuminated with tat, things like backlit plastic portraits of Jesus and soaring golden eagles.

We eventually reached the doctors who shouted at us for having tea first and not coming straight here - the spider's deadly. But it didn't last long and we were soon talking crap as we had done with everyone else. Everyone in the world seemed like friends from college.

----------


## iarpo

I apologise for the very matter of fact descriptions, lately my dreams haven't really been pushing my buttons.

Me and friend were minding my (dream) mother's mansion, but very quickly people were trying to break in and we ended up running round most of the house swinging baseball bats and chasing people off. Oddly she was downstairs calmly making snacks the whole time.

In the basement was the Sainsbury's supermarket warehouse where I used to work, but slightly changed and I recognised it as a location from a dream I had about 6 months ago (last they had security cages guarding the cream cakes and guards with candy machine guns. I was tricked somehow by an old friend, though I don't remember how, and when she ended up growing legs like a Dali elephant I simply pushed her over, sending her crashing into the fruit and veg.

I went to the house next door, where my father, Baron Münchhausen, was sitting in an old wooden waiting room on worn red leather chairs. there was a sort of auction going on, from what I remember he had the essence of his nine previous wives in an old suitcase, and the auction was to determine who he went on holiday with. 

I went elsewhere until the auction was concluded. I had a peep-hole view of a king and queen eating fried spam, a ludicrously long part of the dream was the queen struggling to cut the spam properly.

Things had been concluded where my dad was and he told me to get my things; the dirigible was waiting. But first I needed some sweets, a long story short; there was a huge brouhaha over a sweety mix up.

----------


## iarpo

In a supermarket car park in Calais, France, myself and my grandfather were trying to fix the spectrometer, a little hand-held device for measuring chemical components in a given sample. However we couldn't.

Back home we were sat in the pool when our family brought us the traditional meal for today's celebrations, whatever that celebration was. The first course was whole boiled baby sea turtle as big as my hand, served to us in little dishes while we were still in the pool. The turtle was entirely a creamy grey colour, like a sample in a jar. I turned it onto it's back. It was incredibly detailed, I could feel perfectly little spines on it's fins and shell, as small as needles. (Part of me, the disembodied part previously mentioned was amazed at the level of detail and vividness of this dream.) I pulled the bottom of it's shell off to reveal it's innards. Everything was there as it should be, except the heart was on the opposite side to real life. Delicately I removed the covering membrane and began to take the organs out.

While eating I discovered that there was a miniature spectrometer inside the shell. I gave it to my granddad and and he went to find the bigger spectrometer. But the turtle had more surprises. It's shell was made up of many many tiny pieces, each like hand carved ivory, there was even a little face of a woman. What's more, it was collapsible and folded intricately into a small disc, each piece manoeuvred over each other like a camera aperture. I spent some time studying it carefully, I'm sure I saw an ivory monopoly piece in there. I then went upstairs to get some water.

We lived in a huge complex that I somehow got the impression was Mafia owned, and that further, I was family. Upstairs in the communal pool, the older heads of the family were taking an aqua aerobics lesson which I had to interrupt to pass, they weren't happy. I filled up my bottle with ice cold water and emerged again to their angry stares.

----------


## iarpo

I was at the market with my girlfriend. It was a wonderful place, as tall as a stadium, but the lights were turned off and everything was lit by the bazaar of vendors so that the place looked like it lit with fairy lights. 

We went to the bar, the owner was a midget with a bar far too big for him, when you talked to him he looked like he was trapped in a hole. We ordered drinks and ice cream. The drinks were shit and the ice cream was just syrup. I wasn't taking this shit, I'm not paying for this. What are you trying to pull?
You ordered drinks, I gave you drinks, you pay.
Try getting us some real drinks. Again he gave us terrible drinks. That's it, I'm not paying for this crap. He jumped up and tried to snatch at my money, but failed. 

We left and to be frank my girlfriend couldn't get enough of me after I'd put my foot down.

----------


## iarpo

*#1*
In the first dream I was a family of Spanish immigrants trying to get home. We had a lovely house on the hill, light and airy with plants all around. Somehow we'd ended up in the middle of the countryside and were trying to get home. People were after us so we climbed onto a train, trying to avoid the conductors who were part of the group after us as well. This fell apart running around a train. 


*#2*
I was working as a special kind of temp, people hired me to do jobs they didn't want to do but had to. So because of this my consciousness left my body and entered today's assignment. 

I found myself sat on a horse at a derby. I was inside the body body of a jockey who I supposed was jaded with racing. One thing they'd taken for granted though was although the jockey could ride, I couldn't. The first ace took place through a forest with a seemingly random track, apparently we entered the forest ran about wildly and left. I tried a few ways to steer the horse, waving a hand on the side of it's head that I wanted it to turn, whispering to it, flicking it's ears. It didn't seem to have a bridle but I managed after a fashion. This was an incredibly vivid dream, I loved the horse and patted it backside to make it go forward or carefully dig my feet in to slow it down – I  didn't want to hurt the poor thing. There wasn't a huge amount of detail, but everything felt very very real, and in that much I loved hanging onto the horse and grew very attached to it very quickly.

Halfway through the race, swerving between trees and up hills, I came across an odd sight. Two horses were having sex, I think the riders may still have been on them. One horse was crouching on all fours giving head to another horse straddling it's shoulders from the front. It was rather ungainly and eye wateringly graphic. I decided to pretend I hadn't seen it and got out of there as quickly as I could. But as I turned we slipped down an embankment and landed face to face with a huge shaggy sleeping bear. It'd make short work of me if it was awake, so quietly me and my faithful steed rode off and emerged from the woods. 

We reconvened in a big field south west of the forest and proceeded south for the next race, again through another forest but less dense and along a path. I had great fun trying to get the horse to move where I wanted, and although we were essentially last I still kept pace with other riders. 

I loved the horse by this point, it was a gentle creature, all white and with a soft spot for being scratched. It knew I wasn't really the rider but it treated me well and by God I could have ridden off into the sunset with it.

The forest course took us in a big circle and we were in the field again, but the work wasn't over. We had to now show spectators and tourists around the track. I had a chat with an old lady who reiterated my point about the agency forgetting to ask if I could ride. I led the old woman and a small group into the woods (me on the horse, them on foot). Down the first steep hill we saw a group ahead of us running screaming who cowered behind us. At the bottom of the hill there was an area of darkness, and an angry growling and gnashing of teeth. The darkness shrouded the creature, but I could make out the edges of it's features. It was a sort of Lion, standing on it's hind legs, muscular and with arms like a bear. It looked at me with an intelligence and malice and I led the charge...in the opposite direction. 

I gathered my wits and remembered my place, I was the one on the horse and I was leading these people. I steeled myself and went back. The creature was no where to be seen. No-one followed so me and the horse went deeper into the forest. 

We came to a set of double doors, inside was a waiting room with two wise sages. The sages beckoned me in. As I entered the horses legs gave way, they seemed to have withered off, so still in the saddle I put my feet on the ground and carried the poor thing forward in a sort of waddle. Eventually I realised the horses legs had turned into flipper type appendages and carefully lifted my legs. We bobbed a little but found a natural buoyancy as though under water, the horse continued, gracefully using it flippers to propel us forward. We went deeper into what turned out to be an infirmary. 

A child and my sister were being held captive. I found them quickly but they had to pretend they weren't captives, as though if the doctors and patients became aware of everything they'd kill us.  They discreetly signalled to me how to rescue them and the dream disintegrated into complex diagrams and maps and computer code.

----------


## iarpo

In the darkened forest the snow was thick on the ground. A good four inches at least, which came up to Jeremiah's waist. Jeremiah was a squirrel, he was travelling with his parents to find shelter from the winter cold. 

As they trudged through the snow they came upon another group of animals unfamiliar to Jeremiah, the were rabbits. They travelled quicker than the squirrel, their big feet acting as snow shoes. They passed, saying little and crossed the tiny stream away from Jeremiah. A small creature came flying past, no bigger than one centimetre. Jeremiah asked his parents what it was, they didn't know. He investigated and found it to be a tiny baby rabbit using it's ears to fly. It laughed in his face and followed the others.

The squirrels continued unaware of another group passing them by. It was the moths. Three of them, Rose and her parents. Rose had been sentenced to prison many years ago and only now found herself free, though it didn't seem very free to her, this cold was going to be the death of them. 

They holed up inside a pan with old mouldy carrots in. “Well don't we look tasty” came a voice from outside, “yes, yes, very tasty.” It was a wallaby, it clawed at the lid to get to the carrots. He sent it clattering off and the moths fled. As the wallaby's claws grasped hungrily at foetid carrots we see a small body in the water, it's Rose's mother, trapped and drowned. Her small brown body wrapped in her water soaked wings. 

The wallaby was a wretched example of his kind. An old cap on his head smelt like fish and he slowly chewed the mouldy carrots thinking of young na&#239;ve wallabies he could deflower. He searched the area and found a picture of a young beautiful wallaby he recognised, it was a picture of his younger brother's girlfriend. His brother had gone missing in the night a few months ago, he didn't know what had happened to him. In truth his younger brother, Jack, had fled his disgusting brother in the night. The wallaby continued chewing in the moonlight.

Whenever Rose's mother went missing her father as usual said nothing, which made this the 17th time her mother had died. Rose was now 20 years into her prison term. She was 28 and the year was 2006.

----------


## iarpo

Sketchy recall

I was a Malaysian under cover agent. My job was to infiltrate a flight crew and usurp the co-pilots place. After a mission in which my flying saved the day my secret was revealed but by this time we had a common cause. 

We ran to a train, hopped on and suddenly the doors closed behind us. To add to that it was the wrong train, we were headed straight to Belfast where we'd be burned and stabbed. We made plans to jump off, but not before drinks were liberally dispersed throughout the train. I finished my bottle and stepped off what was now a van with 6 people, and went home to bed.

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## iarpo

I walked into a warehouse with a group of around 12 Japanese people in the centre. They were surrounding a scared looking girl in her 20s. Their leader was a man in mid thirties wearing traditional black and white robes who exuded power. He grabbed the girl, I was now seeing from her point of view, his nails were an inch long, hard and sharp, he struck me in the stomach, hand flat like a spear, half burying his hand in me. I stood swaying, surrounded by a ring of 8 people with two metre long swords. They pulled back and swung at me at once from different angles – everything flashed white before I was shredded.

In an odd gathering a group of young Japanese were sat on the floor drinking juice and chatting. An old friend from primary school turned up next to me but she didn't recognise me, I had fun teasing and flirting with her before revealing myself. I was drinking an extraordinary amount of the juice and was beginning to feel drunk, strange given that it was only juice. I watched myself as a Japanese guy looking wrecked. My friend told me to pull myself together; there's girls watching. I tucked in my shirt and tried to straighten my hair but started babbling for more drink. My friend was getting worried about what was going on. She looked across the room and saw some servers giving black liquid to someone as wrecked as me. The oily liquid spilled all over his face as he gulped it down. Then it dawned on her that this was a cult trying to recruit young people, those who didn't comply were disposed of. I was falling under their sway and yelled for some of the black drink, my friend wrestled me not to drink any, but she was easily overpowered by the servers. They laughed as I swallowed all the liquid, my friend shouting.

A blurry image of a woman stood over my friend started to come into focus, she'd been knocked unconscious and I was nowhere to be seen. “This one's still moving” said the server, disdain in her eyes. The man in the robes walked into my view (from the friend's point of view), lifting me roughly, sneering at me he pulled his hand back, I (now my friend) realised things had come full circle as he thrust his hand into my gut, it was truly terrifying. 

Already as good as dead I was stood in the middle of the circle, all 8 with their swords ready. As they pulled backwards to strike I saw the previously drunken me being led into a door at the other end of the warehouse. As I started to yell the first syllable the swords struck. I watched in bullet time slow motion as I was diced; first I was split horizontally in the waist, my arms outstretched and my legs sent falling away from me, then diagonally across my chest, then at the knees, on and on in a split second, the final blow split me vertically down the centre. I watched half my face in slow motion still shouting out in desperation “don't go” but the words never really came out, and I landed in a bloody pile.

I like how this all came full circle, teasing with the ending at the beginning then explaining and finally revealing all.

----------


## iarpo

I don't know why it's been so long since I've posted.

We lived on a farmhouse surrounded by green fields. There were about 5 of us: myself, the big guy, generic boy and girl and a quiet but huge Russian girl.

All of us except the quiet Russian were playing outside (apparently we don't work). We suddenly heard six notes of whistling, "What the hell is that?" I said,
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!" said the generic girl jumping up and down and pointing to an approaching animal. It was a goose with 3 heads, each with it's own distinct colouration. 
At this the Russian girl came out, she was hot, huge however. We pondered over the goose before a passing family whistled again beckoning it over to play softball. 

We started to play around again and I made the Russian girl join in. However she got a little over zealous in the game and ended up happily shaking me about like a rag doll. 

We all started to bond as a house and started to play the trust game where you fall back and let someone catch you - did I mention she was huge? 
I think she fancied me and picked me out to catch her - It took all my effort not to drop her. Then the big guy tried it with her, except he decided to push her face first into a table...

Her eyes welled up with tears and she looked at me to do something - did I mention HE was huge. I ranted on about all of us being a unit, he wasn't impressed and neither was she. I ended up in my room with two HUGE people angry with me...great.

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## iarpo

He turned up at the door with the console, a big fat grumpy bastard, not at all in keeping with Nintendo's fun image. We'd booked a weekend long "test drive" for the new Nintendo console, however, things never really got off the ground.

We ended up outside on a double bed, everywhere lit with neon. The console sat in the middle and looked like a big fat bottle; I have no idea what kind of interface there was. We looked it over like an ancient treasure, the salesman seemed unwilling to help and things eventually degraded into abuse from both parties. 

We took pictures with our phones to piss him off, "HEY! You can't do that, this is a licensed product, that's copyright theft! We'll goddamn sue you!! POLICE!!" 

A passing policeman walked up with a slow, quiet groan, "...What seems to the trouble sir?"
"They're stealing from Nintendo!! They're violating copyright! Photos! Arrest them immediately!"
"This true boys?" We showed him the pictures and with a twisted arm he made us delete them - he seemed like a pretty cool guy. He showed the phone to the salesman as proof.

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## iarpo

My recall's been terrible lately, I've been pretty stressed; plenty of problems in the past 2 months but I've tackled the bulk of them now so I've made a commitment to get a handle on lucid dreaming. to that end I've been working through BillyBob's Lucid dream guide in the tutorial section. Tried FILDs last night but after re-reading it it in the morning realized I'd been doing it wrong...ah well, tonight's a new night.

All I remember from last night is this:

I'm in an underground car park, I've been busy doing all kind of tasks around the city an I'm taking a breather. An amicable looking man approaches me, rosy cheeks and bald head, "I have a message for you...Bzzzz beep beep, Brrrrrrrrrr" and he started making motor boat noises with his lips. I started laughing hysterically but,

I was suddenly woken up by my phone - he was doing impressions of it - Awesome! I love it when that happens!

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## EmilySian

[QUOTE=iarpo;893227][COLOR="Green"]"I have a message for you...Bzzzz beep beep, Brrrrrrrrrr" [COLOR="Green"]

haha thats funny.
 That sort of thing has happened to me before, where something in one of my dreams has mirrored something in real life, like a noise. Lol I used to hate it when I was younger, and I would screm out for my mum or something ina  dream and it would come out in the real world because once I woke up I was not scared anymore.

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## iarpo

EmilySian: It never ceases to amaze me when my mind does things like that. 

There's a house that exists outside time. Someone wanted to protect a family's innocence and put a spell on the them so they're all stuck in 1915; the house surrounded by a grey mist that never seems odd to the family. Every so often this person visits them in the form of a little girl; skipping into the flowery garden to say a quick hi and skipping out - when she reaches the house's boundaries her colour fades to black and white and she is engulfed in a mist that never seems odd to the family.

One afternoon they found three dead bodies, one parent and two children; each corpse horribly rotten. The children of the house told the father and asked, "Why did it happen?" He crouched down to their level, the mother smiling in the background, "Because they turned their back on God. Now lets go bury them, or their bodies can't move on to the after life."

We the viewer go inside the house where things continue to get darker. 

There's now an informal class of about 30 teenagers. Two guys are stood at the front giving a presentation about wild lions. In front of them the, class is sat down, presided over by two great big burly bastards of teachers, belligerent to the core and likely to beat a student up in a boxing ring and tell them it's for their own good. 

To the right of the students is a life size display about stone age men. Two students are hiding in the animal skins and pulling faces distracting the two giving the presentation. 

the teachers say that's it and march most of the students out except the two in the skins. Suddenly they're wearing Russian WWI uniforms. The teachers have allied uniforms and are marching the two to a firing line inside the classroom by the piano, they know they're about to die. For some reason though they let them keep their weapons. As the countdown begins, the Russian/student shoots his captor and quickly takes out everyone else in the room with rapid firing. 

Wait, wait. That's not right, it's a bolt action rifle; you couldn't get that many shots off so quickly. Ok let's do it again:

...they know they're about to die. For some reason though they let them keep their weapons. As the countdown begins, the Russian/student rams the bayonet through his captors face, shoots another guard, cocks the bolt and shoots a teacher, then beats another teacher to death using his rifle as a club. That's better.

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## iarpo

In a small stuffy room are piled at least 8 bed mattresses. I climb up to see what's on top only to find my grandma, small and frail...and cut in half. She's dying, the top half of her body resting on the pillows, she's nearly as white as the sheets. My mum is on the other side of the bed tending to my grandma, "Can you help us Liam?" her voice breaking with so many emotions; shame, regret, helplessness and guilt to name but a few. I said I can't, I don't have any money. She nodded, resigned to her mother's fate, which I felt was a mirror to her own fate. I climbed down and curled up on the floor trying to smash my head to pieces on the floorboards to block it all out.

I'm not sure if I woke up delirious or was lucid; in real life I'd seen my grandma (Not the one in the dream) that night in hospital, age is taking it's toll. I know that at some point in my life I'll have to go to her funeral and it kills me, it truly wrenches my insides out; she's my only real family.

I spent the rest of the dream/my delirium in a hole tearing myself apart.

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## iarpo

I've also decided on some dream signs I should look out for:

- Running / being chased
- Feeling like I'm under water when I'm running
- Lack of pain
- Quite often in a time between the 1600s and 1930s, or the far future.

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## iarpo

I was at the skate park in Leeds (though the building was completely different), I'd been promoted from the cafe to working on reception. 

The decor was pretty sparse though; bare chipboard everywhere. As well as the skate park we had the cinema for people tagging along with the skaters, however it did more business than the actual park truth be told. The till was a joke; a wooden box with a stupidly complicated LCD display panel. As such it took me long time to figure it out. 

My boss (my real life landlord), his wife and my co-worker (both co-worker and flat mate in reality) were stood watching over me, but none offered any guidance and left me to figure it out while the queue grew, eventually stretching back 20 metres. When a girl complained they took me off the till and let me skate around. 

I spent most of my time commenting to anyone who'd listen that my carving had improved. (I was very proud in real life; I'd just learnt how to pump verts and maintain speed, not to mention staying on the board - one of the perks of being able to practice in an empty skate park)

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## iarpo

Strange occurrences at the moment...my waking life feels immensely dream like; I've done so many triggered reality checks. I feel so disconnected this week. 

Example: As I sit here browsing Dream Views on my night shift at work I feel a pain in my arse, strange considering I haven't moved. It's something in my back pocket. I pull out a broken plastic replica of a volcanic pebble about 2 inches across, like grey artificial cinder toffee. I've only just noticed it and these are brand new pants as of 6 hours ago. Who put this of all things in some pants they were trying on?


*UPDATE:*

I found out that it was part of the manufacturing process. A co-worker said it looked like pumice or calcite that'd been highly heated so as to loose structure. Pumice is often used in great big rotating drums for the Stone Washed look or to soften stiff materials like canvas, mine being the latter. I guess it just worked it's way into the pocket.

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## iarpo

1:
I'd been talked into playing a family gig on piano with a band of entertainers, problem was I didn't play piano. We arrive at the auditorium and I'm protesting right until the last second. As families look on expectantly I tentatively fiddle with the keys and muddle out a melody, the band joins in and the screen fades to black. We cut back to after the show; it had been a roaring success, loved by children and adults alike and we were scheduled for another.

I was running late for the second show, I barged through a number of seminars and meetings held throughout the theatre complex. While running around I bumped into a thick glass wall, sending it slowly falling. It was half a foot thick and landed with a deep WHUMP. The orchestra inside the room stopped to glare at me, I was still in a rush though, so pretending I wasn't there and that I hadn't noticed the band I stepped over the pane of glass and walked quickly away.

We were in a different auditorium this time and the band had changed; we had an indian piano sessionist so I was on guitar this time (Hmph, I thought I did quite well on piano last time). Despite being late I ran up to the roof to get changed. I took a few minutes to admire the view from so high up, I felt immensely peaceful (Even recalling it in waking life calms me down - it was nice up there). All I could see was cool concrete and blue sky. 

Downstairs again we started the show. The audience however were clssically trained music connoiseurs, no family audience with happy jazz hands. The piano player kept opening into really cheesy pieces; detective music, elevator jazz, James Bond parodies; it was sincerely off putting. To compound it there was a loudmouth in the audience who started askin (yelling) what the hell I was doing? Things were going to hell; the piano player wouldn't isten, the audience were ganging up on me and I they were right - I couldn't play to save my life. I wanted to play the piano...on the roof.

2:
My recalls sketchy, I know I was a witch to begin with, sat on a bed with my own Von Trapp family, but it degraded into the real me holding a black and white Great Dane, insisting it wear a red bandanna while I sang at it, cradling it like a child - sat on the window ledge of a tall window at the head of the bed. I woke up feeling very disturbed.

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## iarpo

WOAH!!! weirdest feeling ever! I was being chased in a dream by a guy with a vacuum cleaner that was also a blow torch. I was hiding under some black canvas in a factory and he was poking around with the nozzle while I tried to keep as still as possible. I woke up without opening my eyes and just laid still to try re-enter the dream (this is a one second thought process) however I can still hear and feel him on my bed! I can hear the nozzle scraping under my bed and feel the appropriate sliding/scraping vibrations, it happens twice quickly,i open my eyes and it happens once more then stops. Never had dream/reality cross overs. It freaked me out, especially given how he was trying to hurt me.

...back to dream recall:

I tried OneironautJeff777's tip on getting to SP, failed twice and slept through for 8 hours with no recall - I was pretty bushed to begin with though. Third time round I was failing miserably to itches on my nose, I couldn't work through them and eventually fell asleep, body and mind.

I was at "home" with my flat mates, though home was a huge darkened building where we'd knocked down walls so it still had the same number of rooms as our real home. We were paying our bills online...to Ghandi of all people - not quite sure what we owed him and why. However when I was done I was alone for a while and felt like masturbating, however I couldn't get any privacy (I must stress this was not to do it over ghandi). They even barged into my room where I fell and pretended to be on the floor looking at old records on a shelf.

I then found myself in my secondary school's common room, after hanging around I wanted some food, however the canteen was closed. In the next room though a guy was selling fish and chips from a cupboard, he stressed he needed to finish soon and was viryually giving away the stuff. i went to grab my wallet and when I got back found I'd been beaten to the punch by a teacher - bastard. I had to settle for chips, lettuce and cherry tomatoes piled up and bunged in the microwave. 
At the same time as this there was a partition up in the room; there was a presentation going on about a computer design course. My old gaffer from a film I worked on was there too, but he tried not to acknowledge me.
The guy selling fish and chips was now rifling through my laptop's memory, but it still had the porn on from earlier so I tried to dissuade him without outright yanking the thing off him. He eventually got into an altercation with a teacher for not watching the presentation and I made good my escape.

I was now running through town, possibly away from something, possibly to something, not sure which. I turned into what should have been the train station only to find a large factory in the process of renovation - it was going to be the place where the computer design course would be held.
I spent the first day doing carpentry tasks.

On the second day I turned up again for some more carpentry jobs, the bosses wife was shocked but happy to see me - I apparently WAS doing this for the good of my health. A man turned up and said he had a delicate delivery, he opened his hand and there was a complex and specific arrangement of nuts, bolts and washers of varying sizes and colours. He handed them to me carefully (I had to put my hand on top of his and have him flip it so they'd end up mirrored and in line on my hand)

I went to find somewhere safe to put them and ended up being introduced to the boss' business partner, some geordie with a chip on his shoulder, but a generally ok guy. I got the impression him and the boss had some negative history. 

At the other side of the factory the Malaysian's (My step mum's side of the family - very religious) were doing a prayer ceremony for good look and prosperity for the college and started chanting. The other workers, who'd all inexplicably appeared, started a respectful conga line prayer. However conga lines being what they are people got into a groove and hormones rose to the surface, ending in a HOT Spanish woman's dress having a part torn off, she didn't care though, it just acted as a split up the side and she danced and gyrated away. 

The regular/old school/hardcore workers (Me and the cast of a teen slasher movie) were pulled into it amicably. I'd been eyeing the Spaniard and she'd been eyeing me. I moved to dance with her but was intercepted by another woman; tall, brunette, striking: she looked very conservative yet you knew she really wasn't, she exuded power. We ended up grinding and I got an erection. We went to look for a room to have sex in, however in the early fumbling stages we were interrupted. 
I tried to keep my back to them so they wouldn't see my erection but they thought I was trying to blank them out and didn't know why so persisted. I ran around, hiding my erection, and looking for somewhere to hide. I accidentally bumped into a female co-worker taking a shower (didn't help the pant situation) and when a male co-worker grabbed me I pushed him off, sending him flying into factory machinery leaving him with a big but not serious gash across his chest, "Dude!" he was my friend and didn't want to seriously hurt me, but he did want to teach me a lesson. 
I legged it to find a hiding place and ended up in the carpentry room. I danced around, erection swinging, looking for a hiding place. I ended up under some black canvas..then woke up and heard and felt him scraping around for me.

After 9 hours of trying and failing that was my last 20 minutes - typical.

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## iarpo

Came home form work at 4am stepped into bed (in my clothes), at 10am stepped straight back out and straight out of the door and into town, as such I've forgotten most of my dreams - I'm transitioning back to sleeping during the night after doing night shifts this week. This is all I remember of a vivid dream:

Pet shop love:
I descended the stairs into the pet shops' basement. I was surrounded by vivarium tanks filled with lizards and beetles, the air heavy with humidity, my way lit only by the glow from the tanks.

The skin on my back was trying to crawl off my frame; not because I hate lizards and beetles, I find them fascinating, nor was I creeped out by the over abundance of life, in fact I enjoy being around it. No, what was different here was an over abundance of exploitative life; life that'll make a home of your ear canal and a meal of your brain.

I passed through the first room, my clothes already clinging to me with moisture, and into the second room. Imported jungle vines hung from the ceiling, brushing my ears and shoulders, sending shivers down my spine. In here the floor was blocked out into areas of plate steel and shallow wells of cockroaches that I carefully stepped over. Despite being level with the floor they didn't crawl off, but stayed in their writhing pit. 

In the centre of the room was an open topped tank containing giant albino salamanders - I could hear them smacking their lips contentedly after gulping down various insects. Still I pushed on through the cloying heat.

I passed through an archway onto a stone balcony to see a huge underground cavern stretch out before me, a mile across, most of it's floor covered with a cool still standing lake. The air was still damp, but it was cool in here and soothed my skin. The light from the tanks behind me bounced off the lake and around the cavern, catching in mineral veins in the rock, refracting and playing off the walls. From my balcony above I breathed it all in, calming myself.

Now was the time though, I was here to search for her, my love.

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## Robot_Butler

> Strange occurrences at the moment...my waking life feels immensely dream like; I've done so many triggered reality checks. I feel so disconnected this week.



I know the feeling.  My girlfriend and I just bought bikes yesterday.  I haven't ridden a bicycle in 10 years or more, but she has been wanting to try it out.  She's been real excited about it.  We got home from the bike store, opened the package that held the warranty literature, and out dropped a small flyer advertising Woman Specific Bikes.  There was a photo of several women on bikes, and one girl working a bike pump.  I looked at the girl on the pump... did a RC.  Looked again... Did another RC!  My girlfriend's best friend?  The one going to law school?  Why the hell is there a photo of her in with my bike's warranty?  

What are the odds I even looked at that piece of paper?  What are the odds I bought that specific brand of bike?  What are the odds I even looked at the people in the flyer, let alone recognized her in her sunglasses?





> Pet shop love:



What a creepy place to meet up with your lover.  The cavern sounds pretty impressive, but the bugs and lizards would definitely creep me out.  





> WOAH!!! weirdest feeling ever! I was being chased in a dream by a guy with a vacuum cleaner that was also a blow torch. I was hiding under some black canvas in a factory and he was poking around with the nozzle while I tried to keep as still as possible. I woke up without opening my eyes and just laid still to try re-enter the dream (this is a one second thought process) however I can still hear and feel him on my bed! I can hear the nozzle scraping under my bed and feel the appropriate sliding/scraping vibrations, it happens twice quickly,i open my eyes and it happens once more then stops. Never had dream/reality cross overs. It freaked me out, especially given how he was trying to hurt me.



That's a freaky feeling.  Do you think you actually woke up, then fell back into the dream?  Or do you think the whole thing was a false awakening?  I think both are equally possible.  Too bad this didn't tip you into lucidity.

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## iarpo

> That's a freaky feeling. Do you think you actually woke up, then fell back into the dream? Or do you think the whole thing was a false awakening? I think both are equally possible. Too bad this didn't tip you into lucidity.



I never considered it could be anything other than HI, I'm not really used to thinking in these terms. It was so vivid, I could feel the vibrations on the slats underneath the matress.





> What are the odds I even looked at that piece of paper? What are the odds I bought that specific brand of bike? What are the odds I even looked at the people in the flyer, let alone recognized her in her sunglasses?



Gotta love inexplicable coincidences. I once bought a box of fudge and realized when I got home that I was on the cover.

*Partners in crime:*
He looked through the mirrored surveillance glass into the cell, watching the subject, "Liam, 22, Male. Family deceased. His mother and sister have an interesting story, he hasn't spoken since it happened though."
"What happened?" asked the counciller.
"Petty crime initially. That turned into armed robbery, either through necessity or for thrills, we don't know which, but he's all that's left."
"His mother and sister...but why's he here?"
"We know he was present during the robberies, but in what capacity we don't know."
"And you want me to find out?"
"We don't pay you for your company."
"...Thanks. I'll get started."

I have hazy recall of my Mum and sister knocking over conveniance stores and banks while I stayed in the car.  I'd have stopped to write this down but I'd slept in for my first day of university, my enrollment of all things, so i just yelled no and ran out of the house.

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## iarpo

*My first lucid*

I don't really remember the dream that lead up to becoming lucid, but I woke from it and quickly resettled and tried a MILD. I was concentrating pretty hard on some kind of house party set up when I found myself skating on vert ramp and saw my skater friend hovering in mid air.

At this point I thought, "Am I awake trying to dream or actually dreaming?" - if I was dreaming the transition was seamless. Either way I felt close and remembered reading in a few places to literally reach out and grab the dream. My hand shot out and grabbed my friend by the t-shirt and WHAM, everything imploded in purple static, all of it fell away to nothing and I was left in a dark flickering purple void.

I thought, I'm lucid! I guess this is where I need to ground myself, so for about 10-20 seconds I tried to imagine a beach. Quickly a floor became tangible, it had a bit of give like sand but it wasn't quite there. However I could feel it slipping away, even as it was though I felt happy to have a lucid body for the first time.

I either lost lucidity and slipped into another dream I don't remember or woke up and tried to get to sleep again - the brief lucid episode seems to have wiped everything else from my memory. Either way it was pretty intense.

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## Robot_Butler

Purple static?  ::shock::   That's a surprise.  Maybe your mind is just not used to the shock of becoming lucid.  

Sounds like reaching into the scene worked.  Congratulations!   I like how you kept your cool trying to get back into a dream by feeling the ground.  It sounds like you almost had it.  So close.  I don't know what else you could have done.  

It sounds like you're getting closer with every dream.

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## iarpo

Terrible recall lately, but I'm starting a new uni course right now and looking for a new job so I'm cutting myself some slack and being (or at least trying to be) patient. I woke up and found some notes next to my bed. They're fairly illegible but they triggered some recall:

Jo was in the hospital, quite why I don't know, but I wanted to go visit her.
Problem was, there was a temporary skate shop erected on the steps and what's more, the staff wouldn't let me pass unless I could name the skaters in a video. 
I don't remember all 5 but one was Bam Margera and another Tony Hawks. 

The video finished and they all turned to me expectantly, "Sure I know who they are. Thing is though it doesn't matter; Jo doesn't know them nor want to know them so will you please shut the fuck up and move."
They felt pretty bad now; they'd been blocking the hospital entrance and causing God knows how many problems. I kicked my way through the store's makeshift plasterboard wall and continued on, leaving a comedy me shaped hole in the flimsy wall.

It's strange how my dreams tend to end when I complete a task or overcome a problem.

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## Robot_Butler

> It's strange how my dreams tend to end when I complete a task or overcome a problem.



That is weird.  Do you wake up afterward, or pass on into another dream?

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## iarpo

It's usually a 50:50 thing. I'll either go into a completely different dream or just wake up when a task's completed or a chapter's finished.

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## iarpo

Catching up on some dreams I haven't put in here yet.

We returned to China town with the supplies. This was their last hope; the three of us had been elected by the rest of the town to make the journey. However, things hadn't gone to plan; we were all going to die. The entire town would be wiped out. The best we could hope to do was distract the others from their fate.

In the middle of the supermarket, surrounded by eager townsfolk we handed out supplies and goodies that were ultimately useless, while deflecting questions about what had happened. 

The shelves all around the store began to fill themselves, all our supplies replenishing, and as I stepped behind the checkout everyone stopped asking questions in their hurry to buy everything up again. The queues quickly became a dog eat dog scenario, with people being shoved to the floor so others could finish first. For the longest time I couldn't get the till to work, like it already knew it was pointless. 

Things began to degrade pretty quickly; the checkout turned into the side of a train carriage and set off slowly round the town; people running to keep hold of their shopping and give me their money. 

We stopped in the health and beauty aisle only to see a boulder crash through the ceiling and straight through the floor into the basement. The dead were everywhere, bloodied bodies above and below, heads jabbering as the rest of their bodies had been crushed flat, slowly dying in a delirium. And yet the queues still grew as people clammered around me, avoiding the hole and the dead like gum on the pavement, their noise growing so I could no longer distinguish single sounds, just the sound of the mass, like a convulsing whirlpool in a power station. 

At this point it began; the dead rose from beside the boulder. Those with crushed limbs screamed and retched at the living. I stood quietly behind the checkout, detached from the scene, for I knew I was already with them.

Then began the culling. Gunmen on horseback rode in from the east to destroy the town and all of us inside. It was all out war: the dead clamoured for any of the living, the townsfolk ran from the gunmen and pleaded through teary eyes with their dead friends and family as they were backed into corners, the gunmen shot anyone on sight, soon resorting to cudgels and boots when their ammo ran out. the town became a hell on earth, the three of us who'd gone in search of help didn't resist, and cruelly we were left alive the longest so that we may witness the horror.


The year was 2001. A lone rider who looked like Malcolm X pushed on through the desert towards Hell's Oasis. He came upon a huge forest ringed with dead trees and thorns. Once inside though, a lush landscape spread out before him. dew heavy on the lush grass, birds chriping from the branches, the green dappled light throwing miniature rainbows all around. The sound of a stream and a forest glade made him feel at peace, the low canopy making it a sanctuary from the baking sun. He dismounted and sat on a bench.

As he sat however the bench shifted, its legs writhing in the soil as though being pushed up from underneath. On closer inspection he could see fingertips pushing up around the legs, grasping for purchase. This didn't phase the rider, who simply stamped on the seat and sat down again. 

An old man with skin like leather sat on another bench next to him - his bench didn't move at all. 
"You've been here before" said the old man.
"Yes." The fingers grew more frantic and soon whole hands were pushing through the soil, "You shouldn't be here."
The rider stood and picked up the bench ready to stamp on the grasping hands sprouting from the ground. He looked over and the old man had gone. Suddenly he was inside a dilapidated old building. A man, decomposed, walked past the doorway at the end of the room. The rider quietly hid behind a wardrobe. He could hear more of the dead outside. He had no choice but to make good his getaway. Taking out his shotgun he efficiently blasted through the dead and escaped. 

Hundreds of miles away in an executive office with a long mahogany table, near the top floor of the skyscraper sat the rider's assistant. He was seeing to the two bored singers. 

The rider walked in wearing a sharp suit. He moved with purpose ignoring the girls, however he stopped, distracted by an empty plate on the table, "Did you help yourself to a platter?" he asked the girls
"We've been waiting here for hours can we get down to work-"
"Did you take a platter?"
"Yes but that's not the point-"
"Get out"
"What the hell?"
He marched them out of the office and down to the commercial centre of the building. Down the lifts and out the door, he ejected them. With his assistant in tow he marched for a fast food joint. "What was that? Where are we going?" The rider just kept walking. 

At the entrance to the fast food place he whispered something to a security guard and was led to a door at the back of the restaurant. The assistant, confused, asked the guard what was going on, "Where are we going?"
"They'll either help you or kill you, if you're going with him then get moving." 

The door opened to the basement stairs and both were pushed sharply down them. The assistant slamming head first into the tiled wall at the bottom, the rider smashing his skull open. He stood up and immediately fell to his knees, brain and blood all over. The assistant looked around warily. The air began to vibrate, his body hummed and his bones began to ring out as-----

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## iarpo

Wow, I haven't remembered a single dream for over a week. Thankfully that changed last night.

*Gay Alter Boy*
I enter a church/community centre, turns out there's a gay convention of sorts, they all think I'm gay because of the way I'm dressed, there's nothing gay about the way I'm dressed, I just have style. 
I sign one of them into the guest book and go to get his surname half way through. However mass is set up in my absence and the book removed. 
I tell the priest and he says I have to do it during mass, he shows me the ritual (bell, prayer, sign, bell) and hands me some alter boy robes, my friend fails to keep a straight face. So I try to be discreet during mass, ringing bells and signing the book, something _I_ fail at.  
I leave mass through the big doors (I'm not sitting around until the end) and go to the community centre canteen, still in the alter boy robes. As I'm being served by the checkout girl the gay guy links his arm in mine, kisses me on the cheek and says, "Thanks Dad." Her eyes bulge and she fails for words.
"I know this looks weird..." I stop myself and decide it was totally worth the look on her face, "...and I don't care." We walk off with food keeping up the gay, incestuous, paedophile charade.

*
Rival Schools*
Atop a hill overlooking a battlefield, our school, in red hoodies, stands set to face off against a rival school in blue. 
An old woman sits on the ground unwilling to give up the place she lives. As out leader talks I watch the sun thaw the thin ice under her. People start to go down the hill onto the battlefield, but we're kids and reluctant and there's a lot of milling around, no furious charge. 
It ends up that I'm the last one on the hill refusing to go and kill people I know, plus I only have two screw drivers to boot. I look down and see friends in blue and feel sick at the thought of killing them.
Some bitch I used to know from the rival school approaches, I throw down a screw driver to show her (and the gods) that I won't fight. She picks up the screw driver and walks towards me with a grin, "You idiot," she says, and pulls out a piece of 2x4, "I know world of warcraft."
I think that's ridiculous in so many ways but she advances and I don't have time to dwell on it. I pick up a piece of wood off the floor, now we're armed equally. She swings in wide with the wood and tried to quickly move through my guard to put the screwdriver in my gut. 
As we're fighting I feel an urge come over me to fight, I wish I was down in the battlefield  swinging away. I fake a low swing, she falls for it and blocks low, I spin the other way and smash the wood across her face then do a round house kick to floor her. I feel less heroic smashing her head in while she's on the ground and staining my crude weapon red.


Some dream signs I've identified:
- Battles
- Individual fights
- Broken cash registers
- Running or being chased

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## iarpo

Also, severely hung over and sleep deprived, I tried to catch a nap yesterday. It wasn't quite a dream I had, but when I got into bed I immediately had the most vivid daydream: 
Four people were stood against a wall, they came up to me in turn and examined me, they were so real I could of grabbed them, in fact one guy took a dislike to me and shoved my shoulder; I felt like I was pushes across the bed. Nothing came of it but it was intense. I then fell asleep without any dreams remembered.

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## Robot_Butler

> I stop myself and decide it was totally worth the look on her face, "...and I don't care." We walk off with food keeping up the gay, incestuous, paedophile charade.



Oh, the old gay, incestuous, pedophile gag.  What a classic.




> As we're fighting I feel an urge come over me to fight, I wish I was down in the battlefield  swinging away.



Was this a role you felt your character was supposed to play?  Or was it a real hunger for violence?  It seems like the whole point of the dream may have been to explore this instinctual desire for violence.  I know I'm a peaceful guy, but every time I've been in a fight, those instincts take over.  It is a scary and powerful feeling.

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## iarpo

> Was this a role you felt your character was supposed to play? Or was it a real hunger for violence?



It was me, that was one thing that nearly had me lucid, it cut through the dream very clearly that _in real life_ I'd like to be fighting. It became very personal in the dream.

*Cocktail With The Vampire*
Not really worthy of a title but it tickled me. All I remember of the dream is me and my sister, as vampires, drinking our cocktails through strange straws that ended in a razor (not a razor blade, a full Gillette Mach 3 razor). We slit our cheeks and drank via osmosis.

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## Robot_Butler

> *Cocktail With The Vampire*



Happy Halloween

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## iarpo

I think I'm getting over my dry spell now thank goodness. Recall's still a little bit sketchy but I'm getting there.

*
MILFs and pee cement.*
In a darkened building I was buying skate pants from an absolute MILF. There was a bit of banter between me and two friends until one of their mother's turned up. I set to work seducing her but suddenly need the toilet. The toilet's dusty and horrible but I go anyway, it ended up turning into wet cement as I peed. 

*#2*
In the skate park me and George are sat at the front desk, a child comes in saying he's cracked his helmet. we replace the hard shell and give him back his helmet wherein he bursts into tears because it's not as cool as before and runs back into the skate park. We go for a walk around to check everything's hunky dory. Everything's fine, except for the fact that the park has grown taller, wider and deeper, almost as though we'd shrunk. We're stood by the bowl now as deep as a chasm waiting for a bus of kids to come for their lesson. We see them arrive through the now palace size windows.


*#3*
I'm being held prisoner in a darkened, windowless room. There's more furnishing than your average cell but it's very minimal and grimy. I don't know why I'm here, but I really need to pee. I yell to the guard who escorts me across the street. Inside the second building is a prison museum. It's one giant room with gantries and mezzanines criss-crossing up to the ceiling. I squeeze past gawking visitors and search for the toilets. 
After eventually finding the door among the maze of steps I find another expansive room just for prisoners. It has a well equipped kitchen, library, shower block and toilets - however there's no door separating the areas and I had a piss in view of the kitchen.
Back in the cell I attempt to escape. The prison seems to be an old stately home that's been converted and had the curtains drawn - no bars, just heavy doors and poor lighting.
I'm eventually discovered hiding in a dirty corner and frog marched back to my cell which is now a huge library. 
Inside the library is a young woman. We talk a little, get our coats and take our leave of the prison. On the busy street outside we find a specific pub and go to sit down at a very specific table. 
The table top opens up to reveal a storage box inside. We put our goods in and sit back. The table's alive; it's legs undulate and it smacks it's wooden lid like lips. 
[fragment missing]
we remove our goods and leave.

*Be a man.*
The prison warden from my previous dream finds me and my wife and kids on the edge of a grassy mountain at the top of a waterfall. He's come to take me back but he's lost his confidence. 
I take him on a short walk away from my family and tell him to, "Be a man" I take of my shirt and start roaring. he reluctantly attempts it, sounding more like a creaking door. I stand next to him and tell him to join me. We both roar and he starts getting the hang of it. He tears his shirt off and roars more and more enthusiastically. 
I dive off the ledge into the pool at the bottom of the waterfall and watch him roraring above looking like a fat, pink hippo on steroids. His belly and man boobs hanging low while his biceps squash his head as he tenses and roars. I re-join my family and we go home.

The following dreams were numerous failed attempts at a MILD. so numerous that it got to the point where I was trying every 15 minutes, falling asleep, solving puzzles and trying again only to end up in the same series of dreams.
*#5 onwards*
I had a series of dreams that were all based around the same puzzle. In the desert around Las Vegas myself and my dream family for the night had to solve a puzzle involving witches and historical figures. Each dream I got closer to completing it and on the third dream succeded. It didn't quite make sense but we had to identify the right casinos inthe right order to spell the word FABLE. this involved fighting demon Red indians in leather jackets and convertibles, various witches, finding way points in the dunes and watching the entire English army from the American war for independance run in and out of a casino to play in the revolving doors; we had to identify the underdog of the army's leaders and use his name as a clue. It was all very peculiar and too complex and disparate to right down here. 
After completing the puzzle once I went back into the dream a couple of times to do speed runs and had previous dreams crossing over; the table from the prison dream for example came scuttling across the desert towards me and give me help, like Twoflower's suitcase in Terry Pratchett's "The Colour of Magic".

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## iarpo

I've forgotten most of the details courtesy of dashing to work on this wet Sunday morning.

I was Sean Bean (I watched "The Dark" last night) trying to save my son. An old Nazi who ran a small shop was turning my son against me with malicious words. The details are hazy but I was slowly losing. Watching my son come under the sway of this cruel man was a terrible thing.

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## Robot_Butler

> I'm eventually discovered hiding in a dirty corner and frog marched back to my cell which is now a huge library.



That would be an awesome prison.  I wonder if it would help with rehabilitation?  





> The table top opens up to reveal a storage box inside. We put our goods in and sit back. The table's alive; it's legs undulate and it smacks it's wooden lid like lips. 
> [fragment missing]
> we remove our goods and leave.



How interesting.  I wonder where that came from?  Very Goethe.





> The following dreams were numerous failed attempts at a MILD. so numerous that it got to the point where I was trying every 15 minutes, falling asleep, solving puzzles and trying again only to end up in the same series of dreams.



I love when that happens.  Were you continually re-entering the dreams?  I was just doing something similar this morning.





> After completing the puzzle once I went back into the dream a couple of times to do speed runs and had previous dreams crossing over; the table from the prison dream for example came scuttling across the desert towards me and give me help, like Twoflower's suitcase in Terry Pratchett's "The Colour of Magic".



Well, there's my explanation for the animated table  :tongue2: .  Do you think there was some importance to this puzzle?  Like it was something related to your real life you were trying to figure out?  Or was it maybe just a byproduct of re-entering the dream over and over again?

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## iarpo

Yeah, I essentially just stepped back into ther same dream repeatedly. I do this quite a lot in the mornings. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm just having an in depth daydream though as they only last a few minutes (real time) at a time (though subjectively they feel much longer) - am I really slipping back into dreams/sleep so easily?

I imagine it probably did have something to do with my real life; I spend most of my time ruminating over ideas for university. Couldn't say specifically what though.

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## Robot_Butler

I do the same thing in the morning.  Especially when I know my alarm will be going off soon.  The other night I had the same thing happen all night after taking some galantamine.  I was lying in bed having daydreams that were as vivid as real dreams.  I must have been asleep, but I was aware of myself lying in bed the whole night.  It was like the beginnings of a WILD stretched out for 4 hours.  I kept waking up to toss and turn, but I would easily slip back into vivid daydreams.  It was weird.

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## iarpo

I'm starting to learn lucid dreaming from the ground up again. I;ve been having real problems with it. I spent some of the evening reading Exploring The World Of Lucid Dreaming and listening to audio accompaniments for A Course In Lucid Dreaming. Nearly fell asleep in my chair with the relaxation exercises. 

*#1*
I was giving myself a lecture, but I was huge like Tetsuo from Akira, limbs everywhere. I don't remember what it was about.

*#2*
In an abandoned quarry were 3 vans. Myself and my group in one were impartial observers to a fight between the other groups. Details are hazy, my recall's still sketchy, but when one group won I walked into town.

*#3*
I was standing under a big oak tree in a small but well kept church yard. I was playing with the owls; they'd swoop low towards me, I'd run away from them to the low wall and somersault forward while they flew under me. 

I was having fun doing this, then on one particular somersault I jumped as high as the tree and gravity failed to kick in properly. I looked at the tarmac below as I gently floated down and realised it wasn't tarmac but skateboard grip tape (like black sandpaper). 
Each grain glistened and the detail was breath taking even from my height, BOOM it hit me, I'm dreaming! I slowly floated down still mesmerised by the grains, marvelling that this was possible within my head. As I reached the floor I was repelled by it and found an equilibrium a few inches above it, slowly turning in mid air. 
I then spontaneously floated away from it, pulled higher and higher into the sky. I tried to hang onto the dream but found the floor warp subtly into a dark room save for a small LED on a computer - my computer, my room. I was awake.

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## iarpo

You know I'm really glad I'm re-doing my training. For example, I only just discovered the real reason behind reality checks - to pay attention all the time. Even though I've been told this (Robot_Butler) i missed the point. 
I'm getting over my dry spell and finding some new legs for lucid dreaming.

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## iarpo

*Mistaken pervert*
A friend from secondary school had lost her mind, that is, she's had her mind erased, she hadn't gone mad. 
However, classical opera was playing throughout a cross between my house and the skate park, triggering her brain to reboot and salvage all the lost information. 
I found her unconscious in the viewing gallery. I was kneeling over her to check that she was ok, but she sat up quickly and accidentally put her breasts straight in my face (as good as slapping me). Quickly coming to her senses she got the wrong end of the stick and thought I'd been touching her up...great. All the women in the place shunned me, calling me a pervert while they helped my friend gather herself and try figure out what had happened. I tried to help but it wasn't appreciated.

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## iarpo

*Goddamn Skateboarders*
Myself and the skateboarders from work were rummaging round a shop looking for clothes. The tops were great and really cheap. I ended up looking at "flatpack" snowboards, but I couldn't be bothered putting them together so I hopped onto a quarter of a board and tested it out like a skateboard.

Urgh, I'm so tired of skateboarders. It's bad enough putting up with them at work, but in my dreams?! Too much.

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## Robot_Butler

I hate dreams about work.  They always make me feel like I'm doing something wrong with my life.  Working too hard, or not having enough fun.  My greatest fear is that I will become a zombified worker drone, working for the weekend.

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## iarpo

> working for the weekend.



*Shudders*

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## iarpo

*Commitment to the job*
Down at the station we'd got word that the notorious killer and lead suspect in our case, Vincent Price, was nearby. 

The unit set off to the hardware store armed with the identikit photo, however no-one matched the profile and we gave up for the night and hung out in the store.

Earlier that night I'd had an argument with my wife. It was about my work as usual. She turned up at the store looking for me, it had been a particularly bad fight and she wanted to clear the air. We both apologised in each others arms. We flirted and teased each other and went to a quiet corner to make love.

My work partner however was far more dedicated to the case and was still asking people in the store if they recognised the suspect. 
He was getting nowhere fast though and angrily went to the till. Little did he know, one of the people he'd asked actually WAS Vincent Price. Price slowly approached, quietly picking a large nail out a box and a claw hammer from the rack. As my partner paid Price attacked: ONE, he jammed the nail into his head, and TWO, he drove it in with a sick thud of the hammer.
He calmly walked out of the store, past the detectives, leaving the terrified shop keeper, mute with fear, until after a minute he managed a dry, rattling yell. 



*Nitrous injection and plastic knives*
On a high street in central New York there was a large blue crime scene tent. Inside, an old ex-pat Brit was enthusiastically explaining the workings of his car to two cops. Aesthetically the car was a wreck, but internally it was a finely tuned beast that was so fast it could blister the tarmac off the main strip. The cops listened attentively with awe in their eyes. 

I was passing by the tent and decided to poke my head in, he was currently explaining about the nitrous injection system, "Quicker than a slags knickers" he chuckled.

At this point, outside the tent, a chubby, grinning skateboarder walked straight at me - I braced. He pulled a knife and swung in a long wide arc, he was obviously some punk kid; he had no idea how to use a knife properly, efficiently. 
I grabbed and twisted his wrist and punched him just below the arm pit, getting the ribs and joint. With his remaining arm he swung out with his skateboard. I let go of him completely, stepped back to avoid the swing, then stepped quickly in again with a clean kick to the gut. I grabbed the now dropped knife to find it was a sliver of clear, serrated plastic folded in two. I kicked him again for being too much of an idiot to properly utilise this very sly weapon. He crawled off - goddamn skateboarder.

I ducked my head back into the tent, "Now these tyres. They'll grip the road closer than a hug from my old nan after a bit of sherry." The cops chuckled, they loved this guy.

The skater approached me again, with exactly the same weapon and method...again. I stepped sideways as he swung in, simoultaneously grabbing his arm and tripping him so the joint dislocated under his weight. Whie he was on the floor I kicked him for no more reason than being an idiot, again, and stormed off to the craft shop where he bought the plastic.

I found the craft shop and, ignoring the staff, destroyed their supply of serrated plastic in a rage, crumpling it up and impotently stamping on it. 

When I get back to the tent the shop have regrouped and launched their retaliation. They send all types of "goats" to attack me and based on which one I destroy they'll be able to extrapolate who I am - I destroy them all. 
Although not one of them was an actual goat. One was even a terraced, floating island covered in gnomes who would focus their powers and, on the chief gnome's signal, fire a bolt of energy at me.

I go back to the shop and walk straight to the counter, an old woman grins at me, "Ah, we've been expecting--" 
"Shut up. I've come here to A: apologise" She nods sagely, "B: Give you my details so you can contact the police."
"That won't be necessary."
"And c: pay any damages I owe you." I suddenly notice how overstaffed the shop is. In a store no more than 10x10 metres are 7 staff members behind the desk. 
"Very good, that will be $175." Shit, I think, did I destroy that much plastic? Or is it that I killed that many goats?
I tell them about the attempted stabbing and tell them to stop selling serrated plastic.

Goddamn skateboarders.  ::madtongue:: 


Skateboarders are now a new dream sign (should prove useful for a LOT of reality checks too)


*Shoot 'em up*
The dream was presented to me as a shoot 'em up computer game. About 32 bit and blocky polygons.

I was an Alien from the Alien film franchise. I simply had to go around and kill my kind. Strangely I was armed with uzis and pistols. 
Obviously the enemies got harder as I progressed and I got power ups and better weapons. 
The architecture in most the levels was Venetian and covered in ivy. 
And that's about the long and short of it.

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## iarpo

*It's official: Paramilitary cost skillions*
I was running for the bus at the station in my old home town. I catch it and pay my way on.

A polish guy gets on and explains what he wants in great and unnecessary detail. 
The bus driver serves him and sets off but the guy keeps talking about a book he's reading. It's about media and the use of paramilitary. Why do we think the media spends so much? Well these days most major security goings on (and therefore celebrities and politics) are dealt with by independent paramilitary forces - mercs. The price must be in the, oh, the skillions by now (this nearly gets me lucid).

As he says these things we see some paramilitary happenings outside; There's a car of guys in navy blue overalls, they've taken out a car of guys in white overalls, both paramilitary. The white car's been run off the road into a ditch. Not a publicity stunt is it? Is it real? Geez, there really are cover ups. But then I see one of the white overalls, supposedly dead, idly picking grass while he's lying down. "It's not real!" I yell. On this the paras get up and mill about.

The dream degrades into me attacking my ex with interpretive dance for throwing my friendship back in my face (somehow in my dream we'd become friends again but it quickly degraded). 
With my interpretive dance and a pile of shredded paper I commence my attack. I roll around with the paper, holding it vertically so it's just about to topple and watching shredded pieces fall in slow motion. it's strangely beautiful.

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## iarpo

*Girl troubles*
I'm at a Halloween party at someone else's place and things are going sour with my girlfriend. I end up trying to quietly leave without her but I'm stopped at the door and given a box of Games Workshop posters. I'm briefly told by someone in a completely different location that they're worth a lot of money, as though he wants me to sell them to him (I now recognise this as an old dream location). Carrying the box full of posters I leave for a hotel in London.

I wake up in the shabby hotel room, “...shit.” I have nowhere to live.

Eventually I found a small room in London and set about making it my own, not to mention distancing myself from my girlfriend. Although my flatmates seem a little weirded out by me.

One day, walking through the centre, I bump into my girlfriend/ex. My stomach does a few dozen flips while my brain tries to grasp the situation. 
She inevitably ends up yelling at me and I jump onto a bus. His is no ordinary bus however, this is The Lover's Rift Bus. My new pregnant girlfriend/flatmate is sat upstairs, she's not happy about my old girlfriend being on the scene and makes me sit on the seats behind her. 

The reason this bus is called The Lover's Rift is that it has very specific stops which either party can get off at to make their feelings official. Hopefully couples will talk through their problems and stay on the bus longer. The stops are:
1: Strained
2: Afraid
3: Normal
4: Flirting
5: Teasing
6: Commitment
7: The “Job” at Hand – hat mandatory

We stay on until the end and have sex right there in the seats. Stepping off the bus with her head nuzzled inside my jacket we happily walk down the street. That is until the ex appears. 

She pushes between us and I explain this is my new girlfriend, she's pregnant and we're very happy. My ex pouts and my girlfriend tuts – neither are happy with me. I grab my ex by the vents in her bike helmet she's now inexplicably wearing and turn her head to the Lover's Rift Bus. We tell her to ride on it and she'll find someone who's right for her (she does find someone). 

Holding my wife close I kiss her forehead and we continue down the street, her head nuzzled in my jacket.

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## iarpo

Ugh, epic fail. 

While dreaming I met an ice cream man trying to resist sleep as he sat at the counter - he was failing. He was talking in his sleep, saying, "You're dreaming, you're dreaming." I woke him up and asked him if he was into lucid dreaming (he was) and we ended up having a conversation about it.  ::doh::

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## Robot_Butler

::lol::  

Could you possibly be giving yourself any more hints?  I've had dreams like that.  Very frustrating!

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## iarpo

I'm back. Needed a break. Took a break. End of. Where was I? Oh yeah:
(Forgotten a lot of the details from rushing on my first morning back at uni)

*#1*
I was having dinner with my girlfriend and a friend. The last time I saw him he was a shy skinny 14 year old with thin blonde hair that stood straight up. the kind of kid who'd get knocked over by a strong gust. Now however, he was built like barge and dyed his hair grey brown.

Dinner was strained but I couldn't quite put my finger on why.

A few days later we arranged to have another dinner at my place. I walked into the dining room to find my friend and girlfriend jump away from each other and sheepishly ask if I needed a hand. "Have you two been kissing?" I asked.
"......" They looked at each other, "...yes." Strangely I didn't get angry for a few minutes, until I came to my senses and proceeded to storm back in and kick them out, she could stay at his if she wanted him.

Over the following week I became friendly with the students next door and had them over more and more, until one evening I inexplicably had dinner due with my ex-friend and ex-girlfriend. 
I ran around preparing for it, realised what I was doing and locked the front door.
The students moaned at me for being grumpy while the two dinner guests stood outside asking to come in; their kids were getting tired - Kids?!

I opened the door to see the two plus 2.4 children, he'd even gone a little grey, a bit of salt and pepper. they wanted me to move out as my house was much more suitable for them. As seemed to be the case with this dream, I entertained the idea for a minute before coming to my senses and telling them to get off my property. My friend tried to intimidate me with his muscles.
Laughing in his face I closed the door and went back to the students, all attractive, intelligent females from all parts of the world, and carried on being a grump for their amusement.

There were more dreams but they've since fled my mind.

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## Robot_Butler

> Laughing in his face I closed the door and went back to the students, all attractive, intelligent females from all parts of the world, and carried on being a grump for their amusement.



 ::lol::  Thats the spirit!  Welcome back.

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## iarpo

Glad to be back

This dream has virtually burned straight into my brain, I know the layout of the locations perfectly.

*Coffee, Japan and The D*
In a lane just off the high street, was a small, glass fronted kite shop. 
Inside we were Tenacious D, practising some songs from Rock Band and making surreal videos. 
We spent a long time just doing this.

Now I'm in the Coffee House in a theme park with my Dad and sister in Tokyo. The queues are at least an hour long, and the queueing platforms spiral around the top of the Coffee Houses open roof, interwoven with roller coaster rails.
Before you start queueing you have to put money into a terminal for coffee credit. When my dad figured it out you then had to browse eBay for an unrelated auction you'd potentially bid on. I picked a manga statuette and we printed off our receipts. 
My sister unwittingly pushed in front of some women in the queue so we were served almost immediately, but the women being how they were didn't complain to her face.

We were sat at very decadent yet stern tables. High backed chairs and black marble worktops were surrounded by palms and flowering plants from the middle east.

My dad flicked through my sketch book, wishing he could draw as well as me, thinking about some of the decisions he'd made in life, lamenting the things he could have done.

Suddenly we were Tenacious D in the Coffee House's museum, the d&#233;cor a Japanese-tribal hybrid. Bamboo, burning torches, tatami and fertility masks. We were here to steal an important artefact. KG approached first, a long set of steps descended to the tomb, but he was to slow; the security devices installed in hanging masks zapped him, turning him into brittle putty. A guard grabbed him and folded him into small brittle chunks, until he had six fist size pieces which he formed together into a face, no, a mask, and hung it on the wall.

Freed by a cosmic loophole they found one of the displays rattling. the skeletal remains of a large bird lay by an egg rolling around. Its shell burst open revealing a human-bird hybrid. Like a bald turkey with a small face and wig.
the guards started to approach to see what the commotion was about. JB tore his clothes off and leapt next to the bird. KG grabbed the bones and shell and hurled them at the window to get the guards attention, and, tearing his clothes off too, flopped around on the floor in a fake fit, pretending to be the hybrid's mother. The guards were suitably disgusted and left.

As Kage and Jables left however they triggered another sensor, this time bringing in the SWAT team. Surrounded, the commander strolled forward, "Gentlemen, we'll show you how to rob a museum properly."
He laid down the specialist equipment on a display cabinet and turned to the SWAT team. They ran for the gear, getting hold of what they could, one man was trying to crack a grenade like a brazil nut, and turned to face us.

The battle was fierce. The lieutenant, a stern brunette with her heir tied back, started to prepare her finisher on JB. Trapped in a corridor she threw the bolt grenade, two parallel lines of bolts shot out leaving beautiful arcing trails leading to the cornered JB. The bolts were there to hold some sort of rail system, on which a demented combine harvester would be attached to slice JB to ribbons. 

Something else was in the room though, something unseen, like a Predator. As the lieutenant prepared, unaware of the danger, she put her back to a large pillar, removed her knife and jammed into the masonry above her head, and grinning an evil grin prepared the final phase. 
Suddenly however she was thrown upwards, her head split in two by her own knife.

Everything stopped, SWAT had a man down and they wanted to find the perpetrator. Tenacious D's lawyer burst in though and sat down the commander and SWAT team and threw the book at them. For his Lawbringer finisher, he grabbed the colonel's tie, swung himself back and kicked with both feet square in the centre of his chest.

Back in the kite shop The D came downstairs from their trip and found some kids noodling around on the band equipment. They'd spilt Lucozade everywhere and were promptly ejected.
The music recording continued as before with a ripping trumpet solo in their somewhere.

----------


## iarpo

For the past few months I've really regressed with lucid dreaming, I just haven't been trying. My recall's down to one a night max. It's been in the back of my mind, I bought a watch that bleeps on the hour so I can do a reality check for example. But overall I haven't really been trying. 

*The businessman*
A friendly looking business man with a healthy tan is going through the process of adopting an orphan and putting him through education. However he has no intention of seeing the orphan until he's at least 15, wherein he can start moulding him as he sees fit, and in this case that'll be as a nefarious ne'er do well type.

In a medical bunker, the business man's healthy tan is actually tattooed on it transpires. In this bunker his team deal with bio-engineered creatures, weapons, playthings and fancies. On the table are two mischievous looking toddlers, completely bald and with a mouth full of needle like teeth. They're actually grafting their heads together so the mouth forms a near figure of eight. 

The nurse holding the bag of guts is stood by the business man's side. He announces that the Japanese minister is considering buying one of their new line of bio-engineered creatures. The internet however is full of garbled info and pictures from activists. "We need to do this properly, we need to be thorough. I want the best." with that he slams a scalpel through the nurse's hand and into the bag. While she's screaming in agony no-one objects or rushes to her aid; the businessman is a powerful man who could have anyone of them killed very easily. He knows this and he just observes them, testing them. 

After about ten seconds he signals for them to help her, however they don't take the scalpel out, they leave it attached, her hand stuck to the bag of guts, most likely oozing with infection. Instead they hammer it in further, like a nail being made flush with a surface. The nurse knows she can't protest, she accepts that she'll most likely lose her arm to horrendous infection. It's that or die. With a quietly whimpering nurse in the background, they begin.

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## Robot_Butler

Spooky-gross!  What sorts of movies have you been watching?

----------

