# Off-Topic Discussion > Artists' Corner >  >  My Poetry... Critics plz criticize!!!

## HazelEyedAthena

Okay. So the story is that I'm submitting a poem of mine into a program to win scholarship money for college.  I would love any and all help that you guys could give!!!  Thanx and here they are.

Sweet blossoms whisper in my ears,
& cherries paint themselves on my lips.
The wind runs his fingers through my hair,
& the creek caresses my aching feet.

For long have I walked these paths,
Searching for that sweet red jewel, 
The juicy Apple of my captivated eye,
That ruby skinned love and perfection.

I crave it more than the Sun's smile,
& I thirst for it more than a rare wine.
It has me captured and fully ensnared,
Like a falling star in a spider's web.

As the Ivy twines around the bark,
Of her lover the rough Oak tree,
I hold my hopes for that Apple,
Inside Pandora's precious little box.

& now the birds sing me to sleep,
While fates hand cradles my head,
Amidst a fragrant pillow of flowers,
To dream of the Apple I cannot have.

~Ann K.
Whaddya think???  Heres the next one...

Thoughts flutter to me from across the void.
They flip, flap & fly like tiny little butterflies,
& I sit staring as they journey towards me,
From beyond a wide, empty, yawning chasm.

Anger is the crimson butterfly clenched in my fist,
Fear is the grey butterfly rampant in my head,
Love is the violet butterfly beating in my chest,
& lonliness is the black butterfly on my shoulder.

Thoughts & emotions are winging about my being,
They perch in my mind & plant seeds of doubt.
They whisper secrets through my own lips,
& hide the truth from my own searching eyes.

Why can't I quell this fluttering flurry inside?
It seems my only slavation is but to give in, 
For they pollinate my every dream, hatred & fear,
Ask me whats wrong & I'll tell only one thing...

I have the flittering, fluttering butterflies.
~ Ann K.


So what do you guys think? :Question:  I have more to chose from but they are all under construction. ::D:

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## HazelEyedAthena

Anyone is welcome to comment and give advice...  I would love to hear anything that might help! Thx!

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